Attachment Syndrome
by FanficwriterGHC
Summary: She has a baby. She brought a baby back from Haiti. Can you even do that? Season 3 AU.
1. Chapter 1

**Attachment Syndrome**

**Disclaimer: **I do not own "Castle," or any of its various spin-off materials, books, comics, or the like. This is purely for my own amusement.

**Synopsis: **She has a baby. She brought a baby back from Haiti. Can you even do that? Season 3 AU.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 1<strong>

He gets the voicemail at 5am, missing the phone by one second as the last of "Dream a Little Dream of Me," blares from the tiny speakers. He really needs to change the tone before she gets back.

He fumbles with the device in the dark, blinking against the harsh light of his screen as he swipes his thumb over the lock and presses for the voicemail. He punches in his password and holds the phone to his ear, yawning and throwing the covers off to keep himself awake.

The message at the end of the run-around has him sitting up, alert, awake, confused.

_"Castle, Rick, I_," there's a pause and he hears her breathing. "_I just touched down in Florida. I know it's early, but could you…I need someone to pick me up from the airport and I," _she trails off again and he tries to figure out what it is in her tone—anxiety, humor, unease? _"I did something—something crazy, I think. I don't know, but I need…just, uh, text me, okay? The plane takes off in about fifteen, and I just need to know…I…You'll see when you come to the airport. I land in about two hours. JFK, terminal four."_

He smiles, a little shocked. He didn't expect her back yet, nor did he expect to be picking her up. The use of the singular pronoun doesn't slip past him, and he feels a surge of hope he hasn't felt in a little over a month; and this time he's not potentially dying from radiation poisoning.

He texts her, telling her that of course he'll be there, and he can't wait to hear what's up. Nothing more. He doesn't need to tell her how much he's missed her, doesn't need to tell her how dull his life has been without her there.

He won't tell her how much it stabbed, that she went for those four weeks—it was supposed to be six—leaving him alone, leaving them all behind. But he can't begrudge her it, either. Or at least, he's gotten himself to a place where he can't begrudge her it anymore, at any rate. She did the right thing, manned up, or womaned up, as it were, and took time to fix her relationship.

Only now she's back, two weeks early, and calling him. And calling him Rick, no less.

He's out of bed as that thought settles in, and in forty minutes, he's out the door, a note left for his daughter, who will probably still be asleep by the time he gets back—teenagers and their long weekends. He calls for a town car, unsure of what he'll be bringing back with him. What does something crazy even mean, anyway, especially with Kate?

He ponders over so many things through the drive, some outlandish, some horrible, some strangely romantic, though he pushes those away. Even if she has, finally, gotten rid of Dr. Motorcycle-has-to-save-the-world-and-take-me-with-him boy, she's only been without him for a day, maybe less, even. And he's eager, beyond eager, but even he has standards to keep, for her, and for him. He doesn't want to be the rebound guy.

Whatever he's worked up in his head, it doesn't compare at all to the sight of her as he steps out of the car, walking across the street to meet her as she wheels her bag out of the double doors. She's tan and a little thinner than when she left, with her hair back in a messy pony tail and bags under her eyes.

She's got the suitcase behind her in one hand and a bag over her other shoulder, but it's her right hand that's captured him—the hand cradling the swaddled infant in the colorful sling across her chest, one tiny, dark little hand reaching up toward her face.

She looks down at the baby, her face as unguarded and open as he's ever seen it, with a smile that's so luminescent that it stops him in his tracks. Slowly, she raises her eyes to meet his as she pulls to a stop in front of him, a few feet left between them.

"Hi," she says quietly, releasing the suitcase to bring her hand around and offer her finger to the baby. He can't really see the child, just the hand, which wraps around her finger, pulling it inside the sling.

"You…baby," he manages, and the laugh she lets out might just be the most amazing thing he's ever heard—all throat and delight and shock. It might be the only thing he can hear over the word, 'baby, baby, baby.'

"Yeah," she says, glancing down at the little bundle. "Yeah, she's…yeah."

"So when you said something crazy…"

"I meant possibly the craziest thing I've ever done," she finishes for him as she wraps her arm more fully around the sling, looking a little lost. "But we should get in the car, she's—it's so much colder here."

He nods and grabs her suitcase, ushering her—them—across the street, his hand dangerously close to her back. She has a baby. She brought a baby back from Haiti. Can you even do that?

He opens the door for her and waits until she's settled, the baby cradled to her chest. Just as he's about to close the door, he gets a glimpse of the largest, darkest little eyes he's ever seen. They blink once, peering at him, before he remembers himself and shuts the door, dazed.

He tosses the bag into the trunk and speeds around to the other side of the car, hopping in and pulling the door closed with an odd finality. His driver just smiles at him through the rearview mirror and slides up the privacy shield. And then it's just the three of them—him, her, and her baby.

He realizes she's talking, her voice a low murmur over the rumble of the wheels and the wind of the highway.

"You're okay," she says, smiling down at the fussing baby. "Hey there, pretty girl. You wanna look around?"

The baby squirms and Kate laughs lightly, reaching inside the sling to lift the baby up, settling her in the crook of her right arm, so he and the baby are staring at each other, powder blue eyes meeting midnight black. She's dressed in a little blue dress, white-socked-feet kicking slightly as she stares at him. She can't be much older than four months, and she's all eyes, wide and searching, her tiny lips curving in a small yawn beneath a little, upturned nose. Her hair is still short and tightly curled in little black ringlets all over her head. She's beautiful, and he looks up to meet Kate's gaze.

"Takes your breath away, huh?" she asks, rubbing a hand over the girl's belly. The baby giggles, and if he thought Kate's laugh was something to hear, it's nothing compared to this one—all high and squeaky and breathy and utterly, completely adorable.

He's never considered himself a particularly stoic guy. Some, including the woman holding this child, have even called him metrosexual. But he's never been shy about the fact that he loves kids. And he has the sinking suspicion that he's just fallen hard for this little girl.

"So you, uh. She's…" he's not doing so hot in the speech department.

"Rick, meet Johanne," she says as she raises one of the baby's hands to wave at him.

"Jo…"

"I know," she breathes out, lifting her eyes to meet his. "Once I heard, I just…I couldn't leave her," she whispers.

He sits in slight shock for a moment, staring at the picture in front of him— Kate Beckett holding Johanne, the little girl from Haiti, about as perfect as possible, and named for her mother. Kismet.

"How did you…doesn't it take, like, two years to adopt a child?"

Kate sighs and traces a finger over Johanne's cheek. "Her mother was killed in a border dispute," she says quietly, and he finds himself leaning in to hear her soft voice. "No family, no relatives, no anything. And we get to this village, where Josh is setting up the clinic, and they take us to this back room of their hospital, and there she is, all alone, in a little, dark room, crying."

She shakes her head and lifts the baby up to hold her against her chest, the little girl's face resting on her shoulder, her big black eyes still trained near him, contemplative. "So I ask if I can pick her up, and Josh asks if she's sick. She's not, so they let me hold her and she stops crying immediately and takes my finger, just staring up at me, like no one ever came when she cried, like I was special."

She looks over at him and he has to blink to tear his eyes away from the infant. "That's how I looked too," she says with a laugh. "Eventually though, Josh said we had to go, so I had to give her back. But I spent most of my time there, with her, and after about a week, I asked what would happen to her."

She falls silent and he watches as she cups Johanne's head in her hand, fingers brushing through the short curls.

"There was no one who could take her, and all the orphanages within two hundred miles were full. They're still recovering from the earthquake," she recounts for him, eyes distant as they stare past his head and out the window. "So she was going to live in the clinic indefinitely. But one of the other doctors pulled me aside to tell me that her chances weren't great, what with all the sickness and lack of supplies, even with Doctors Without Borders coming in a few times a year. There just wouldn't be anyone to care for her."

"And you couldn't let her die," he surmises.

It's evident in the way she clutches the baby to her, protective, fierce, defiant. Meredith used to hold Alexis; Kate is cradling Johanne, practically curling around her.

"No," she admits, bringing her eyes back to meet his. "And so, you know, I called around, visited officials; no one in the village had an issue with it. But I needed the paperwork, and the visas, and the passport, and the I600—it's complicated."

"How did you do it in under a month?" he murmurs, caught up in her story, in her struggle, in the quest that ultimately led to her in his car with a baby in her arms.

"I called in some favors," she says, biting her lip. "Lots of favors."

"Favors from people in incredibly high places?" he asks with a small grin.

She nods, her eyes sparkling a bit. "And there's still things to finalize. I have to pass inspection here, and I have to go through the whole process again with the American side, but she's legally mine, almost."

The sparkle falls away and she pulls Johanne from her shoulder to look at her face. "I'm crazy, aren't I, huh?" she asks the baby, who just stares up at her, toothless and bright-eyed. "But I couldn't leave you there."

Watching her with this child, he can't remember any time he's seen her so happy, so alive, so free. It clenches something in his gut that feels a lot like resolve. He realizes suddenly that he'll do anything to give her this child, to make sure she gets to keep her daughter.

"Kate," he says, waiting until she lifts her eyes to meet his. "Tell me what I need to do."


	2. Chapter 2

**Attachment Syndrome:**

**Timeline: **This story takes place roughly four and a half weeks after Countdown, which, in this universe, took place in January. The story starts around the middle of February. After having postponed his trip, Josh asked Kate to go to Haiti with him for six weeks, and, in a last ditch attempt to make things work, Kate said yes. Last chapter, Kate returned from her trip two weeks early, with a baby named Johanne.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 2:<strong>

"Dad?"

Castle grunts, dropping the large crib box by the door. "Hey, sweetie. You just get up?"

Alexis nods and takes the final few steps down the stairs, socked feet sliding over to him as she peers down at his haul. He would have just gone straight back to Kate's, but he has blankets and some old toys, a few stuffed animals he's sure Alexis is willing to part with, and he wants to give Johanne real things. Wants to welcome her, all tiny four-months of life that she is.

"Something you wanna tell me?" she says, raising her eyebrows.

He chuckles, winded. "No."

"Uh-huh. So, I'm not getting a new sibling, but you've just bought out the Baby Gap and IKEA infant section?"

He straightens up and considers his daughter. Kate didn't say either way, but he rather assumes that she's not interested in broadcasting her daughter just yet. But, this is his daughter, and at some point, they'll meet. Hell, Alexis will probably babysit. Can you leave your adopted baby for a night? Is that okay? He has no idea.

"Beckett got back from Haiti today," he begins, scrubbing at his face. He's exhausted. Shopping is not fun, even if it's for the second most adorable baby ever. The first one's waiting for his answer, so he summons energy for words and explanations he's not truly clear on himself.

"And, uh, well, she kind of brought a baby back with her," he says, and he realizes he sounds sheepish on her account.

Alexis gapes at him. "She what?"

"Has a daughter, named Johanne. She's gorgeous. Big black eyes, huge eyes, this really cute button nose—"

"And no clothes, bottles or diapers, right?"

"We got diapers on the way back from the airport. I ran into a convenience and got diapers and a bottle and some formula, but yeah, they need more, and she hasn't had all her vaccinations, so Kate doesn't want to take her outside yet, you know?" he rambles out, shifting bags around with his feet as he looks around the apartment.

"Okay. Did you—you came home for stuff, right?" she asks, and he finds himself wrapped around her before he can really think. God, he loves his kid. "Dad," she laughs, face muffled in his shoulder.

"How'd you get so big?" he asks, his voice tighter than he expects it to be.

"Okay," Alexis says, pulling away to place her hands on his shoulders. "I get that you're feeling nostalgic, but I think Detective Beckett's probably expecting you back soon. So we'll save the stories and videos for another time?"

He nods mutely and watches as she grins and pounds up the stairs, headed for the upper linen closet, where he's piled away years of little blankets and pillow cases, wash cloths and pajamas. Of course, he wouldn't want anyone to find out that he's a complete and utter sap, so they stay up there. Alexis knows, but she thinks it's cute, he hopes.

He stands for a moment, feet surrounded by all manner of baby toys—definitely more than she asked for. He doesn't know if he'll ever get another shot to buy baby supplies for Kate Beckett, so he went all out. He shakes his head and jogs for his office, pushing that thought away.

His brain has no business with babies and Beckett, other than the one little Haitian baby currently asleep in her arms. At least, she was asleep when he left.

He tears through his room and office, throwing a few shirts, his iPad, and a book or two into a bag. She won't like that either, but he has a feeling that he'll need more than one shirt, and if he leaves a few there, he at least has something to wear that didn't used to be long to Motorcycle Boy, or Sorenson, or Demming.

It should feel presumptuous, but he knows Kate, and even though, given any regular circumstance, she probably wouldn't allow him anywhere near her home, let alone with a bag, this is different.

He has a daughter. He's been a single parent.

He knows the drill, with the feedings, and the crying, and the hysterical bliss. He can help. It's all he can do, really, since he can't have her—had to watch her walk away.

He shakes his head and skids back into the kitchen, throwing a bottle of water and a few granola bars into his bag just as Alexis comes downstairs, a small duffel over her shoulder and a spare one in hand. He grins at her.

"All the clothes I could find, some baby blankets, a few bibs and a teddy bear that looks like it's brand new," she lists off as she drops the bag and kneels by the door.

He follows suit and they tag team stuffing all of the supplies into the remaining space in the two duffels.

"I kept a stash of toys in case you needed one," he admits as she places the small, brown teddy bear with the blue bow into the bag.

Alexis smiles at him and leans over to rest her head on his shoulder. "Love you," she murmurs.

"Oh, honey, I love you too," he tells her, reaching up to cup her head against him for a moment, wishing he had the day to spoil his far-too-grown kid.

She takes a breath and then pulls away, heaving herself up. He follows her lead—always has, really—and together they stare down at their haul.

"Can you even get all of this back to her place?" Alexis wonders.

Castle shrugs. "Ernie's waiting downstairs. I'm sure he'll help me up."

Alexis rolls her eyes. "Does Beckett know you got this much stuff?"

"Um. She sent me out for provisions."

"Dad."

"No, but I'm not about to take it back."

Alexis sighs and kisses his cheek. "You're too much," she says as hefts one of the bags onto her shoulder. "I'll come down with you."

"Thank you, pumpkin," he coos, hauling the other bag up onto his shoulder. Jesus, it's heavy.

"I expect pictures in return," she says with a grin. "Now come on. Let's get you back to Beckett."

(…)

He manages to get both duffels and the crib box up to her apartment on his own, and ends up leaning against her front door, panting from the effort. He really needs to start working out.

Once he's got his breath back, he knocks on the door, listening. It's all quiet, which is a good sign. He half expected to hear wailing on the way in. Not that he thinks Kate's incompetent, but even Alexis cried every other hour for a while.

"Hey, Castle," Kate greets, opening the door, Johanne in one arm, a bottle in her other hand. "Oh my God," she adds as he shuffles his way inside. "What did you even buy?"

"Crib, blankets, diaper genie, baby bathtub, mobile, play mat, some toys, blankets, pacifiers, bottles, more formula, more diapers, a snuggly, and a heating pad," he recounts, ticking off on his fingers as he shoves one of the duffels further inside with his foot.

She stares at him like he has two heads for a minute before shaking her head. "A heating pad?"

He chuckles. "That's for you. You'll get serious neck aches, sitting up with her sometimes. Figured you wouldn't mind."

"Mind? You just bought, like, a years worth of baby supplies. You're a God," she lets out, wandering away toward the couch to settle in with Johanne. "Just let me know what it cost? I'll write you a check once I've gotten her fed."

He tsks and bends down to maneuver the crib box out. "No can do, Detective. Consider it your belated baby shower."

"Castle." Johanne startles and pulls away from the bottle, letting out a cry of distress. "Sorry, sorry, baby," Kate says immediately. "Castle's just being ridiculous."

"Hey," he protests as he plops down on the floor to look at the assembly for the crib. It looks…surprisingly complicated.

"Hey?" she parrots. "You got—I cannot let you just _give_ me that stuff."

"Why not?" he wonders. "You have a…socket wrench and a cordless drill?"

"Why not? And yeah, under the sink in the kitchen. But Castle, seriously, I—" He holds up a hand as he stands up. "Consider it a bribe for not telling the guys how embarrassingly long it's going to take me to put this together," he says, gesturing toward the crib.

Kate sighs, then glances down at Johanne, whose eyes are growing hazy, her hands loosening around the bottle. "Fine, Castle," Kate mumbles.

He grins then sets to the task of finding her tools and dragging the crib into her bedroom. He won't get away with anything like this again, but as long as she's a new mom, he's going to capitalize on her distraction. She needs stuff, and help, and favors in high places. And if it makes her look like that, all lit up as she stares down at her daughter, he's more than willing to help.

(…)

"She can just sleep in the bed with—"

He looks over at her as he tucks the cover over the little buffer around the edge of the crib. "Good?"

"Castle," she whispers, Johanne cradled against her chest. She walks over to look down at the crib with him, her eyes flitting around the room, taking in the changing table, the crib, the mobile, the little teddy bear in the corner of the crib.

It took him a solid three hours, but she's set.

"I just thought, well, I was at it anyway, right?" he offers after a silent minute. She's just gaping at him.

"Thanks," she manages, her voice a bit tight, like she's—oh, wow, like she's trying not to cry.

"Here," he says gently, reaching out and to take Johanne from her. "Why don't you get ready for bed."

"No," she protests, even as she passes him her baby. "No, you just set all this up, I spent—you should—"

"Beckett," he says, and it's as good as a shush. "You're tired, you traveled for hours today, and you've spent the past three hours caring for a fussy baby. Don't think I didn't hear." She smiles a bit at that. "Take a shower. I'll watch her."

"You could put her down, and go home," she offers feebly, even as she walks around him and toward her bathroom. Man, Beckett with a baby is mellow.

"No way. First time in the crib, that's mom's job. I'll just—oh, hey, look who's awake," he says, looking down at the baby. "Hey pretty girl."

Johanne just stares up at him then rests her head back on his shoulder, not quite cuddly, but complacent all the same.

"Wow."

He looks over at Kate, leaning in the doorjamb.

"What?"

"When Josh tried to hold her she screamed and screamed and held herself all tense. The other male doctors and nurses too."

He smirks a little, can't help it. But she doesn't even purse her lips, just keeps watching him with her baby with that little smile on her face.

"Well, that's because I have an RHD in childcare," he says, trying to brush it off, even as the idea makes his chest swell a bit.

"A what?"

"A Ruggedly Handsome Dad."

"Of course you do," she mumbles. "Okay, I'm gonna—"

"Go, go," he agrees. "We'll be good, right Jo-Jo?" He gets a glare from both Kate _and_ the baby for that. "Jeez, okay, that's a no on Jo-Jo, huh?"

"Big fat no," Kate calls out as she closes the door.

"Fine," he grumbles, moving back out into the living room to plop down on the couch so he can get a look at Johanne. "What about Josie? Huh? Johanne's a big name for such a little you."

Johanne just stares past him, then burps, her eyes widening at the sensation of it. He laughs.

"Josie it is, I think. Oh, Josie and the Pussycats…your mom is gonna kill me."

The baby gurgles up at him and reaches out a hand. He smiles and lifts her up so they're eye to eye. She doesn't quite meet his eyes, but reaches out and squeezes his nose. He snorts and laughs at the way she startles.

"Not everyone can have your little button nose," he tells her, bringing her back to rest against his chest.

He settles into the couch and strokes Johanne's back, smiling as he feels her relaxing against him. Used to put Alexis out like a light too. Something about his heartbeat and his hand on her back. He's glad to see it still works.

He wakes up to a dark apartment, on an unfamiliar couch. He groans, his back cricked in all sorts of places, and glances around. A furry black blanket, high windows, and a big open kitchen—right, he's at Kate's. Beckett's.

Shit, wasn't he holding a baby before?

He stumbles up, harried, then takes a breath. She came and got the baby. He fell asleep with Johanne in his arms, lulled into slumber by her little puffy breaths and baby snorts. Just like he used to do with Alexis. He'd sit down to hold her until she fell asleep for a nap, and he'd wake up three hours later in a squished half-recline, with a sweaty baby on his chest and cotton in his mouth.

He blinks and squints in the dark apartment. He can just make out the glowing light on her microwave, blinking 3:30am back at him. It's very late, and he needs to go to the bathroom.

As far as he knows, the ensuite in Kate's bedroom is the only one in the apartment. Well, it's that or leave, and he doesn't want to freak Kate out. She might hear the door and get scared, or go all cop and think someone was breaking in…okay, so that's weak. He doesn't want to leave, end of. But that leaves him with—

He sighs and creeps toward her bedroom, intent on sneaking in and out without waking her or Johanne. But as he peeks inside, he hears a soft voice mumbling sleepily.

A floorboard creaks under his foot and he winces.

"Cassle?"

"Sorry," he whispers, stepping further into the room.

Kate looks up at him, snuggled in bed with Johanne in her arms. He hears it then, the faint whining coming from her daughter.

"What are you doing up?" she asks.

"I need the bathroom?" he offers meekly.

She laughs, actually laughs, and waves him toward her ensuite. "Go ahead."

Sleep-deprived Beckett is something else. Last year, she would have shot him for so much as looking into the bedroom with her in it. And now…

Well, now she has a baby.

"Come on, little girl. Go back to sleep for Mama, huh?" he hears as he reemerges.

"Won't sleep?" he asks.

Kate startles and Johanne lets out a loud cry. He gets a glare for that.

"Sorry," he whispers.

She sighs and sits up, lifting Johanne up to cradle her against her shoulder, rocking side to side.

"I've fed her, changed her, and she's still fussy. But, new place, new mom, I mean, would you sleep?" she wonders.

"Well, yeah, if you were holding me like that," pops out before he can get his brain ahead of his mouth.

Kate just chuckles and presses her lips to her daughter's head. "Not a chance in…heck, Castle."

He laughs and inches closer to the bed. "I'm going to like censored-Beckett, I can tell."

She shakes her head and strokes Johanne's back. The baby lets out a pitiful, quiet cry and he feels his heart squeeze.

"I just want her to sleep," Kate whispers.

"Sometimes they get fussy," he offers.

She looks up at him there, hovering at the side of her bed. "You can go back to sleep. I know the couch isn't very comfortable. Or go home. I mean, I'm not kicking you out, but—"

"I'm happy to stay, Kate."

She considers him, trying to soothe her daughter and looking a bit lost. "Sit, Castle."

He smiles and perches on the edge of the bed, pulling a leg up to get comfortable.

"Am I crazy?" Kate whispers, so low he almost doesn't hear.

"What? No," he says immediately.

She just gives him a look. And even rumpled, with frizzy hair and a baby on her tank-top-clad chest, she's intimidating. "I brought a baby back from Haiti, a…a daughter. And I'm a cop. And I live alone, no boyfriend, and I just—I can't even get her to go to sleep."

"Okay, first thing, getting your baby to sleep isn't a matter of can or can't. It's the baby. Alexis was an awesome sleeper at first, then she went through a few months where _nothing_ pleased her. Rocking, singing, bottle, bath, diaper, nothing. I thought I was a complete failure. And look at her now."

Kate laughs softly, her eyes shinier than before. "Yeah?"

"Oh yeah. And you? You're gonna be great. You saved her. That's leagues above half the parents out there already. As for being a cop? You're making the world a better place for her."

She smiles at him even as Johanne cries. "Josh said I was insane," she admits. "Told me this was the biggest mistake of my life, and I was going to ruin everything, her, my job…"

"He's an idiot," he says immediately. He bites his lip and squints at her, but she just smiles.

"I hope so."

"I know so," he insists, when it looks like she's not about to smack him. "He didn't help?"

"No." She looks down at Johanne and kisses her forehead. The baby finally seems to settle, curling in and whimpering intermittently. "No. He said he's not ready to have a kid. And if I wanted to do this, I'd be doing it alone. Permanently."

"That's how he broke up with you?" Castle lets out.

Kate snorts. "Hel—heck no. I told him to…freak himself? God, does the censoring get easier?"

He laughs despite her story. "I just put together a swear jar. She got really good at calling me on it at about three. Before that, it's the honor's system."

"She'll be able to go to college on it," Kate says on a sigh.

"So, you broke up with him?"

She smiles slightly. "Yes. And let me tell you, he wasn't gracious about it. But then I threw myself into Johanne, and well, here we are."

"I never liked Dr. Motorcycle Boy," he admits.

"Really?" she asks, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Really," he says seriously.

She laughs and glances down at Johanne. "She's asleep," she whispers.

"Want me to take her?" he asks, starting to stand.

"No," she whispers. "No, I'll sleep with her here. It's what we did in Haiti. She seems to cry less."

"Can't blame her." Kate shakes her head but smiles at him. "I'll be on the couch."

"You don't have to," she says immediately.

"I want to," he admits, reaching out to stroke a finger down Johanne's nose before getting off the bed. He drinks in the sight of the two of them for just a moment more, then makes his way to the doorway.

"Castle?"

He turns and looks back to meet Kate's eyes. She stares at him, biting her lip, then takes a breath. "You really think I can do this?"

He smiles, lets it stretch across his face, his chest full with the idea that she truly values his opinion, wants his encouragement, his reassurance.

"I have no doubts about this. You? You're going to be an amazing mother."

She smiles and then hides her face in her pillow, pressed-lip smile disappearing behind Johanne's head.

"Goodnight, Kate," he whispers as he walks out.

"'Till tomorrow," he hears as he shuts the door.


	3. Chapter 3

**Attachment Syndrome**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 3:<strong>

"You're up, and you're making omelets?"

He turns from the stove to find her shuffling into the kitchen, hair in a braid and Johanne in her arms, wearing the adorable polka-dotted onesie he picked up yesterday.

"This time everything but the eggs and cheese looked questionable. Your milk is out of date by about two months."

"I haven't gone through since a week or two before Hait—don't give me that look."

He laughs as she moves around him to get to the fridge, reaching in for a bottle of formula. Johanne peers at him over her shoulder and he pulls a face. She doesn't smile, but does cock her head to the side, like she's considering him. Seems like Beckett's already transferred some of those witchy powers. Talk about a 'look' on a baby.

"There's a warmer by the microwave," he says as he turns back to her omelet.

"How long have you been up?" she asks, staring at the warmer.

"An hour or so." He knows how it works, but she's a smart woman, she'll work it out for herself. He doesn't want to coddle.

"Cap on or off?"

"Hm?"

"Cap on or off in the warmer, Castle," she repeats.

Oh, or she wants his help. Okay.

"On. Then just press the button, and you'll have a bottle in about five minutes. Omelets are ready," he adds, flipping hers onto a plate as he turns off the burner.

He sets their plates across from the burners as she puts the bottle in the warmer. He follows her around and sits down on one of the stools. She fumbles a little, trying to situate Johanne and eat her breakfast at the same time.

"Here, gimme the baby," Castle offers.

"You have breakfast too."

"I've been munching on cheese for ten minutes. It'll sit. You got her ready."

Beckett eyes him for a moment then sighs. She passes Johanne to him, tickling the girl's belly quickly before turning and tucking into her breakfast. She eats voraciously, and he silently pats himself on the back for making a real meal.

Johanne fusses in his arms, her head lolling against his chest, mouth open.

"Someone else is hungry, huh?" he coos at her. "Just another minute, Josie. Mommy's already put your bottle in."

"Josie?"

He freezes then hikes Johanne up so her face rests next to his. He peers around her little head at Beckett. "Don't kill me?"

She stares at him. "Josie. Like Josie and the—"

"I know. I know. Sorry. It's just, Johanne is such a…"

"Yeah," she agrees, putting down her fork and turning to them. "A little big, huh?" she asks, reaching out to run a finger down the baby's cheek. "Do you like Josie, bug?"

"Bug?"

"What?" she asks, meeting his eyes.

"You have issues with Josie, but you're calling her bug?"

"Well she looks like one, all scrunched up with you."

He blinks then glances down at the baby. In the little red and black jumper, she does look like a cute little ladybug. Still.

"Josie is way better than bug."

"Because pumpkin is so sweet?"

"She's a carrot top," he protests, exaggerating his wounded look for the baby, who basically pays them no mind, simply staring past Kate. "She's my pumpkin."

Kate huffs and opens her mouth, but the warmer beeps. She gives him a look and gets up for the bottle. He manages to get a piece of his omelet cut and to his mouth, avoiding Johanne's surprisingly grabby hands along the way.

"Mine," he mumbles to the baby. She stares at him. "You don't have teeth," he argues. "I promise, I'll share when you can chew."

One of her little fists hits his chest just as Beckett sits back down.

"Your daughter hit me because I wouldn't share my omelet," he announces as he passes Johanne over.

"Good girl, Josie," she coos, cradling the baby and offering the bottle. Johanne immediately latches on, her eyes focused somewhere over Kate's shoulder.

"Hah," he mumbles as he starts eating with dedication.

"What?" Kate asks. He just grins at her around a mouthful. "What?" she repeats.

"Nothin'," he says, reaching out for the coffee he set out earlier. "Coffee?"

"Oh, God yes," Kate says immediately. She glances from the coffee to the bottle in her hand. "But, ah, after baby finishes."

Castle chuckles and nods. They sit in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, only the sound of Johanne's suckling to keep them occupied.

"Beckett," Castle says, staring at her coffee, a thought popping up.

"Hmm?"

"When do you go back to work?"

She stiffens and Johanne startles, lips popping off the bottle to let out a loud cry. "Sorry," Kate whispers, stroking her foot. "Sorry, sweetie."

Johanne looks up at her, almost wounded for a beat, before she goes back to eating. She startles so easily. At that age, Alexis would finish a bottle even if he was dancing with her.

"Two weeks." It takes him a moment to get back to it. "I asked for two weeks—the rest of my trip plus a few more days."

"You can get more than that. Adoption Leave, right? Isn't that like twelve weeks?"

"I don't need more than two," she insists. "We'll get our rhythm down, and then I'll go back to work."

He sighs. She hasn't really thought this out. That, or she doesn't fully understand what this is going to be like. It's not her fault. She's never had a kid before. But he has, and two weeks? That is so not long enough to get a routine down, especially with a new kid, a kid just getting used to a whole new place, and a new mom.

"She'll need shots," he says, surprising himself. That wasn't really the first point he wanted to make. "You'll need a pediatrician. You don't want to take her out until she's had the first batch, right?"

Kate nods distractedly. "I need to set up an appointment with a Caseworker. They'll want to do the home study. And I need to go through a psych eval."

"A psych eval?"

"To prove I'm a fit parent," she offers. "And background checks, I guess. I had some of it done while I was in Haiti, but I'm not sure how much. I kind of just handed that stuff off, and got the all clear back."

"Okay," he says, bobbing his head. "I can help with that. I'll get you an appointment with Alexis' pediatrician. Really nice guy. Gives out lollipops."

"To the kids or to you?" she fires back.

He laughs. "Both. But, I don't go with her anymore."

"Alexis is still seeing her male pediatrician?" she asks, looking over at him.

"Yeah. So?"

"So?" Beckett just shakes her head. "You make an appointment for Johanne, and let me know when Alexis needs her next one. She can go to mine."

"Why?" he asks, feeling his heckles rising.

"Because she's a seventeen-year-old woman, Castle. And there are…womanly things she should be talkin' about, and I bet she's not talkin' about them with this guy, doctor?"

"Frailey," he supplies. Damn, she's right. But Alexis so doesn't need a gynecologist. Does she?

"She's a regular practice doctor, Castle," Kate cuts in, stopping a swirling mass of thoughts about his baby and her life and sex and ugh. "I've been to a male doctor, and it's so awkward. You may be okay with turning and coughing with a guy, but getting a breast exam from your—"

"La la la," he says, plugging his ears. "Okay! Okay, I get it."

He removes his hands with a grimace, opening his eyes to find her smirking at him. "Fine. I'll do yours, you do mine." She blinks. "Daughter. Do the appointment for…you know."

She laughs and nods, looking down at Johanne. "All finished?" She gets no response, but smiles as if Johanne had replied. She puts the bottle on the counter and raises Johanne to her shoulder, rubbing her back gently.

"You want a cloth?" he asks.

Kate blinks. "Oh, yeah, that would be great. Thanks."

He nods and gets up, fishes one out of the drawer he'd put them in the night before. "Here."

She takes it from him and maneuvers it onto her shoulder beneath the baby. "I just got used to doing it without one. They needed all the supplies they could get, you know?"

He's never had to parent without the right supplies. She may not have fully thought everything through, but she's intrepid, he'll give her that. And a natural, he adds to himself, watching as she sways with the baby, murmuring to her until Johanne lets out a surprisingly loud belch.

"Good girl," Kate says, laughing.

(…)

"I can't believe you got an appointment this fast," she mumbles as she hunches over the clipboard.

He shrugs and turns Johanne around on his lap so she can look out at the room. "What do you see, Josie?" He places his face down by hers and points toward a pile of blocks. "Blocks?" He points toward the baskets of books. "Books? Do you like story time?"

"Do you just fill in the other side of the conversation?" Beckett asks. He looks over at her and finds her regarding them with a soft smile, which she quickly squelches when she realizes he's watching.

"Sometimes," he decides. "You do it too."

"I know, that's why I asked."

"Do _you_ supply her side of the conversation, Beckett?"

Kate just shakes her head and looks back down at the forms. "Can I put you down as an emergency contact?" She doesn't look at him as she asks, and he can see the tension in her hand as she holds the pen over the paper.

"Of course," he says easily. "You're one for Alexis."

"I am?" She lifts surprised eyes to his.

"Yeah. Did I not ask?"

"No," she replies, a little sardonic, but a little pleased too. "No, don't think you did."

"Sorry," he says, even though they both know he's not sorry at all. Of course she's on the contact sheet for his kid. If he's not answering, he's probably with her anyway. And who better to pick up his daughter than a cop? And a badass one at that.

"Who's going to watch her when you go back to work?" he asks after a minute, when she's done filling out the seemingly endless forms.

"What?"

"Are you going to get a nanny?"

"No," she says immediately. He just looks at her. "Well, maybe? I don't know. I haven't quite…"

"Figured it out yet? I hate to say this but you really—"

"I know what I need to do, Castle."

"Fine, I'm just saying—if you're only taking two weeks, which, you know, is just not really—"

"Castle," she bites out. "I don't need you telling me how to raise my—"

He holds up a hand, glancing around the room. They're getting looks at this point. "No fighting in front of the baby?" He holds Johanne up in front of him and smiles as Kate deflates.

"Fine," she huffs, reaching out to take Johanne from him. "But don't think we're done talking about this."

"Noted," he mumbles, reaching out to tickle Johanne while Kate holds her.

"Johanne Beckett?"

"Here," they say together.

Beckett gives him a look, but he just smiles, hefting the baby bag over his shoulder as he follows her toward the patient rooms.

"You must be Kate," the nurse says to Beckett, smiling at Johanne. "And Rick. Didn't think I'd see you here today."

"How are you, Sarah?" he asks, giving the woman a smile. He's always liked her, with her kind eyes and easy demeanor. She was always the best with shots, kept Alexis from crying.

"I'm well, thanks," she says, leading them down the hall and into a little yellow room, obviously set up just for infants. There's no exam table for them to sit on, only two more of the uncomfortable chairs.

"Should I be saying congratulations?" Sarah asks as she closes the door, turning to beam at Castle.

"Oh, I, uh," he stammers.

"He's just here for moral support," Beckett says, saving him from an awkward explanation. "Hers or mine, I'm not quite sure," she adds, giving him a look.

"What?" he tosses back. "Shots are traumatic."

"For you?"

"Just wait until she starts crying, miss tough girl."

"Okay," Sarah cuts in. They both turn back, a little sheepish. "Whatever your relation to…Johanne, I'm glad you're here, Rick. He's good with shots, as I recall," she adds for Beckett. "And this little one has a bunch to catch up on."

He notices Beckett stiffening and reaches out to take Johanne for her. She gives him a look but he gestures with his head to Sarah.

Sarah consults her chart. "She'll need the PCV and IPV today to catch up. She also needs her second DTaP, but I think we'll wait another week for that. She got her first batch in Haiti, but she's late for the first two, and I don't want to overload her."

"Okay," Beckett manages. "Are you sure she got her other ones?"

Sarah nods with a kind smile. "Got the chart right here. Doctors Without Borders was good. She got Hep B, Haemophilius and Influenza B. Do you want to think about the Chicken Pox vaccine?"

"Can't you do that one separately, after the next DTaP?" Castle pipes up as Beckett swallows the information.

"Why?" Beckett asks before Sarah can get a word in.

"She's little, and you're going to keep her home, right?" He asks. Beckett nods slowly. "She won't be exposed to Chicken Pox for a while, and I remember with Alexis, she was three when she got it, and it wasn't…great."

"Okay," Beckett repeats. "Okay. Yeah. Let's do that."

"I'll go order these, and Dr. Frailey will be in in a few to give her an exam. Sit tight, mom."

With that, Sarah bustles out, leaving them alone. Castle's doing his best to stay relaxed, so Johanne doesn't feel it, but hearing all the things she needs to get—it's so awful to watch them get shots.

He glances over at Kate and finds her pale, her hands tightly clasped in her lap.

"You okay?" he asks.

She looks up and meets his eyes. "I don't like needles much. And she needs two shots."

"I'll hold her if you want," he offers.

"Hold her?"

"To keep her from struggling."

"Oh, God," Beckett moans, leaning forward to bury her face in her hands, elbows on her knees. "I don't think I'm cut out for this."

"Hey," he says, reaching out with his free hand to cup her shoulder. "No one is ready for shots." She huffs. "I cried the first time," he admits.

Slowly, she raises her head and meets his eyes. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." He did, big fat tears. Alexis was generally such a happy baby, and watching her get the shots—hearing her screaming—it was awful.

She bobs her head and watches Johanne as the baby looks around the room. "Thank you for coming, Castle." It's quiet, but he hears her.

"Nowhere else I'd rather be," he assures her.

She smiles at him, the beautiful one that crinkles her eyes. She opens her mouth to say something, but the door opens and Dr. Frailey steps in.

He's just as Castle remembers him. Tall, bald, and a bit rotund, Frailey greets Kate jovially, bending down to look at Johanne. The baby eyes him curiously, but makes no move toward him, content to stay settled in Castle's arms.

"So," Frailey says, leaning back against the door, a chart in hand. "Rick, this is a surprise."

"I'm just here for Kate," he supplies. "Alexis says hi, by the way."

Frailey smiles. "She's a good egg, that one. Knows how to raise a good kid, this guy," he adds, smiling at Kate.

"I know," Kate replies. Castle stares at her, surprised and rather touched, but she doesn't meet his eyes. "Is there anything I should be looking out for with Johanne? They said she was healthy when we left the clinic, but I don't know if there was anything they hadn't checked for, anything to watch out for. There wasn't a lot of…time."

Frailey nods understandingly. "Well, let's weigh her, take some measurements, and make sure she's where she should be for growth, and then we'll see. She seems alert. Reacts when you talk? Follows toys with her eyes?"

Kate nods. "She's quiet. Doesn't always want to cuddle either."

"That's normal for an adoptee," Frailey placates, reaching out to take Johanne from Castle's arms. The baby starts squirming immediately. "She just has to get used to you. And to Rick here, I imagine?"

"Oh, well," Kate stammers.

"I've been helping out," Castle steps in. "But I won't be there all the time."

"Well, she seems very content with you," Frailey says after a moment. He places her on the baby scale, a hand on Johanne's squirming tummy to keep her still as he unbuttons her onesie. "Good weight, good height," he adds a minute later.

"Where she should be?" Kate asks immediately.

"She's a bit underweight at 11 pounds," Frailey admits. "But I think she'll be up there in a month or two, with proper feeding. She's small, but not alarmingly so. And," Johanne lets out a large cry, "she responds well to stimulus."

"Did he just poke her with something?" Kate hisses, leaning in while Frailey checks Johanne over.

Castle reaches out, almost absently, and squeezes her hand. "It's a good thing," he promises. She opens her mouth to say something to Frailey. "Kate," he whispers, clutching at her hand. She deflates after a beat and squeezes his hand back.

A few minutes of inspection later, Frailey turns around with a much less happy Johanne. The baby practically squirms right out of his arms and into Kate's, staring up at the man with contempt. Kate hums and rubs her bare little back, taking the onesie from him and tucking it into her lap.

"She is in perfect health, Ms. Beckett," Frailey tells them. "I'll have Sarah send you home with some literature about her age and development, so you can watch for milestones. With adoptees, especially from foreign countries, speech is generally delayed—she is learning a whole new language here, after all—but motor skills usually progress as is normal. If you notice any strange behaviors or have any questions, don't hesitate to call."

Kate nods and she holds Johanne close, stroking the girl's back and neck.

"I'm sure Rick will be more than willing to help out if you need anything," Frailey adds with a grin.

Rick nods and offers him a tight smile as he leaves.

"He pricked her," Kate announces after the door closes. "He pricked my baby."

"To test her reflexes and reactions to pain," Castle says immediately. "It's a standard test."

"She cried," Kate continues, her voice softer. "Shit, I'm going to lose it with the shots, aren't I? Oh, damn, and I owe her a dollar."

"Two dollars," Castle chides lightly. She looks over at him, and he sighs as he notices her eyes sparkling with tears. "Here, gimme," he says, reaching out for Johanne.

Kate resists. "I should hold her though, right? She's mine—you're—I have to do some of this myself. I mean, I need a nanny, and I need to get her a car seat, and jeez, where am I going to put her when she gets bigger, Castle?"

"Hey." She meets his eyes. "Yeah, you will need to do all of that. But you know what I wanted, more than anything when Alexis got her first shot?"

"What?" she asks, her voice tight.

"Someone else to hold her so I could be a sniveling wreck. And a hug. And a good night's sleep." She laughs softly. "Let me at least be the first one for you, okay? You don't have to do all of this yourself."

"I haven't done any of it myself so far," she argues, even as her hold loosens around Johanne. "You've been—you've done most of it."

"I've done the easy parts," he corrects. "You're the one who adopted her, and brought her back on two planes, and stayed up with her last night."

"That's not—"

"That's so what it's about," he says over her. "Now hand her over so you can be nervous and upset."

Kate glares at him, but he simply raises an eyebrow at her. With a sigh, she hands the fussing baby over. Johanne calms immediately once Castle gets her situated.

"Ugh," Kate moans, bending to rest her head in her hands again.

"It's just because I'm relaxed," he promises. "They don't disassociate emotions at this age. Your feelings are practically hers."

"Then she's doomed," Kate mumbles into her hands.

Castle laughs. "Hardly. She's going to be a badass."

He hears Kate give a small chuckle and waits her out until she sits back up, her face a little red, but eyes clear. "You owe her a buck."

"Eh, I'll give her a college fund."

"Castle!"

"How are we doing in here?" Sarah asks, bustling in with a little tray and two alarmingly large needles.

He hears Kate swallow, and has to force himself to stay relaxed. Johanne has cuddled into his shoulder, her eyes on her mother, so she can't see Sarah putting on her gloves and opening the little alcohol wipe.

"I'm going to do one in each leg, okay mom? So she's not overly sore on either side."

"Okay," Kate whispers, watching with wide eyes as Sarah bends over Castle, swiping the wipe over Johanne's exposed leg.

Sarah straightens up and preps one of the needles. Castle looks away and instead presses his lips to Johanne's head, looking at Kate.

"See mommy, huh? Do you see mommy, Josie?"

"Hey Josie," Kate says, leaning close to stroke her finger over Johanne's nose. "You happy with Castle, there?"

"Get ready, Rick," Sarah says softly, bending down.

He subtly tightens his hold, a hand gently but firmly on the little leg, bracing himself for the loud wail Johanne lets out as the needle pierces her skin.

"I know," Sarah murmurs, pressing a band aid over the site, then moving around to her other side with another wipe. "I know. It's awful."

Johanne just keeps crying, huge tears rolling down her cheeks, her whole little body tense and squirming.

"Can you hold her a little tighter there, Rick? You okay, mom?"

"Uh-huh," Kate mumbles, standing to get out of Sarah's way. She walks around to Castle's other side and grips his shoulder, hard. "I'm good."

He looks up at her as Sarah preps the second needle. Kate has tears streaming down her cheeks as she looks down at Johanne. The baby doesn't look back, eye's screwed tight in pain. He doesn't know how to help either of them, other than to hold tight as Sarah gives Johanne the second shot.

He didn't think it was possible, but she cries louder this time.

"Okay, honey. All done," Sarah coos, dropping both needles into the hazard bin. "All done, mom," she adds, giving Kate's arm a squeeze.

Kate's hand loosens on Castle's shoulder as she nods at Sarah, trying to discretely wipe her eyes.

"She'll be just fine," Sarah promises them. "Give her a little children's Tylenol if she keeps crying for a while, and you can ice her legs if they swell up at all. Call us if she develops a temperature over 100 degrees. And hang tough, she'll be good as new tomorrow."

Kate nods and collapses into the seat next to Castle. Sarah winks at him then leaves the room, shutting the door softly, giving them some privacy.

"Hey," he says quietly, pulling Johanne away from his body to look down at her. "Hey, bug, you're okay."

"Oh, so bug's okay when she's traumatized?" Kate mumbles, reaching out for her daughter.

Castle chuckles and passes her over, smoothing his hand over Johanne's head once Kate has her settled. "I think we're the one's who're traumatized, Beckett," he admits.

"God, Castle," she lets out, holding Johanne close as her cries turn to whimpers. "That was terrible."

"Yeah," he agrees, working around Kate's arms to gently fit Johanne back into her onesie. She lets him, all of the fight seemingly sapped out of her. "She's tired."

"Wouldn't you be?" Kate wonders.

"Aren't you already?" he tosses back, standing and shouldering the baby bag. "Come on. Let's get you guys home. Watch something silly."

Kate just stares up at him. "Does this get easier?"

He smiles sadly and holds out a hand to help her up. With both of them teary and upset, he doesn't think twice about pulling her in for a hug, the baby squashed between them.

"No," he admits against Kate's temple.

Kate huffs and he laughs quietly. He runs a hand over the back of her head, feels her press her forehead into his neck, resting against him.

After a long moment, she pulls back and looks up to meet his eyes. "Thanks."

He smiles. "Always."


	4. Chapter 4

**Attachment Syndrome**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 4:<strong>

"Dad?"

"Hey, sorry, pumpkin," he whispers, watching as she descends the stairs. "Did I wake you?" He was trying so hard to be quiet too.

"No," she says, smiling at him. "You going out?"

"Beckett needs someone to watch Josie while she has her psych eval," he explains as he grabs a water bottle out of the fridge. "Why are you up?"

"Um, school?" she says, shaking her head as she moves around him to get a bowl for cereal. "Do you even know what day of the week it is?"

He pouts at her and runs a hand through his hair. Kate came back on a Thursday, they went to the pediatrician on Friday. Saturday and Sunday he spent writing and watching Johanne while Kate did research on the home study. Monday…

"Monday?"

Alexis laughs brightly. "It's Wednesday. God, I'm so glad you never gave me siblings."

He frowns. "Hey now."

She smiles and pats his arm, coming around to plop down on one of the stools, bowl of cereal in hand, her other already reaching for the paper. "You've been a bit out of it. How many nights have you spent at Beckett's?"

"Not—two maybe?"

"See, I think it was four."

"I'm sleeping on the couch," he says immediately.

Alexis raises an eyebrow. "I didn't ask."

He sighs and slumps down across from her. "I'm sorry, pumpkin. I haven't meant to get so…caught up in this. Let's have dinner tonight, just you and me."

She smiles and shakes her head. "I'm studying with Paige tonight. And it's _fine_, Dad. Really. I was busy all weekend, and I'm sure Beckett needs the help."

"If you're sure," he says, feeling sheepish. He has been out of it, and out of touch with his own kid, and that's never okay with him.

"I am. Maybe one night this week, I can babysit so you guys can go out." He gapes at her. "Or so Beckett can go out, and you can…go out separately? I mean, really, come on. You're helping with her baby. She broke up with her boyfriend. You practically spend all of your time together…"

"Okay, leaving now," he says, scowling as she laughs. "I'm just—"

"Helping out, I know," Alexis says, nodding patronizingly at him. How can she be so infuriating and so wise while wearing pink plaid pajamas? "Go. Don't make Beckett late."

(…)

"Thank you, Castle," Kate calls as she flits around the apartment, gathering her things one by one—wallet from the counter, keys from her desk, hair tie from the couch.

She's made definite progress overnight. There's a play area in the living room now. She set up the high chair they ordered the other day. She's got safety mechanisms on all the drawers, even though Johanne's nowhere near crawling yet. She's even got pictures of Johanne up on her fridge. She must have that great glossy paper in her printer.

He bounces Johanne a little, smiling as she coos. Not quite at him, but it's a positive sound all the same. "Do you like your new home, bug? Mommy's done a pretty great job, hasn't she?"

He settles onto the floor by the play mat and lay's Johanne down under the new mobile, full of all kind of shiny, plushie things for her to bat at with her little hands. "Lots of new toys, huh?" he sing-songs at her, lying down on his side so he can look up at the world with her.

"Castle?"

"Down here," he calls out, listening as she clicks her way back over to them.

"Whatch'a got there, sweetie?" Kate asks Johanne, sinking down to her knees to reach out and twirl one of the spiral pieces hanging down from the mobile. "You be a good girl for Castle."

"When isn't she?" he wonders, smiling at her.

"Three A.M. Not a happy baby," Kate admits, smoothing a hand over Johanne's head. "I should be back in a few hours. It shouldn't take that long, right?"

He meets her eyes and finds her more anxious than he anticipated. "No way," he agrees.

She rolls her eyes. "Bottle's in the fridge, and—"

"Beckett," he chides. "I put them in there yesterday, remember?"

"Right. Right," she mumbles. "Okay. I'll be back. Call if you need anything."

"Of course," he promises. "Get yourself a coffee or something," he adds as she stands up. "We'll be fine," he continues as she hesitates. "Go."

She nods and spins on her heel, walking quickly out of the apartment. He sighs and looks back at Johanne. "Your mommy has a big case of the first-time-mommies, doesn't she?"

Johanne glances at him, fists waving until one lands in her mouth. Her eyes light up and he laughs.

"Go coordination," he says lightly.

She smiles at him around her fist. Well, he thinks it's a smile, the corners of her mouth upturned, eyes lit up.

"Ooh, hold that thought, Josie," he says quickly, grinning at her. Her smile seems to widen in response.

He manages to wiggle his phone out of his back pocket and thumbs the screen blindly until he manages to get the camera up, still grinning at the smiling baby. He snaps a picture, and the phone makes a shutter click. Johanne's fist pops out of her mouth in shock and she stares at him, no longer smiling. She has such an accusatory little face when she tries.

He glances at the phone and grins. "You may not like me now, but I've got your smile for mommy. And she'll like me lots."

He laughs, pocketing his phone as the baby continues to glare at him. He'll get her smiling again. Maybe even laughing.

"Hey, look, who's that?" he asks, fingering the big mirror on the mobile. _She has to learn what she looks like, Castle_. "Who's that pretty girl, huh? Is that you?"

Johanne's eyes follow his fingers and he smiles as she peers up into the mirror, close enough for her to actually see her reflection.

"That's you. That's Josie."

She gurgles, legs kicking into the mat, fists flailing. He reaches out and tickles her belly and she snorts, something close to a laugh, he thinks.

"Yeah, that's you," he repeats.

She smiles again. Oh, he's so totally done for.

(…)

He hears the door open and abandons his place watching Josie sleep in her crib. Sitting on the floor. Staring at a sleeping baby. He is so smitten. Done. End of. Baby Beckett has his heart, and she's never giving it back.

But Big Beckett is back, and he wants to know how it went. That, and his back is absolutely killing him. He may be…what is he, really? Uncle Rick? Uncle Castle? Just Castle?

"Castle?" he hears, Kate's soft call wafting through to the bedroom.

He's her partner, and he doesn't want her to wake the baby.

"Hey," he whispers, walking out of her bedroom and shutting the door softly behind him. "How'd it go?"

"I'm fit to be a mother," she says with a tired smile. "Two hours and about a billion forms later, the State of New York has deemed me worthy."

"Awesome," he says, walking past her to start her coffee maker. "That's one down."

"One to go," she complete for him. "Inspection as soon as they can get someone over here. Hopefully tomorrow, they said."

"That soon?" he asks as he pours out the coffee grinds.

"They don't want this to go on for too long," she says as she sinks onto one of the stools. "They don't want her too comfortable with me, in case they have to take her."

"They won't," he says immediately.

"I hope not," she replies softly. He turns and finds her twisting her fingers on the countertop. "How was your morning?" she asks before he can say anything else.

"Good," he offers, going with it for now. He won't press; she's obviously worried enough as it is. "We looked at ourselves in the mirror, read a book, had a bottle."

Kate smiles as he turns on the coffee maker. "Sounds like a good morning."

"It was. Oh!" He pulls his phone out of his pocket and hurries around the counter to plop down beside her. She barely even gives him a look. "Here," he says, opening the photo.

Kate reaches out to hold the opposite side of his phone, leaning close to look at the picture. "Oh," she breathes out. "Look at that."

"Pretty great, huh?" he asks, beaming at the photo of her smiling daughter.

"Her first real smile," Kate whispers, running a finger over the picture. He hears the unsaid 'and I missed it,' and reaches with his free hand to squeeze her arm.

She looks over at him, startled, her face broken open. "Thank you," she says softly.

He smiles. "She's asleep. You wanna nap?"

"You just made coffee," she protests.

"Sleep when the baby sleeps, Beckett," he tells her solemnly.

"That's for new mothers," she chides, even as she passes back his phone and stands up.

"And what are you, exactly?" he asks. "I've got my laptop here. Go nap."

"I'm home now, Castle. You don't have to stay."

They stare at each other across the kitchen. "I just made coffee," he offers.

He should go home, really. But he doesn't want to. He can get just as much done here as he can at home, and here has the added benefit of Beckett and Johanne, and the picture of Kate Beckett stripping out of her blazer to reveal a plain cotton tee shirt. He likes being here.

"Okay. Can you toss her blankets into the washer then?" she asks, running a hand through her hair. "I'll just take a cat nap."

"Go," he says easily, already headed off to her washer off the office.

He feels her watching as he walks away. He spends a few minutes shoving the little baby blankets into the washer. He takes the time to spot treat two of the onesies before tossing them in as well. God, he'd forgotten just how much baby laundry builds up in the early months. He should think about getting her a more eco-friendly washer, cut down on her water bill.

He snorts to himself as he makes his way back through the office. She'd never let him do that. He's managed to dodge the 'let me pay you back,' conversation more than once, but a new washer might over do it.

He pauses by the desk, his eyes drawn to the open window shades—the bare open window shades. She took down her murder board.

He glances around and spots a box on the top of the bookshelf, inconspicuous and plain, but for the 'JB' sticker on the front. She took it down. He wouldn't have even thought about it.

He immediately wants to give her a hug, but settles for checking on her, and her daughter. When he gets to the bedroom, he finds the door to her room open. He peeks inside and smiles at the sight of her sacked out in her bed, still in her tee and slacks, face mashed into her pillow.

He closes the door quietly and heads for the couch, grabbing his laptop bag off the coffee table. He wonders idly how angry she'd be if Rook brought a baby back from a mission in the Philippines.

(…)

It's not a cat nap. He lets her sleep for four hours, getting up to feed Johanne and rock her back to sleep so Kate can stay passed out in bed. She'll probably be angry later, but he figures she'll forgive him when she realizes how good she feels.

He's halfway through "Castle's gonna buy you a mocking bird," when someone knocks on the door.

He glances down at the sleepy baby, then to Kate's room, then to the door. Huh. Well, stranger things have greeted visitors to this apartment he's sure.

He gets up and looks through the peep hole. A woman in a blazer and pencil skirt looks back at him, tapping her foot. An agent? Someone from the—oh, shit, no, they said tomorrow, right?

He opens the door cautiously.

"Hi, can I help you?" he asks softly, mindful of Johanne's efforts to sleep in his arms.

"I'm looking for a Katherine Beckett," the woman says, eyeing Johanne. "I'm Harper Kline, from Social Services. I believe…Detective—" she glances at her papers, "—Beckett was told she'd be having an inspection?"

"Right," he manages. Shit. "Let me go wake her."

"Wake her?" the woman repeats.

"I—" Does this look bad? "She fell asleep while Johanne here was napping, and I got to her before she woke back up. Midnight feedings, you know? They can take it out of you." He watches the woman, feeling jittery.

"Could you just go get Detective Beckett?" she says, impatient and obviously unimpressed by his rambling.

"Right," he mumbles. "I'll just—" he gestures over his shoulder and waves her in. "Give us a minute. There's coffee in the pot if you want some."

She rolls her eyes and he speeds to the bedroom. "We're in so much trouble, kid," he whispers to Johanne.

He opens the door and closes it quickly, taking a second to let his eyes adjust to the dim bedroom.

"Kate," he hisses, moving to her bedside and reaching out to touch her shoulder. "Kate, you have to get up."

He's unprepared for her abrupt response. She shoots up in bed, looking around muzzily, a hand raised in front of her, fingers poised—as if she were holding a gun. Wow.

"Kate," he repeats, a little stunned, but not badly enough to forget that Social Services is in the kitchen. "The inspector came."

"What?" she grunts, blinking at him.

"Social Services is here, and you're in bed. She was not pleased to see me."

"What are you talking about, Castle?" Kate demands, her voice scratchy. "What time is it?"

"About four," he says. "But come on, you have to get up."

"Why was I asleep?" she demands, shuffling out of bed to stand and run her hands through her hair.

"You were tired, I was here, Johanne didn't mind. She only woke up about an hour ago, and she's," he looks down at the baby, fast asleep against his shoulder, "she's asleep now anyway. But can you be mad at me later? Harper Kline is here and I don't think she likes me."

"Let me brush my teeth and I'll be right out," Kate says, holding up a hand. "Just…keep her occupied for like four minutes, okay? And don't—"

"Only accolades, cross my heart," he promises. She glares at him. "Okay, distract the social worker, got it."

She shakes her head and stumbles into the bathroom. He sighs as the door shuts. He can do this. He's a best-selling novelist. He is charming. And he has the cutest baby ever in his arms. They can do this.

"Okay, Josie. Time to turn on the charm."

He takes a deep breath and opens the bedroom door, walks back toward the kitchen. Harper Kline stands in the living room, turning in a circle, pen already scratching away on her clipboard. The woman oozes no-nonsense—sensible heels, a tight bun, and a face he figures once was kind. But now it's pinched, accentuating her pointed nose, and turning what could be a kind smile into a tight-lipped expression of judgment.

She turns her blue eyes on him, and he nearly steps back. This is not a woman he wants to cross. And she surely isn't the woman he wants in charge of the fate of Beckett's daughter.

He can do this.

"Ms. Kline," he says, his voice light. "Can I get you anything? Kate should be out in just a minute."

"She was notified of this appointment," she says, dismissing his offer.

"Actually," Castle hedges, stepping closer to join her in the living room. "She was told it would probably be tomorrow."

"Mm-hmm," she offers. How helpful. "And who are you, exactly?"

Castle startles, then immediately runs a hand over Johanne's back. "I'm Rick Castle. Kate's—"

"Partner," the woman in question supplies as she comes out of the bedroom.

He smiles at her, eying the flowing purple blouse she's changed into. You wouldn't have any idea she'd been drooling on her pillow a few minutes ago.

"You didn't list a relationship on any of your paperwork," Kline says testily.

"At the 12th Precinct," Kate corrects. "He's my partner at the 12th, in Homicide."

"Dangerous job," Kline observes as Kate reaches out for Johanne.

Castle passes her over easily, steadying them until he's sure Kate's got her settled. She flashes him a grateful smile.

"I suppose," Kate hedges, turning back to the woman. "I'm Kate Beckett, by the way."

She extends a hand but Kline ignores it. "Harper Kline. Mr. Castle tells me you weren't prepared for the inspection today."

"No," Castle jumps in as Kate opens her mouth. "That's not—"

"I was told it would be tomorrow," Kate cuts in. "But I'm prepared."

Kline eyes them as they stand there, Kate slightly in front of Castle, Johanne asleep on her shoulder.

"You're certainly set up," Kline agrees as she gestures to the apartment. "Toys, safety, supplies. May I look in the bedroom?"

"Of course," Kate says quickly, yanking Castle out of the way so Kline can walk past and into her bedroom. They stay in the living room. "Wow," Kate whispers.

"Right?"

"What did you tell her?" Kate demands.

"Nothing!" he argues, holding up his hands. "Seriously. I told her you were napping and that you had no idea she'd be coming today. That's all."

Kate nods and smoothes a hand over his arm in apology. "She's just—"

"Mean?" he whispers.

Kate nods and holds Johanne a little closer, kissing her head. He goes to say something comforting, though he's not quite sure what, but the woman marches back into the living room.

"I see you don't have a room for her," she announces.

"No," Kate agrees. "But when we get close to her needing one, I'll look for a new place."

"Moving a baby around can be traumatic for the child," Kline tsks.

Castle and Beckett exchange a look. "I'd do everything to minimize the stress for her."

"I can hire movers so she doesn't even have to be surrounded by boxes all the time," Castle adds. Kate gives him a look but he shrugs at her. "I can."

"And just what is your relation to the baby, Mr. Castle?"

"I told you," Kate says slowly. "He's my Partner at the 12th. He's just been helping out since I brought her back. I had a lot to do, you understand."

"I have a daughter," Castle adds. "She's seventeen now, but I did the single Dad thing. I've just been helping out, honestly. I'm not—"

"He's been very helpful," Kate says. "And Johanne is very comfortable with him."

"And when he stops helping out? Starts seeing someone on Page 6? Or will that not be an issue?" Kline asks, looking pointedly between them.

"We're not," Kate starts, then shuts her mouth. "Castle is a good man. I hardly think he'd stop spending time with my daughter just because he was in a relationship."

"Thank you," he says, earning a slight smile from Kate. "I'll second that."

"Introducing people into an infant's life, when they're unlikely to stick around can be detrimental," Kline continues, as if she hadn't heard them. "I'm always concerned to see a relationship without commitment with a baby in the middle."

"Without—" Kate stammers. "We're not dating."

"Even so," the woman says, shrugging and scribbling on her pad.

"I'm committed," Castle says quietly. Both woman look at him. "She's my partner, and my best friend, and frankly, one of the most extraordinary people I've ever met. If your one hang up is me being involved with setting up this new life they're starting, it's a non-issue. I've never met a better person," he adds. "And I'm not going to throw that away for some big-busted woman or a fancy party. If you haven't noticed, I haven't even been in the paper since the end of my last relationship, six months ago."

He feels Kate stiffen beside him, but ignores it, choosing instead to meet Harper Kline's eyes. He's not about to let her take Johanne away because he has a public past.

"But I don't think I'm really the issue. And if I am, I'll have to report you," he continues. He's not quite sure to whom, but he'll figure it out.

"Castle!" Kate hisses.

"What? She's making things up, Beckett," he protests.

"Beckett?" Kline cuts in, looking no more convinced for his speech, and completely unaffected by his threat.

"I," he says, glancing at Kate. "Force of habit."

"Because it's what you call her when both of you are at the Precinct," Kline surmises. "Where you both chase down murderers, correct?"

Kate nods slowly, rocking as Johanne stirs against her

"So, ostensibly, the two major figures in this child's life both do the same, dangerous, life-threatening job," the woman continues.

"I don't," he cuts in quickly. Fuck. It's not about him. It's about Beckett. About her job. "I'm a novelist."

"I thought you were her partner," Kline offers, frowning.

"He is," Kate says immediately. "But it's…complicated. He's been shadowing me for research for his book series, and it's become a permanent thing."

"Ah. Right. Nikki Heat," Kline says, a spark of recognition crossing her face. "I hadn't made the connection."

Castle swallows and nods, hoping something good is coming of this. "So, no, I'm not—it's dangerous, yes, but I'm not a cop."

"And just who's going to watch the baby while you're out playing cop with Detective Beckett?"

He blanches but Kate stands her ground. "My father can watch her during the day a few times a week, and for the others I'll get a qualified nanny."

"So, you've brought this baby back to have her looked after by other people?"

Castle bristles. "What, every person you inspect is able to be a full-time parent? I highly doubt that."

"Castle," Kate chides.

"I'm simply observing that perhaps Detective Beckett hasn't fully considered her lifestyle choices," Kline replies.

"There are many people who will get to know and care for Johanne. But the primary caregiver will still be me," Kate insists. "I have a demanding job, yes, but I have my priorities in order. I know the system, Ms. Kline. You can't fault me for needing to have someone watch her during the day. Half of the foster parents you willingly give children to have nannies, or worse, have the eldest children watching the younger ones."

Kline considers her for a moment before nodding and checking a box on her chart. "Very well. You have a plan for her day care. That said," she shifts on her feet, somehow managing to look more intimidating than before, "your work is dangerous, is it not? In fact, I see on record that you just moved to this apartment earlier this year. What happened to your last one?"

Castle nearly groans. That was a…special circumstance.

Kate merely meets the woman's eyes. "It blew up," she says calmly.

"With you inside it, if I'm not mistaken," Kline says, raising an eyebrow. "I have to ask, honestly, why on earth do you think you're fit to care for this child? Exploding apartments? Late hours? Unpredictable life expectancy?" Castle splutters. "You realize you are exactly the kind of candidate I would refuse an adoption, no matter how many people you may have on call to babysit." She glares at both of them. "But here we are, and somehow, you've already adopted her."

"Yes," Kate says, her jaw tight, despite the gentle grip she has on Johanne.

"What exactly are you getting at?" Castle adds, taking a step closer to Kate.

"I don't know how you pulled these strings, Detective, but I can tell you, if so much as a whisper of life endangerment hits my desk, I'll have this baby out of here so fast it'll feel like getting her out of Haiti again."

Castle grips Kate's hip before she can start toward the woman. "You would rather I left here there to die?" Kate hisses. "Anyone could be hit by a taxi, killed by a falling cinderblock, attacked, mugged, stabbed." He squeezes her hip. "Do you really think a life with me is worse than dying of disease in that tiny hospital?"

"I think you haven't thought this through," Kline replies. "I'm not taking her now, Detective. But I will be back to check up on you, and I'm putting a probationary hold on your case."

"Ms. Kline," Castle starts.

"If you weren't financially stable and set up to house this baby, I would have taken her already, all your string pulling be damned," Kline admits. "But you obviously care for her, and you have references," she continues, looking at Castle, "that promise me you are capable. You are psychiatrically fit to care for a baby. I'm just making sure you're physically capable. I'll see you in a few months."

"And legally?" Kate gets out as Kline gathers her things and heads for the door. "Legally, it's all worked out, for now."

"You can't be serious," Castle says.

Kline sighs and looks at them, standing together in the middle of the living room. "You have a good heart, Detective. That's obvious. I'm just trying to do what's right for the baby in your arms. I'll see you in three months."

With that, she leaves, the door shutting with a somber finality in her wake.

Johanne wakes with a cry. Kate absently strokes her back, bouncing as she stares at the closed door.

"I'll call someone," he says softly, his hand still on her hip.

She leans into his arm with a groan. "No, Castle. She's right."

"No she's not," he says fiercely. He's not letting that horrible woman ruin this. "Tons of cops have children. Surprise children. Unwanted children. Eagerly anticipated, planned children. And you don't see their kids being taken away."

Slowly, Kate looks up at him. "I just wanted to protect her," she says softly.

"You're doing just that. And in three months, that awful excuse for a human will come back, and see Johanne flourishing and talking, and she'll have to eat her words. You're going to be a wonderful mom. You already are. Don't…don't let her get to you, okay?"

She nods, but doesn't meet his eyes.

"You took down your murder board." Her eyes swing to his and he bites his lip. Okay, not what he meant to say, really.

"Of course I did," she says, a little indignant.

"Smart," he offers lamely. "Keeping it down until this is all finalized."

She shakes her head and kisses her daughter's forehead. "Keeping it down until it's safe," she corrects. "My mom kept digging into it until it got her killed, Castle. She didn't know what she was doing, but I do. I can't do that to Johanne. At work—at work it's calculated risks, but this—she's more important."

He stares at her for a moment before nodding. "See, protecting her."

"Yeah, I doubt that would earn me points with Harper Kline," she says, breaking away to wander to the couch and settle there, raising her knees to brace Johanne against them. She smiles down at the baby.

"Let's just call her the Harpie," he suggests, following and sitting down next to her. Kate nods absently, pulling a face at Johanne. "You know she's crazy, right?"

Kate meets his eyes. "Yeah, I do."

"Promise?"

She laughs and looks down at Johanne. "Even if I didn't, Castle, how could I walk away from this face?"

He chuckles and leans down next to her to smile at the baby. He feels Kate's head press against his. He forces himself to relax, to let her lean on him as they coo at Johanne.

"Thanks for being here today," Kate says a few minutes later. "I don't—you weren't exactly smooth, but you helped."

He chuckles and reaches out to tickle Johanne's tummy. "I try."

"Yeah," she agrees, turning to press her lips to his cheek. "Yeah, you do, Castle." He feels her smile as a blush climbs his cheeks.

He may not know exactly where he stands, what he is to her daughter, or to her, really. But he has learned something. They're a 'permanent thing.' There's no way he's not going to be around to make sure Johanne becomes one as well.


	5. Chapter 5

**Attachment Syndrome**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 5:<strong>

She's hunched over her desk when he enters the precinct, coffees and pastries in hand. He can tell it's been a bad morning the moment he steps up to her desk. Her hair is already a mess from running her fingers through it, and there are bags under her eyes that she hasn't manage to conceal. Her face is pinched and it looks like she hasn't gotten any sleep in two days.

"Coffee?" he offers meekly, noticing the guys watching them across the pen, wary, like she's already snapped at them at least once.

Beckett looks up at him and her face breaks open into an exhausted smile. "Oh, God, thank you," she mumbles, taking a long drag.

He plops down in his chair and looks her over. "Rough start?"

"She cried and cried," Kate says with a sigh, massaging her temples. "And she was up half the night before that. My dad looked a little out of his depth, but he swears everything is fine."

"Any luck with a nanny?"

"No," she says gruffly. "Twenty interviews and not one of them seemed right. Johanne squirmed right out of everyone's arms."

"You'll find one."

"My Dad said he can cover today and tomorrow morning. I have to take the afternoon off to get her the DTaP anyway."

"Damn," he mumbles. He has a publishing meetings. He thought the DTaP was Wednesday.

"What?" she asks around a mouthful of bear claw.

"I forgot," he admits. "I have meetings tomorrow with Black Pawn. They'll probably go all day."

Kate shakes her head and swallows. "It's fine, Castle. We'll manage without you. We made it through the weekend, after all."

"But I bet it wasn't as much fun," he taunts.

She purses her lips and goes back to her paperwork, but doesn't argue with him. He sits there, grinning. "Go play with Ryan and Espo. Your good mood is irritating."

He laughs and gets up, hands held out in surrender. "Going, going."

She shakes her head, scanning the paper for her place while clutching her coffee in her other hand. He suppresses his smile as he makes his way over to the guys, doesn't want to get ribbed about being even more "whipped," than he apparently already is. And she's not even his. Unfair, really.

"So," Esposito says as he gets to the desk.

"Hi?" he offers.

Ryan considers him. "We hear Beckett's got a new addition to the family. Care to share?"

He glances back at Beckett then leans down to them. "What do you know?"

"These last two weeks she was actually off for two weeks of Adoption Leave," Esposito hisses. "And Montgomery said you were there. What the hell, man?"

"Excuse me?" he says, rearing back. "What did I do?"

"You and Beckett adopted a baby without telling us," Ryan supplies.

"What?" he exclaims. Everyone in the bullpen looks over, including Kate. "What?" he adds, softer, plopping down in an unused chair and scooting it over. "Are you kidding? She was in Haiti with Josh."

"Like she and Motorcycle Boy were going to adopt," Esposito dismisses. "If it's not yours, what were you doing with her?"

"How do you even know—"

"Montgomery overheard you in the background when she checked in," Ryan tells him.

"And he told you about it?"

"Yes," Esposito says easily. "Now, what's the scoop?"

"Ask her yourself," Castle says, glaring at them. "Not my scoop to tell."

"Come on, Castle. Gender, age?" Ryan needles. "We know you want to share."

Out of the corner of his eye, he notices Kate walking around the outer-rim of the bullpen. She winks at him.

"I know you guys are nosy," he tosses back. "It's her baby. Her choice to tell you. Maybe she thinks you won't know how to handle one."

"I have eight little cousins," Ryan bristles. "I'm great with babies."

"Babies love me," Esposito adds.

"Is that so?"

Both boys jump as Beckett leans between them.

"Whoa," Ryan mutters, rolling back toward his desk.

"Tryin' a give us a heart attack?" Esposito whines.

"A collective heart attack, or are you and Ryan going to share it, like your gossip?" Beckett asks, walking around to lean her hip against Castle's chair.

The boys sulk at her, and he does his best not to laugh. She's good when she wants to be.

"Her name is Johanne. She's four months old, and she is adorable," Beckett offers after a minute of her glare.

"And you…suddenly felt like having a baby?" Esposito asks timidly.

"I…fell in love with her, and had to bring her back," Beckett hedges.

"Bring her back—from Haiti?" Ryan squeaks.

"What, you have an issue with mixed race families?" Kate asks. Ryan blanches and stammers, but she just laughs. "I know, Ryan. Calm down."

"Uncool," he mutters. "So uncool. I don't have any issues—you know I don't have any issues—"

"Sorry," she says with a smile. "Yeah, I just couldn't leave her there, and with some strings, and some help," she bumps Castle with her hip, "I've got her and the paperwork is mostly there."

"Do we need to throw you a baby shower?" Esposito asks.

"You gonna help Lanie plan it?" Castle throws in, smiling as Beckett giggles.

"Maybe," Esposito says, puffing out his chest. "I throw a mean party."

"Yeah, a mean bachelor party," Ryan argues. "Can you even hold a baby?"

"You need me to show you? Bring the little chica in, Beckett, I'll show Ryan how it's done."

Kate shakes her head, her face bright, her hip still pressing into Castle's shoulder. "Maybe in a month or two, Espo. She still doesn't have all of her shots, and she's not super comfortable here yet. Let's get her settled in the city, then bring her around the murderers."

Esposito nods with a pout, but Ryan perks up. "You got pictures?"

"Oh," Kate says softly. "I, yeah. But—"

"Here," Castle says, pulling out his phone and opening up the album he's made. He hands it to Kate.

"You have a brag book of Beckett's kid?" Esposito asks as Kate thumbs through, her lip between her teeth, holding back a grin.

"She is adorable," Castle defends. "You'll have one too."

"Here, Ryan," Beckett offers, turning his phone around so the three of them can see the picture.

It's a photo he took of Johanne and Kate on the couch. Kate has Johanne standing on her lap facing him, her hands supporting the baby's unsteady legs. Their faces are at the same height and Kate grins for the camera, her eyes focused on Johanne. The baby doesn't smile, but she does have her hand stretched out, reaching for him.

"Damn," Esposito mumbles. "That is one cute kid."

"Awesome," Ryan adds.

Kate laughs. "Thanks, guys." She hands Castle the phone and straightens up. "Now that we've oohed over my kid, can we get back to work? Don't you have financials to run down?"

"On it," Esposito says gruffly.

Ryan nods, and Castle watches with amusement as the boys try to get over their emotions. Beckett having a kid is pretty big, he'll give them that. But he swears Ryan is a little choked up.

"Come on, Castle," Beckett says softly. "Let's see what we can track down."

(…)

By the time seven rolls around, they've gotten nowhere fast. Ryan and Esposito offer them tight smiles as they head out. They're banking on ballistics matching the gun found in a dumpster by the murder site, but there aren't any prints, any DNA, nothing. They've got nothing.

"I could have just stayed home for all the progress we made," Beckett groans as she shuts off her computer.

"And miss Ryan nearly crying this morning? Not a chance," Castle offers, standing and stretching as she shrugs into her coat.

She laughs and leads the way out of the bullpen, her shoulders slumped, but face relaxed.

"Who do you think would be a better babysitter, Espo or Ryan?" she wonders as they step into the elevator.

"Lanie and Jenny," he says immediately. She grins at him. "But maybe one couple then the other? Give 'em all a two-man advantage."

"That's smart," she agrees. "Two's always better than one."

He withholds his smile as he follows her out of the elevator and down into the garage. She looks over at him as they get to her car.

"Do you need a ride?" she asks.

"I thought we were going back to yours," he says innocently. She gives him a look. "Come on, Beckett. I haven't seen Baby Beckett in days. I'm going through withdrawal."

She rolls her eyes but gestures for him to get in the car. "Just this once, Castle. And only because you have a brag book on your phone."

He grins at her and settles in, avoiding the spring in the seat and reaching out for the radio as she pulls out of the slot. She smacks his hand away.

"I might kill you," she cautions.

He wisely sits back. She may be all smiles now, but she's functioning on what must be two hours of sleep. And she's letting him go see the baby. He'll behave.

He's good the entire way. He even holds the doors for her as they enter her building. She gives him a look, but he just smiles. She's letting him see the baby. The whole weekend it was, "I need to bond with just my kid, Castle. I'll see you Monday." And after nearly two weeks seeing her everyday, seeing Johanne every day, it was surprisingly hard to entertain himself.

"Dad?" Kate calls out quietly as they enter the loft.

A loud wail answers her and Jim appears with a very scrunchy, very unhappy Johanne in his arms, a onesie in his hand.

"She does not want to get into her pjs," he announces as Castle steps inside and Kate closes the door. "Hi, sweetheart," he adds as Kate walks over to take the baby from him. "And Rick, this is a nice surprise."

"Good to see you, Mr. Beckett," Castle says, extending a hand.

"Please, call me Jim," her father says as they shake.

"Of course, Jim," he stammers. "Good day?"

Jim shrugs and turns to watch as Kate wrestles Johanne into her pajamas, the baby laid out on the couch as Kate murmurs to her. Johanne cries, but lets her mother get her outfitted for bed.

"She's a solemn one, that girl," Jim says quietly. "Doesn't really laugh, doesn't really meet your eyes much."  
>"I've noticed," Castle agrees. "But it doesn't seem…bad. Like Autistic, or something else, you know? She's just shy."<p>

"I agree."

Castle feels his heart lift at that. He's been worried, but didn't want to mention it to Kate. And anyway, Johanne meets his eyes more now—now that he's been around for a bit.

"Still, she wasn't happy to have Katie gone for the day, I'll tell you that," Jim continues. "How're they doing?"

Castle turns to look at him, tugging his eyes away from the image of Kate kissing Johanne's stomach. "Good," he says honestly. "A bit tired, and I think being back at the precinct will be…hard, but she seems good."

"Good," Jim says, nodding.

Kate comes back toward them, Johanne settled in her arms, her little eyes drooping already.

"Just needed a mother's touch," Jim says. Castle watches in fascination as Kate blushes and leans in to kiss her father's cheek.

"Thank you, dad."

"Anytime. You know how much I love this little girlie here," Jim says, leaning in to kiss Johanne's forehead. "I'll be by at seven tomorrow."

"Perfect, thank you," Kate says happily.

"Goodnight, Rick," Jim adds as he heads for the door.

"Night," Castle replies, smiling as Jim gives them a wave and shuts the door. "Nice guy, your dad," he offers as Kate rocks back and forth with the baby. "You have a very nice grandpa," he adds, bending to see Johanne.

The baby looks back at him, meeting his eyes for a moment before burrowing back into Kate. Huh. He smiles and strokes a hand over Johanne's head, and she practically melts against Kate.

"Looks like the Castle touch does pretty well too," Kate says quietly. He grins. Her baby likes him.

"You want dinner?" he asks as she wanders back toward the living room.

"Yes," comes the emphatic reply. "Chinese?"

"Done," he says, tossing her a grin before turning to his phone and dialing for their favorite place.

He has the Castle touch and she's not kicking him out. It's been a good day, all in all.

By the time they're done eating, Johanne is well and truly asleep and has been put into her crib. Kate lounges on the couch, her head against the back, feet propped up on the coffee table, eyes drooping. He quietly cleans up their containers and tosses them into the trash, shoving the extra lo mein he ordered into the fridge for her to find tomorrow—make the post-shot baby upset a little easier.

"Thanks for dinner," Kate says softly as he meanders back toward the couch, looking for his shoes.

"Anytime, Beckett," he replies with a smile. "Now go to sleep. Shower after she wakes up at midnight or something."

She nods at him, hauling herself up as he manages to find both shoes and get himself laced up.

"See you tomorrow," she says quietly.

"See you Wednesday, actually," he corrects. "Meetings tomorrow—something about deadlines. But text me how the shot goes, okay?"

"Why, Castle? You keepin' tabs on us?"

Yes. "Hey, she's my favorite baby. I demand updates."

She just smiles and shakes her head. "Goodnight, Castle."

"Night," he offers, letting her walk him to the door so she can slide the chain and deadbolt it after him. "Go to sleep."

"Get out of here," she chides. "Have good meetings."

"Me? Never. Much less fun than murder. See you Wednesday."

"Bye Castle," she says as she closes the door, leaving him in the hallway.

Somehow, he wishes he were sleeping on her couch.

(…)

His phone wakes him at 1am the next night, "Dream a Little Dream of Me" blaring out as he swipes blindly for it.

"Beckett?" he slurs into the phone, his head muzzy. They can't have a murder. They already have a murder.

The sound on the other end of the phone has him sitting bolt upright—a high-pitched, tortured keening.

"She won't stop."

"Beckett?" he repeats, struggling to come to.

"Rick, she won't stop," her voice comes across, and even over the wailing, he can hear the tears there. "What do I do? She won't stop."

"That's Josie?" he mumbles, horrified. "What's wrong with her?"

"I don't know," she gets out, her voice so tight, so worried. "I don't know. But she doesn't have a fever, and the doctor says it's normal, but she won't _stop_. It's been hours, Castle. Hours."

"Okay. I'll be right there. Just sit tight, okay?" he says, already up and looking for pants and shoes, screw socks. "Kate?" he asks after he's gotten his shirt on and found his keys.

"Yeah," she offers, and he hears her sniffle as Johanne takes a breath for another wailing cry. "Yeah, I'm here."

"I'll be right there," he promises, jogging into the kitchen and grabbing the notepad they keep by the phone, jotting down a quick message for Alexis and his mother.

"Thank you," Kate whispers across the line.

His heart plummets as the call cuts out. He runs out of the loft, taking the stairs down all five flights. What the hell makes a baby make that sound? He flags down a cab, shivering in just his tee shirt against the cold March evening.

He gives Kate's address and tries to make himself relax against the back seat, but it's no use. Her text earlier had said everything was fine. Johanne was weepy, but okay. Her leg was a bit swollen, but that was normal for the DTaP. She was fine. They were both fine.

And now…

Now, he can hear the keening a floor below her apartment as he hurtles up the stairs. Alexis cried—oh. Oh. He pauses outside her door. Alexis cried like this. Only for an hour, but now he remembers—remembers the absolute terror of hearing his infant screaming bloody murder. And there was nothing wrong. Nothing a doctor could do. No fever, no anything, just…the awful pain of the shot.

He knocks gently on the door and finds it swinging open almost instantly. The keening sound intensifies as Kate comes into view, tear tracks streaking down her face, Johanne cradled to her chest.

"She won't stop," she gets out, her voice stuffed and hoarse. "What do I do? She won't stop."

"Okay," he says, stepping inside and closing the door behind him. "Okay, gimme her." She stares at him. "Kate," he adds. "Let me hold her. Get a drink, use the bathroom, okay?"

She hesitates for a moment then hands Johanne over, shushing her and pressing kisses to her face the whole time. Her cries escalate as Castle tries to situate her. He'd hoped that maybe with a new body to huddle against, one without so much tension, Johanne would stop. No dice.

"She just won't stop," Kate repeats, leaning forward to rest her head next to Johanne's on Castle's chest. She doesn't even flinch when Johanne belts out another scream.

Castle sighs and presses his mouth to the crown of Kate's head, unwrapping an arm from around the baby to tug her in, offering himself, because he has nothing else to give.

"The doctor said she's fine?"

Kate nods shakily against him. "He heard her over the phone and said it just…happens sometimes. Unless she develops a fever, she's fine. I should try and get liquids into her as best I can. If she doesn't stop by tomorrow night, I need to bring her in."

He sighs and looks down at the baby, her face scrunched and flushed, her little mouth open wide as she screams.

"Get something to drink, Kate," he says, squeezing her once before gently pushing back. "Take a few minutes."

"I don't want to leave her," Kate tells him, and he sees more than hears the words over the deafening screaming.

"I know. But I've got her. Just take five minutes, I'll hold her on the couch."

She stares at him, her eyes trained on his, searching for a moment, before she nods and moves around him into the kitchen.

"Okay, Josie," he says, moving a hand up to brace her head. "Okay, I've got you. You're okay."

He makes his way to the couch, feeling a headache coming on after only a few minutes around the baby. He can't even imagine how Kate must feel.

"Shhh," he says, swaying a little in place and pressing firmly on Johanne's back. She screams louder. Okay, gentle pressure is out. "What is it, huh? What hurts, bug?"

He gets no answer, only more tears and more of the gut wrenching sobbing cries. And Kate said this has gone on for hours?

"Do you think if I get her a pony?" Kate wonders. He looks up and finds her standing in front of him, a glass of water in hand.

He offers her a weak smile. "How you holding up?"

She shakes her head and sits down beside him, their sides pressed flush together. She reaches out and strokes Johanne's back, leaning into him so she can look at her daughter's face.

"Please stop crying, baby," she whispers. "Castle's here. You like Castle."

He chuckles softly and covers Kate's hand on Johanne's back. "Somehow I don't think I can charm her out of this one." Kate sighs and lets her cheek rest on his shoulder. "When did it start?" he asks.

Her fingers thread through his on the baby's back and he notices idly that Johanne's screams are quieting just slightly, more tears and cries than keens to be heard.

"Around seven," she says. "But she was just crying. The…I don't even know what you'd call that sound."

"Keening," he supplies.

"Yeah," she breathes out. "The keening started at about nine."

"Kate, it's almost two."

"I know." He feels her sinking against him, looks down to find her jaw clenched, her eyes wet again. "I can't get her to stop."

"It's part of the shot," he says, hoping she'll find it comforting. "Alexis did a little of this, but not for this long."

"But it didn't happen with the other shots," she mumbles, watching Johanne, who finally, finally seems to be fading more.

"Sometimes it just gets them," he hedges. "And it's awful."

"Yeah."

They sit quietly for a long while, Johanne's screams softening down to a mere constant cry. He never thought he'd find a crying baby calm, the sound serene. But compared to the bloody murder from earlier, it's beautiful.

"Let's get you guys into bed," he suggests, gently bumping Kate's forehead with his chin. She's been snuggled up to him for a good thirty minutes. "Then maybe she'll fall asleep, and you can too."

She nods against him then hauls herself up. She offers her hands and helps balance him as he rises, Johanne still cradled to his chest. He follows her unsteady gait into her room, smiling at the tired picture she makes, dressed in leggings and a large red tee shirt.

He sits down on the edge of her bed, stroking his fingers down Johanne's back and humming as her cries slowly start to quiet.

"Hey, bug," he says softly, pulling her away to look down into her eyes. She stares back openly, whimpering. He can read it all there on her face: 'help me.' He's honestly never felt so helpless. He pulls her back to his chest and rests his lips at her temple.

"Once upon a time there was a very beautiful Detective named Beckett," he starts, closing his eyes and trying to breathe in and out slowly, hoping Johanne will catch on. "She was very good at her job, and very by the book. One day, she caught a case where someone was copying…scenes from a certain novelist's books. And to figure out who it was, she had to go find the novelist. That's me," he whispers to the baby.

"No Rapunzel from the great Richard Castle, huh?" He opens his eyes and finds Kate standing in front of them.

He shrugs and gets up to give her room on the bed. Kate shakes her head and holds out her arms. Gently, he transfers Johanne over to her. Kate smiles down at the baby, relief all over her face, until Johanne's face scrunches up. He cringes as she lets out a loud wail all over again.

"Oh, baby," Kate sighs, slumping onto the bed with her. "What did I do wrong?"

"Nothing," he assures her, sitting down next to her. "Nothing. Is she wet?"

Kate palms the baby's diaper, and shakes her head. Johanne continues to cry, and he sees tears falling down Kate's face as well. Screw it.

He kicks off his shoes and drags his belt out from his pants, tossing it to the side of the room. "Come on," he says softly, scooting back on the bed.

Kate watches him for a beat before following, shuffling down to lie next to him, Johanne settled on her chest. The baby cries even louder.

"Castle," Kate whimpers—actually whimpers.

"Try putting her down between us," he suggests.

"Why?"

"Because us holding her isn't cutting it?"

She huffs but follows his suggestion, gently placing Johanne between them on her back. Kate turns on her side and settles her hand on the baby's tummy, rubbing gently. Johanne's cries cut off and she blinks up at them.

"Oh my God," Kate whispers. "Oh, Castle, you're a genius."

He chuckles and uses his thumb to brush the tears from Johanne's cheeks. "No, I'm lucky. First thing I could think of."

She smiles down at the baby. "Is that better, sweetheart? Did Castle make it better?" Johanne just blinks up at her, her body slowly relaxing. "Do we need to prop her up a bit, make sure she can breathe?"

"She'll breathe through her mouth," he assures her. "She's good. She's calm. Aren't you, bug?"

"You're as bad as I am," Kate mumbles.

"Hmm?"

"My dad is not a fan of 'bug.'"

"But she is a little bug, aren't you?" he coos, rubbing a finger across her footie-pajamaed toes.

"You weren't a fan of 'bug' either."

"Yeah, well, you won me over," he huffs out, glancing at her. "You okay?"

She nods, taking her hand off of Johanne's stomach to wipe at her eyes. The baby immediately whimpers. Their hands knock together as they race to get to the little belly. Castle smiles and makes room for Kate to replace her hand. As soon as she does, Johanne's cries quiet again.

"We'll take turns," he promises.

"You don't have to stay," she whispers, but doesn't raise her eyes to his. "It's late, you were in meetings all day."

"Kate," he protests, waiting until she meets his eyes. "I stayed with you through a dirty bomb. I think I can handle some tummy time."

She laughs shakily and gives him a watery smile. "Yeah, okay."

He returns her smile and shuffles down, pillowing his head on his arm and letting Johanne take one of his fingers to hold. Her grip is light, but tangible, and he smiles at the baby.

"How am I supposed to leave her with someone?" Kate asks a few minutes later.

He looks up at her, her head propped on her hand. "What do you mean?" "With a nanny. How can I just leave her with a nanny, Castle? _I_ can't even get her through a shot. And my Dad—my Dad says she just cries when I'm not here. She's in a new place, she's scared. How can I just leave her with some stranger all day?"

"Can you take more time?" he asks.

She shakes her head. "I asked Montgomery today, but with our case load right now, he needs me there. And yeah, I can take more time if I really need it, but I already took a month to go to Haiti, and even if I took another week or two of Adoption Leave, it wouldn't be paid."

"I'm sure there's a way around that," he encourages.

"If I find out that there was a mysterious, anonymous donation to the 12th for Maternity and Adoption Leave, Castle—"

"You'll what?" he challenges.

"I don't know," she says, dropping her head to rest on her arm so they're looking at each other over Johanne's head, Kate's hand still stroking circles on the baby's stomach. "I'll…beat you at laser tag?"

He chuckles. "You can take more time, Kate."

"And then what? After another two weeks, what will I do? Or even two more after that, forgetting about rent and everything. Am I really going to feel differently in a few weeks? Will she?"

He sighs and watches as she looks down at her daughter. He feels it on the tip of his tongue, knows himself well enough to hear it coming. Gina did say he needs to bang out this book, and he could still go in once or twice a week when Jim babysits. He loves working in the field, but this—her daughter is more important than his playing cop.

"Let me do it," he says, surprised to find his voice as strong as it is.

"What?"

"Let me watch her during the day," he explains. "I need to finish my book, and by the time I've done that, we'll be into summer, and finding a good babysitter will be easy. Hel—heck, I'm sure Alexis would be more than happy to watch her a few days a week."

"Castle," she lets out. "You want to—but what about your…research?"

"We both know I've done enough research to write a hundred books," he says gently. "You need someone to watch her. And you said it yourself, she likes me."

"But then you won't," she cuts herself off, looking down at Johanne. "I can't ask you to do that."

"You're not asking. I'm offering," he argues.

"But," she says, meeting his eyes. "I didn't—you didn't sign up for this, I did."

"Hey, I signed my waiver."

"Yeah, at the precinct," she says, rolling her eyes.

"I'm your partner," he says easily. "So I totally signed up for this. And really, come on, who's getting the better deal? I get to play with your adorable kid all day while you go to work."

"Way to rub it in," she mumbles around a smile. "But Castle, are you sure?"

"Very sure," he tells her, feeling it settle in his chest. He can do this. He'll be good at this. He _wants_ this. "Just call me Mr. Nanny."

She laughs softly and meets his eyes. "I—Castle, I don't know how to thank you."

"Then don't," he says, reaching out to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, shockingly intimate. "Just let me take her back to the loft tomorrow, and text me about the case. We can still build theory, just digitally."

"It won't be the same," she whispers.

He nods, that realization settling in his chest as well. But they'll make it work. "No, not the same. We'll make it better."

He covers her hand on Johanne's tummy and they both look down at the little girl, only to find she's fallen asleep. He smiles as Kate laughs.

"See? We're a great team, you and me."

"Yeah, we are," she agrees. "You're sure about this?"

He smiles at her. "I'm gonna nanny the crap out of your kid, Beckett."


	6. Chapter 6

**Attachment Syndrome**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 6:<strong>

"Okay. You and me, bug. We've got shopping to do," he announces as he opens the door to the loft.

Johanne gurgles in response, her little legs kicking at his stomach where she's strapped to his chest in the baby holder. He smiles, looking down at her. He'd faced her forward for her first jaunt into the world, other than her trips to the pediatrician. He hopes this journey will be more to her liking.

"Welcome to Casa Castle," he says as he shuffles over to the living room, dropping her baby bag on the couch. "Everything you need for a good time. Except the baby toys. We brought all of those to mommy's place, didn't we?"

"Richard?"

Ah, yes. His mother would be home for this. Whatever was he thinking assuming she'd be out.

"Hello, mother," he says as he deftly undoes the straps to the carrier and hikes Johanne out of it. He holds her in one arm as he manages to divest himself of the carrier, twisting more than he'd like to manage it.

"Is this she? Beckett's newest?"

"Beckett's only," he chuckles. "You make her sound like she's been popping them out."

"She could do worse than a horde of adorable babies," Martha says offhandedly as she comes close, bending a little to look at Johanne. "Aren't you just beautiful."

"Josie, meet my mother," he supplies. Johanne kicks a little, peering at Martha, before losing interest and focusing instead on Castle's watch.

"A bit shy," Martha proclaims, standing straight to take them in. "Not that I mind, dear, but why is this little one here? And why aren't you off playing with Beckett?"

"I don't play with Beckett," he huffs. He digs in the baby bag for a minute to find a bottle and the extra formula, stalling just a hair.

"Richard," his mother prompts, following him to the kitchen. "What have you done?"

"Nothing," he protests as he plops the formula into the refrigerator, Johanne oddly quiet and complacent in his arms.

He turns and finds his mother regarding him with her eyebrow raised. He debates fibbing, but the woman does live with him. She'll notice if he's suddenly home all day, and with a baby no less.

"Beckett wasn't comfortable leaving Josie with a nanny—she's still a bit…shy, if you will—and I offered to fill in for the time being."

"You're nannying for Detective Beckett?" Her voice rises in pitch and he shrinks a little under her assessing stare.

"No. Sort of. I'm just watching her until schools let out, so we can find a good kid to stay with her all day. Someone Beckett likes, can get to know a little first. And I do have a book due."

"And you think playing with Beckett's darling little orphan is the way to meet your deadline?"

"She's not an orphan," he says quickly, heckles rising as he wraps both arms around the baby. He's not sure why that one hit him so hard. "She's Kate's daughter."

"Mm," Martha offers. "And what is she to you, exactly?"

He looks from the baby to his mother, feeling caught, and not completely sure why. "She's my Partner's daughter. And she needs her bottle, so…"

Martha throws up her hands and starts making her way back toward the stairs. "Far be it from me to try to protect your heart, Richard."

"What does that mean?" he lets out, unable to just swallow it and turn to the task at hand.

Martha pauses on the stairs and looks at him, half adoration, half what must be pity. "You have been crazy for that girl for longer than any of us cares to admit. I just don't want to see you get your heart broken, darling." She looks pointedly at the baby. "Twice."

"I won't," he asserts, running a hand over Johanne's head. "It's not…like that, mother."

"All right," she says, her face relaxing somewhat. "All right. Whatever you say. Now, do you need any help?"

He shakes his head at her quick change of direction. "We're good for now. But maybe after her next nap you guys can get to know each other."

"This is going to be an every day thing, isn't it?" she asks, still poised on the stairs.

Johanne gurgles and reaches for the still-cold bottle in his hand. "Hey, hey, patience there, bug," he chides, smiling at her as she looks up at him in frustration.

"Oh Richard, you are so done for," his mother says with a laugh. "Enjoy, darling."

He glances back at the stairs but just catches sight of her disappearing heels. Yeah, he's totally done for. But as he pops a graduate of water into the microwave to heat the bottle with, and bounces around the kitchen with Johanne, winning the battle against fussy crying, he smiles to himself. He's happy to be done in by this little girl.

(…)

"What about this one?" he asks, tilting the iPad so Johanne can see.

She pays him no mind, too distracted by trying to get her foot into her mouth to bother looking over at the pretty white crib and matching changing table.

"You're right," he agrees, swiping to see the next one. "Too traditional."

Johanne just grunts and he smiles. He's got the two of them laid out on an old quilt at the side of his office—his makeshift playmat until the new one arrives tomorrow. He brought a few of her favorite toys over, but she seems content with her body parts, flailing around happily as he lies next to her on his back, trying to find the perfect crib.

He hasn't gotten any writing done, but no one needs to know that. Tummy time and playtime seemed much more appealing than staring at his computer screen, trying to write his way around a bizarrely intense aversion to his newest plotline. Something about the cold of winter he's trying to depict keeps sending him back to the freezer, leaving him chilled and unable to get the words out.

Playing with Josie, obviously, is the better choice.

"What about this one?" he offers, zooming in on a chestnut crib that comes with an adorable cherry-patterned mattress, buffer, and comforter set.

Johanne blows a spit bubble.

"Good, we agree," he says with a grin, tapping the Amazon Prime button. He goes ahead and gets the matching chestnut changing table and a few of the extras highlighted as 'also purchased by buyers of this product,' including the baby bath kit and bath toys.

His phone pings. He smiles and settles the iPad on his stomach as he tugs his phone out of his jeans, thumbing it open. He grins as he catches sight of Beckett's text.

_Nice make-shift mat there, Castle_.

He preens a little, looking down at Johanne. He'd sent Beckett a picture of the girl squirming around on the comforter in just her diaper after a change, followed closely by a picture of his disgusted face as he tossed the dirty diaper.

He types back: _Ten out of ten infants agree, down feathers are equally matched, if not superior to plush mats._

A minute later he receives his reply: _You're ridiculous. Here's a picture of our current accommodations._

He laughs as the picture pops up: Ryan and Esposito slump against each other, sitting on the edge of Beckett's desk in front of the unchanged murder board.

_Still no leads_? He asks.

_Nada_.

He texts back a frowny face then tucks the phone back into his pocket. At least he's not missing anything. He picks the iPad back up and scrolls through a few more of the add-ons, grinning at the 10 items already in his cart.

"Like a home away from home," he enthuses, glancing at the baby. "Now, do we want an extra stuffed ducky with the bath set? Of course we do."

"Dad?"

"Hey, pumpkin," he says as her figure looms over them. "Uh—"

"Something you want to tell me?" Alexis asks with a grin before plopping down on Johanne's other side. "Hey kid. You must be Johanne, huh?"

The baby peers at Alexis, head cocked to the side. He wonders if she can tell that his and Alexis' eyes are similar. A moment later though, she goes back to her quest for her toes, completely ignoring the new addition to their play blanket.

"Dad," Alexis prompts.

"I'm watching Josie for a while," he says, rolling onto his side so he can look at Alexis. "That okay?"

"Sure," Alexis says immediately, then she peers at him. "How long is a while?"

"Until Beckett feels ready for a nanny," he says easily. Maybe if he's more direct she won't—

"And that would be when?"

He sighs. "I don't know, pumpkin. But I don't mind. I need to write anyway, and she's a pretty mild baby, unless she's hungry."

Alexis shakes her head with a quiet laugh. "So you're like her permanent nanny."

"No," he argues. "Just…her indefinite nanny."

"Sure, Dad," Alexis returns, reaching out to stroke Johanne's cheek. The baby looks over at her and reaches out for a strand of her long hair. "Ah, ah," Alexis warns, quickly pulling it back. Johanne gives her a very disgruntled look. "Wow, she's…expressive."

"Scary right?" he agrees. "You should see her Beckett glare. She's really got it down."

"So Beckett really just…brought a baby back with her," Alexis says, staring at Johanne.

"This just hitting you now?" he wonders, placing the iPad high above Johanne's head as he reaches out to tickle her stomach. She tosses the same look to him and he laughs.

"Well, I know you've been at her place a lot, but it wasn't really…real. It just felt like you guys had a rough case. But here she is."

"Yeah," he agrees. "It's pretty big."

"She's really gorgeous," Alexis continues. "And, you know, obviously not Beckett's biological kid, but they do have the same…quality?"

"Fierce survival? Yeah," he agrees, ignoring the way her eyes cut to look at him. "Once she picks up more of her mannerisms it'll be completely undeniable."

"And she's happy?" Alexis asks.

"Josie?"

"Beckett," Alexis corrects.

He smiles and looks back at_ his_ daughter. "Yeah, she is. A little overwhelmed, but you should see them together. They're really perfect. She looks a lot like I did with you."

"Silly?" Alexis taunts.

He laughs and reaches across Johanne to ruffle Alexis' bangs. She squeals and ducks out from under his hand. Johanne startles at the sound then slowly lets out a squeal of her own. Both of them stare at her and she does it again.

"Hey! Look what you taught her," Castle says brightly.

"Beckett's going to kill me," Alexis whines as Johanne lets out another squeal, looking between them, her lips upturned. "Aw, she's so proud of herself."

"Good girl, Josie. That's a squeal all right," he congratulates her. "Just like Alexis."

"Lexi?" Alexis offers. "Alexis sounds…tough."

"She's not even saying mama yet," he dismisses. "But I'm sure she'll get there."

"With the rate you and Beckett talk to each other, I'm sure you guys will help her break that language barrier in no time," Alexis says, smirking at him.

"Hey now," he mumbles, smiling as Johanne lifts a hand toward him. He catches it and pretends to nibble her fingers. She squeals again.

"What? It's adorable."

"Yeah she is," he agrees.

"Her too." Alexis grins. "I'm gonna go get some homework done. Call me when you wanna make dinner?"

"Will do," he promises, watching as his far-too-grown daughter hauls herself off the floor, still in her school uniform. Somehow, though, she looks much more like a woman than the little girl who used to beg for pigtails.

"Alexis," he calls out as she nears the office door. She turns back with a smile. "Thank you for being so good about this."

She shakes her head and leans her hip against the doorjamb. "You were a great nanny, Dad. I'm happy to pass you along."

He grins at that, an answering one spreading across Alexis' face before she leaves the room.

"Hear that, bug? I'm a great nanny," he says, looking back at Johanne, only to find her asleep next to him. "Yeah, I'd be tired too," he agrees, settling down next to her. He can get to that chapter tomorrow.

(…)

"No, I think it's capiár, not capiébar," he hears as he makes his way out of the bedroom two weeks later, a yawning Johanne in his arms.

He stops short at the sight of Beckett and Alexis settled at the counter, containers of Chinese pushed off to the side, and Alexis' Latin textbook in front of them.

"It is. Yeah. Thank you," Alexis enthuses, scribbling something onto a worksheet.

"You speak Latin, Beckett?" he asks as he rounds the couch and heads toward the fridge. Johanne's not whining now, but it must be time for another bottle.

"Hey, sleepyheads," Beckett greets with a smile.

"You ordered food?" he asks, the question directed at Alexis. "Why didn't you wake me?"

"You guys were totally sacked out. And Kate brought the food."

"Figured it was the least I could do since she was here until eleven yesterday," Beckett says with a shrug. "There's egg rolls and fried rice for you in the oven."

"Bless you," he says, smiling over at her.

She looks tired, but happy, her hair up in a complicated bun, her jacket lying over the chair in his front hall, shoes…ah, yes, by the door. She looks comfortable, and he can't help but feel good about it. She's relaxing into this new life, and he's helping. Even if he's just playing with her baby all day, annoying her via text message, and letting her buy him more 'thank-you-for-taking-care-of-my-kid' take out than is at all necessary.

"Here, let me," she adds, standing and squeezing Alexis' shoulder before coming around to take Johanne from him and grab the bottle to put it in the warmer that came a few days ago. "Eat your food."

"Yes ma'am," he says with a salute, grinning as she rolls her eyes.

He takes her seat at the counter, ignoring the warmth of the wood beneath him, and glances down at Alexis' worksheet. "That looks awful," he says before biting into one of the egg rolls.

"It's not so bad. And at least Kate remembers her conjugations."

"That is so unfair. She's younger than me," he protests around a mouthful. Both Alexis and Beckett snort. "Mean," he mumbles.

"Did you have a good day with Castle, baby?" Beckett asks Johanne, holding her up to get a look at her face. Johanne reaches out for her nose and Beckett laughs. "I'll take that as a yes?"

"We read through half of Alexis' collection of Dr. Seuss," he says with a smile. "Then we took a nap. Then she helped me with my book and we had lunch. And then we took another nap."

"And then you came," Alexis pipes up. He glares at her, but Alexis just grins back. "What? You guys were cute, snoring away in your bed."

"Ah, finally got her into bed with you, huh?" Kate teases as she takes the bottle out of the warmer, tests it on her wrist, and offers it to Johanne. The baby begins to eat greedily. "Did you feed her at all?"

"Of course I did," he defends. "And I resent the insinuation," he adds.

"What, that you got her into bed, or that you didn't feed my kid?" Beckett tosses back.

"Both. She's growing," he continues. "Over five months old now."

"Ah. Waiting until it was legal. Gotcha," Beckett says with a grin.

Alexis laughs and closes her textbook, reaching out to steal the last egg roll from him. "Hey! Get your own," he says, trying lazily to grab it back. "Did you feed her?" he asks Beckett.

"Yes," she says with a smirk. "I can take care of your kid better than you take care of mine, Castle."

"Hmpf," he grumbles, pouting at her until both women start laughing.

Johanne lets out a cry and glares up at Kate.

"Right, sorry, baby. Castle's just too silly, isn't he?"

"How is that my fault?" he exclaims, hamming it up to see both women laughing again. He likes this, the four of them, even if they're teaming up on him.

Johanne goes back to eating, but her eyes remain suspicious, as if perhaps they really are all out to interrupt her dinner.

"Do you guys ever notice that Josie doesn't meet your eyes?" Alexis asks, hesitant, like she's been thinking about it for a while.

Kate looks over at Alexis, surprised. "She meets mine."

"Mine too," Castle agrees. "But Jim said the same thing."

"He did?" Kate asks.

"Yeah. But she's been meeting my eyes for weeks now," he says quickly. "I figured it wasn't an issue." Kate nods slowly, looking down at her daughter.

"She rarely meets mine," Alexis continues. "Gram says the same."

"Is that—I mean, she's been over here for three weeks or so, right?" Kate hedges. "Maybe she just has to get used to you."

"I hope so," Alexis says slowly. "She also doesn't like it when I hold her."

Kate looks to Castle, her face slightly pinched. "That's—that's normal right? With new people."

He bites at his lip. Alexis used to look at everyone, all the time. And once she'd met someone, she was more than happy to be passed around like a potato. She was always the most comfortable with him, and then Meredith, when she was around, but she never…ignored people the way Johanne does.

"She's still adjusting," he says slowly. "Maybe it's an adoption thing."

"An adoption thing," Kate repeats, unconvinced.

"I mean, maybe she just needs more time to trust people."

"You said she was alone a lot when she was in Haiti, right?" Alexis asks, opening her computer.

"Alexis, the internet—" he starts.

"What are you thinking?" Kate interrupts.

"It's just," Alexis begins, "we had a psychology unit last term, and we talked a lot about Autism and detachment and sociopathy."

"Sociopathy," he and Kate say together.

Alexis looks between them, apologetic. "I don't mean I think Josie's a sociopath," she says quickly. "That was just the unit. Sorry."

Castle rubs Alexis' back, noting how tense she's gotten. He is too, all of a sudden. He'd completely been writing off Johanne's rather cool attitude toward Alexis and his mother, thinking she was shy. But now…

"Detachment was really what I was talking about," Alexis adds, turning the computer so he and Kate can see the top of the webpage: Attachment Disorders. "We talked about the foster system and how a lot of kids who experience trauma, or are left alone or neglected, end up have trouble forming attachments. And some of the first indicators were lack of eye contact, disinterest, and discomfort with strangers and caregivers. And I just…" she peters off looking very unsure of herself.

"That's—thank you for mentioning it, Alexis," Kate manages. "This kind of stuff can be really important."

"She's right, pumpkin," Castle adds. "You did good."

Alexis gives him a tight smile. "I don't know if I'm right. She could just be shy, you know? There's nothing wrong with her, either way. She's so little that I'm sure she just needs the stability of a real parent, and love, and attention," she rambles. "And she gets that in spades, from both of you, so I'm sure that—"

"Hey," he murmurs, stroking Alexis's head. "It's okay. Thank you, Alexis."

Alexis nods shyly and looks over at Kate. He watches as Kate manages to give his daughter a true and honest smile, even though he can tell she's on the verge of a full on panic attack.

"I'm gonna head up," Alexis says softly. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ruin anything."

"Nothing ruined, pumpkin," he tells her, wrapping his arm around her and kissing her head. "You're perfect. Let me know before you go to sleep, okay?"

"Okay," she whispers, her eyes on Johanne and Kate. "Goodnight, Kate."

"Night, Alexis," Kate says, tearing her gaze from her baby's face. "See you tomorrow."

Alexis nods and gets up, quickly gathering her things, leaving the laptop open on the counter for them before retreating upstairs. The silence she leaves behind is deafening.

Johanne finishes her bottle and Kate absently drops it into the sink, bringing the baby up to her shoulder as if on auto pilot, a hand gently rubbing the girl's back. He watches for a minute as she seems to fight with herself before she loses the battle, shaking and taking deep breaths to keep from crying.

"What's wrong with her, Castle," Kate whispers as he stands up. "What if something's really wrong? I thought she was just shy, but, she doesn't like my Dad, and there are times every day when she doesn't seem to want me to hold her. I can't get her to calm down. She doesn't always meet my eyes either."

"We'll figure it out," he promises, stepping toward them to stroke Johanne's feet. "She looks at you, Kate. Maybe not all the time, but she does. She knows who you are. She looks at me."

"But everyone else?"

"She's little," he says, as much for Kate as for himself. The idea that something's wrong with Johanne, that she's suffering some sort of emotional trauma because of her early life is terrifying. "So little. I'm sure we can fix it, can learn to do what's necessary to make her feel safe."

"What if we can't?" she whispers.

"Then we'll find someone who can. I'll get an appointment for us, for you, with a child psychologist."

"Okay," she says, nodding just as Johanne lets out a loud burp. "Good girl," she murmurs, pulling back to look at her. Johanne meets her eyes for a moment then looks away, but doesn't struggle.

"Hey, Josie," he says, crowding into Kate. Johanne looks toward his voice, but doesn't look at him directly.

"Have we just been missing all the signs?" Kate wonders, watching her daughter.

"It's only been five weeks, Kate," he promises. "It'll be fine."

She nods and leans back against him, the two of them standing in his kitchen. He looks out across the apartment, spotting all of the various baby things that have spread out across his home. He loves this little girl, loves having her here. Loves that Kate trusts him enough to be scared around him, with him.

But he doesn't know that it'll be fine. He glances toward the laptop, and the intimidatingly long list of attachment issues Alexis left for them. He doesn't know that it will be fine at all.


	7. Chapter 7

**Attachment Syndrome**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 7:<strong>

"I can sit down with her on my own," she bites out, dropping into one of the uncomfortable chairs at the side of the room.

He bites his tongue and nods, sitting down next to her and placing Johanne's bag beside her feet. He quietly sets about doing the paperwork as she gnaws on her lip, her hands absently stroking Johanne's back. The baby, unlike the two of them, is blissfully asleep.

They managed to get an appointment with Dr. Frailey's recommended childhood psychologist, Alan Goldstein, for just after nap time. So Johanne is happily asleep in her mother's arms, while it looks like Beckett is about to worry herself into an early grave.

"Kate," he murmurs as he finishes off his contact information below hers under 'Emergency Contact.'

"What?" she snaps.

He stares at her. She's been testy all morning, jumping at him every time he's said anything un-baby related. She's twitchy, and even the two cups of good coffee he brought her haven't seemed to help.

"I can go, if it would be easier," he says timidly. He doesn't want to leave them alone for this. But Johanne isn't his, and it seems like he's not helping today.

"What?" she asks, her face falling open. "No, I don't—don't go," she says quietly, glancing around at the few other parents in the room.

"Okay," he says, nodding at her. "Okay. I'm gonna give the paperwork back, unless you want to add another contact."

"You put yourself down, right?" she asks him.

"Yeah."

"Then no. You'll call my Dad if they need him for something," she asserts.

He bobs his head, then stands and gives the receptionist the papers. He looks around as he walks back through the waiting room. Most of the children are much older than Johanne. A few play with blocks, others sit sullenly with their parents, looking as out of place as he feels in this office. It can't be easy to be in therapy as a little kid. At least Johanne doesn't know what's going on.

But Kate does. And she's as anxious as he's ever seen her—no trace of the stone-faced Detective to be seen. She's all mother today, and she is seriously uncomfortable.

"Why aren't you more jittery?" she demands as he sits down next to her.

"What?" he lets out, louder than expected. Johanne twitches in Kate's arms and they both wait, sighing when she settles back against her. "Sorry, what?" he adds, softer this time.

"You look so calm," she says, and it's obvious to him that she's not pleased with him for it.

"You can face down bullets without flinching," he replies.

"And that applies here how?"

"I have a parent poker face. You have a cop one."

She glares at him. "Seriously. You're going with poker face?"

"Do you want me to be anxious, because I can be. But if I'm coming in there, one of us should be calm, don't you think?"

"If—Castle why are you asking if you should be coming in? Of course you're coming," she says quickly. "Aren't you?" She meets his eyes for a moment, and he sees the total insecurity there.

"Of course I am," he agrees, reaching out to cover her hand on Johanne's back. "I just didn't…want to presume."

"Of all the times, you choose now to back off?" she whispers.

He smiles and pulls back, nodding. "Sorry."

She huffs but doesn't dislodge his hand. She wants him in there with her. Of course he wants to go in. He's incredibly attached to the little girl in her arms, and to her (but he won't think about that today). He just wasn't sure she'd want him there, what with all of the snapping and irritation he's seemed to incur today.

"You have her half of the time," Kate says, breaking him from his thoughts. "You know her almost as well as I do." He nods and bumps her shoulder with his. "Thanks for asking though."

He smiles. Of course he'd ask. Dogging her at the precinct is one thing. But this is her daughter. He's not sure he would appreciate his presence as much in her shoes.

"Johanne Beckett?"

They both turn at the sound. "Show time," he whispers, nodding to the assistant while Kate gently wakes Johanne.

The baby blinks up at her, but doesn't cry. "Hey girlie. We're gonna go have a talk with a nice…man," Kate tells her as she follows Castle to the patient hall.

He laughs quietly as they follow the assistant, a tall, kindly looking kid.

"What?" Kate mumbles, falling into step beside him.

"I don't think she knows what doctors are."

"The last time we went to one, psychiatric or otherwise, she _keened_ for six hours," Kate grumbles.

"Right, my mistake," he says as they follow the kid into an office full of natural light and dark-wood furniture.

"Dr. Goldstein will be with you shortly," the young man tells them.

"Thank you," Kate says as he closes the door with a smile.

Castle sinks down into one of the two arm chairs across from the mahogany desk, watching as Kate hovers by the door with Johanne. After a moment, she seems to recover herself and sits down next to him, leaning Johanne away from her body.

"Did you have a good nap, sweetie?" she coos, smiling as Johanne turns to look at her at the sound of her voice. He watches their eyes connect for a moment before Johanne breaks the gaze and turns her head to look at the room.

It gives him hope. She may not stare them in the eye, but she does connect, if only briefly.

"She knows the sound of my voice," Kate says quietly.

"Mine too," he agrees.

"That's developmentally up to speed," Kate adds. "And she can support her neck. She even sits up with help, you know?"

"She's doing great," he says confidently. "This is just…to help her do greater."

"To help her do greater?" Kate repeats, looking over at him, amusement beneath her anxiety. "Really?"

"What? It would make a good children's book title. Story about the little hippo whose mother takes her to a nice elderly hippo so she can learn to trust her hippo teacher."

Kate cocks her head. "How's your book coming?"

He shrugs and she laughs just as the door opens.

"Hello Ms. Beckett. Mr. Castle," Dr. Goldstein says as he comes to stand at the side of the desk.

Castle stands and shakes his hand, steadying Johanne for Kate as she does the same. The man has kind eyes and a friendly smile. Castle can see how he'd be good as a children's therapist—tall but not too tall, kind looking, affable.

"And who is this?" Goldstein asks, reaching out to touch Johanne's hand as Kate turns her around to look at him.

"This is Johanne," Kate tells him, her voice light and easy. So she does have a baby poker face, just not in front of Castle. Interesting.

"Hi Johanne," the doctor says. Johanne doesn't seem to acknowledge her name, but does look at him for a brief moment, before trying to turn to look back out the window.

"We call her Josie," Castle adds. Johanne turns a little at his voice. "Don't we, bug?"

"And bug," Kate adds with a small laugh. "I—that one's my fault."

Dr. Goldstein laughs and sits down behind his desk, gesturing for them to take their seats as well.

"That seems like a good nickname to me," he says kindly. "Now, you indicated on her chart that she's having issues with eye contact?"

Kate nods, shooting Castle a grateful look, since he was the one filling out the paperwork.

"She doesn't make eye contact with anyone but me and Castle—me and Rick," she corrects. "And not for that long with either of us, really."

"You adopted her not long ago, is that correct?" Goldstein asks, looking between them.

"Oh," Kate lets out. "I—well, I adopted her. Castle's been…watching her during the day."

"While Kate's at work," Castle supplies.

"Ah. So you stay home with the baby, Mr. Castle."

"No," he says slowly. "I—ah, we're not together."

"Oh," the doctor says, surprised. "My mistake. I'm sorry."

"Happens." "People always do," they mumble together.

Goldstein chuckles and looks between them. "So, regardless of the…nature of your relationship, you spend equal time with Johanne? Separately and together?"

"Yes," Kate supplies. "And she's doing well, all things considered, but she just doesn't seem to…connect. I mean, she recognizes my voice, and Rick's, and she laughs, smiles, you know. But it's not—" Kate huffs and looks over at him.

Yeah, because he's going to do this better?

"She just seems detached," he tries. "I live with my daughter, who's seventeen, and my mother. And they're there a lot of the time when I have Josie, but she hasn't warmed up to them much. It's been three weeks of having her in my loft five days a week, sometimes more, depending on Kate's work schedule, and she still won't meet my daughter's eyes, won't cuddle with my mother."

"Does she cuddle with you?" Goldstein asks.

"I guess," Castle says slowly. "But not really. She lets me hold her, and she'll get cuddly when she's very tired, but otherwise, she doesn't really snuggle. She just…sits in my arms, or leans on me. It's not like it was with my daughter, who would kind of curl into me."

"She snuggles with me sometimes," Kate adds. "But not a lot. And only when she's had a really good day."

Goldstein nods and stands. "Could I hold her?"

"Of course," Kate says quickly, standing to hand Johanne over.

They watch as Goldstein walks back to his chair and sits, holding Johanne out so he can look at her. "Hi Josie," he says gently. "I'm Alan."

Johanne glances at him then looks away, squirming.

"She didn't warm up to any of the male doctors at the hospital in Haiti," Kate pipes up. "And she still cries when my dad holds her."

"She's not crying now," Castle observes. Johanne orients herself slightly toward his voice.

"But you're both here," Goldstein says easily. "Josie." Johanne doesn't look at him. He takes a hand and gives her stomach a tickle. She squeals them immediately quiets, peering at him, or just past him, Castle thinks.

"She does respond positively to touch," Goldstein tells them. "And you say she laughs and smiles?"

"Yes," Kate says, sitting on the edge of her chair now, hands clasped tightly in her lap.

"Mr. Castle, does she respond positively to you even when others are around?"

"Yes," he replies after a moment of thought. "Though, she's slower to laugh sometimes if she can see Alexis—my daughter. Slower still in front of my mother, actually."

"At whose home does she spend more of her time?" the doctor asks as he shifts Johanne in his arms, holding her close. Castle can see the tension in the baby's frame, the way she doesn't relax into the comforting embrace.

"I guess," Kate begins, looking over at Castle. "Yours?"

"Really?" he wonders.

"Well, she sleeps at home, but she's…asleep for most of that. Then we get ready and go to yours, then we usually hang there for her last bottle, and I take her home already asleep. And there are weekends, but I usually have to work at least one day."

"Huh. Yeah, mine, I guess," he agrees, a little startled to realize it. He hadn't thought it was so much time, really. But perhaps that's because Kate's gotten into the habit of hanging out when she comes to pick Johanne up, and he doesn't consider that time just _his_.

"Ms. Beckett, is Johanne as comfortable, in your opinion, when she's at home?"

Kate opens her mouth, then shuts it. "Usually," she says, contemplative. "But sometimes I think she's happier when we're at Castle's."

"See, I think she's more comfortable when I bring her home to you," Castle argues. "She's so happy to see you."

"But only when she's coming straight from you to me," Kate tells him. "If my dad has her, and I come home, she just huddles with me, doesn't really smile. But if you pass her off, she's all giggles."

Dr. Goldstein coughs and they turn back to him, sheepish. They hadn't really meant to…build theory in front of him.

"Based on what you've told me, what Johanne seems exhibit, in my opinion, are rather textbook early warning signs of Reactive Attachment Disorder. She's inhibited in her responses to most known caregivers, but is slowly warming to the two of you. I'll bet after she giggles she seems to withdraw."

Both he and Kate nod slowly. Reactive Attachment Disorder. God, that sounds bad. That sounds so bad.

"It's not an incredibly common disorder, but we do tend to see it in children who have experienced neglect, abuse, or trauma. How long was she at the clinic, Ms. Beckett? Do you know?"

Kate blows out a breath and rubs a hand over her temple. "A month, maybe two?" she offers. "Her mother was killed in a border dispute, and as far as I know, Johanne was dumped at the clinic almost immediately."

"Do you know if she was there when her mother was killed?" Goldstein asks, his voice soft.

Oh, God.

Kate goes sheet white, her mouth hanging open. Her face has him reaching across the small gap between the chairs to take her hand. Did Johanne see her mother killed?

"It's all right if you don't know," Goldstein assures her. "I just wonder. It would be easier to know the severity of the trauma if we knew what she'd experienced. Even so, at the age of perhaps a month and a half, she wouldn't have understood it. The lack of care following her mother's death, however—the abrupt disappearance of nurturing and care—that can have a lasting effect."

"It's fixable, though, right?" Castle manages as Kate squeezes his hand. "She can—she can learn to trust? I mean, she already does, a bit, right?"

Goldstein smiles at both of them, rubbing Johanne's back as the baby begins to fuss. "Very 'fixable,' Mr. Castle. You're already doing a great job of getting her acclimated to nurturing care. And as I said, I believe she's showing indicators, but it's hard to know for sure. She's quite young, so we can develop a plan to help her begin to trust, so when she gets old enough to form truly lasting attachments, she'll be able."

"She's too young to attach now?" Kate lets out.

"No," Goldstein says easily. "No. Obviously, she has preferences between caregivers, recognizes the two of you as her primary safe figures. But, developmentally, we believe children form true lasting attachments—clear cut attachments—at around eight months. However, without proper care, she might not form any attachments at all, and that can lead to a host of problems. What we want to do right now is build her trust and help her build her sense of security that can grow into attachment, so when she's old enough to, she'll be happy and healthy and able to trust and attach to people, yourselves included.

"In older children, and with more severe cases, I would recommend family therapy and perhaps even inpatient therapy. However," he says quickly as both Castle and Kate blanch, "in this case, I'll recommend home strategies and therapies to help her adjust and re-develop her trust and her understanding of her needs. She probably doesn't always cry when hungry, correct?"

"She usually does," Kate says quietly.

"Not always," Castle replies at the same time.

"That's understandable," Goldstein tells them as they look at each other, confused. "Ms. Beckett, you've had more contact with Johanne than Mr. Castle has, overall. And I'd be willing to bet that the nurses at the clinic were dominantly female, yes?" Kate nods. "So she understands feeding as a dominantly feminine need—a need of hers that women fill. When she cried, men never came to help her."

"But she does cry with me," Castle protests. "Just not all the time. Days when Kate's out later, she doesn't always cry when she should need a bottle at dinner."

Goldstein nods just as Johanne begins to whimper. "How about we pass her back to you, Ms. Beckett."

Kate nods and goes to stand up, but Goldstein shakes his head, coming around to hand her Johanne where she sits instead. He then moves to lean against the desk in front of them, looking between them with a smile as Kate coos at Johanne and Castle reaches over to smooth a hand over the girl's head.

"My first recommendation," Dr. Goldstein begins, bringing their attention back to him. "Is that you choose one home, and stick with it."

There's a short pause. "What?" Kate says inelegantly.

"Well, it seems to me that both of you provide the same level of care to Johanne. My usual recommendation for infants with his condition is to drastically limit the number of caregivers the child interacts with. Passing a child with a developing or full blown attachment disorder off to person after person can prevent the child from attaching to any one person, perpetuating the infant's belief that no one stays around, so there is no reason to trust each new person. The longer this keeps up as the child develops, the more ingrained the belief becomes."

"But—so that's your usual recommendation," Castle gets out, his head reeling. Choose one home? What does that even mean?

"But," Goldstein continues. "Mr. Castle has as much contact with Johanne as you do, Ms. Beckett, so it would be detrimental to suddenly deprive her of that contact, especially given her particular distrust in men."

Kate bobs her head, holding Johanne close. "So, what does that mean, exactly? She needs to see Castle every day? She does that already."

"But at the end of the day, Mr. Castle's gone. She still wakes in the middle of the night, doesn't she?" Goldstein asks gently.

"Yes," Kate admits.

"And Mr. Castle never comes at night when she cries. So, to her, it might make sense that Mr. Castle will never come when she cries."

"That's why she doesn't cry when it's dark out?" Castle asks, the bricks falling into place.

"Infants understand much more than we realize, and than they realize as well."

"And to fix that…Castle has to live with me?" Kate asks, looking up at the doctor in confusion—but not disgust, Castle realizes.

"I would recommend that the two of you simply spend a month or two with her. A leave of absence from work would be my first suggestion, but I realize that isn't always possible. It usually isn't, given this economy." Castle watches as Kate's eyes shutter, as she presses a kiss to her daughter's head. "That's not to say, Ms. Beckett, that she will not recover if you can't just take an extended absence. That is actually why I'm suggesting the two of you choose a home for the next few months. Six would be my best recommendation. That way, Johanne has stability. She'll develop an understanding of the day. Mommy sees her in the morning, Da—Mr. Castle sees her during the day, Mommy comes home at night, and both of you take care of her overnight."

They just stare at him. Is he really suggesting they…play house for six months?

"In addition to cohabitation, a schedule is very important. I would suggest you try and get her feedings onto as much of a clock as you can, with an infant, of course. Trips to the park, or outings should happen around the same time each day. Any time she spends with anyone else should be scheduled and regular. However, I would recommend that she not have any interim caregivers, and that you drastically limit the time she spends with anyone else."

"My daughter and my mother? They're—well, I don't know where we would stay," he trails off.

"The loft," Kate interjects. "Don't be stupid, Castle."

He just gapes at her while Goldstein laughs.

"Your daughter and mother can be around, but I would limit any physical contact they have with Johanne to less than an hour a day. Get her fully comfortable with the two of you, then begin to give the two of them, and your father, was it?" Kate nods. "And your father more time with her."

"For six months? No one should even hold her?" Kate lets out. "Doesn't that…isn't that counterproductive?"

"I would say after the first month, you should see great improvement in her relationship with both of you. After that, go by her comfort level. See how much she tolerates. She may even start to reach out for one of you if she feels unsafe. That's what we're hoping for—that she develops an attachment to you where she reaches for you when she's upset, when she's hurt, when she's scared. We want her to look to the two of you when she needs something, the way a baby should."

"The two of us," Kate repeats.

"I realize this is an unusual situation," Dr. Goldstein interjects. "And that you are not…together. And of course, if you feel it will ultimately be a detriment to have her become truly attached to Mr. Castle in this…capacity—"

"No," Kate says quickly. "No, she—Castle's great. It's just, this feels permanent?" she concludes, glancing over at Castle.

It basically sounds like he's about to become Johanne's father for all intents and purposes, for the foreseeable future, and beyond. How can he step back if he's the one she gets attached to—if he's who she learns to trust? He can't.

He doesn't want to step back.

"That's a big commitment that I can't just foist on you," Kate says.

"'Course you can," he says gruffly. "Told you. I'm your partner. I'm in this."

Goldstein observes them as they stare at each other, Castle hoping Kate can read the dedication in his eyes while he tries to figure out just what is making her eyes so full, so open.

"In terms of the day to day," Goldstein begins, waiting until they break their gaze and turn back to him. "I also recommend holding time."

"Holding time," Castle repeats.

"In the NICU, we call it kangaroo care, where a parent sits with the child, skin to skin, to help keep their body temperature up. Obviously, this isn't for Johanne's health, so-to-speak, but skin to skin contact can help an infant develop attachments. I'd recommend an hour of it with each of you, every day if possible. Just quiet time with you and the baby. Some mothers in particular enjoy holding time in a bath," he adds, giving Kate a smile.

Kate nods at him, bouncing Johanne gently when the girl sniffles. "Anything else?" she asks. "Sorry, I mean—is there more we should be doing?"

Goldstein gives her an understanding look. Castle likes this guy, even if he's just turned everything on its head.

"No, Ms. Beckett. I think that's basically it in terms of home care. I'd like to have you come in once a week, both of you, if possible, to get an update, so I can help with any problems that arise as you move forward. Therapy can be very helpful throughout this process, not just family therapy," he says, indicating the three of them.

Family?

"But personal therapy as well can help parents adjust to the challenges of helping their infant through this. It can also help shed light on any attachment issues either of you have had, so perhaps you can identify more with your—with the baby."

They stare at him, in shock and rather unable to come up with pleasantries.

He smiles at both of them. "I'll leave you two for a few minutes. See Angela on your way out to set another appointment, or a weekly, if you can plan ahead." They nod numbly. "For what it's worth, I think the two of you will do wonderfully by Johanne. You have already made a great deal of progress, and I have confidence you'll continue to do so."

"Thank you," Kate manages as the man stands and makes his way to the door.

"It was my pleasure, Ms. Beckett. Mr. Castle."

With that, he leaves, shutting the door behind him.

They sit in silence for at least a minute, Johanne's soft gurgles the only sound in the office.

"I—we," he tries, but closes his mouth, unsure of what to say. "You want to move to the loft?"

"Yes," comes her sure reply. He turns, surprised, and finds her looking down at Johanne. "I can't ask you to move in with me. You have a daughter too."

"I do," he agrees inanely.

"And you have all of her stuff there. You have a guest room. I don't."

"Right," he agrees, watching as she slowly looks over at him.

"Are you sure? Really sure?" she says softly. "'Cause I think this is the fight or flight moment, Rick."

That gets him.

It's now or never. He doesn't know if he's ever going to get the girl, so to speak—can't even consider it right now. Johanne is his number one priority, and for her, he'll do just about anything. And if the fates decide to give them an easy pass as well, he'll take it. But for right now, he can do this. He can make the right choice for the baby in her arms, for her daughter.

He stands and moves to kneel down in front of her, reaching up to stroke Johanne's back. The baby turns and gives him a glance before resting against Kate's chest.

"Wanna play house, Beckett?" he asks, pulling a binky out of the baby bag with his free hand.

She laughs, covering her mouth with a hand, her eyes shining. "Yeah, Castle. Okay. Let's play house."


	8. Chapter 8

**Attachment Syndrome**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 8:<strong>

"You're sure there's not more to bring?" he asks, hovering in the doorway to her apartment later that night.

"It's not like I'm going off to war," she huffs, giving him a sardonic look. "I can swing by and get more clothes after work tomorrow, and we can do the big move over the weekend. You've got a crib and everything there."

"I know. But," he trails off. It's just, she's moving in with him, and she's only bringing one suitcase and a duffle of baby things. It doesn't seem like enough. "I can get movers to box up anything you want."

"Castle," she sighs, hefting the bag over her shoulder. "I'm good. Can we just go—can we just go home? I'm so tired."

"Okay," he agrees, settling Johanne further in his arms. She's asleep, thankfully enough.

"Did you call your mom?" she asks as she ushers him out, flicking off the lights and locking the door behind them without so much as a backward glance.

"Yes," he says, slightly in awe of her business-like manner. If he'd had to leave the loft on such short notice, he would be a bit more…nostalgic.

"God, it's six months, not six years," she grumbles, nudging him to get him moving. "Martha was really okay with this?"

"She was rather worried about Josie, actually," he tells her, falling into step with her as they reach the elevator. "Promised me that she would stay out of the way—throw herself into her acting school."

She'd also given him a bit of a lecture about putting the horse in front of the cart, but he doesn't need to mention that to Kate.

Kate smiles tiredly and shakes her head. "And Alexis?"

"I thought we could tell her in person?" he says meekly. He doesn't want to tell his daughter that Kate and _her_ daughter are moving in with them for six months over the phone. This is face-to-face news.

"Sure," Kate says, her face a careful mask.

He's not quite sure what that means, but Johanne snuffles and he loses track of Beckett's expression as he tries to soothe her into staying asleep. They have a short argument downstairs about whether or not to take her cruiser. In the end, he wins, and they get a town car, because neither of them has bought a car seat, and 'of course you're not riding in the backseat with the baby where I keep criminals. I just didn't want to order a car and have to come back—call the damn company.'

The ride over is quiet with Johanne asleep, strapped into the company car seat between them. He glances over at Kate and finds her sitting stiffly, her fingers twisted together and her lip between her teeth.

"Hey," he says.

She looks over at him and relaxes just a hair. "Hey."

"It's gonna be good," he says hesitantly. "I know it's not home, but you—the guest bed—your bed, is really comfy. And we know she likes my bathtub, which you're always welcome to as well."

Kate shakes her head, giving him a tight smile. "How is it you ended up with the best bathtub in the house?"

"A man can't like a little pampering?" he tosses back, just to see that smile unfurl into a true one.

"Of course you can, Castle," she hums out.

"You're totally gonna steal it," he crows, patting himself on the back as she seems to loosen up.

"There isn't a tub in the…in my room?" she asks, her eyes far away, as if trying to remember from her stay over a year ago.

"There is," he admits, giving her a pout as she smirks at him. "But mine is twice as deep and has Jacuzzi jets." She stares at him and he feels oddly defensive all of a sudden. "Writing can make your back ache, and, you know, the whole carrying a toddler around for years and years. She'll get too big for you before she does for me."

He gets that beautiful smile again. "I wasn't judging," she tells him easily. "Appreciating, more like."

And with that, she gets out of the car. Oh, they're here already.

"Your mommy is a mean lady," he whispers to the sleeping baby while he gets her out of the car seat. Kate opens the door for him. "A chivalrous, mean lady," he corrects for Kate's benefit.

She just rolls her eyes and walks around to the back of the car to get her things. He'd help her carry them up, but figures that he's got the most precious bit of cargo to attend to already.

Johanne shifts in his arms as they get into the elevator, her little eyes blinking open, mouth wide in a yawn.

"Hey, look who's up," he murmurs, stroking a hand over her back.

"Hey, bug," Kate intones, leaning close to kiss Johanne's forehead. "Did you have a good nap?" The baby looks at her then relaxes against Castle. "Good eye contact, baby," Kate whispers as the elevator comes to a halt.

"Ready?" he asks as the doors open.

She takes a deep breath and nods, stepping out ahead of him and walking to his front door with a confidence he has a inkling she doesn't actually feel. Yes, she's been spending a lot of time here, but hanging around with Johanne is different than living with him, and his…eccentric family.

The door opens before Kate manages to knock, or turn to him for the key, and his mother is right there, ushering them in and cooing at Johanne. She's talking a mile-a-minute and he's missing most of it, his eyes too stuck on the picture Kate makes, standing still in his front hall and looking around.

"Kate," he hears. Alexis tramps down the stairs with a smile, wearing a pair of sweat pants and an old Star Wars tee shirt. "And Josie, hey guys. Didn't think I'd see you today."

Martha shoots him a look but he shakes his head and walks over to take the duffle from Kate.

"You have…more stuff," Alexis observes.

He swallows and glances at Kate, who looks about as ready for this as he currently feels. "Hey, pumpkin," he greets, bending down to kiss her cheek. "Yeah, we brought a bit more over."

Kate steps up to him and takes Johanne from his arms, smiling at his daughter. "We had that appointment with the child psychologist today," she tells her.

"Oh," Alexis lets out. "How'd it go? Is everything all right?"

"Why don't we sit down," Castle suggests, smiling at Alexis. She swallows heavily and glances between them, obviously upset. "Everything's okay," he promises. "There's just some…logistical things we should talk about."

"Okay," she says slowly, letting him guide her over to the living room, Kate following behind them.

He hears his mother say something to Kate and glances back to find his partner biting her lip with a blush climbing her cheeks. God, his mother.

"So?" Alexis prompts as soon as she's on the couch.

Kate sits down next to him, Alexis on his other side, and he looks back and forth between them. This is just so…awkward. How does you explain it, really? 'Well, Beckett's daughter has Reactive Attachment Syndrome, so we have to play house for six months?'

"We got a diagnosis," Kate starts, reaching out to touch his arm.

"Really?" Alexis lets out. "Is…but you said everything was okay," she accuses, looking back at him.

"It is," Kate assures her. "Josie has all of the indicators for Reactive Attachment Disorder," she explains, her hand squeezing Castle's arm as Alexis tenses up. "It's very reversible, and she doesn't need any inpatient care or medication. And if we get to it now, work on it now, we can get her healthy and happy when she's old enough to really understand."

Alexis relaxes a little bit, leaning around Castle to look at the baby, who sits complacently in Kate's arms, her fingers in her mouth.

"What do they recommend, exactly?" Martha pipes up, sitting on the end of the lounger sofa, regarding the four of them with interest.

"That's the logistical part," Castle says, stepping up. They are his family after all, and he did make this decision without them. "Dr. Goldstein recommended that Johanne have only one home for at least the next six months."

"Only one…" Alexis says, peering at both of them. "But she has one home already, doesn't she?"

"Not with your Dad taking care of her during the day," Kate says softly. "Dr. Goldstein thinks that moving her back and forth isn't a good idea, and will only perpetuate her belief that caregivers come and go, which…"

"Doesn't help her form attachments," Alexis completes. "That makes sense, I guess. So," she pauses, glancing back at Kate's bags in the foyer. "What does that mean?"

"It means," Castle says, picking Johanne up out of Kate's embrace and smiling at the baby, before settling her in his arms and turning to Alexis. "How would you like a proxy little sister for six months?"

"Castle," Kate lets out, laughing. "That's…so not an appropriate way to broach the subject."

"I think it's rather funny," Martha interjects with a smile.

He ignores them both, watching his daughter's reaction. Her face slowly blooms into a smile.

"Okay," she says simply. She extends her hand, offering her finger to Johanne. The baby takes it tentatively for a second then lets go. Alexis' smile falls a bit. "Did he say why she won't look at me?" she asks softly.

"Yeah," Kate jumps in. "Yes. It's not you, Alexis."

"Oh, good," Alexis whispers.

"She just doesn't trust anyone, even me, even your Dad, really. So we're supposed to build trust with her slowly, just—" she glances at him.

"Just the two of us, to start with," he concludes.

"Just the two of you?" Alexis probes.

"He said only Kate or I should hold her and take care of her, for at least a month to start, and we'll work other people—you-like people—in over time."

"So I can't—I shouldn't even touch her?" Alexis asks, blanching. "You can't possibly take care of her all the time, even with two of you. What if she's crying while you're in the bathroom Dad? Or what if—"

"Hey," he soothes, reaching out with his free hand to stall Alexis' fidgeting hands. "We know that. We're just going to do our best."

Alexis nods slowly. "But she'll be okay?" his daughter whispers, looking at Johanne. He feels his heart swell. She's obviously upset and a little hurt that she's not even supposed to hold the baby, but she cares so much. His grown-up little girl has such a big heart.

"She will be," he assures her. "And now Kate can help you with your Latin all the time."

He hears his mother scoff and feels Kate punch his shoulder lightly, but Alexis smiles. She leans around him and winks at Kate.

"So you can stop him from scaring Ashley, right?"

"Of course," Kate promises, grinning as he huffs. "I'll keep him in line for you, Alexis. Don't worry."

"Oh, Katherine, dear, I think we'll enjoy this," Martha adds.

"I see how it's going to be," he grumbles, standing slowly with Johanne in his arms. "Come on, Josie. Let's get you away before you turn on me too."

The women laugh behind him as he makes his way toward the fridge. She must be hungry by now. It's after 7pm.

"Are you hungry, bug?" he asks quietly, holding her away from him a bit as he gets the bottle into the warmer. "You can cry. I'll always come when you cry," he tells her, even though he knows she doesn't understand. "And we'll put a monitor in mommy's room so I can hear too. And if you cry real quiet, maybe I can get you sometimes without waking mommy."

"Is that your plan?"

He startles, spinning around to find Kate leaning against the island, Martha and Alexis nowhere to be seen.

"Alexis is going to finish her homework, and Martha said she has a date?"

"Yeah. Get used to that. You'll be down here feeding her at 3am and mother will come in doing a walk of shame." He shivers and Kate laughs.

"But really. Are we putting the crib in my room?"

"Of course," he says immediately. "Right?"

"I guess," Kate hedges. "But you're supposed to get her too. And I don't think Josie quite gets the concept of 'cry quiet so mommy can sleep' just yet."

He chuckles. "Right. But she's been sleeping with you since you brought her back. We shouldn't change that."

"Yeah," she agrees, slumping down to sit on one of the bar stools as the warmer beeps.

"Here you go," he says, holding the bottle and watching as Josie eagerly latches on. "See, you were hungry, weren't you?"

"She won't even take a bottle from my dad without a fuss," Kate tells him as he leans back against the counter with Johanne.

"She will," he says, looking down at the baby. "You'll get there, won't you, bug? We're gonna make you so safe and so happy," he tells her.

Johanne ignores him, eyes focused on the bottle, one hand braced against its side. He looks over at Kate and finds her watching both of them with soft eyes, exhaustion all over her face.

"Do you want to call it a night?" he asks her.

"No. Alexis wants to watch something silly, she said."

"I'm sure you can rain check."

Kate shakes her head and meets his eyes. "I'm moving into her home, on a permanent basis, with a baby she's not allowed to hold or play with that's going to monopolize her dad's time. The least I can do is watch a movie with her and let her make popcorn while you do sundaes."

He laughs softly, careful not to jostle Johanne. "Okay."

She nods. "Okay. I'm gonna take my stuff upstairs, then maybe once she's asleep we can bring the crib up?"

"Sounds good," he agrees.

She stands up and takes a step toward her bags, before doubling back and coming right for them. His breath hitches as she stands toe-to-toe with him, bending down to brush her lips over Johanne's forehead. He feels the girl stiffen for a moment, then relax, her little legs kicking as she continues to eat.

Kate smiles and straightens up, looking up at him. Without her heels, she's so much shorter than he is, her head at just the right height to fit under his chin. She considers him for a beat before rising on her toes to press her lips to his cheek, one hand steadying herself on his bicep.

"Thank you, Castle," she whispers, dropping back down to her toes before turning and walking back to her things.

He just watches her go, a dopey grin on his face and her daughter in his arms.

(…)

"Dad, you can't possibly get that upstairs by yourself," Alexis exclaims as he starts wheeling the crib out of his office and toward the stairs.

"What?" he asks, bumping it up against the bottom step. "It's light."

"It's still bigger than you," Alexis argues, leaving Kate's side on the couch to come stand in front of him, hands on her hips.

"Not by much," he argues. "And you guys are comfortable. You don't want to miss 'I've got a jar of dirt,' do you?"

"It's called a pause button," Kate calls out even as she looks at Johanne, who she's got standing on her legs, the baby's entire little hand in her mouth. "Castle's being silly."

"Let me help, Dad," Alexis insists, moving up a few of the stairs to grip the other end of the crib."

"No, no," he says quickly. "You get the back, I'll get the front."

"Why?"

"Because you're shorter than me and I'm your father," he tosses back, ignoring her snicker and the snort from Kate in the living room.

But Alexis does as she's told, and he bites his tongue against his better instincts. She is a big girl, and the crib is very light-weight. And Kate has to stay with Johanne, because one of them needs to hold the baby. It's not like his mother would be up for this even if she was still home.

"God, Dad, this is so light, relax," Alexis says as he clears the second landing, stepping back slowly to make sure she gets to the top of the stairs.

"I know," he says, trying to brush off his fatherly concern. "Thank you, Alexis," he adds as she helps him guide the crib down the hall and into the guest room—Kate's room.

He's always liked this room. The queen bed takes up the center of the space, pushed up against the wall with a chestnut headboard filled with books. A matching armoire rests against the side wall, next to the enormous bay window that looks out across Crosby Street. The walls are a darker crème color, with various paintings of the New York skyline around the walls.

It's a lovely room.

Kate hasn't unpacked much, but he notices her toiletries and make up on the sink the bathroom, sees that she's hung up some of her clothes, has laid a few of Johanne's favorite toys on the extra nightstand, has put binkies and cloths on the dresser by the door.

"It looks nice," Alexis says, coming to stand next to him after they get the crib situated against the far wall. "She'll make it her own, you know?"

"I do," he agrees, wrapping an arm around his daughter. "Thank you, pumpkin," he says, looking down at her.

She smiles. "For what, Dad? You know I love seeing Kate."

"Yeah, but seeing her and living with her and Josie are very separate." She just smiles at him and he doesn't fight the urge to hug her tight. "You're an incredible kid, you know that?"

She blushes into his chest and lets him squeeze her once before stepping back. "They're easy. I'm sure Kate's a better roommate than you are."

With that, she darts out of the room, laughing as he takes a second to follow her. "Roommate? I'm your Dad. You don't have a choice in the matter," he calls after her as he clomps down the stairs. "Are you hearing this, Beckett? She's saying you'll be a better roommate than I am."

"Well that's not very fair," Kate tells his daughter as Alexis plops back down beside her. "You don't get to choose your parents. He's already at an unfair disadvantage."

"Thank you," he says as he shuffles around to sit on her other side. "Wait."

Alexis and Kate laugh at him, both of their faces bright, so he reaches out for Johanne. But the girl doesn't come, just settles back against Kate, her eyes trained on the television.

"Fine. Fine," he grumbles, huddling into the couch with a pout. "I see how it is."

"At least you're accepting the change around you," Kate says patronizingly, reaching out to pat his knee. "Acknowledging the differences is the first step."

He rolls his eyes but catches her fingers for a moment before letting her go. She smiles at him, not uncomfortable in the least, and shifts down so they're shoulders are pressed together. Johanne reaches out to grab a lock of her hair and Kate smiles, easily moving it out of the infant's reach. She snags Castle's hand instead and gives it to Johanne to play with, perfectly content to have him half draped over her as her daughter uses his finger as a pacifier.

He catches Alexis' eyes over Johanne's head and finds her regarding them with a smile, tucked a little further from them than before. He winks at her and she grins back before turning back to the movie and burrowing into the couch.

"Ow," he whines after a moment.

"She doesn't have teeth," Kate protests as he takes back his hand.

"Her gums are hard," he complains.

"Good," Kate says easily. "All the better to bare her teeth with, when she has them."

"Yeah, Alexis, I'm not sure I'm the one you should be worried about scaring Ashley," he says, leaning around them.

Alexis laughs and Kate shakes her head, offering his daughter a shrug. "I do have a gun."

"Ooh, teach me?" Alexis lets out.

"No."

"Sure."

"Beckett," he exclaims.

"What?" she asks, looking back at him.

"You won't let me have a gun," he says before he really thinks about it. He _meant_ 'gun safety,' and 'my daughter doesn't need gun training.'

"I'm not giving her a gun," Kate says slowly, as if he's a little dense. "And don't deprive your daughter of self defense skills just because you're bumbed that Montgomery wouldn't put in a reference for you."

"I'm a good shot," he defends.

"Well, Alexis should be a better one."

He looks past her at Alexis, but the girl is just grinning at his partner, delight all over her face. "Fine," he huffs, reaching out to take Johanne from Kate. "I'll just have to teach you to write, huh?"

"Perfect," he hears Kate mutter. Somehow, though, he thinks she might actually mean it.


	9. Chapter 9

**Attachment Syndrome**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 9:<strong>

"Castle?"

He turns his head, surprised, and finds Kate standing in the doorway to his office.

"You're back early," he observes.

"You're…naked." He laughs. "Top naked," she corrects.

"Holding time," he offers when she doesn't move, just staring at him there on the couch with Josie on his chest in just her diaper. "She's asleep," he adds. "'Bout five minutes into me reciting One Fish, Two Fish, she just passed out."

"I'm sure she was comfy," Kate says, bobbing her head.

"Something you needed, Beckett?" he prompts with a grin. She's ogling him. Actually…like really ogling him, but with a hint of tenderness too. It's the baby. She just melts your heart, rock hard abs—okay, semi rock—it's the baby.

"Oh," she says, shaking her head and meeting his eyes. "Yeah. Did I leave those files in here?"

"Files?"

"On the McUsic case," she says, moving over to his desk to shuffle through the mass of papers—half his, half hers, and a whole lot of disorganized.

"They might be on the counter? You were looking at them before you left, when you fed Josie," he recounts. "Any leads?"

"Yeah. McUsic was killed with a time release poison," she says as she tries to replace the papers as she found them.

"Really?" he asks, excited. "That's awesome."

"Awesome, really, Castle?"

"Come on, that's so much cooler than Cyanide in the coffee. You have to give me that one."

"I have to get back to work," she says, rolling her eyes. "You guys good?"

He sighs, a little put out to get so little on the case, but Johanne shifts on his chest, and he figures, of the two of them, he definitely has the better end of the stick. "Yeah, we're good. We're gonna go to the park around three, I think. Try and make that our outing time this week. I kept skipping around last week as we were getting your stuff over here."

"Could you make it one?" she asks, staring at them again. "I mean, not today, obviously, but shoot for that?"

"Sure," he says slowly, watching as she shifts on her feet, her red trench still pulled tight, all dressed for work, but looking a little longing at the same time.

"I usually manage to get lunch—you know this," she says, waving it off. "Might be able to meet you guys some days."

"Of course. Yeah, we can do one tomorrow. Definitely," he says immediately. She wants to meet up with them. She wants to see Johanne, he corrects in his head. But he's not bad company either.

She smiles, her eyes soft. "Great. Okay. I'll just—" she gestures to the kitchen.

"Go, go," he encourages, relaxing back with Josie. "We'll just finish our holding time, won't we, bug?"

He hears Kate hum quietly before leaving his office, and doesn't fight the smile that stretches across his face.

It may be two-thirds baby, but she definitely checked him out for a minute there.

(…)

"Okay, Josie," he says as he straps her into the brand new stroller that came the day before. "We've got diapers, bottles, formula, a hat for you, socks, pacifier, burp cloth, sunglasses for me and," he spins around, looking for his phone. "Ah ha," he says in triumph as he spots it on the counter. "And a way to text mommy all the cute things you do."

Johanne gurgles up at him, taking in her new surroundings. It's a gorgeous stroller, the price of which he can never, ever tell Kate. Red, with three adjustable settings for the baby as she grows, enormous shock proof wheels, and a good little bonnet to keep her from getting too much sun—it's a fantastic stroller. That, and it's pretty unisex, so he's not going to feel—well yeah, he wouldn't ever feel emasculated by pushing a stroller, even a hot pink one, but he can see why it appeals to some men.

"We just won't tell mommy how much it cost. It'll be our secret," he tells the baby as he reaches for his jacket.

He's just shrugging into the sleeves when there's a knock on the door. He sighs and pushes Johanne a little further from the door before swinging it open, only to come face to face with Harper Kline.

"Um," he says inelegantly.

"Mr. Castle," she says coolly. "I take it Detective Beckett didn't get my message?"

He blinks at her. "No, no I guess she didn't?"

"I called and left it at her work number a few hours ago," she says giving him a disapproving look, like it's somehow his fault. Or Kate's, for that matter.

"She's probably out running leads. They've been canvassing today. If you can come back tomorrow, I'm sure she can work her schedule around to be back for an hour or so…if you're here to—"

"To redo my inspection, as she has apparently changed addresses."

"Ah," he says, bobbing his head. "You can…well, I suppose you could take a look around, just to expedite things. I mean, she's already answered all of your questions. Nothing's really changed, except, well, the address."

Kline nods and steps forward, forcing him to move back as she enters his apartment. Oh, he's really not qualified to do this one on his own.

Johanne whines softly from the stroller and he immediately goes to her side. "Hey, bug," he whispers, reaching in to unstrap her. "You must be kinda hot, huh? Looks like we'll have to wait to get to the park today," he adds as he shrugs her out of her little puffy jacket, leaving her in an adorable white print tee shirt Alexis ordered for her.

It reads: "My mommy kicks butt and takes names." Kate tried, and utterly failed, to prevent herself from falling in love with it. He had kind of been hoping they'd catch a break so she could meet them at the park. Looks like that won't be happening either.

He turns and finds Harper Kline walking around his kitchen, peering at the drawers. He's really glad they took the time to re-attach the safety locks the previous week.

"Is there anything I can do to be helpful?" he asks, stepping into the kitchen with Johanne in his arms, her head lolling against him, obviously a little sleepy after overheating.

Kline looks over at him. "So, the temporary helping out. I assume that's become a 'permanent thing' as well?" she asks, resting her hip against the counter.

He swallows. "So to speak," he offers. "I assumed that her psych eval had been added to the file."

"Ms. Beckett's?"

"Johanne's," he corrects, feeling his stomach drop. Oh, God, he has to tell the Social Worker that Johanne—not cool, system. "She was recently diagnosed with all the indicators for Reactive Attachment Disorder," he explains. "Hence the change of address."

"Ms. Beckett—"

"Detective Beckett," he interjects, feeling his heckles rising.

"Detective Beckett," she says on a sigh, "thought the best course of action after discovering the baby's disorder was to move her from an established home?"

Talk about judgment. "Considering we were advised to keep her in one home, and I have a family that she's slowly getting used to, and she'd been spending more of her waking hours here than at Kate's, yes, she decided to move here for the time being. It's a safe building, and as you can see, Johanne wants for nothing here. She has constant care."

"From you," Kline says with disapproval.

"From both of us," he says, holding Johanne just a bit closer. "I know it's not your personal ideal situation, but she's already doing better. She meets both of our eyes more, recognizes the sound of her name, and our voices. She's cried at night with me for the first time since Kate adopted her. She's improving."

"And when this little…experiment ends? You don't think Detective Beckett moving back to her own home will harm the baby?"

He sighs, rubbing Johanne's back. He's not sure. But it's not like he'll just drop right out of Johanne's life. Hell, he'll probably still be watching her during the day—doesn't really see himself stopping to go back to the precinct, not before she's in nursery school.

Oh, he's so far ahead of himself. But maybe for Harper Kline, that's just where he needs to be.

"Whether or not Detective Beckett moves back to her own home at the end of six months, or a year, or even two years, I'll still be involved in Josie's life. And with enough care, she'll learn to understand that my being absent at night doesn't equate to my being absent forever."

"So what, you're going to play surrogate father until someone comes along to actually do the job?"

"What is your problem with me?" he lets out. He doesn't have all the answers, but that doesn't mean what he's doing is wrong. And it certainly doesn't mean that Kate's decision to move in with him is wrong.

"My problem, Mr. Castle, is that you are letting this infant get attached to you, and someday, you're just going to up and leave."

"Excuse me?" he bristles. "You can't know that. You don't know me at all."

"And what happens if you leave, and Ms—Detective Beckett doesn't make it home one night. You think a little caring right now can fix that? You think this disorder won't flare right back up?"

"Do you do this to all of your home study parents?" he bites out.

"I usually handle this in a preliminary interview. But as _Detective_ Beckett passed over that, I'm doing it now."

"Lucky us," he mumbles to Johanne.

Kline glares at him. "Assuming she survives long enough, what happens when Detective Beckett gets married?"

"And it's not to me?" falls out of his mouth before he can stop it. He's just so angry.

The Harpie blinks at him for a moment, her eyes narrowing. "I sincerely hope you aren't trying to use this child's disorder as a way to seduce Kate Beckett into—"

"No," he growls. Johanne startles in his arms, letting out a small cry. He sighs and rubs her back, forcing himself to calm down. "I would never use a baby to seduce a woman, much less this one and Kate."

"But you seem to think there's a possibility you and Detective Beckett will end up married?"

He looks toward the ceiling, asking for patience from anything that will listen. "Detective Beckett and I have a complicated history—platonically," he adds, quickly. "But even if she did fall in love with someone else and get married, I would still be there for Johanne. I'll be Uncle Rick."

"And your feelings for Detective Beckett?"

"Have nothing to do with this child," he asserts. "Look," he says, hiking Johanne up so he can run a hand through his hair. "I've been divorced twice." She frowns at him. Yeah, that probably doesn't win him points. "And I've seen what that's done to my daughter. The way it hurt her when her mother or her ex-step mother didn't come when they promised to come—didn't show up at birthdays or concerts or dinners. I've lived the other side of this, with a crying daughter who doesn't understand why she's not worth the attention."

He pauses and watches as Harper Kline softens just a hair.

"I know what it's like to watch your child suffer because of your broken relationship," he admits. "So I would never let myself become the adult who causes that suffering. Even if Kate and I couldn't look at each other, I have no doubt she'd let me see Josie. And I would show up, every time."

He watches as Kline stares at Johanne, seemingly at war with herself. He's struck a chord, he knows that much.

"Why don't you take a look around, make sure everything is up to standard, and I'll let her know you stopped by. If you need her to call to assure yourself that she's dedicated to helping Johanne through this, you can."

The woman meets his eyes, obviously displeased with his dismissal. But he's proved himself well enough. He's not on trial here. Neither is Kate. Whatever personal vendetta Kline has can rot. He's not going to let her stop the progress they're making with Johanne because she thinks she knows better.

"Very well, Mr. Castle," she says before stalking off toward the upper floor.

He lets out a long breath as she clears the upper landing. He sinks down onto one of the bar stools.

"What do you think, bug? Think I did okay?" he whispers to the baby, holding her up to look at her face. "Not as much fun as the park, huh?"

Johanne meets his eyes briefly, before immediately going for his nose. He laughs and snags her fingers, nomming on them gently until she squeals. He smiles and brings her back to his chest before he gets her too riled up. She snuggles up to him and he can't help but be grateful. He knows it's fleeting, but it's very sweet that she's comforting him right now.

He holds her tight with one arm and works his phone out of his pocket with the other, only to see a text from Kate pop up:

_Harper Kline is on her way to the loft. Please tell me you're there_.

He sighs and swipes to answer the text just as Kate swings into the loft, out of breath and obviously rather worked up.

"Hey," he says, pocketing his phone before getting up with the baby. She meets him halfway across the room and immediately inspects her daughter. "She didn't do anything to her," he promises, laughing slightly.

"Is she still here?" Kate hisses.

"Yeah. And not too pleased. But I think—"

"Detective Beckett."

They both look over as Kline comes back into the foyer. She looks less than happy to see Kate, but not as ready to fight than she had been upon arrival. Kate, for her part, stands flush with Castle, a hand on Johanne's back.

"You've certainly set up here," Kline continues.

Kate nods. "Nice to see you again," she gets out, and he's quite impressed with her tone of voice. It only rings vaguely of homicide. "I'm sorry I wasn't able to be here when you arrived. I only just heard the message. We've been out of the precinct for most of the day so far."

"Mr. Castle explained as much," Kline tells her. "I've already heard most everything that's happened over the last month and a half."

"Good," Kate manages. "And you've found everything to your satisfaction."

Kline purses her lips, but nods. "I have. I'll call ahead for our next inspection, three months should be reasonable." Kate and Castle stare at her. That…sounds like they're off the hook, for now at least. "Just be careful," she adds as she moves to the door.

Be what?

"Oh, and Mr. Castle," she says as she opens the door, waiting until he meets her eyes. "Nice choice on the stroller."

With that, she walks out of the loft, closing the door gently behind her. They stand quietly for a long moment, Kate's hand absently running over Johanne's back.

"I think we passed," he says once he's reclaimed his voice.

"Yeah," she mumbles. "Good job."

"Not sure I earned any points, but thanks."

She sighs, her breath hitting his shoulder before she steps away. She looks over at the stroller and smiles. "Were you guys going out?"

"I had planned to, but we're a bit behind now."

"Can I convince you to have lunch with me instead before I go back?" she asks, already moving toward the fridge and the container of chicken parm she forgot to bring this morning.

"Of course," he says happily. "You know the way to my heart, Detective."

She grins at him as she digs two servings out of the fridge. "I do at that, Castle." She gestures toward Johanne and he laughs.

"Yes, yes, her too."

Kate smiles and puts everything onto a plate, setting it in his microwave. He'd rather reheat it in the oven, but she probably doesn't have the time. The chicken will still be fairly crisp, and the spaghetti—well, reheated spaghetti is never great. But she put a pretty decent amount of her special marinara on there. He'll enjoy it.

"Any leads on the case?"

She grins and leans down on her elbows over the counter, tired but excited. And then they lose themselves to building theory and eating messy chicken parm, Johanne's gurgles thrown in the middle. It feels so normal, so much like old times, that he doesn't notice the hour passing until she's up and moving, kissing Johanne's head and rising to press her lips to his cheek, hitting the corner of his mouth instead.

She blushes, but doesn't stiffen, sinking down instead to straighten the edge of his collar and brush her hand over Johanne's head one more time before bidding them goodbye.

He remains standing in his front hall for a long while, the phantom feeling of her lips against his sending his head reeling. He'll stay in Johanne's life forever. But maybe he might just get lucky enough to stay in hers as well.

(…)

A loud whine wakes him a few nights later. He blinks up at his ceiling, waiting. He hears it again and pops out of bed, grabbing his robe and shoving his feet into his slippers almost on autopilot.

Kate got back at 11:30 tonight and nearly fell asleep in her dinner. He'd basically pushed her up the stairs, watching carefully to make sure she didn't drop her sleeping daughter. If he can manage to reach Johanne before she wakes Kate, he'll consider it a victory of epic proportions.

He makes it up the stairs and to her bedroom door without making a sound. He presses his ear to the wood and hears the same whining sound. He grasps the doorknob and turns gently, grinning as he manages to push the door open without the latch clicking.

He tiptoes into the room and pauses, letting himself adjust to the light, only to realize that he's having trouble because the bathroom light is on, and Kate is halfway back to her bed, wearing nothing but a pair of bikini briefs, Johanne pressed to her chest.

"I—" he gets out just as she notices him there.

"Castle." He waits. "Castle!" she squeaks, holding Johanne tighter, using the baby and her arms to try and block his view.

"Sorry," he blurts, watching as she glances from the bed to the chair, the safety of sheets or her tee shirt. "Here," he says, shrugging out of his robe. Yes, because it's obviously the easiest of the three?

She stares at him, but reaches out, letting him shrug one of her arms and then the other into the robe. It takes some maneuvering, but she manages to close the robe around Johanne, keeping some skin contact.

"What are you doin' in here?" she demands once she's covered…just about enough.

"I heard her whining," he defends. "Thought I'd try and get to her before she woke you. I didn't realize you were…up with her already."

Her eyes soften at his explanation and she sighs, looking down at the very awake baby in her arms. "She woke up about half an hour ago, and we didn't get our holding time in today, so I thought now was as good a time as any."

"Sorry," he says, shifting on his feet.

It's not like he saw that much, and not like it would really be that big of a deal if he had. Okay, kind of a big deal, but if Johanne was her biological kid, he'd probably have already gotten an eyeful by now, and more than once.

She is gorgeous though.

But that's not an appropriate thought for—"Wow, is it really three?" Kate nods and moves around him to sink onto the bed. "Did you get any sleep at all?"

She shakes her head and shifts back to lean against the pillows, pulling her knees up, Johanne resting against her mostly-covered chest. "I woke back up after my shower and by the time I was falling asleep…" she gestures to the baby. "You?"

"Three hours maybe," he says, shifting there in the middle of the room.

"Sit down, Castle," Kate chides. He stares at her. "I'm covered," she adds, waving him over.

"But you're having holding time," he protests feebly.

She shakes her head and runs a hand over Johanne's head. "We've gotten half of it in. I haven't talked about anything other than babies and murder today."

He laughs and perches by her feet, smiling as she pokes him with her toes. "Ryan and Espo haven't been keeping you updated on their dating lives?"

"Oh, God," Kate whines, looking back down at Johanne. "Please wait years and years to get married, Josie. The wedding planning is so annoying."

"Ryan's going overboard?"

"It's the only thing he talks about now. And Esposito's either whining about it, or joining in. I think they're making up for your absence."

"My absence?" he repeats, watching as she grins back at him, rumpled and soft and so very lovely.

"You're usually the one with the Cosmo tips."

"Hey now," he protests. "Does she have diaper rash? No, she doesn't. Are your hands chafed from all the hand washing? No, they're not."

She laughs and pokes him again. He grabs her foot and she squeaks. A second later, Johanne repeats her sound. They stare at each other for a beat before Kate looks back down at Johanne, pulling her back so she can see her face.

"Did you just squeak, bug?" she asks, her voice high and musical. "Did you? Can you do it again for mama?" Kate squeaks. Johanne squeaks. "Good girl, Josie!"

Castle watches them together with a grin. Kate's toes wiggle beneath his hand and she meets his eyes, a matching beam on her face. He won't ruin it by telling her that holding Josie away from her body gives him a very clear picture of her chest. He can be a gentleman.

"I know Castle's getting a show right now but I just don't care, do I?" Kate coos at the baby. He laughs, startled, and she glances at him, still smiling. "Can you squeak for me again, baby? You're making such good eye contact."

Kate squeaks, bouncing Johanne again, and the baby repeats her sound. Kate grins and nuzzles their faces together before hefting her up to rub her nose against Johanne's belly. The baby laughs, a tinkling sound that has both of them wide eyed.

"Happy baby tonight," Castle offers as Johanne calms down, cuddling back into Kate's chest.

"Happy cuddly baby," Kate agrees. "She met my eyes for a minute there, Rick." He squeezes her foot and she looks up at him. "Like she really knows who I am."

"Of course she does. Dr. Goldstein said we'll get more and more of these moments, remember?" he says. "And tonight she's so happy to see you that she's squeaky."

Kate hums, pressing her lips to Johanne's forehead. "Was she good today?"

"I thought you didn't want baby talk," he reminds her.

"Would you rather talk Nikki Heat?" she tosses back, smirking.

"She was _great_ today," he enthuses, pouting as Kate laughs. "We spent some time on our tummies, and she was a grabby little thing. She's trying to push herself up too. She'll be crawling in no time."

"Did you get a video?" Kate asks softly.

"Yeah I did." Of course he did. If it wasn't so ridiculous, he'd get the whole place outfitted with cameras so they'd always have footage. "I can go grab my phone."

She shakes her head, pressing against his palm with her foot. "Tomorrow."

He nods, watching as Johanne slowly begins to fall back to sleep, slumped against Kate's chest, very trusting and very open for their—for her little girl. Kate hums a soft lullaby and they just sit there, watching as the baby falls asleep, content in their silence.

"You want me to put her in the crib?" he asks once he's sure Johanne is well and truly out.

"Sure," Kate whispers. "She'll be up in maybe another hour to eat, I think. Might get two."

"I can come up and get her," he says as he stands and comes to her side. She passes him the baby carefully, more concerned with Johanne staying asleep than the state of his robe over her chest.

They manage to hand her off without Johanne waking, and he gets her settled in the crib, slipping her back into her little green onesie. Kate keeps her room rather cool, and he doesn't want Johanne to wake up from the cold. Or worse, to wake up and not cry, as she's sometimes apt to do.

They may not look the same, and may come from two separate countries, but Baby Beckett and Big Beckett have the same tendency to suffer in silence.

He turns from Johanne and finds Kate still propped up in bed, the robe closed over her chest and her eyes trained on her daughter in her crib.

"I'll come back up in an hour or so," he says, walking back to her side to look at the clock. "She probably won't cry this late."

"No," Kate agrees, tearing her eyes away to look up at him. "But I can get her. You don't need to go down and come back up."

"I'm not the one going to work in the morning," he says easily. "It's no trouble. I'm supposed to get her at night too."

"I know," she says tiredly, her delight in Johanne fading in the face of exhaustion. "But I don't—why don't you just crash up here? Set an alarm and get her?"

"I—sure. Okay. I'll just go grab one of the spare quilts. The throw rug is pretty soft—"

"For God's sake," she says, her tone light but strained. "It's a queen bed. I don't have cooties."

"What?"

"You just saw the girls, Castle. I don't have much to hide. Just come here and sleep for forty-five minutes, would you?"

She slinks down in the bed then, still wrapped in his robe, her face virtually disappearing into one of the pillows.

"Are you sure?" he asks, because it's just—it's her bed. He's never slept in her bed before, even if it's only for 45 minutes until he gets up to feed Johanne and crawl back to his own bed.

"M'sure. Get in, Castle."

Well, he's not going to ignore an order like that. He shuffles around the bed and gingerly climbs in, watching Kate's prone form. She has a hand curled up under her chin, the other wedged below her pillow. Her eyes blink sluggishly at him as he fumbles for her phone on the bedside table, turning the screen away so as not to bombard her eyes as he sets the alarm.

He glances toward the bathroom, realizing the light is still on, spilling a column of yellow between the bed and the crib, but leaving both sides in relative darkness.

"Should I get the—"

"She doesn't like the dark," Kate mumbles.

"Oh," he lets out. He didn't know.

"Go to sleep," Kate chides.

"Okay."

He lays there stiffly for a few minutes, listening to the sound of Johanne's little baby breaths, and Kate's slowly steadying ones. The bed is comfortable, and it smells like Kate—a hint of vanilla and whatever citrus product she's using in her hair these days. There's a whiff of Johanne's baby powder too. Overall, it's a very comforting sent.

And though he's very comfortable, and he certainly has the right imagery for a very good set of dreams, he's quite awake. He's hyper aware of her body in the bed with him, and he can't seem to turn that off enough to sink into the exhaustion he feels. He has it easier than her—can nap sometimes when Johanne does—but he does try and get her at least once a night when he can, and the book, oh the book—

He stills as Kate's hand reaches out and curls onto his. He looks over and finds her eyes slitted open. She strokes his palm and sighs.

"Sleep, Rick," she whispers.

Somehow, he does.

And even though he wakes not thirty-five minutes later, stumbling around and clumsily reaching down to pick up an awake and fussy Johanne, he feels better rested than he has in a while.

"Come on, bug. Let's get a midnight snack."


	10. Chapter 10

**Attachment Syndrome**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 10:<strong>

"Would it bother you if Lanie came over?"

He looks up from the mocking little cursor icon and finds Kate standing in the doorway to the office, Johanne in her arms.

"Not at all," he tells her.

"Thanks," Kate says, glancing down as Johanne gurgles. "Getting anything done?"

"Oh, tons," he fibs, flashing a smile at them. "And, you know, you can always have people here if you want." Kate nods, not meeting his eyes. "This is your home for…right now. Please don't feel like you need to okay that kind of stuff with me. My mother certainly doesn't."

She laughs at that. "Thanks, Castle."

"Don't mention it," he insists, standing and stretching. He's been at it for over an hour, and nothing. "You guys just hanging?"

"She wanted to see Josie, and yeah. Wants to catch up. I've been pretty…insular outside of work since we came back, you know?"

He bobs his head. "Does she know?"

"Know what?" Kate asks as she lifts Johanne up and kisses her belly, eliciting a soft giggle from the baby.

"About Josie."

Kate meets his eyes. "Yeah," she says softly. "I don't know that she really gets it, but she knows."

"What do you mean?" he asks as he gestures for her to precede him out of the office.

They've yet to have dinner. She came back at about four, having closed their—her—most recent case this morning. When she got back, she declared it her hour with Johanne and sent him off to write.

She follows him into the kitchen and hops up onto one of the bar stools, sitting Johanne on the counter in front of her. The baby wobbles for a moment, then seems to find her center.

"Hey look at you," he coos, bending down to smile at her. "Such a big girl."

"She'll be doing it on her own soon," Kate agrees, her hands steady on Johanne's hips as the baby smiles, looking around from her new vantage point.

"She's going to be riding motorcycles before you know it," he teases, straightening up to look into the fridge. "And what do you mean by Lanie kind of gets it?"

Kate sighs. "She understands that Josie has some…trouble forming attachments, but the idea of me living here—of us being here full time—that's…harder for her to grasp." He gives her a look, knowing there must be more to it than that. "I've been getting some hazing," she admits, giving him an exasperated look.

"Hazing?" he repeats. "For what?"

"Well, there may have been a false call on some pool they had going?"

"That's still going on?" he asks in surprise.

"You _knew_ about it?" she exclaims, glaring at him.

"I—yeah, I overheard Ryan mention it ages ago, but that was last year, before you were with Josh and I was with Gina. Before Demming, actually," he recounts. "I figured it had died out by now. Didn't see a reason to mention it."

She huffs and looks back at Johanne. "Everyone leaves me out of these things," she tells the baby.

"What, you really think you'd have reacted well if I'd come up to you when you were dating Demming and said, 'hey, heads up, the precinct has a bet going on whether or not you and I are going to sleep together, enjoy your date'?"

She rolls her eyes. "Fine."

He waits as long as he can. "Who won?"

Kate lifts surprised eyes to him. "No one won, Castle."

He shakes his head. "Obviously. But who won the false call?"

Kate bites her lip and glances at Johanne. "Lanie," she mumbles.

"Oh, I bet she was mad," he says with some glee. That must have been something to see.

"Don't laugh, Castle. She was livid," Kate tells him, looking over with some contempt. "And it's not like you have to deal with it."

"No, no," he agrees, deciding then and there that she definitely needs pasta carbonara to make up for her day. "Sorry."

"Auntie Lanie has been mad at me for days," she tells Johanne. "But she won't be mad at you. Do you think you can smile for Auntie Lanie, huh?" she continues, tickling Johanne's belly. "What do you think, bug?"

Johanne gurgles back at her, a string of nonsensical sounds. He watches with a smile as Kate repeats them all back. He can't see Johanne's face, but the answering beam on Kate's tells him that the baby is delighted to realize that Kate speaks her language.

"I think she might start talking soon," he says as he starts pulling out pasta and seasonings.

"Dr. Goldstein said it could be a while longer," she replies, glancing at him.

"He's not God," Castle grumbles.

"Not happy with our weekly assignment?" she teases, dodging as Johanne goes straight for her nose, like always.

"What, you like having to detail all of the times an adult ignored you as a child?" he tosses back as he starts filling a pot. "You've never struck me as a big touchy-feely girl."

"What does that mean?"

He looks up and finds her staring at him, a mixture of defensiveness and defiance on her face.

"Nothing," he deflects. She glares at him. "It's just—you're not always the most open of people, and I didn't think you'd enjoy having to…air your childhood laundry," he finishes on a shrug.

"I can be open," she says.

"I know," he agrees quickly.

"I'm open with Josie," she adds.

"But she's a—yes you are," he says as she gives him a look. "Very open."

He sets to chopping up garlic then, throwing himself into cooking. "Is Lanie joining us?" he asks a few minutes later.

Kate nods, her face distant as she plays with Johanne. He feels a bit like an ass, but figures it's better to just let it drop than try and dig himself out. She's trying. He knows she is. He just doesn't like their assignment—has no desire to look back on all of the rather lonely nights he spent as a child, waiting backstage for Martha to be done with a performance, sitting with unresponsive nannies in their little studio apartment.

He's good at telling himself stories, always has been. But having to tell the real stories, to a therapist, and to Kate?

"I'm open with you."

It's so quiet he almost doesn't hear her. He glances up from the cutting board and finds her staring at the baby. She's careful not to look at him.

"I know," he replies, just as soft.

She nods then stands, picking Johanne up. "I'm gonna change. Lanie should be here in a little while. Call me when she gets here?"

"Of course," he says immediately.

She gives him a faint smile and makes her way upstairs. Johanne eyes him over her shoulder, and he feels like she's disappointed in him for making mommy sad.

Twenty minutes and multiple self-pitying sighs later, he hears a knock on the door. He wipes his hands and makes his way, glancing up the stairs as he goes.

"Hey, Castle," Lanie greets as he opens the door.

"Lanie," he returns with a smile. "Good to see you."

"You too," she agrees. "It's been quiet without you around."

He chuckles. "I'm sure Beckett hasn't minded."

Lanie gives him a sharp look. "You really think so?" she wonders, letting him take her jacket. "Where is my girl, anyway?"

"She went up with Josie for a little while. Hang on. Kate," he calls up the stairs. "Lanie's here."

He hears a door open and a loud wail before Kate appears at the top of the stairs, Johanne squirming and flushed in her arms.

"Sorry. Hey, Lanie," she offers, coming down the stairs, bouncing a bit. "Hey, bug, come on now. It was just a diaper."

"Was she crying before you changed her?" he wonders, holding out his arms to take Johanne so Kate and Lanie can exchange hugs.

"Hey," Kate greets her friend. "And no, she wasn't," she says to Castle. "But I could…tell."

"Charming," Lanie says, pulling back with a laugh. "Hey little girl," she adds, stepping up to Castle to peer at Johanne. "Should I?" she adds, a hand outstretched as she looks back at Kate.

"Maybe not right now," Kate says with a sigh. "Is the pasta done?" she asks, turning back to him.

"Oh, yeah, it is," he says, looking back to the kitchen. "Crap. Uh, crud? Yeah, can you grab it?"

Kate nods and skirts around him while he rocks on his feet, making shushing sounds.

"You look pretty good with a baby," Lanie observes. "Even a weepy one."

Johanne's cries quiet down to whimpers after a moment and he smiles at Lanie before looking at the baby. "There you go, Josie. All better?"

She doesn't meet his eyes but does huddle against him. He'll call it a win.

"She looks pretty comfortable with you," Lanie adds as Kate bangs around in the kitchen.

"I hope so," he says, gesturing for her to follow him to the kitchen. "That's the plan, anyway."

"Looks like it's workin'."

"He's pretty great with her," Kate tells her friend as she starts grabbing plates. "Do you want to put her down for dinner?" she adds, looking to him.

"Once she stops crying," he says, smiling as she nods. "You two go ahead and start. How long ago did she eat?"

"Two hours," Kate replies instantly. "Maybe she'll want a bottle after we eat."

"Great," he says, looking down at Johanne. "Do you wanna sit with me while mommy and Auntie Lanie have dinner, bug?"

"Still calling her that, huh?" Lanie asks as he follows the two of them to the table, noting that Kate has left a plate covered on the counter for him.

They take their seats and he shifts around, finally offering Johanne his finger to suck on. The pacifiers are…somewhere.

"Bug's cute," Kate defends, smiling at him. "Isn't it?"

He nods. "Very cute."

"Uh-huh," Lanie says, glancing between them. "And how are you and bug doing during the day, Castle?"

"Good," he says, smiling at her before looking down at Johanne. "We've been going to the park, and reading books, and this week, we've been sitting up some, haven't we?"

"That's just too cute."

He looks up and finds Lanie smirking at Kate. "What?" he asks.

"Nothin'," Lanie says, winking at her friend. "You guys getting along?"

"Huh?" he mumbles, still trying to figure out just what he's missing.

"We are," Kate replies, shooting Lanie a look. "Josie and I are pretty comfy here."

"Comfy, huh?"

"Lanie," Kate hisses.

Oh. _Oh_. Lanie's razzing Kate about being happy here. Jeez. Women are so weird. Though, yeah, the guys would probably be doing the same to him, or staring him down in the office to give him the 'talk.' He shudders slightly and looks between the women. Well, he knows how to take Lanie down a peg.

"So, Lanie. How much did you lose on the pool?"

Lanie coughs into her water and he grins, catching Kate's surprised but pleased expression across the table. "Excuse me?" she splutters.

"Oh, well, Beckett mentioned that there was a bit of…snafu with the pool you guys had going."

"Snafu?" Kate repeats, hiding a laugh.

"It's a good word," he defends.

"I'm sorry. Beckett told you about the pool?"

"Yeah," Kate offers easily. "What?" she adds as Lanie gapes at her. "You lost five hundred dollars!"

"Five hundred," he lets out. "Wow. High roller there, Dr. Parish."

Lanie turns a glare on him and he shrinks slightly where he sits. He holds Johanne up in defense and Kate laughs across the table.

"You can't be mean to a face this cute," he says, peeking around Johanne's head. "Don't be mean to me in front of the baby."

"Don't you try and use her to deflect me, Castle," Lanie says. "The two of you have been playin' house for weeks. Excuse me for thinking that—"

"Lanie," Kate cuts in, giving him an apologetic look. "Don't take it out on Castle. And we're not playing house."

"We kind of are," he admits. "What?" he adds as Kate gives him a look. "Not like _that_," he continues, catching Lanie's smirk. "Just—you know what, I think Josie and I should have our holding time now." He makes a hasty retreat, heading for his office, Johanne snugly in his arms.

"Rick, your dinner," Kate calls out.

"Can you put it in the oven for me?" he asks, spinning around at the sound of his name. She nods, glancing at Lanie before mouthing 'sorry,' at him.

It's not her fault. Not Laine's either. He just doesn't want to shove his whole foot down his throat.

"Women can be so mean," he whispers to Johanne as they step into his bedroom. "But not you, huh? You're still a little sweetie," he adds as he lays her down on his bed and unbuttons her onesie. "We'll let mommy and Lanie have their girl time."

He shrugs out of his sweater and pulls off his tee shirt before picking Johanne up, smiling as she sighs against his chest. She's gotten cuddlier this week, more content to relax against him, especially when they have holding time. Tonight is no exception as she curls up against him.

He settles back against the headboard and hums, deciding to focus on Johanne instead of the fact that the precinct apparently kept their bet running all through last summer and this year. He'd sort of given up, especially when she left for Haiti after the bomb—felt like he'd never win, he'd lost his chance. But now—well, he's not sure.

They are playing house, that's very clear. But he's not quite daddy, and they're still just…whatever it is they really are.

"What am I, bug?" he wonders, whispering to the baby. "Are you gonna say mama soon for mommy?" He pulls her away to meet her eyes. She looks back fairly openly. "Can you say mama, Josie?"

She coos at him, her eyes losing focus on his, but staying on his face.

"Ma-ma," he coaches, smiling as she gives him back two coos. It's a start.

"Good job," he praises, letting her fall back into his chest. "Mommy will be so happy when you say that for the first time."

He wonders idly if she'll say dada at all. Alexis calls him dad, but he doubts Kate is trying to elicit the word from Johanne. Why would she? Rick doesn't sound as easy. Neither does Castle.

"I'd answer to 'hey you'," he admits to the baby. "But maybe you can say 'cassle' sometime, huh?" She slobbers against his shoulder in reply and he laughs. "Or not. Your choice."

(…)

"Have you noticed any progress with her this week?" Dr. Goldstein asks as he passes Johanne back to Kate.

They both nod and Johanne gurgles in Kate's lap. Dr. Goldstein smiles at them. Castle's coming to like this office. It's sunny and welcoming, and even though he hates the personal work Goldstein seems to set them, Johanne's improvement speaks for itself.

"She's much more comfortable, with both of us," Kate tells him. "And sometimes she'll meet my eyes for thirty seconds or so."

"Even when she doesn't, she's still looking at your face," Castle adds. "My face too."

"If she's not going for your nose," Kate says with a laugh. "She responds when I talk back too. If she coos and I make the same sound, she'll look at me and smile."

"It's very cute," Castle admits. Kate smiles back at him. "Both of them." Kate laughs.

"That sounds like good progress to me," Goldstein tells them. "And you're both feeling comfortable? Feeling like you're bonding with her as well."

"Yes," he says immediately.

"Of course," Kate's reply falls on top of his. "Is that even in question?" she adds.

Goldstein shrugs. "Sometimes parents find it difficult to become attached to an unresponsive baby, or get frustrated when the child is cuddly and needy one day, but aloof the next."

"Well that's not her fault," Castle interjects. "We can't fault her for that."

"I'm not saying you would, Rick," he says gently. "I'm just saying that emotions can be two-sided between parent and child. You may never experience feeling distant from Johanne, or you might somewhere down the road. I just wanted to point out that it's wholly normal to get frustrated or even feel neglected by the child from time to time."

"Oh," he mumbles. "Sorry."

"No no," Goldstein says, holding up a hand. "Nothing to be sorry about. This is new for you. For both of you."

"Sometimes I do feel a little hurt," Kate admits quietly. Castle turns to her, surprised. "Not in any kind of lasting way. But when she won't cry, but she's upset? When I hold her and I can tell she just wants to sleep but doesn't feel comfortable enough with me to relax into it? That gets to me sometimes."

"That's perfectly normal, Kate," Goldstein assures her.

"I'm never mad at her, or frustrated with her," Kate continues quickly. "I just—I just want her to feel safe enough with me, you know?"

"I do," Goldstein says, nodding at her.

"You never feel like that?" Kate asks, looking over at Castle, hesitance all over her face.

"I—" he pauses, sussing out his own reactions, his own feelings. "I feel awful when she won't calm down, yeah," he says slowly. "I get what you mean. It's hard," he agrees.

"Yeah," she whispers. "Like when Lanie was there last night, and I couldn't get her to relax with me before we put her down? I just felt like—I mean, I should be able to get my own kid to sleep, right?"

"Hey no," he says quickly. "That was probably Lanie being there."

"It's not Lanie's fault," Kate argues.

"No, I mean—she fell asleep for a little while when I was holding her, and then Lanie was present, and you know sometimes she won't relax around newer people."

Kate sighs. "I know, I just—I know."

"What you're feeling, what you are both feeling, is perfectly normal," Goldstein assures them. "And that you feel it differently is normal too. Kate, for you especially, it makes sense to feel more personally affected, as you are her parent."

Castle feels himself bristle and immediately tamps it down. Oh, well, there's his answer—what he wants to be to Johanne. Ah hell.

"Castle does just as much as I do," Kate protests. "I don't think—it's not that I'm special because I personally adopted her."

He glances over and finds Kate looking at him, more understanding there on her face that he'd prefer to see.

"Whatever the reason," Goldstein continues, breaking their gaze, "it's perfectly normal for both of you to experience this in distinct ways. What matters is that you handle those feelings together, and work to never judge one another for having them. Being a united team will help you most in the long run."

"We are," Kate promises. "Right?"

"Right," he agrees. "Team Josie."

Kate laughs. "Fine. Team Josie."

"Now," Goldstein says, smiling at them. "What did you remember as you looked back on your childhoods this week? Can you remember ever feeling like you couldn't trust someone to be there when you needed them?"

Castle shifts in his chair. He really doesn't want to talk about this.

"Kate? Would you like to go first?"

Kate glances at Castle, shifting a fading Johanne in her arms. "I guess. I don't—I think I have more adult abandonment issues than childhood ones," she admits, looking over at Goldstein. "I told you that I lost my mother at 19." Goldstein nods. "My, ah, my father became an alcoholic not long after she died, and he kind of disappeared for a while."

Castle turns to look at her as she stares down at Johanne. He's heard this before, but somehow, here in the therapist's office, with Josie in her lap, it's different. It means more than her mother's murder.

"And my training officer—I found out recently that he was involved in a large scale jewel theft and bribery case. It's—my childhood was pretty great," she says, smiling around the tension he can see this is causing for her. "But the last eleven years or so have been pretty rough. I can't imagine feeling like that as a baby," she finishes, smiling down at Johanne. "She's definitely handling it better than I do."

"Do you feel those abandonments have had a lasting effect on how you perceive relationships?" Goldstein wonders.

"Yes," Kate says immediately. "I mean, yes I think they have. I—" she glances at Castle. "I'm pretty slow to trust, even when given ample evidence."

He smiles at her, trying to telegraph that it's not all about her. He's given pretty mixed signals over the years—has broken her trust more than once. He'd be wary of becoming attached to himself too.

He certainly isn't sure he trusts her thoroughly with his heart. Why should she be more trusting with hers?

He doesn't trust her with his heart? That's…new. But doesn't he? Shouldn't he? She already has it. She can't do all that much worse than he's already dealt with.

Johanne gurgles in Kate's arms.

Well, she could take Johanne away—could move out of the loft.

"Rick?"

"Hmm," he replies, still looking at Johanne and feeling like his stomach has bottomed out.

"I asked if you had thought about your childhood," Goldstein prompts gently.

"Oh," he lets out. "Oh, yeah. I did."

There's a pause. "And?" Goldstein asks.

"I—" he sighs. "My mother was a single mom, and an actress. I was no stranger to no one coming when I cried after about the age of five. But she never abandoned me. I always had a nanny. There was always someone to feed me, make sure I got to school, you know?"

"I do," Goldstein agrees. "But did you feel like your emotional needs were met?" Castle sighs. "Did you always feel safe? Did you feel like you could always go to someone if you were scared? If you were sad?"

He sits for a moment, weighing his words. No, he didn't. He spent his childhood and adolescence bouncing around from person to person, prep school to prep school. He loves his mother, and she always gave him the time she could, but she wasn't always the best at comforting him, at coming if he needed her.

"No, I guess I didn't," he admits, keeping his eyes fixed on the bookshelf over Goldstein's head.

"And do you think, looking at your life up until now, that those feelings, that lack of security, had or has an effect on how you interact with people?" Goldstein asks.

"Of course it does," he lets out, louder than he means to. Both Kate and Johanne startle. "Sorry," he mumbles, glancing at Kate before focusing on Johanne. "Sorry, bug."

He looks back at the doctor and squirms. "I'm not—I'm not always the most open of people either," he says, feeling more than seeing as Kate stares at him. "And I haven't had that much success with…relationships. Which wasn't always my fault, but I'm sure it had something to do with it."

"Your lack of being open, you mean?" Goldstein probes.

"Yeah," he says, his voice thicker than it was before. "I—certainly not to the extent Kate has, but there's a pattern of abandonment to my adult life too, if you want to put it that way."

"It's not a contest of who had the roughest time," Goldstein assures him. He can see Kate nodding in his periphery. "Abandonment is abandonment, and it comes in many forms. I think it's good that you're able to see that your relationships have had an effect on how you perceive the world, Rick. And you as well, Kate."

"But he's great with his daughter," Kate lets out. He turns to look at her, surprised. She blushes faintly but keeps her eyes on Dr. Goldstein. "He's so good with her, attentive and constantly available. He's a really great dad."

"I'm sure he is," Goldstein says with a smile. "I certainly can imagine, given how he interacts with Johanne." Kate nods. "I'm not saying that any of the issues the two of you have faced will have an effect on Johanne or predict the way either of you will interact with a child. I ask these questions so you can reflect on your own experiences, and find ways to connect with what Johanne must be feeling. Your answers in no way predict your behavior with Johanne, or with anyone else for that matter."

They just stare at him.

"Understanding your tendencies based on past experience, especially interpersonal ones, can help you make more active decisions about your relationships in the present. All right," he says, clapping his hands together. "Our time is up. As always, please, don't hesitate to call, and don't be too rough on yourselves. You're making splendid progress. I can see it."

"Thank you," Castle manages, standing and shouldering the smaller baby bag. They walked today with the stroller.

"No homework?" Kate wonders as she stands with Johanne.

"Kate," he whines. She just gives him a look.

Dr. Goldstein laughs at the pair of them. "Think about what you came up with this week, and what you've learned about each other. Consider what that might mean for you going forward. And have a good week."

He smiles and ushers them out the door, leaving them in the hallway as he walks back toward another room. By mutual decision, they leave the office quickly. Castle manages the stroller while Kate makes their next appointment. He straps Johanne into her seat, pulling a face to see her smile before he feels a hand on his back.

"You guys good?" Kate asks softly.

"Yeah," he says, standing straight and letting her lead him out of the office.

They're quiet as they head down to the street. His mind is reeling, caught between the realization that Kate has so much faith in him, and his own worries that maybe he's just not able to have a good relationship, maybe he's not open enough, and because of that, she can't be open enough. And what if they don't work out? What if they start something and it disintegrates? How would he pick himself back up after that?

"The park?" Kate wonders as they hit the street.

"Sure." The park is better than heading home and sending her back to the precinct. "Do you have to—"

She shakes her head and leans down to tuck the blanket tighter around Johanne as they wait at a crosswalk. "I took the rest of the afternoon."

"Oh, good," he says inanely.

She gives him a tight smile and they spend the rest of the four block walk in silence. She stays close, smiling at Johanne every so often, her arm brushing his every few steps.

"Where to?" he asks as they clear the entrance to the park.

"We could find a bench?" she offers.

And though it's better than wallowing at home alone, he's not sure he's up for discussing anything deep right now. He's not sure he trusts himself. But before he can decide, she's spotted one and tugs him over, pulling out a bottle for the baby while he gets her unstrapped and settled in his arms.

"Do you wanna feed her?" she asks, sitting down beside him.

"I can."

"Okay."

She passes over the bottle and he offers it to Johanne. The girl instantly latches on, but drinks lazily. He smiles at that. "Good girl, Josie," he coos. "I bet you would have cried if you needed it badly, huh?"

She kicks her legs, little blue socked feet wiggling as she sucks. Her fingers grip onto his where he holds the bottle and he grins at her.

"Yeah, I got you, bug. You're safe with me."

"Does Castle have you, Jose?" Kate adds, leaning in to rest her chin on his shoulder so she can look at Johanne.

He prides himself on the fact that he doesn't startle at the feeling. Her hand wraps around his arm and together they watch her daughter drink her bottle, looking calm and happy and for all the world like she's been with them forever. Been with Kate forever.

"You really are good with her," Kate murmurs, her voice close to his ear, her fingers warm around his arm.

"So are you." She digs her chin lightly into his shoulder at that.

"Do you think she'll really be okay?"

He turns his head to catch a glimpse of her, and finds her closer than he thought she was, their noses inches apart. It takes him a second to find his voice again.

"I do," he promises.

"I just—" she blows out a breath and looks down at Johanne, so he does too, giving her some space for this, despite the fact that she's resting on his shoulder. "We're both so—those things, those events, those people, they've had such a lasting effect on both of us. Do you really think she'll come out of this untouched?"

He sighs. "She's only five and a half months, Kate. It's not the same as…as what we've gone through."

"But you said you think your childhood had this lasting effect on your relationships, and I just—look, I know my mother's death is different from hers, but I can't help feeling like if I can't get over it, how is she supposed to?"

He goes to reply but notices Johanne popping off of the bottle, a little bit of formula dribbling down her chin. He smiles at her and shifts, regrettably dislodging Kate from his shoulder.

"Can you get me a burp cloth?" he asks quietly.

She nods and grabs the bottle, moving around him to grab a cloth from the stroller, giving him a few moments to gather his thoughts. She places the cloth on his shoulder then settles back beside him, watching as he brings Johanne up and starts rubbing her back.

"She's a baby," he decides, meeting Kate's eyes as she watches them. "And she's got you. She's so loved, and she knows it now. She's learning every day. She's not going to spend her childhood on the sidelines of your life. You'll tell her every day how much you love her, will drop everything to be there if she needs you. I know you, Kate. You're not going to neglect her, willingly or unwittingly."

Kate nods slowly. "And you? She's got you too, Castle."

"Yeah, she does," he agrees. "And she always will. But it's—she'll learn that I'm always there even when she can't see me, can't crawl into bed with me."

Kate bites her lip and he breaks their eye contact, focusing on Johanne as he feels her squirming until she lets out a little burp.

"Good girl," he whispers, raising his hand to run it over the back of her head.

"Castle."

He turns, feeling a little weary now. He's not sure how much more of this conversation he can take. His heart hurts. His head hurts. He just wants to live in right now, so he doesn't have the time to think about them leaving the loft.

"We're not going to abandon you," she says softly, meeting his eyes, something like resolve shining through. "Just…so you know, okay?"

He gapes at her for a second before nodding. "Okay."

"I mean, I just want you to know," she continues. "I know I'm not the most open person, and you're not either, but we're—we're in this together right?"

"Of course," he says, knee-jerk. "'Course we are. 'Till the wheels fall off, Beckett."

"Okay," she says, her face breaking into a gorgeous smile. "Okay. Then let's go home."

"Sure," he lets out, momentarily dazed.

"Castle," she says, laughing a little as she stands. He looks up at her. "Home. Come on."

She reaches down and takes his hand, pulling him to stand. She looks up into his eyes and smiles before glancing back down and focusing on Johanne, that beautiful open look still all over her face.

"Yeah, okay. Let's go home," he says.


	11. Chapter 11

**Attachment Syndrome**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 11<strong>

"You can do it," he coos, smiling as Josie turns her head. "Come on, bug. Just turn the rest of you too. I know you want to."

They're laid out in the living room on the play mat, the coffee table pushed aside. He decided earlier that he just couldn't sit in his office for another minute, and brought both the laptop and the baby out into the bright, comfortable living room. Then, of course, with Johanne right there on the mat, he found that his laptop had lost its non-existent appeal, and he now here he is, lying on his stomach on the play mat next to the baby.

"Like this, see?" He rolls over onto his back and glances down at the baby. "I know you can do it. You've been rockin' back and forth all week."

She blinks at him and blows a spit bubble. He laughs and rolls onto his side, reaching out to rub her little back. He's got her in this adorable pink tee shirt today with little flower-patterned baby leggings. She looks like a little hipster princess.

"Come on, Josie girl," he encourages, tilting her a little with his hand. She rocks a bit then flops back on her stomach, looking up at him with something he considers defeat. "You'll get there. No pressure, bug. I'm just tryin'a help."

"Ugh, Castle," he hears. "Why did you let me sleep so late?"

He grins and sits up so he can see Kate coming down the stairs, still dressed in a cotton long-sleeve and her own pair of leggings. He wonders idly if she'd wear a mommy-and-me outfit with her daughter, just for a picture.

"You got back at 2:30 last night," he replies.

"Yes, but it's 11:30 now," she whines, walking over to look down at them over the back of the couch. "I could have gone for a run, I could have had holding time, we could even be at the park right now."

"Or, you can get a cup of coffee and come sit. Josie and I are training."

"Training," she repeats, smiling down at Josie as she turns her head to look in Kate's general direction. "Is Castle trying to make you an athlete already, bug? Kind of stage moming it, aren't you?" she adds looking at him. "Trying to live vicariously through my kid?"

"No," he huffs, smiling as she laughs. "I'm just helping her with her gross motor skills. They're very important."

Kate hums and shakes her head. "Uh-huh. You said something about coffee?"

"There's a pot still warm on the counter."

"Just how long have you been up, Castle?" She asks as she walks back into the kitchen.

"Six maybe?" he calls back as he looks down at Johanne. "You just wanted to snuggle didn't you, bug? That's why you were weepy so early, huh?"

Johanne doesn't look at him, but he sees her turn her head further in his direction, still facing away from him.

"Yeah, there you go, Jose. Here I am," he coos, waiting. "Kate," he adds, as Johanne's little body starts to turn. "Kate get over here! You're missing it."

"Missing what?"

"She's rolling over," he exclaims.

"What?" he hears, his eyes too caught on Johanne and her monumental shift from tummy to back to pay Kate proper attention.

He grins as Johanne ends up on her back, blinking up at the ceiling, a little smile on her face.

"Go Josie!" he cheers, reaching out to rub her little belly. "Look at you, you big girl."

"Oh my God."

He looks up and finds Kate standing against the back of the couch again, a hand over her mouth, a shine in her eyes, and coffee all over the front of her shirt.

"She rolled over," she whispers.

"Yeah, she did," he agrees, watching in amusement as she comes around the couch and crouches down on Johanne's other side.

"You did it," she says, bending down to smatter Johanne's face in kisses. The baby takes it, giggling, her little hands tapping against Kate's face.

She rolled over and she's delighting in kisses. This is a great, great day for Josie Beckett.

Kate reaches out to pick Johanne up and he finally gets himself together.

"Kate," he laughs, scooping the baby up before she can manage. Johanne squirms in his arms, obviously eager to stay on her own. "I know, bug, but mommy's covered in coffee. I didn't want her to ruin your pretty outfit."

Kate blinks then glances down at her shirt. "Oh, right," she mumbles, laughing a little. "But really? She just rolled over, gimme my kid!"

"And if I wanna give her a celebratory hug first?" he taunts, scooting around as Kate comes for them on her knees.

He turns Johanne around in his arms so she can see the spectacle her mom is making, and laughs as Johanne lets out a squeal. Kate grins and advances forward. He scoots back, letting her chase them around the play mat, all three of them laughing.

"We can wash her outfit," Kate taunts, reaching out to tickle Johanne's stomach even as he wiggles back.

His back hits the bottom of the couch and he gasps dramatically.

"Oh no. Coffee mommy is going to get us," he tells the baby, holding her tighter as Kate grins at them.

"Get ready," she says, watching Johanne as she shuffles forward to sit right in front of them. "Here comes the tickle monster."

She reaches out, but instead of going for Johanne's stomach, she reaches around and runs her fingers up his sides.

He lets out a very unmanly shriek and she laughs evilly, scooping Johanne out of his arms. But she rather misjudges her movements and topples over so she ends up with the baby in her arms and her forehead in his neck.

Johanne squeals between them, and, with the part of his mind not focused on Kate Beckett's lips laughing into the crook of his neck, he realizes that Josie sounds happy. Like a happy, normal little baby, just for right now.

It makes him laugh, his fingers wrapped around Kate's waist to help keep her upright. She pulls back , her knees settled between his, her body close, the combined smell of her body wash, Johanne's powder, and her usual coffee overwhelming him.

"She rolled over," Kate whispers, their faces inches apart.

He swallows and then her lips are on his, a whisper of a kiss. She pulls back, beaming.

"She rolled over, Rick."

He feels a grin unfurl across his face and sees an answering one on hers.

"And she's giggling, did you hear?" he whispers.

"Yeah," she says. "Yeah, I did."

She looks down, her forehead brushing his nose. "Yeah, bug. You're happy today, aren't you?"

He shifts so he can look between them at the baby and finds her touching Kate's shirt, lifting her hand and replacing it a few times, staring at the wet stain.

"Ooh, tactile information," he says, smiling as Kate snorts quietly.

"I should probably change."

"But she likes it," he argues, his forehead pressed into the side of hers. "Smells good."

"I doubt she likes the smell," Kate chides.

"I do," pops out of his mouth before he can stop it.

She giggles and slumps into him, resting her cheek on his shoulder. Johanne whines between them and Kate sighs, her breath hitting his collar bone before she pulls away.

"Sorry," she whispers, and he's not really sure if she's talking to him or the baby.

She shuffles back a little and raises Johanne up so she can see her. "Did we squish you, bug?"

Johanne peers at her, then seems to withdraw a bit. He watches as Kate's smile dims, imagines that the baby is staring past her again. But they had a great moment, a great big moment of growth.

"She's okay," he says, waiting until Kate meets his eyes. "She's probably just a little overwhelmed, with us being so excited."

Kate nods and gives him a real smile. It's softer, and less ecstatic than before, but still beautiful. She is so very beautiful and gentle like this—so open. She blushes after a moment and realizes he's staring.

"Here," he says, reaching out for Johanne. "Why don't you go change," he suggests. "Then maybe we'll all watch a movie or something."

There's a knock on the door and he groans.

Kate laughs. "I'll take her. She's probably hungry. Get the door?"

He nods and hauls himself up, sad to see their moment go. She _kissed_ him, kind of. It was the heat of the moment, but still. She kissed him. She rested on him. They—shared a beautiful moment with the baby.

He glances back into the kitchen as he goes for the door and laughs as Kate unceremoniously strips off her shirt, leaving her in a soft cotton brassiere she must have put on to come downstairs. She catches him looking and shrugs.

"What? Bottle time can't be holding time?"

He just grins at her and waits until she's made it back to the couch, having grabbed the bottle he'd left out a bit earlier, letting it come to room temperature. They've been trying to wean her off warm bottles for about a week, so it's less upsetting to have one when they're out. It's been going well so far.

When Kate disappears from view he opens the door, still smiling at the image of her holding Johanne in her bra, totally content with him around.

His smile drops as he takes in the man on the other side of the door.

"What do you want?" he asks.

Josh Davidson stares back at him, uncomfortable, a leather jacket over his scrubs, and a slight beard on his face. "Is Kate here?"

"Why?" Castle asks, blocking the doorway with his body. They were having such a good morning.

"She wasn't returning my calls, so I went to her building, and her super said she'd probably be here."

"Ever think maybe the missed calls were a message?" he lets out before he can stop himself. This is the guy that tried to get her to leave Johanne in Haiti—who didn't care enough about the baby to see the bigger picture. He doesn't want him anywhere near Johanne.

"Is she here?" Josh asks, exasperation in his voice.

He glares at him, very tempted to lie.

"Castle? Who is it?"

Well, there goes that opportunity. "It's Josh," he calls back.

"Josh?"

"Hi Kate," Josh lets out over Castle's shoulder.

"Not so loud," he grunts at the man.

"You two were yelling," Josh protests.

"That's different." Josh gives him a look. It is. Johanne is used to hearing them calling for each other. Martha and Alexis make an effort not to shout if they can avoid it. No one wants to startle the baby.

He hears Kate coming up behind him and steps aside with reluctance, turning to find her at his side and wearing the button down he'd left on the couch. Well, that's one way to send a message. Johanne squirms in her arms, popping off the bottle with a whine.

"Rick, can you take her?" she asks softly, turning to give him an apologetic look. "I don't want her to give it up."

"Yeah," he says, taking Johanne from her and cradling her against his chest with one arm. Kate helps him get the bottle situated then turns back to Josh. "You good?" Castle asks before either of them can get a word out.

"I am," she promises, taking a second to stroke Johanne's cheek. With her encouragement, the baby returns to her lunch, but her eyes remain suspicious, and she holds herself stiffly in Castle's arms.

"I'll be," he says, jerking his head toward the living room. "Try and keep it down, would you?" he adds to Josh, narrowing his eyes as the man gives him an insulted look. "She doesn't like strangers," he says as he turns away and meanders back to the couch.

He sits at the far end so he's able to watch Kate and Josh at the door. But as much as he'd like to listen in, he turns back to Johanne and smiles down at her.

"It's okay, bug," he murmurs. "Mama's just upset with her ex. It's not about you. I've got you. You can relax now."

The baby softens a hair at the sound of his voice and he cuddles her closer, sinking into the couch to give her more of him to relax into.

"So this is what you wanted all along?" he hears from Josh.

"This is what I want," Kate corrects. "You knew I loved her. This is what happens when you love your kid. You'll do anything for them."

"And him?"

"He's great with her."

"And you?" Josh probes.

"He's been pretty great with me too," Kate says evenly. "Now, have you gotten your fill? Assured yourself that I'm gone?"

"That's not," he starts, then stops, sighing. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay, that you and she were okay."

"Because you cared so much in Haiti," Kate bites back, holding her ground, a hand wrapped around the edge of the door, as if she's just waiting to close it after him.

Castle fights a smile and looks back at Johanne. Her sucks are coming few and far between and he notices her eyelids fluttering. He chuckles and takes the bottle from her, setting it carefully on the couch beside them before lifting her up.

"One burp before you fall asleep, baby," he hums, rubbing her back as she squirms against him. "Soon as we get you sitting up on your own we can do away with all this burping," he adds. "If that's motivation enough for you."

Johanne lets out a loud belch and he laughs, feeling her head hit his shoulder a moment later. "Okay. You go to sleep. There's been a lot of excitement. I would too," he assures her.

He knows she'll be much more comfortable asleep than she is awake—won't have to make decisions about comfort and not. He's noticing that when she's very uncomfortable, she tends to drop off. It happens less and less with Kate and with him, but sometimes, when Alexis has her time with her, she falls asleep almost instantly.

"Look. I'm glad you're okay," he hears. He glances back toward the door and notes with some pride that Josh looks far more like a chastised toddler than a hot doctor, all of his pomp and smugness stripped away by whatever Kate's said.

"Thank you," Kate says evenly. "It was…nice of you to drop by." He bites back a snort. It's obvious Kate doesn't think it was nice at all.

"If you ever need—" he breaks off, gestures to her shirt, then over her shoulder to him. "Actually, it's pretty obvious you don't need anyone but Castle."

He watches Kate's posture soften and feels his heart swell. "Yeah," she agrees. "He's—we're good. He's good. Have a good trip to Timor."

Josh nods and shoves his hands into his pockets. "Thanks. Bye, Kate."

"Bye, Josh," she says easily. He looks at her for a moment, then past her, meeting Castle's eyes. Josh sighs and turns, walking back down the hallway.

Kate shuts the door with a soft click, then turns and rests against it, her eyes closed.

"I wouldn't want to be him," he says quietly.

Kate opens her eyes and looks across the foyer at him. She smiles as she notices Johanne asleep on his shoulder. She pushes off from the door and walks over to them. He has to say, she looks damn good in his shirt.

"Why's that?" she asks as she collapses onto the sofa beside him.

"Hmm?" He catches her eye and she quirks a brow. "Oh. Well, losing you, and then finding us playing house? Way to kick a man when he's down," falls out of his mouth before he really thinks about it.

She cocks her head, a smile flirting with her lips. "Oh yeah?"

"Well, yeah," he says, stroking a hand absently over Johanne's back. "I mean, better my shirt than your bra, but…you sent a pretty clear message."

She glances down and shakes her head. "Men."

"What?' he argues. "Seeing a girl in another guy's clothes? That's—it's rough," he mumbles. "And then to see the other guy with the girl's baby? It's like a one-two punch."

"And you're the other guy?" she asks, her eyes glancing at his before focusing on Johanne.

"Well, I'm sure it looked like I was to him," he gets out. He doesn't know what the hell he is, other than the guy she's living with, the guy she's raising a kid with. It's very confusing.

"Mm," she offers, reaching out to stroke her fingers down Johanne's back. She presses her body against his and rests her cheek on his shoulder.

He sighs softly at the feeling of her pressed to him, and at another opportunity gone by. He wants to know, but he's so afraid to ask. And she kissed him earlier.

The thought bursts in his head. If she's…willing to kiss him in excitement—if she doesn't argue when he calls himself the other guy, maybe he can push back too.

He shifts, bringing his arm up to wrap around her shoulders. He feels her grin into the crook of his shoulder and feels an answering smile bloom over his face. He can deal without a label if it means they can cuddle.

"Kate," he whispers a few minutes later. She should grab her phone if they're going to stay down here, just in case she gets called in.

She doesn't reply, and he looks down to find her asleep on his shoulder. He smiles and adjusts his arm around her, careful to keep Johanne comfortable on his other side.

He's quite content to be the Beckett pillow for the rest of the morning.

(…)

"She looks so happy."

He looks up from his laptop and smiles at Alexis as she stands at Johanne's side. He finally remembered that they had a jolly jumper up in the closet. He decided to attach it to the doorway to his office so Johanne can bounce and see him as he works. She's been a little giggly jumping bean all day, content to scoot forward with little hops and be pulled back by the long bouncy cables attached to the seat.

"You used to stay in that thing for hours and hours," he tells his daughter. "I thought Josie might like it since she's been so energetic lately."

Alexis crouches down to Johanne's level. "Are you a happy little bouncer, Josie?"

The baby smiles at her and gurgles. Alexis shifts around, settling in a few from Josie and holding out her arms. "Okay, bug. Show me your stuff."

Johanne coos and hops forward, her hands outstretched toward Alexis and a grin on her face. He has the presence of mind to whip out his phone and video it to send to Kate. She'll adore her happy baby, but better, they can both rejoice in seeing Johanne interact with Alexis so willingly. It's been a month and a half of just them, but this week, Johanne's been much more receptive to Alexis. She even smiled yesterday when Alexis held her.

"How was school?" he asks a few minutes later, when Johanne's lost interest in jumping for Alexis.

"Ashley made a choice," she says as she stands up and turns to face him. It's then that he really takes her in. He can see the strain around her eyes, the way she's standing a little smaller.

"Oh yeah?" he says, saving his work and closing his laptop.

"He decided to go to Columbia," she says evenly.

"Well…that's great?" he offers. She doesn't look excited. But it was that or Stanford. And surely, the option that keeps him in the city is the better one.

"No, it's not," she asserts, running an agitated hand through her hair. "Stanford has been his dream since…God, I don't even know how long. And now he's just giving it up?"

"Columbia's a wonderful school," Castle points out. He'd _love_ it if Alexis went to Columbia. "And it's got a great economics program."

"So?" she returns.

"So, is it really so bad if he's changed his mind?"

"But he did it because of me," she lets out, walking over to sink down on the couch. "And I can't let him do that."

"Alexis, it's not your choice," he says, glancing at Johanne before moving to the corner of the desk, so she can still see him, but he can be closer to Alexis. "If he wants to stay in New York, that's his decision."

"He's only staying because of me. And I know he's going to end up resenting me for it, and then he'll regret staying, and regret me, and I can't let that happen. So, I made a decision too. I broke up with him."

He gapes at Alexis. "You what?"

She looks up with red eyes, her lip quivering. "I broke up with him."

"Oh, sweetie," he sighs. He takes a step forward but Alexis shakes her head.

"You should stay where Josie can see you," she offers, trying to smile. "I'm gonna go upstairs."

"Alexis," he protests.

She doesn't meet his eyes and gets up, walking quickly around him, pausing only to kiss Johanne's head before fleeing the room.

"Shit. I owe you a dollar," he mumbles to the baby. He reaches into his pocket and grabs his cell before plopping down in front of Johanne.

"Hey, Castle," Kate's voice comes across.

He smiles tiredly as Johanne's eyes light up at the sound of it and she bounces in place. "Hey," he returns.

"Everything okay?" Oh, he must sound bad if she can tell off his 'hey.'

"Are you still at work?" he asks.

"Yeah, but we're just finishing up. What's wrong?"

"Alexis broke up with Ashley," he tells her. "And she's barricaded herself in her room. I wanted to see if you could get off early and watch Jose, so I could try and cheer her up."

"I'll be right home," she promises. "Poor girl. Is she okay?"

"I don't know," he says, sighing. "Ashley decided on Columbia."

"But that's good, right?"

"Alexis thinks he's only staying for her and doesn't want him to resent her, so she broke up with him. And I know it was her choice, but I just—she was crying, and she wouldn't even let me hug her."

"Okay," she says, and he hears her gathering her things. "Can you put together something really gross for dinner? Make sure we have ice cream, and if not, order some?"

"Sure," he replies slowly. "What am I doing?"

"We're having a break-up night," she says, the 'duh,' coming across loud and clear.

"Beckett, you are the best," he says with a grin. "Your mommy is a smart lady," he adds to Johanne.

"How is she? Yeah," she adds. "I'm gonna knock off. You guys good?" He hears a mumbled response from the other end of the line. "Hey, sorry. How is she?"

"She's good," he promises. "Very happy. You'll see."

"O-kay," she lets out. "I'll be there soon. Go, make something gross."

The call cuts out and he smiles at Johanne. "Your mommy is perfect, isn't she, bug?"

Johanne just grins, bouncing in place, her fingers in her mouth.

"I know. You totally agree. Now, you're not going to like me for about four minutes, but I promise, I'll make it worth your while."

(…)

"That smells amazing," Kate announces as she comes through the front door.

"Glad to be of service," he replies, smiling as she grins at him, her arms laden down with shopping bags. "We still have two tubs of ice cream in the fridge," he adds as she comes over to the kitchen to plop the bags down."

"This isn't ice cream," Kate assures him. "Where's Josie?"

He laughs and points with his spatula before turning back to the fries on the stove top. Josie bounces happily in her jumper below the stairs, letting out quiet giggles. She'd been so angry when he took her out of the office, but as soon as he got the damn thing set up again, she was happy as a clam.

"Oh my God," Kate says, coming to stand next to him so she can see her in action. "That is absolutely the cutest thing I've ever seen."

"It's new her favorite thing. But woe to those who try to take her out of it."

"Mad, huh?"

"Her glare is progressing. Good day?"

"Yeah," she says. "We found out who the photographer was. The guys are gonna grab him tomorrow morning."

"That's great."

She hums in agreement. "Alexis still upstairs?"

"Yeah," he says, turning to look at her. "I just—what if she's making a mistake?"

"It sounds like she's being practical."

"But you can't base your life around practical. What if she meets her soul mate someday and doesn't take the chance because it's not practical?" he beseeches her.

He doesn't want Alexis to look at life like a math problem. He doesn't want her to make all of her decisions based on logic and reason. He glances at Johanne and then looks back at Kate. Life just isn't logical.

Kate sighs and rubs his arm. "How long until dinner?"

"Forty-five minutes?"

"Okay. I'll go talk with her. Call us when it's ready, hm?"

"But," he protests. He'd wanted her to come home so _he_ could talk with Alexis.

"I promise," Kate says before he can get another word out. "I won't let her lose her sense of magic. You just keep working on whatever smells so good."

With that she grabs the grocery bags and makes her way to the stairs, swerving to give Johanne a kiss and a hug before disappearing up to Alexis' room. He doesn't seem to have any say anymore.

(…)

An hour later he calls upstairs, having rubbed the wings a second time and taken a few extra minutes to make all of the sauces extra buttery. He looks at Johanne and finds her asleep in her jumper. He laughs and gently takes her out, walking with her back to the office to put her into the crib they keep there for afternoon naps.

She snuffles a little in her sleep and he smiles, bending over the crib to cup the back of her head. "You're not going to grow up too fast, right, bug?" he whispers.

She just sighs and shifts, relaxing into the crib. He watches her for a moment then grabs the spare monitor to bring to the table, since she still doesn't quite cry when she wakes up. But she has graduated to whimpers. They consider it progress.

"Castle, this is so excessive," Kate greets as he sits down next to Alexis across from her.

"Bad excessive?" he wonders, looking at the three different kinds of wings, sweet potato and regular fries he put together.

"I'm going to take left overs tomorrow excessive," Kate decides. "Would you eat wings at school, Lex?"

He blinks. No one ever calls her 'Lex.'

But his daughter—oh, Beckett is magic. His daughter laughs, her voice a little hoarse, but a true smile on her face. "God no," she says. "Can you imagine?"

"What if I cut them up and put them in pasta with cheese to reheat?" he wonders.

"That sounds divine," Kate replies before Alexis can.

His daughter laughs. "What she said."

"Done," he promises. He may not have the magic words to make her happy, but he'll gratefully build on Kate's work. He notices that they both have new nail polish on. Is that how you cheer up a teenage girl? Because if so, he's been doing it very wrong all these years.

Alexis launches into a recount of a biology lesson where her class got in an animated debate about the function of the appendix, complete with the class clown's runny commentary of superhero powers. He watches in awe as Kate engages, seeing a camaraderie between the two women he hasn't seen, or hasn't been privy to before.

He feels Kate's socked foot press into his and looks across to meet her eyes. She smiles as Alexis takes a break to dig into her wings. He grins and nudges back.

After dinner, Alexis retreats into the office to pick their movie, promising to be quiet so as not to wake Johanne before they do for her bottle. Kate helps him gather the dishes and put everything into Tupperware to save for tomorrow, moving seamlessly with him. They're _good_ at this.

"Thank you," he says softly as she comes back with the last of the dishes.

She smiles as she hands them over, watching while he loads the dishwasher. When he closes it, she rises onto her toes and wraps her arms around him, resting her chin on his shoulder as he curls around her.

"You said you'd do mine, and I'd do yours," she whispers. He laughs, startled, and she giggles into him. "She's wonderful, Castle."

"So're you," he mumbles into the side of her head.

He feels her smile as she turns to press her lips to his throat. She pulls back, leaving him breathless, and sinks back to her toes. He doesn't let her go, and she doesn't fight herself free, just stands in the circle of his arms, her hands settled on his biceps.

"She'll be okay," she promises.

A cry comes over the baby monitor, in time with Alexis's call of "Someone's up and wants her bottle."

Kate moves to step around him, but he stops her. He leans down and presses his lips softly to hers, feeling bold and grateful and so very astounded by her. He pulls back and meets her surprisingly pleased smile.

"You get mine, I'll get yours," he says softly.

She beams at him, catching his hands for a squeeze before he pulls away and walks back toward the office.

Whatever they are, and wherever they're going, they're something good.


	12. Chapter 12

**Attachment Syndrome**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 12<strong>

He comes out of the office and finds her standing in the kitchen, her hands wrapped around the counter, arms stretched straight and head down, staring at the granite. He shoves the baby monitor into his pocket and approaches her quietly, watching the way she seems to be breathing steadily through her nose.

"Hey," he offers as he reaches the bar stools. She takes a moment, squeezing her eyes shut before she opens them and looks up at him. "Everything okay?"

"Do you ever just want to punch people in the face?" she wonders.

He opens his mouth, then shuts it. "How was work today?"

She sighs and straightens up, rubbing at her temples. "It was fine. Fine. It was fine," she lets out, turning to open the refrigerator.

He hesitates, unsure of whether this is a good moment to prod, or a good moment to go hide in his office with the baby.

"Looking for something in particular?" he asks, deciding that food is definitely the safer option.

She growls and shuts the door, spinning around to look at him. "How's Josie?" she bites out.

He swallows and forces on a smile. "She's good. Fell asleep after her bottle around seven. I figured I'd keep her down here until you came home."

She nods brusquely and runs her hands through her hair. Her whole person screams tension, and he's tempted to tell her to take off her power blazer, lose the heels, and let him run her a bath. Tempted, but he'd like to keep his head.

"Do you ever feel like explaining Josie and our…situation is just one big joke missing a punch line?" He waits, because he has no idea where to take that. "All the guys do is joke about us playing house. They keep dropping hints about which bedroom I sleep in, and if I'm going to change Josie's name to Castle sometime soon, and I just—" she wrings her hands and he steps forward when it looks like she's about to twist off her fingers.

"Hey," he says softly. She looks over at him. "Can I make you something to eat, and we can talk about this?"

"I'm not hungry," comes her immediate reply. He just lifts an eyebrow. "I really wanted Chinese. I _got_ Chinese at the precinct, but then they started in on the jokes and I couldn't."

"Okay," he says, pulling out his phone. "Chinese coming up. You wanna go get out of your work clothes?"

She gives him a look. Yes, he realizes he's patronizing her, goading her into relaxing piece by piece. But she's obviously not going to do it for herself tonight. He should think about getting a hanging bag here. He knows she at least did chin-ups at her place.

"Food's going to be here in 25," he adds, clicking to automatically re-order their last meal from her favorite delivery joint.

"Fine," she huffs, brushing past him to walk up the stairs.

He watches her go and blows out a breath. Not a happy Beckett tonight.

By the time she comes back downstairs, he's taking the food from the delivery kid and handing him a tip with a strained smile. Johanne's still asleep, and should be for about another hour, giving him just enough time to try and weasel whatever's wrong with Kate out of her, assuming Alexis stays at Paige's for another hour or so.

"In the kitchen or—" He watches as Kate plops down on the couch in the living room, wearing a big red tee shirt and a pair of cotton shorts. The shirt looks oddly familiar.

She gives him a tired smile as he passes her a carton, laying everything else out on the coffee table before sitting down beside her. They eat quietly for a few minutes, alternating tipping their cartons to share between them—his shrimp fried rice and her pork dumplings.

"So," he says, nudging her shoulder with his.

She sighs and slumps next to him, curling her legs up around her carton. "The guys are mad that they haven't met Josie," she says quietly. "And I've explained why. Lanie—Lanie is different. She's quiet, and she's so understanding. But they're—" she peters off.

"They're men, and she's just getting comfortable with your Dad for really short visits," he finishes for her. "I get it."

She offers him a sad smile. "I know. It's just that they don't. And they're hurt, I think. Montgomery too. And I don't know how to fix it."

"And they've been razzing you to cover it up," he surmises.

She nods and reaches out with her chopsticks for his carton. He tips it, smiling as she deftly spears a shrimp and brings it back to munch on. She's surprisingly adept with chopsticks for a woman who can't run an espresso machine to save her life. He's been getting her coffees delivered to the precinct, which… probably doesn't help with the razzing.

"I want them to meet her," she tells him, reaching out to plop her container onto the coffee table. "They're—I want them to be her uncles, you know?"

"Sure," he agrees, placing his own carton onto the table so he can settle back, can lift an arm over her shoulders.

She cuddles into him immediately. "I'd say we should have them over," she continues, her head pressing back against his arm. "But…"

"Yeah," he agrees. "Hard to have a poker night when one of us needs to be with her."

"I don't mind," she adds immediately. "Just being with her. I don't, at all."

"I know," he assures her, rubbing her arm. "I know you don't."

"But they're getting on my absolute last nerve," she admits. "I haven't wanted to sock Esposito this badly since we started working together."

"What happened?" he wonders, images of an eager Espo getting thoroughly shot down by a not-to-be-messed-with-Beckett.

"Oh, he refused to let me give you to him," she says easily.

"What?" he splutters.

She laughs and nuzzles her cheek into his arm. "You were an ass, and he said, and I quote, 'A control freak like you with something you can't control? No, no. That's gonna to be more fun than Shark Week.'"

He's stuck between laughing, because he can imagine it so vividly, and being a little insulted.

"In retrospect, he did me a favor," Kate continues, her hand falling to rest just above his knee. "But I kind of wanted to kill him at the time."

"Such flattery," he grumbles, unable to fight his own smile as she laughs, a tinkling, pretty sound.

"Ryan's more hurt than annoying," she tells him. "And they're both—have they talked to you?"

He sits for a moment, thinking about it. They _haven't_. He's sent a few texts here and there, and they've responded, but it's been mostly case based. Neither of them—neither of them has reached out to him at all.

"Are they mad at me?" he squeaks out.

She sighs. "I think they're jealous?"

"What?"

"Well, I have a daughter, and you're the only one who gets to see her, let alone hold her, and then I moved in with you? They're—yeah, they're jealous. And hurt, and I don't know how to make it better."

"Jeez," he mumbles. "It's different. We're…different," he hedges. They haven't talked about how different they've become, but there have been more than a few cuddles in the last week, one or two soft kisses, and a host of shared slumping into one bed or the other between feedings.

"Yeah," she agrees, shifting a bit to swing her legs over his. "We are. But I—explaining is hard?"

"I know," he agrees. They can't seem to explain it to each other. He's terrified to try, and she's—well, he's sure it's very messy and complicated on her end too. He may love Johanne like she's his, but the baby is actually Kate's. That's got to come with a host of other baggage to heap onto their already…tempestuous relationship prior to the Haiti-Baby-Incident, as he likes to call it.

She is not a fan of that moniker.

"And we don't have a case right now, so I'm looking at another day of paperwork with the two of them firing off theory after theory and acting like little brats. Johanne is better behaved, and she can't even talk," she says as he rubs at her calves with his free hand.

"I think she'll get there soon though," he says, smiling as she looks up at him.

"Really?"

"The babble's starting to sound like actual syllables."

"But Dr. Goldstein said it—"

"She's a smartie. You can see it. I think she'll break that language barrier in no time."

She grins, ducking her head. It's so cute when she gets all flustered about compliments to her kid. It's a much humbler reaction than he ever had—would just grin like a loon whenever anyone said so much as a kind word about Alexis.

"You certainly talk enough," she says into his shoulder.

"Hey," he protests. She just smiles and he finally feels her relaxing. "We'll figure out a way to get the boys off your back."

She sighs and cuddles closer. He turns his head and kisses the top her of her forehead, feeling bolder for her snuggling. She may have had a bad day, but his was pretty good, and the end's turned out rather great, all things considered.

"If you say so," she says on a yawn.

"I do," he promises, already scheming away in his head.

(…)

"And this," he says as he steps off the elevator, Johanne strapped to his chest and Kate's customary coffee clutched in his hand. "Is where your mommy kicks butt and takes names."

The baby gurgles, her head turning to take in the unfamiliar surroundings. He decided this morning that their outing should take a more educational turn. If it means that the guys get to meet Johanne, he figures it's a win-win. And with her strapped to his chest, and Kate right there, they can easily keep her from becoming overwhelmed. Just meeting. No touching, for now.

He hopes it's enough.

"There's mommy," he whispers to the baby, walking up behind Kate.

A few of the other officers have taken note of their arrival, pointing and smiling, or openly gaping as he steps up just behind and to the side of Kate's chair, one hand on Johanne's stomach in the snuggly, the other reaching around to place Kate's coffee on the paperwork over which she's hunched.

"Oh," she lets out, thankfully scooting to the left to look up at him. He didn't really think that through. "Castle! What—what are you doin' here?"

"I thought we'd take a field trip to see mommy today," he offers, waving Johanne's little hand at her. The baby laughs and stretches out her free hand toward Kate in a new show of interest.

"Hey, baby," Kate coos, standing up so she can take Johanne's hand. "Are you and Castle having fun, huh?" Johanne smiles and Kate grins before looking up at him and quirking a brow. "This is your solution?"

"What?" he whispers back. "You're here, I'm here. I can take her into the break room for a bottle," he adds, shifting so she can see the backpack he's got over one shoulder. "Just a quick 'hi, look, I'm real,' and then we'll go home and have some holding time."

She shakes her head, but he can see she's pleased. Johanne's been doing so well, and it's past time that the guys at least got to see her, without invading their—his—home to ogle at the spectacle that is Kate living with him.

"Hey Espo," Kate calls over her shoulder, standing in front of him to block Johanne from view. "Where's Ryan?"

"Sup?" Esposito calls back as Ryan pops out of the break room.

"Can you get Montgomery?" Kate asks, still looking over her shoulder, her finger tight in Johanne's grasp.

"Sure," Espo says suspiciously. Somehow they missed his entrance. Some detectives they are.

He watches as Espo ducks into Montgomery's office, the man himself emerging a minute later.

"What's all the fuss, Beckett?" he asks as the three of them approach her desk. "Castle. Good to see you," he adds, sounding a little less than jolly. They are due for a poker game, aren't they?

"Well," he says as Kate steps to the side, revealing Johanne, who bounces happily on his chest, her mother's finger still clutched in her hand.

"Guys," Kate says with a smile. "This is Johanne. My daughter."

"Hi," Castle supplies, waving her other hand.

All three men stare at them, their eyes fixed on Johanne. He feels Johanne's bounces getting smaller, her body growing tense under their scrutiny. He presses a hand onto her stomach and Kate bends down to kiss her fingers.

"It's okay, bug," she murmurs, glancing at the guys. "That's Uncle Javi, and Uncle Kevin, and Uncle Roy."

He suppresses a laugh as all three men preen, looking a little smug and a little sorry all at once. Jeez, has even the Captain been getting on Kate's nerves about this? The baby—he stops himself from judging. If he were on the other side, he'd be a bit hurt too.

But it's plain to see how much Kate loves Johanne as she gently lifts her out of the snuggly, cradling her in her arms so she can look at the boys but can feel her mother.

"She's gorgeous," Montgomery leads.

"Very," Ryan adds. "Hey, princess. I'm Kevin," he says with a wave.

"M'Javi," Esposito gets out, his voice a little choked.

"She's still," Kate starts, glancing up at Castle. "She's still having some trouble, but she's getting there, aren't you, Josie?"

Johanne looks up at her then cuddles closer. Castle's heart soars. She's reaching out to her, letting Kate comfort her now when she's overwhelmed.

"Hey, Castle," Ryan adds. "How's—you look pretty good with a baby, man."

"Yeah," Esposito adds. "Surprisingly manly."

Montgomery just smiles at him, glancing at Kate with significance. He simply smiles back and reaches out to stroke his hand over Johanne's head. Her hair is getting longer now, her tight curls a little fuzzy. He wasn't very good at styling Alexis' hair. This is going to be interesting.

"I promise when she's more settled, we'll have you guys over," Kate says softly. All three men look over at her, and he can see how incredibly pleased they are by the statement.

Montgomery looks back at him again, an eyebrow raised. Yeah yeah, so Kate's inviting people to his home. It's her home too, at least for now. But he's not going to think about that.

"She looks like she's doing well," Ryan says.

"She is," Castle agrees. "Better and better everyday."

Kate smiles over at him just as Johanne lets out a quiet whine. "Hey, baby, are you hungry?" she asks, looking back down at her daughter. "Castle's got a bottle all ready for you."

Esposito gives him a significant look, which Ryan backs while Kate's otherwise distracted.

"Why don't you feed her," Castle suggests to Kate. "Get some time in, as long as," he glances over his shoulder at the bare murder board by her desk. "You've got time."

"Okay," she agrees readily. He grins and shucks off the backpack, digging around for a bottle and a burp cloth.

Kate takes them both with a smile and waves Johanne's hand at her 'uncles' before disappearing with the baby into the break room. There's a palpable pause as they all wait to make sure she's not coming back.

"Dude," Esposito lets out, the three of them advancing on him until they're right there in front of him, an intimidating trio.

"You two look awfully cozy," Ryan continues for him.

"We are living together," he protests. All the boys exchange a look, and even Montgomery seems to stand a little taller. Ah hell. Really?

"And how's that going?" Esposito asks him, crossing his arms over his chest.

"It's—" he glances among them. "Guys, really. It's good. We're good. I'm not—I'd never…" he swallows, suddenly feeling more than indignant. "I would never, ever use that baby to get to her, much less hurt either one of them. And frankly, I can't believe that you would even—"

He breaks off as all three of them start laughing, Montgomery's hands on both of their shoulders, holding himself up.

"Oh, Castle, your face," Ryan gets out.

"Sorry, Rick," Montgomery says. "But I couldn't resist."

"You've got a wicked defensive face there, man," Esposito tells him. Seriously? "We know, bro," he adds.

"You've got both of their best interests at heart," Ryan adds. "Known that for a while, actually."

He sighs and offers them a tired smile. He figures he deserves it, having left Kate alone with them for so long. "Thanks," he mumbles.

"Really, Castle. How is it?" Montgomery asks after a moment as the three of them manage to get themselves back in order. "Is she all right?"

"Beckett?" he wonders. The three of them nod. "She's great. Josie's great. It's been slow going, but she's doing so much better now. And Kate's been—"

"Kate, huh?" Esposito cuts in. "How's _that_ going?"

"None of your business," he says immediately. Their eyes cut to his. "I mean—look, it's not…this is temporary, you know?"

"Because after six months with you, they're not both going to be overly attached?" Ryan wonders.

"And what about you?" Esposito adds. "How're you gonna deal when they move back out?"

"Look, you're getting ahead of yourselves," he says desperately. He doesn't have any answers now, is in way too deep to ever imagine the girls leaving the loft being anything but desperately painful. But there's four months to go, and he and Kate—

"Hey," Montgomery says. He meets the man's eyes and realizes he's been quiet for a bit too long. "You guys look good. We just want what's best for you, all of you."

"Thanks, Captain," he manages.

"Why don't you go sit with Beckett, then take that adorable girl home," Montgomery suggests. "And you two," he adds, his hands clamping down on Ryan an Esposito's shoulders, "back to work."

"Yes Boss," Ryan says immediately.

"You got it," Espo adds.

Montgomery smiles and heads back to his office. Ryan and Esposito turn back to him, both smug and sheepish.

"S'good to see you," Ryan says after a beat.

"Yeah, it's not quite the same without you around," Esposito agrees.

"Quieter," Ryan continues. And even though he knows it's meant to be teasing, he can almost think that Ryan means it sincerely.

"We'll have to have a Madden day sometime," Castle suggests. "A day off or something when Kate can have Josie."

"Sure," Ryan agrees readily. "We should—" he adds, gesturing toward his desk.

"Of course," he says, watching as Ryan shuffles away.

"Castle," Espo says quietly. He meets the man's eyes, feeling weary. "Take care of 'em."

"Always," he offers without thought.

Esposito fights back a smile and shakes his head before walking off to join his partner. Castle stands there looking after them, feeling a bit attacked and also so supported. It's—he should find Kate.

He wanders back to the break room and smiles, leaning against the doorjamb to watch the picture she makes. She's seated on the couch, Johanne on her shoulder as she hums and rubs the girl's back. She's kicked off her heels and has both knees pulled up, leaning against the armrest with the baby.

"Hey," he says quietly.

"Hey," she says, smiling at him as she spots him coming toward her. "They read you the riot act?"

"Kind of," he mumbles. She left him to the dogs, at his request. Witchy woman. "They're not great at it," he admits as he plops down beside her to the sound of Johanne letting out a loud burp.

Kate laughs and shifts to sit beside him, standing Johanne up on her legs. The girl looks from her to him and back, not quite smiling anymore, but still comfortable.

"I'm a capable woman," Kate tells him. "Right, bug? We don't need your silly uncles tryin'a protect me from Castle of all people."

He chuckles and reaches out to tap Johanne's nose. The baby turns surprised eyes to him. "I'll never hurt you guys," he sing-songs, hiding his truth in his silly voice.

Johanne smiles at him, reaching out a hand. Kate shifts her so she's balanced on both of their thighs, Castle's hand on one side of her waist, Kate's on the other.

"We know that, don't we Jose? Castle's always gonna be right here."

She looks over at Kate, but she keeps her eyes on her daughter, much to his chagrin as Johanne's little hand grabs his nose a second later.

He figures he'll deal with the indignity of it if it makes Kate laugh like that. If it makes her believe that he'll always be there with them. He wants so badly to be.


	13. Chapter 13

**Attachment Syndrome**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 13:<strong>

"Okay, Josie," he says, placing another pillow behind her. "How's it feel?"

The baby blinks at him, surrounded by pillows as she sits on her play mat. Sits. All be herself. Well, a little propped up by pillows, but she's sitting. He can't wait to show Kate when she gets home.

"Look at you," he says, grinning at her.

She smiles back then reaches for one of the soft chew rings he's placed around her. He thinks she's days away from cutting her first tooth, and nobody is all that happy about it. She's starting to become a drooly little thing, and the crying, oh, the crying. He's hoping a nice frozen teething ring and some more snuggles will help, if she'll let him.

There's a knock on the door and he sighs. "Okay. Stay right there," he instructs, standing and looking down at her. She gnaws on the ring, very content, and perfectly stationary. "That's right," he says, as if she's obeyed a command.

She doesn't even look up as he walks to the door, but he glances back every few seconds, making sure to keep her in his line of sight.

"Ashley," he greets, surprised to find the teen on the other side of his front door, and in the middle of the day, no less. "Shouldn't you be at school?"

"I had a free period, and I knew Alexis had Chemistry." Castle cocks his head. "She instituted a no call, no contact policy," Ashley provides.

"Right," Castle says, nodding and gesturing for the kid to come in. He'd leave him in the hallway, but the poor guy looks like a kicked puppy, and he doesn't want to leave Johanne alone.

"I was wondering—could we talk?" Ashley asks, standing hesitantly in his foyer, his enormous backpack over one shoulder.

"Sure," Castle decides. "As long as you don't mind the baby."

Ashley nods and follows him into the living room, dropping his bag beside the couch before slowly sitting down on the lounger section, while Castle goes for the middle. He runs a hand over Johanne's head then turns to look at Ashley.

"She's bigger than the last time I saw her," Ashley says nervously.

"Yeah," he agrees. "About to get her first tooth, I think."

"Oh, that can't be fun."

"For anyone," he agrees. "But, you didn't come to talk about my little—about Josie," he says, stumbling over himself. He needs to make sure those thoughts stay well and truly in his head, and only in his head.

"Yes," Ashley says, his hands clasped tightly in his lap. "I'm sure you know—I made a mistake," he offers quietly. "A big one. I thought if I went to Stanford, Alexis would think I didn't care, you know? But then, when I decided to stay here…"

"It backfired," he acknowledges.

Ashley nods, looking bereft. "So, I thought about what she said, and I'm going to Stanford. I think, I hope we can make the long distance work, and I want to try. But she was right, I have to go where I want to, not where she is. But now I can't tell her—"

"Without disrespecting her boundaries," he finishes for him. "Right."

"So," Ashley glances at Johanne for a moment. "I know you have a lot on your plate, but I was wondering if maybe you could talk to her? Tell her I've decided to go to Stanford and get her to call?"

He sighs. He's all for helping them sort themselves out, but this feels uncomfortably like going behind Alexis' back. "Look, Ashley," he starts.

"I know," the kid cuts him off. "I know, I shouldn't—I just, I love her, Mr. Castle."

"I know you do. I see that you do," Castle agrees. "It just doesn't seem appropriate for me to get in the middle," he hedges, feeling like an ass. But overall, his relationship with Alexis has to come first.

"Haven't you ever been in love with someone who was determined to shut you out?" Ashley asks, and he can hear the desperation in his voice.

Castle groans internally. Has he ever. He glances down at Johanne and smiles. He has—he's been in Ashley's shoes. But now he's in different ones—confusing shoes to be sure, but better, growing, something.

He can help the kid, or at the very least, think about it. "I'll consider it," he tells Ashley. "But I can't promise you that I'll be able to get her to call you if I talk to her about it."

"Maybe Detective Beckett can," Ashley says, hope all over his face. "I know how much Alexis respects her, and how much her advice means. If you're not comfortable with it, could you ask her?"

Oh, God. That's—a stupendous idea, actually. Or at least getting her advice before approaching Alexis.

"I'll think about it," he tells Ashley, unwilling to get his hopes up too much.

"Okay," he says, his smile falling, but his voice still hopeful. "Okay, thank you. I should get back to school. Thank you for at least considering it."

"You're welcome," he says, watching as the kid, all angles and bones, hefts up his bag and lingers at the edge of the living room.

"I think we could do it," he says in one last ditch effort. "Make the long distance thing work."

"I think you could too," Castle tells him honestly. For how long, and how well, he's not sure. But he does think they have a shot at it.

"Thanks, Mr. Castle."

With that, he watches the teen walk out of his house. Castle slumps back on the couch and scrubs a hand over his face. He looks down and finds Johanne staring up at him, the teething ring in her mouth.

"You'll stay little, won't you Josie? And when you do grow up, no boys, okay? Actually, scratch that: no dating. I can't imagine this with two girls. You just stay away from everybody and hang out with me, okay? Okay."

Johanne gurgles around the ring and gives him a gummy smile.

"Thanks, bug."

(…)

"Castle?"

"Bath time," he calls back, laughing as Johanne hits the water at the sound of Kate's voice.

He finally broke out the little bath seat for the tub tonight, and there she is, happily playing and sitting in it, supported, but only just by the back of the seat, her little legs stuck through the slats and hands pounding on the water.

"Oh," he hears Kate say.

He turns and smiles at her as she stands in the doorway to his bathroom. He's seated on the floor, his sleeves rolled up, and water all down the front of his shirt. But her eyes are stuck to her little girl, sitting in the tub all on her own.

"She's sitting," Kate lets out.

He grins as she makes her way over and drops down to her knees. She reaches out and runs a hand over Johanne's wet curls, beaming at the baby.

"Hey, bug. Look at you so grown up," she coos.

"She liked sitting with the pillows, so I thought we'd try the bath," he explains. "And she is happy."

Little hands splay out on the way in short slaps, sending water everywhere. Kate laughs and quickly shucks out of her leather jacket, rolling up the sleeves of her pink button down so she can gently splash back.

Johanne splutters then lets out a peal of laughter and slaps the water again. Kate looks over at him and beams before bending further into the tub to splash the baby's tummy. Johanne splashes back and Kate ends up with a face full of water.

He lets out a loud laugh. Kate turns back to him, dripping wet, and smirks. Oh, shit. She splashes him, up out of the tub and straight into his face.

"Oh, it's so on," he proclaims, wiping water from his eyes.

They're careful to keep it away from Johanne, but by the time all three of them have finished slapping and splashing, both Kate and Castle are soaked to the skin, wet hair sticking to their faces.

Johanne giggles, looking at the two of them. Kate laughs and wrings out her hair.

"Did she get clean?" she wonders as Castle reaches in and hoists the baby out of her little seat, smiling when Kate meets him with a towel to wrap her all up.

"Clean enough," he decides as Kate towels her off, pressing kisses to her skin and smiling as Johanne coos.

"There we are," she says to the baby as she swaddles her up in the towel and stands, heading for the changing station they've set up in the office.

He sighs, looking around at the floor, which is thoroughly covered in water. He reaches in and pulls the plug before setting to grabbing towels to lay out. He'll come get them later, but definitely doesn't want to end up killing himself slipping in the middle of the night. What a pathetic way to go. They did a very thorough job though, and he ends up covering almost the entire ensuite in towels.

"All clean?" Kate asks as he steps into the office after a quick change. She's already got Johanne into her pajamas, the baby soft and cuddly on her chest as Kate rocks side-to-side on her feet.

"Basically," he says, smiling as she seems to relax with every second Johanne snuggles against her. "Good day?"

Kate nods. "Got a few leads, and we're waiting for a DNA match on Jerrods down in holding."

"Ooh, so you've already got the guy?"

"I think so," she says with a shrug. "But I didn't want to spend all night there. Nuh-uh," she adds to Johanne. "I had to come home so you and Castle could soak me through."

He bites his lip, unwilling to take the bait with the baby in the room. He notes that while he changed, she's still wearing her soaked shirt and jeans.

"Lemme take her and you go change," he suggests, walking over and reaching out for the baby. Kate shakes her head. "Kate," he chides.

"She's snuggling with me," she protests in a whisper. "I'll change once she's asleep."

She has the baby on a towel over her shirt, so he lets it go, following as she plops down onto the sofa.

"How was your day?" she asks.

"Okay. Ashley stopped by," he adds in a whisper.

"Lex's Ashley?"

"Alexis', yes," he grumbles. They do not see eye-to-eye on that nickname, but Alexis doesn't seem to mind at all. "He decided to go to Stanford."

"That's great," Kate enthuses. "Exactly what he should do."

He nods and watches as Johanne's eyes flutter shut. "He asked me to tell her, to put in a good word for him."

"That's sweet," she says. "A little awkward?"

"Very awkward," he agrees. "I actually—you don't have to if you don't want to—but he suggested that it might be better coming from you?"

She stares at him for a moment. "Really?"

"Well, you know how much she respects you, and you've…well, you've done distance before."

"And look how well that worked out," she says softly, glancing at Johanne.

"But before that. You guys were good together, kind of, right?" It's not how he'd like to go about this, but she _did_ have a long-distance relationship with Josh every other month.

"No," she says, glancing over at him. "Maybe in the beginning. But you knew before Haiti. Hell, _I_ knew before Haiti. I just…wanted to think I could make it work. And believe me, I'm glad I went with him." She holds Johanne just a bit tighter. "But that relationship? We were never going to make it. It just took me a while to see it."

"Ah," he manages, because what can he say to that?

"He wasn't there for me, and he wasn't supportive. But I didn't know what I wanted then," she continues.

Didn't know what she wanted _then_.

"And what do you—" he starts.

"But if I hadn't been in that relationship, I might not know now," she continues, her eyes set on Johanne, oblivious to his attempts to try and use this moment to suss out their relationship. "So yeah, Castle. I can talk to her."

What? Oh, right. Alexis. "Thank you," he gets out.

She cocks her head, considering him. "You okay?"

"Yeah," he says immediately. "Yeah. I'm glad," he adds, reaching out to stroke his finger down Johanne's nose, smiling as she snuffles, now fast asleep on Kate's shoulder. "That you got Josie."

"Me too," Kate says with a smile. "And Josh, for whatever his faults, got me there. So I owe him."

"Don't owe him too much," falls out of his mouth. He winces and peeks an eye at her, only to find her silently laughing. "What?"

"You're cute when you're jealous," she decides. "I'm gonna go put her in the crib upstairs and talk to Lex. In her room?"

It takes him a few seconds to respond, his brain so stunned by her admission. "Yeah, yeah, she is."

"Okay," Kate says, reaching out to pat his cheek. "Don't hurt yourself," she adds, tapping his temple as she stands and saunters out of the room with the baby.

God, the woman is maddening.

(…)

Alexis doesn't come downstairs after her talk with Kate. The woman herself calls it an early night, encouraging him to get some writing done. So he ends up sitting up alone in his office until one in the morning, getting nowhere on his book and everywhere on pictures of a still-unsure future with his daughter and Kate and Josie.

By the time he drags himself through a shower and hauls his body into bed, it's nearly two. He hopes their talk went well, hopes Kate instilled both faith and practicality in his daughter—hopes Alexis doesn't mind that Kate was the one—of course she won't mind. Half as awkward as having him do it.

He reaches out and switches on the monitor to Kate's room, assuming that by now she's asleep. He tries to wait a while after she goes up to give her some privacy. It's a little weird that he can hear into her room, but he's gotten very used to falling asleep to the sound of her breathing, and when she's out late, finds himself having trouble sleeping.

He's doomed.

As soon as he gets the monitor up to volume, a piercing cry blasts out of the little speakers.

He's up and to her door in a matter of forty-five seconds, knocking once before pushing it open. Kate sits on the bed, a wailing Johanne in her arms and the bedside light already on. She gives him tired nod of her head as he eases inside and closes the door.

"Someone is getting her first tooth," Kate offers as he walks over to sit down beside her.

"And I bet it hurts like heck, huh, bug?" he says to the baby, reaching out to stroke one of her fisted little hands as she struggles against Kate's hold. "Not so snuggly now?"

Kate shakes her head and passes Johanne to him. "Maybe with you?"

No dice. The baby writes in his arms, big fat tears sliding down her cheeks and drool dripping from her mouth.

"Can you go grab one of the teething rings from the freezer?" he asks over the crying. "I think the anbesol's up here, right?"

"Yeah," Kate agrees, standing and reaching out to shrug on her robe over her tank and shorts. "You good to put it on her?"

"Yep," he agrees, hiking Johanne up and making his way to the bathroom. "It's okay," he hums to the baby, shielding her eyes from the bright light as he turns on the vanity and begins searching through Kate's cabinet for the baby anbesol. "We're gonna get that little tooth all numb and give you a nice cold teething ring and you'll be good as new," he tells her.

Johanne relaxes just a touch at the sound of his voice, but keeps wailing. He grabs a tissue and wipes gently at her mouth. "This is where it gets a little gross," he informs her.

She struggles, but he manages to feel around in her mouth until he comes on the little bump near her front lip. Bottom teeth then, and probably two. "Aw, sweetie," he sighs, wiping his finger on his shirt before uncapping the bottle. "Okay, it's okay." He continues his chant as he smears the numbing jell on her gums and waits.

Slowly, her cries quiet until she's just whimpering and tearing up. She smacks her lips a few times and gives him a strange look.

"I know," he agrees. "It feels so weird, right? Just wait until you get Novocain for the first time. Hopefully when you're like thirty. We're gonna get you all sealed up so you don't have any cavities. Yes we are," he promises, bouncing her a bit as he walks back into the bedroom. "Alexis' mouth was perfect, not a cavity to be seen until that sealant wore off last year. She was mad. But we'll get yours resealed when you're sixteen, won't we?"

"Oh will we?" Kate asks with a smile, holding out the teething ring as he plops back down on her bed.

He hands it to Johanne and watches with amusement as she sticks it right in her mouth. She slumps against him and Kate grins tiredly, scooting close to rub the girl's back, her other hand braced behind him, her chest pressing into his arm.

"Did Castle make it all better?" she asks the baby. Johanne blinks at her and huddles into him. "Now she's snuggly," Kate mumbles.

"That's good though, right?" he says quietly. "That she's coming to us for comfort—trusts us enough to make it better."

"Yeah," Kate agrees, lifting her head to smile at him. "Yeah it is."

He smiles back and leans into her gently. He feels her relax against him as they watch Johanne gnaw on her ring.

"She's getting drool all over you," Kate observes.

"Eh," he says. "Better than pee."

"Mm," she agrees. "You get any sleep?" He shakes his head. "Good progress writing then?"

He shrugs and avoids her eyes. He knows she's onto him, but bless her, she's yet to bring it up. Gina's doing enough of it for all of them.

"Alexis okay?" he asks after a few minutes.

"She has a lot to think about," Kate admits. "But she seemed happy enough."

"Thanks," he whispers.

"Anytime." He turns to look at her. "Really, Castle. You know I never mind."

"I can still be grateful," he insists. "She's not—you're really great with her, and you don't have to be, and I appreciate it. So there."

Kate laughs and straightens up so she can run her hand over his back. He suppresses a shiver and relaxes under her palm instead.

"If I thanked you for everything you do for Josie, you'd kill me halfway through the day it would be so annoying."

"I've thanked you like twice," he protests.

"Try five hundred times," she corrects. "Biology or not, I care about her."

"I know you do. And ditto," he adds.

"If you didn't care, you'd be super human." He blinks at her. "Anyone can see that you love Josie," she tells him easily. "And I—and that means the world to me, you have no idea."

He smiles and stares at her. He'd really like to kiss her, but he's not sure whether this is quite one of those moments. It must be, because a second later she rises up to her knees and presses her mouth gently to his. She sweeps her tongue across his lips once, but pulls back before he can deepen it, Johanne caught between them and rapidly falling asleep.

She smiles at him, and he's pretty sure her dopey grin matches his own.

"So don't thank me," she says after a beat.

He laughs. "Can I thank you for that at least?"

"No," she says with a smile.

"Fine," he huffs, looking down at Johanne. "She doesn't let me appreciate her at all," he whispers to the sleeping baby.

"Put her back in the crib and we can snuggle, Castle," she offers, shuffling away from him and getting under the covers.

"Really?" he asks, his voice much higher than he'd like. He's a man, damnit. A manly man.

Johanne shifts in her sleep, letting out a little grunt and he feels his face melt into a smile. Okay, so he's a besotted man. Still.

"Really," Kate says.

He puts the baby back into the crib as fast as he can while still being a good…caretaker.

"And lose the drool shirt, would you?" Kate adds as he walks around to the other side of the bed.

"Tryin'a get me naked?" he tosses back, even as he does strip out of the shirt. For such a tiny thing she can create so much drool.

"You'll know when I'm tryin'a get you naked," Kate returns, smirking at him as he gets under the covers with her. "I'm cold. She's going to wake up in two hours, and you're a good snuggle buddy, 'kay?"

He grins and reaches out, astounded when she rolls right over to him and turns over, yanking his arm over her waist. When she's tryin'a get him naked. She plans on getting him naked someday. Oh, he can work with that.

"'kay," he agrees as he presses as much of him to her back as he can.

She sighs contentedly and turns her head to look back at him. "Good. Now go to sleep."

"Yes, dear," he says, smiling into her hair.

She pinches the back of his hand but snuggles back against him. Her fingers thread through his and he decides that she isn't trying to shut him out anymore. Far from it. No, it seems like maybe, just maybe, Kate feels exactly for him what he feels for her—a four letter word he can't say until he knows where he stands, until he knows where they're going.

But he feels it. And maybe she does too.


	14. Chapter 14

**Attachment Syndrome**

**Timeline clarification: **While Ashley and Alexis' plotline mirrors that of 3x23, I'm not adhering to a strict timeline concerning the lineup of episodes from the end of the third season. That plotline is obviously stretched across a few "episodes" here.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 14:<strong>

"Castle, have you seen my notes?"

"I think they're on the desk," he calls back, trying to juggle Johanne and a bottle and get Kate's thermos poured at the same time.

"Where on the desk?" she calls back.

"Under the murder board notes but above anything Nikki Heat?"

"Hey Dad," Alexis mumbles, coming down the stairs in her pajamas.

"Did we wake you?" he asks, bouncing as Johanne becomes more impatient. "I know, bug, but mommy might actually need her coffee more than you need your bottle right now."

Alexis laughs tiredly and moves around him to get into the fridge. "No. I'm meeting Paige early today to…chat before home room."

"Ah," he says. "About—"

"Yes," Alexis says, her voice clipped. "How's the bug?"

"Hungry. Could you?" he adds, gesturing to the just-percolated coffee.

"Sure. Feed her," Alexis chides, pouring Kate's coffee into the travel thermos. "Two sweet and los?"

"Yeah, and a shot of vanilla from the bottle in the fridge," he says, smiling at his kid.

"Castle, I don't know why you think they're there, but they're not," Kate announces, striding out of his office with a scowl on her face. "Oh, morning, Lex."

"Morning," Alexis replies with a yawn, grabbing some cereal from behind Castle's back after finishing off Kate's coffee and screwing down the lid.

Johanne sucks furiously on her bottle and he spins around, looking for Kate's file of notes on the various suspects potentially involved in the beauty pageant case he's pretty bummed he's missing.

"Did we work on them for her 3am feed, maybe?" he wonders.

"Yes!" she exclaims, spinning on her heel and pounding back up the stairs.

"You guys were still going over notes at 3am?" Alexis wonders as she slides onto one of the barstools.

"Those two could talk theory all night if the baby could sleep through it," Martha adds, striding back out of the laundry room, her preferred pair of gloves in hand. "Good morning, darling."

"Morning, Gram," Alexis says with a smile. "But really, Dad. Until three?"

"Well, we nodded off around one, and then Josie was back up at three, and she wouldn't settle, so Kate held her for a while and we got back into it."

Martha and Alexis exchange a significant glance, but he pays them no mind, watching instead as Kate sprints down the stairs in those four-inch-heels. He doesn't usually get to watch it from this angle. It's very impressive.

"Okay, I have to go," she says, stopping to kiss Alexis on the cheek and squeeze Martha's hand as she makes her way around the counter. "Bye bye, Josie," she adds, reaching around Castle for her coffee while simultaneously bending down to kiss her daughter.

"Bye bye mommy," he sing songs for the still-eating baby.

Kate smiles and lifts onto her toes to plant a chaste kiss to his mouth in farewell, before leaving, her cell already plastered to her ear, calling in to the precinct.

He smiles and rocks with Johanne as she finishes off her bottle. He glances up and finds both his mother and his daughter regarding him with open mouths.

"What?" he asks.

"Nothing," Martha says immediately.

"Tired," Alexis adds, looking back at her cereal.

He goes to push them, but feels Johanne tense up and then relax. "Right on schedule, aren't you, bug?" he wonders with a sigh, heading off to the office for the changing table, and leaving his mother and daughter behind, whispering together. Women.

(…)

"Castle," he says, picking up the phone. He laughs a moment later, watching as Johanne frowns and grunts, reaching for a toy that's just out of reach. She lifts her eyes to him with a glare. "Okay, okay," he mumbles, scooting the toy within her reach.

"Castle," he hears in his ear.

"Sorry. Hey, Beckett. You almost here?"

She sighs. "I'm running late. We had a suspect who wanted protection, and the paperwork took ages. I'm on my way now, but my dad will get there before me."

"Okay, no worries," he says. "We'll just wait to order."

"No, no, start without me, please," she insists. He listens as the elevator dings. "I should let you go. Can you get me—"

"The extra bread rolls. Of course," he says with a grin. Johanne looks up at him curiously. "See you soon."

"Bye," Kate replies before cutting off the call.

"Looks like you'll get some time with your grandpa without mommy," he tells the baby. She stares at him then babbles, something that sounds a bit like ma-ma, maybe. "You keep workin' on that, baby. Mommy will be so happy."

He leaves her sitting on the play mat and walks back to the kitchen, smiling as she turns her head to look for him.

"I'm right here, Josie," he says. She finds him with her eyes then goes back to her teething ring and rattle.

He starts getting plates out, deciding to wait until Jim arrives to order for them all. Alexis is still finishing her homework and his mother is due to arrive after Jim, so they may as well all have hot food to eat. Johanne laughs across the room and he grins, wonders what the joke might be.

But before he can go find out, there's a knock on the door. He can do this. He's seen Jim a fair number of times now. But this is really the first one without Kate around.

He opens the door and smiles at her father, dressed in a nice jacket and slacks, probably fresh from the office.

"Jim," he greets.

"Hi Rick," her father replies as Castle ushers him into the apartment.

"How are you?" he asks, gesturing for Jim to join him in the living room with Johanne.

"I'm well. And how's my favorite baby?" he asks, his voice a little higher as he sits down on the couch watching Johanne.

"She's great," Castle enthuses, plopping down on the floor with Johanne.

"And how are you?" Jim asks, meeting his eyes.

"I'm good," Castle offers. "We've been having a good day, haven't we, bug?" he asks the baby.

Jim wrinkles his nose. "I still hate that nickname."

"Blame Kate," Castle says with a laugh. "She converted me."

"I hear Josie was all you," Jim counters.

"Well, Johanne's—" he peters off, feeling suddenly awkward. It's not 'Johanna,' but it's close.

Jim laughs. "It's fine, son. Josie's a good fit for her." Castle nods, smiling at the baby. "And how is she doing, with…you know," Jim continues.

"Really well, I think," Castle tells him. "She still pulls away from us sometimes, and there are days when she's not very responsive, but for me and Kate, she's usually pretty happy now, cries when she needs us, and is willing to take hugs and snuggles when we're out and she's overwhelmed. Dr. Goldstein says she's making great progress."

"That sounds great," Jim tells him. "I don't suppose," he glances at the baby. "I don't want to overstep. But it's been two months, and I'd so like—"

"Hey Josie," Castle coos. "Can you sit up with grandpa? She'll probably be all right sitting on your lap if I'm right there," he says. "We'll play it by ear."

He picks Johanne up and smiles at her as she meets his eyes. He pulls a face and she giggles. "Okay, bug. We're gonna sit with grandpa now," he tells her, rising and handing her to Jim before sitting down right next to them.

Johanne squirms for a moment then goes quiet, looking up at Jim. She glances to the right and Castle smiles, bending down so they can look at each other.

"You remember grandpa, don't you, baby?" he asks, taking the hand she extends toward him.

"Hey Josie," Jim says softly. "You're being so good, sweetheart."

Castle smiles and watches as Johanne slowly relaxes. They've met more than once, and Jim's even played with her before. And of course there was the week he watched her in the beginning when Kate was working. But this is the first time since they've—oh, he so needs to get a picture for Kate.

He wiggles his phone out of his pocket and both Jim and Johanne laugh at his attempts to get a good picture, the baby easily distracted now by his antics. Alexis comes down stairs and he catches her eye over the back of the couch.

"Hey, Josie, look who it is," he says as Alexis walks over and smiles down at Johanne and Jim.

"Hi, Mr. Beckett," she greets.

"Alexis," he says happily. "Good to see you, and please, call me Jim this time?"

Alexis blushes and nods, watching as Johanne starts to tense up. Jim shoots Castle a look and immediately passes her over.

"Hey bug, you're okay. You know these guys. You like these guys," he assures her. "But I can hold you for a while. That's good with me."

Johanne cuddles into him, watching Jim and Alexis, not stressed, but not relaxed now either.

"Thanks for letting me hold you for just a little while," Jim tells the baby. "I love you," he adds, his voice a little tighter.

"I love you too, grandpa," Castle squeaks out. Jim laughs, startled, and Alexis snorts.

"Have you called for food, Dad?"

He shakes his head and looks up at her. "I was going to wait until—"

Alexis rolls her eyes. "She's always right."

"What?"

"Kate texted me to make sure you'd ordered dinner. She'll be here in like ten minutes, and she's hungry."

"Shit," he lets out. "Whoops. Owe you a buck, bug."

Jim chuckles as Castle swipes open his phone and starts punching in their order from Kate's favorite Italian place. Johanne reaches out for the phone and he laughs, moving it out of her reach.

"Nu-uh. No cell phones for you until you're at least ten," he tells the baby.

"Ten?" Alexis lets out. "I was twelve!"

"But she's a baby," he protests. "God only knows what they'll have when she's ten. Teleports?"

Jim shakes his head and stands up. "I'm going to hit the restroom while you two duke this out. Good luck, Rick," he adds, heading back toward the stairs.

Alexis glares at him as he manages to place their order. "What?" he asks her.

"It's just so not fair," Alexis mumbles before flopping down on the couch.

He laughs. "I got you the lightsabers," he reminds her. "And the laser tag."

She looks over at him and smiles. "Yeah, you did."

"Sorry I'm late," Kate calls out as she comes into the apartment. She clicks her way over to them and looks down at the picture they make—Alexis sprawled out on the lounger, Castle trying to keep Johanne from getting his cell phone into her mouth. "Where's my dad?"

"Bathroom," he and Alexis reply.

Kate smirks at them. "Food almost here?"

"Dad _just_ ordered," Alexis tells her.

"Hey!" he gets out. "Don't tell her that. We could have just blamed the delivery guy."

"Jeez, Castle," Kate sighs, leaning against the back of the couch to smile at Johanne. "I'm starving."

"Twenty minutes," he protests. "And mother's not even—"

"Hello, hello," Martha calls out.

"Here yet," he finishes on a mumble. "Sorry," he adds, looking up at Kate with a pout.

She laughs and flicks his ear before reaching down to pluck Johanne from his lap. "Castle's just a disappointment, isn't he?" she asks the baby, smiling as Johanne grins at her.

"Am so not," he argues. "I'm a delight."

Both Kate and Alexis laugh as Martha joins them, Jim bringing up the rear. Martha laughs at her son as he sits there on the couch, baby-less and food-less.

"Of course you are, darling," Martha agrees. "A complete delight."

"Thank you, mother," he says with a grin. "See?" he adds to Kate.

She shakes her head and kisses the baby's forehead. "I lied, bug. Castle's the best, isn't he? Good enough?" she asks him.

"I'll allow it," he decides.

"Martha," Jim cuts in. "Good to see you again."

"Likewise," his mother tells her father. "Oh, I've been meaning to call. How did that case go?"

The two of them walk off to the kitchen, exchanging details about Jim's latest case. Kate looks down at him. "Do they?"

"Talk?" Castle finishes. "I guess so."

"Are you guys surprised?" Alexis wonders, sitting up and reaching down to hand Johanne a teething ring.

Kate blinks then laughs at the small puddle of drool on her shoulder. "Charming, Josie," she says as she passes her back to Castle. "I'm gonna go change."

"Did you know?" he asks Alexis as he grabs for a burp cloth to keep drooly from ruining yet another dress shirt.

"That your parents are friends?" Alexis wonders. "Yeah."

"Huh," he says.

"What?" Alexis asks with a laugh. "You didn't think the grandpa and surrogate grandma were going to talk?"

"I—" he starts. Well, no. He didn't even think about it. But then again, he's really just been focused on Kate, Johanne, and Alexis. He hasn't even had a conversation with his mother in a week, the two of them missing each other between feedings, rehearsals, meetings, and outings.

"It's not a big deal," Alexis informs him.

He nods, bouncing Johanne a little. "How was school?" he asks. It's not a big deal that their parents talk, but at the same time, they're going to talk about them, and he doesn't really want anyone peering at his relationship with Kate. It's confusing enough as it is.

"Good," Alexis offers quietly.

"Did you and Ash…" he cuts off as she shakes her head. "Right," he mumbles. They sit in silence for a while until Kate comes back down stairs just as the delivery person knocks on the door.

"I'll get it," Kate says quickly, opening the door before he can even move. Well, there goes paying for family dinner. "Food," she calls out, beckoning them all to the table.

Castle smiles as she lets out a surprised laugh. He got the high chair out today. Johanne won't be eating just yet, but at least both of them can while she plays with her toys or gnaws on a teething ring. He hopes they get at least a week or two between these new teeth and the next set. God, and she'll be ready for real food soon too. Just messy all over.

He slides the baby into the seat and she gurgles, smacking the top of it experimentally.

"Does it suit you, miss Josie?" he asks, bending down so she can turn and see his face. He gets a wet, drooly hand to the cheek for his effort. "Thanks," he grumbles, standing and waking his way back to the kitchen to wipe down.

Martha and Jim laugh and sit down as Kate decants all of the containers. Alexis joins him in the kitchen and smiles as he shudders after wiping off Johanne's touch of 'affection.'

"You drooled too," he informs her.

"You still do," she tosses back with a grin as they pour water for everyone.

He sticks his tongue out at her and joins the rest at the table, smiling as Kate puts everything he likes onto his plate for him. He catches Martha's eye and finds her smirking at him. He shakes his head and tucks in as everyone oohs and ahs. It is a great Italian place.

"So Katie," Jim opens. Kate smiles back at her father but he feels her foot pressing into his. "How are you feeling, between work and the baby?"

"Good," she says easily. "Work's been busy, but not crazy. And Josie's wonderful."

"She's such a dear," Martha adds, pointing at Kate with her fork. "Always makes sure to leave the light on, or make me an extra muffin to have when I come home."

"At all hours of the night," Castle whispers.

Kate elbows him and Alexis watches them, grinning.

"I heard that," Martha says across the table. "It's not like the two of you are keeping normal hours anyway," she adds. "Up at three and working on a case."

"Really?" Jim wonders.

"It's not—I'm not working that late," Kate assures him. "Josie doesn't always fall back to sleep if she wakes up hungry, so we just take the opportunity."

"We?" Jim asks.

"Dad," Kate scolds, glancing at Castle. "You know Castle's supposed to get her at night too."

"And you two just build theory after to pass the time?" Martha prods.

"Yes," Castle says, sending her a look. His mother may have figured out that he doesn't always make it back to his bed after a feeding, but Jim doesn't need to know that.

"Interesting," his mother says. And he knows interesting isn't the half of it to her.

He glances at Alexis and finds her looking down at her dinner. He smiles at her, but gets no response. Huh.

"So, Dad. What's new with you?" Kate asks, following Castle's gaze to Alexis for a beat before looking back up at her dad.

Jim smiles and launches into a tale about getting his friend's boat out of the marina and a capsize that was hard to fix. Castle watches as Alexis gives a half-hearted effort. She and Ashley need to fix things soon. His little girl is just…not the same like this.

(…)

Johanne coos at him as he sits at his desk, the baby standing on his lap. "Dama Dama," she says.

"Dama Dama," he repeats, grinning as she beams at him. "Yeah. I hear you, bug. I get you."

She giggles as he tickles her stomach, her little arms flailing. She reaches out for his nose and he moves his head, catching her fingers in his mouth instead. He gums at her with his lips, making nomming sounds and she squeals.

"Hey."

He looks up and finds Alexis in her pajamas, leaning against the doorjamb. Jim and Martha went home around nine, and though Johanne had been napping at the time, she's wide awake now. He sent Kate upstairs to take a shower and promised to calm the baby down so they could have an early night. He's not doing a great job.

"Hey," he says, smiling at his daughter while avoiding Johanne's grabby hands.

"What are you and Kate doing, Dad?" Alexis asks, no preamble, no artifice. He opens his mouth and ends up with little fingers. He shakes his head at Johanne and looks back at Alexis. "What are you guys really doing?" she asks again.

"What do you mean, sweetheart?" She sighs at him.

But he's got nothing. He's not sure what she means. They're…raising Johanne together, right now. Helping the baby learn to trust and form attachments.

"You guys kissed this morning," Alexis continues, stepping into the office. "And I know you sleep in her room now, at least half the night most nights."

He swallows. "Look, Alexis—"

"I just—I love Kate, okay? I love her, and I love Josie, and whatever you guys are doing, I worry that," she pauses and seems to gather her courage. "I don't want them to leave because you guys couldn't make it work."

He sighs and glances down at Johanne, trying to summon the words. He doesn't know what they're doing, but it's something good. He thinks.

"We're not—we're not going to do anything to ruin this. But Kate and Josie being here, it's always been a temporary—it's supposed to be a temporary thing."

"And what about in six months when she's calling you Dada and Kate says she's leaving? What's Josie supposed to do then? Just get used to you not being there 24/7? Just lose her dad?"

"I'm not her Dad," he says softly.

"Like hell," Alexis lets out. "You feed her, you change her, you sit and roll on the floor with her. You bathe her. She laughs with you. She lets you hold her. She reaches for you when I'm holding her. She looks for you all the time when you leave the room. She smiles at you the same way she smiles at Kate."

"I know," he says. "I know she does. But I'm not—Alexis, it's just not that simple."

"Well you need to make it simple," the girl lets out. "Because there are kids stuck in the middle and there's more at stake than whether or not you end up sleeping together."

Kids. Plural. It doesn't pass him by.

"Alexis," he says gently. "Whether or not Kate and I…sleep together doesn't mean we're not going to be here for Josie," he says. "Or for you."

Alexis swallows and stares at him, deflating. "Don't you want her to call you Dada?" she whispers.

Of course he does. With every syllable Johanne mumbles, he hopes, and feels that crushing realization that she won't.

"Da-da," Johanne lets out, her head turned to look at Alexis. "Dada."

"Oh my God," Alexis breathes out.

"Just had to say Dada first, huh?" Kate says as she steps out from behind the bookcase, coming to stand next to Alexis.

Alexis startles and stares at her, her mouth open. She turns to flee but Kate catches her.

"Did you just say Dada, bug?" he asks the baby, keeping an eye on Kate and Alexis. "Who're you talking to?" he adds, his voice tight and his eyes suspiciously watery.

"Who else would she be talking to?" Kate wonders, prompting him to raise his head, only to find her with her arm wrapped around Alexis. "It certainly isn't Alexis. That would just be wrong."

"But," he mumbles, looking back at the baby. "Can you say mama, bug?"

Johanne blinks at him, then smiles. "Dada."

Kate laughs, her other hand over her mouth while Alexis smiles tentatively.

"Wow," Kate lets out. "Wow, Josie-bug. Look at you."

He smiles at Kate as she finds his eyes, both of them awed and shocked and, he imagines, still reeling from Alexis' outburst.

"I'll just go back upstairs," Alexis starts. "Let you guys have some—"

"Hey," Kate says, tightening her hold on Alexis' shoulders so she can't duck out. "We're going to be okay, Alexis," she promises. "Remember what I said?" she adds. He stares at them, utterly baffled. Alexis smiles and nods slowly. "That's what this is for me."

Alexis' face breaks into a true smile and she launches herself at Kate, wrapping her arms tightly around her neck. Kate laughs and hugs her back, smiling over the girl's shoulder at Castle and Johanne.

"Okay," Alexis says, pulling back. "I am gonna go to sleep. But thanks, Kate." She looks over at him and smiles. "Night, Dad."

"Night, sweetheart," he says, dying to know what it is Kate said once that's made his daughter go from a near panic attack to elation. He'd like to know because it seems like it bodes well for him—extremely well if Alexis' reaction is any indication.

He watches as Alexis walks out of the office, leaving Kate in the doorway. She takes a moment to watch her go then comes right for them, kneeling down next to his chair to reach out and stroke Johanne's back.

"Can you say it again, baby?" she asks. "Can you say Dada?"

Johanne smiles and reaches out to pat Kate's cheek in return. "Dada."

Castle laughs. "No no, bug. That's Mama."

Johanne looks back at him, her other little hand whacking his chest. "Dada," she insists.

"That's right, Josie," Kate encourages. He cuts his eyes to meet hers. "That's Dada. Right, Castle?" she adds with less confidence.

He feels it bloom across his face and watches with awe as she grins at him in response. "Yeah?" he whispers.

Kate laughs and stands up so she can lean down over them in the chair behind him, one hand bracing herself on an arm rest. She presses her cheek to his, her other hand wrapping around his chest.

"Yeah, Rick," she whispers before turning and kissing his cheek. "Did you doubt that?"

"Um," he lets out inelegantly as Johanne watches them, her head cocked to the side.

"Well, don't," Kate chides, rubbing over his heart. "She absolutely adores you," she adds.

"And you?" he asks before he can stop himself. It's amazing. It's amazing that she wants him to be Dada. But what does that mean? Where does that leave them?

He feels her smile against his cheek "Kinda adore you too," she mumbles. He grins and turns his head, meeting her lips in a gentle kiss.

"Come on, Josie," she says as they pull apart, her voice a few shades deeper. "Let's see if we can make Dada cry, huh? Can you say it again, sweetheart?"

"I'm not gonna—"

"Dada," Johanne says, looking straight at him, a smile on her face.

Oh, hell. He's so done for, he thinks, as he feels his eyes water and hears Kate's low, delighted laughter, her hand still over his heart.


	15. Chapter 15

**Attachment Syndrome**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 15:<strong>

"Okay, Josie. I know you're hungry. We're almost there. Just gotta put the freezer stuff in the freezer and we'll get you that bottle."

Johanne cries pitifully, kicking her feet against his belly while he tries to maneuver the shopping bags and his keys and push open the front door. He hadn't expected it to take so long to pick up the essentials for taco night.

He opens the door and stops in his tracks. Alexis and Ashley are sitting at the kitchen island, holding hands, with Martha across the counter, smiling at them.

"Hey Dad," Alexis greets with a grin.

"Hey, Alexis. Hi, Ashley. What are you doing here?" Johanne wails. "Could one of you?" he adds, holding out the bags.

Ashley and Alexis immediately hop up and help him get everything onto the counter.

"Hey, Josie," Alexis coos.

"She's hungry," he supplies as the baby continues to wail.

"Here," Ashley says quickly, ducking into the fridge to pull out a bottle. "Cold okay?"

"I doubt she cares at this point," he admits, popping off the cap and offering it to the baby. She latches on immediately. "There you go," he says to the baby. "So, Ashley," he continues, watching as the kid clambers back onto the stool next to Alexis.

"Guess what?" Alexis asks with a grin.

"You two are back together?" he offers with a smile. Thank God. Well, not thank God, because his daughter should become a nun. But she looks so happy.

"Not that," she dismisses with a wave. Ashley splutters and she smiles, patting his arm.

"Uh, what?" he says, swaying in place as Johanne eats contentedly, all previous upset gone in the face of food.

"I'm going to Stanford!"

He stares at her. "What?"

"I'm applying for early admission. And you know all of those extra classes I've taken since freshman year? I have enough credits to graduate in the fall!"

"You what?" he manages.

"So I can join Ash in January. At Stanford. In college," she says, her eyes bright and smile wide.

"What?" he repeats, looking at his mother, who shrugs and pats his arm, waving at the baby. He turns to Ashley.

The kid smiles nervously. "It was all her idea, sir," he says, trying not to look too pleased, though Castle can tell he's tamping it down for him. Good kid.

Actually, no. No. His—Alexis can't go to college. She can't possibly go to college in January.

"But," he gets out.

"Hey guys," Kate greets as she comes inside. "Oh, Ashley. Hello."

"Hi, Detective Beckett," he says with a little wave. He glances uneasily at Castle.

Right, he's just gaping at his daughter, Johanne the only thing keeping him standing.

"What's goin' on?" Kate asks, catching his eye.

"I'm going to Stanford," Alexis tells her. "In January. Early admission."

"Oh," Kate says, turning to look at her. "You're—already?"

Alexis shrugs. "Well, I mean, I'm applying in the fall."

"Oh," Kate repeats. "That's great," she decides, reaching out to hug Alexis. "You'll have so much fun. I take it you're pretty pleased?" she adds, looking over at Ashley.

The kid blushes and Castle feels himself starting to unravel. "Here," he says, passing Johanne to a surprised Kate. "I have—call, gotta make a call. Start dinner?" he adds, glancing at Kate.

She nods slowly and watches as he walks away. He can feel Alexis' disappointed gaze hitting his back, but this is better. Better that he go sit in his room, far away from prying eyes, rather than exploding.

Early admission? To Stanford? Not only is she going to leave the nest, but she's going across the country? He's just not ready for this.

He sits there, head in his hands, elbows on his knees for he doesn't know how long. He hears her before her shadow hits his, the soft snick of the door, the pad of her feet as she walks over to him.

He sighs when Kate's knees bump his. "How can you tell her it's great?" he asks, looking up at her. "It's awful."

She smiles sadly at him and runs a hand through his hair. "She's excited," she tells him.

"I know," he grumbles. "But I—it's too soon. And for a boy? That's not—that's not Alexis. That's not what she wanted. Any school. She could go to any school. And Stanford's great, but what about Princeton? Columbia? Harvard?"

"She'll meet so many different people at Stanford," Kate says. "So many more kinds of kids than she would at any of the east coast schools."

"So?"

"So," she says slowly, leaning down to put her hands on his shoulders so she can meet his eyes. "You need to let her stretch those wings."

He frowns. "But what if this is a huge mistake?"

"Then she'll transfer to Columbia and we'll eat ice cream," she says easily. "Let them have this for a few days. She won't hear until the fall."

"She's already applied?" he lets out.

Kate laughs softly and stands back up. "She's started the application. They decided this today, Castle. Don't get ahead of yourself."

"I can't help it. She's my baby. What if Johanne wants to fly across the country for school? How—wouldn't you hate that?"

Kate lifts an eyebrow. "Castle, she'll probably want to go to Haiti long before that. And her? Come on, Oxford."

He laughs and shakes his head, reaching up to scrub at his eyes. "Already thinkin' 'bout it?"

"I always thought it looked cool," she says with a shrug.

She catches his hands as they drop from his face and tugs. He stands reluctantly and lets her pull him into a hug. He stares down at the picture of Alexis on his nightstand—her tiny little hands, chubby little cheeks. She's too young to go all the way across the country.

"Think you can buck up for dinner?" Kate asks, her breath on his ear.

He squeezes her closer. "No," he says petulantly.

She hums and runs her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck. "If I told you Alexis looks like someone kicked her puppy, could you?"

He groans. "You don't fight fair."

"Yeah, well, you've known that for a while," she says as she pulls away. "Now come on. I don't want to leave Josie in the jolly jumper for long, or she's gonna hurl."

He chuckles and meets her eyes. "You're gonna keep me in line right? Because I don't think I can do this."

She smiles and arches up to kiss him, her socked toes bumping into his. "I got your back, Castle," she says as they pull apart.

"Can you get my front too?" he asks quickly, grinning as she rolls her eyes. "That might cheer me up big time."

"Uh-huh," she says, dropping one hand to tug him back out of his room. "Keep dreamin'."

"Oh, I do," he taunts. "Every night. Twice when I come up for feedings. But the baby's always there."

"Shut up, Castle," she says with a laugh. "Go grate cheese with your daughter."

She pushes him toward the counter and he pastes on a smile. Alexis looks up at him tentatively as he comes around to stand next to her, reaching out for a large block of cheddar cheese.

"Daddy?" she whispers, glancing over at Ashley at the other end of the counter.

"I'm just going to miss you," he tells her gruffly, bumping her hip. "Hit me a bit too hard. But I'm proud of you."

She beams and him and leans into his shoulder. Kate smiles at him across the room, holding a faintly green Johanne in her arms.

(…)

"Beckett," she mumbles into the phone.

He grunts as she rolls over to lay on her back, her elbow hitting his chest in the process.

"What?" He opens his eyes as she stares at the ceiling, her mouth slightly parted, face white. "Okay, thank you."

She hangs up and he waits, but she doesn't explain, just lays there.

"Kate?" he whispers, reaching out hesitantly to touch her hand on her stomach. "What's wrong?"

"Lockwood was transferred to General Population this morning," she says slowly. "He killed McAlister. Stabbed him to death."

Castle feels the breath leave his chest. Shit. That's—_shit_.

"Ryker called to let me know—the guard who always let me in. He sounds really shaken up," she continues. "I—I need to go. They're going to arraign him today, late this afternoon, put a priority on it."

"I'll come with you," he says instantly.

Johanne starts crying.

"No, stay with Josie," she says, finally turning to look at him. And he sees it there, the spark in her eye—that dangerous glint she always gets around this case. "I'll be fine. I'll call you after, okay?"

"Kate," he protests, sitting up as she swings herself out of her bed. "I don't want you going alone."

She turns and looks at him, standing there in a pair of boy shorts and a pink tank-top, all Mama Kate and nothing like Detective Beckett.

"I'll be fine," she promises. "I'll come home early right after, okay?"

He parts his lips, but she slips into the bathroom, leaving him to get up and tend to the crying baby. He doesn't like this at all.

(…)

She get in at 10:30.

"Where have you been?" he asks immediately, jumping up from the couch where he's been futilely trying to take his mind off of her with his book.

"Lockwood escaped," she says, leaning back against the closed front door and dropping a box to the floor, the knees of her pants dirty and her fingers twitching. "He got away."

"What do you mean, got away?" he asks, walking over to take her coat from her. She lets him drag it off of her without protest.

"He had cops, fake cops, come into the arraignment. They threw flash bombs and got him out. They took off in a helicopter. Shot the guard at the door."

She growls suddenly and drags her hands across her scalp. "He got away, Castle. And the chopper flew too low to hit the federal radars. We've got cops out tomorrow morning to all of the nearby hangers, but…he's out."

He stares at her. That's not good. If he's out—why would they get him out? Who would he need to…

It hits him suddenly. Kate. They're coming for Kate.

"How's Josie," she asks, her voice a shade softer.

He blinks. She's safe. She's here. Montgomery will protect her. "She's good. Asleep in the office."

"Good," she manages, standing straighter and forcing on a tight smile. "Did you eat?"

"Alexis and I had pasta. There's some in the fridge to re-heat for you."

She nods and bends down to retrieve the box. Her mother's murder box.

"Kate," he starts as she heads for the kitchen island.

"What?" she tosses back, dropping the box on the counter before reaching into the fridge.

"I," he starts and sighs. What's he supposed to say? 'I'm worried you're going to disappear into this thing and get yourself killed, and you can't do that because you have a daughter that calls me Dada?'

She looks over at him as she pops the ramekin into the microwave. "What is it, Castle?"

"Nothing," he decides. "Nothing. What time are you going in tomorrow?"

"Early," she says, leaning back against the counter.

"I want," he starts, then stops.

"I know," says, meeting his eyes. "We can text. I would say come in with coffee, but I don't want—someday I want her to see pictures of her grandmother, and I don't want her first memory, even one she won't remember, to be of her on the murder board."

He nods. "Okay," he says. It's tearing him to pieces, because all he wants is to be there to help her, to keep and eye on her, but he can't. And the reason is so beautiful, so wonderful.

"You wanna sleep?" he asks after a quiet minutes.

She shakes her head. "How long until she wakes up?"

"Maybe an hour," he hedges. "She was hungry at six, but she'll need a change. You gonna get some holding time in?"

Kate nods and retrieves her dinner before walking around to stand beside him. She reaches out to open the case box. "You want a refresher?" she asks quietly.

No. No, he wants to box it back up and toss it in the East River. He just wants it gone, wants it solved, wants her safe and happy. He wants yesterday's Kate back, the one that made out with him in her bed and promised Johanne that Daddy would make everything better at 2am.

"Sure," he offers, because when it all breaks down, he's her partner. And they're going to solve this thing. She wants him around when they do.

(…)

He watches as she smoothes her hand over Johanne's head, bent over the crib in her work clothes. The sun hasn't even risen yet. He wants to tell her to come back to bed, to let Javi and Kevin do the heavy lifting.

"I'll see you tonight, baby," she whispers. "Have fun with daddy."

He smiles even though his chest is heavy. She may be teetering on the edge of that rabbit hole, but she's still there with them. She stands straight and turns, watching him as he pulls himself up to sit against her headboard.

"Text me when you can," he beseeches.

She nods and walks over, bending down to press her lips to his forehead. "Have fun with Josie," she offers, before she strides out of the room. Unwilling, or unable, to take any other comfort from him.

He spends his day alternating between trying to calm a fussy Johanne, and attempting to get words out of his fingers. After a while, he gives up, and sits in his office, the contents of her mother's murder spread out on his desk, Johanne asleep on his shoulder. He'll clear it off if she wakes.

Kate texts him at about three, telling him they've found the chopper, but no DNA. They're running security footage, but she's not hopeful. They have no leads, but she's not coming home just yet. She'll be there soon.

Soon becomes six. Then seven.

He sighs and scoops Johanne out of her jumper and takes her to the kitchen. She's picked up on his mood, he thinks—a quiet, somber day with the baby. He feeds her a bottle, leaning back against his counter. They really need to start her on solid food. Dr. Frailey said it was fine to wait, let her catch up to a good weight, but she's over seven months already. It's time.

He just doesn't have it in him today.

"Dad?"

He looks up as Alexis comes in, a frown on her face. "Hey, pumpkin," he greets. "How was school?"

"Good," she says slowly. She looks around, listens. "Is Kate home?"

"She's still at work."

"It's eight," Alexis says, surprised. "She usually—what's wrong?"

He sighs. She's perceptive, his kid. And older than she looks—old enough to leave home early. Old enough to hear the truth, he figures. He takes the empty bottle from Johanne and walks around to join Alexis in the living room.

She watches with a smile as he sets Johanne on her play mat, taking a second to tickle her tummy before turning to his daughter.

"There's been a break in Beckett's mother's case," he says without preamble.

"Oh," Alexis lets out. "I thought she wasn't…looking into it any more," she adds.

"She wasn't," he confirms.

He wonders if they've talked about it together, the girls. If it was any part of that infamous conversation that solved her Ashley problem, and part of his issue with Kate. They still haven't quite ironed that out. But he can wait on that, wait until this wave of the case crashes over.

"The man who shot the leading detective on the case just escaped from prison," he tells his daughter. "She's been trying to find him, to figure out the trail since yesterday."

"I can't imagine what that's like," Alexis says, looking down at Johanne. "To spend your life finding closure for other people, and to still not have it for yourself."

He nods and reaches out to squeeze her hand. "She'll get it someday."

"When's someday?" Alexis wonders. "How old will she be?" she continues, gesturing to Johanne. "How many close calls before someday, Dad?"

She looks over and meets his eyes. He feels himself sigh, feels that pressure around his heart. He doesn't know. It scared him before—her tenacity, her fire for this one case. Now it has the ability to shatter his world open.

There's a knock at the door before he can come up with an answer. He shakes his head and stands. He's starting to dread the knock on the door. It so rarely brings good news.

True to form, Jim Beckett stands on the other side, looking worried, as if he hasn't slept that much this week. Castle can relate.

"Could we talk?" he asks before Castle can even greet him.

"Of course."

He leads Jim back and into his office. Alexis promises to watch Johanne. The baby's almost asleep on her mat as it is. He watches as Alexis slowly lays down next to the baby and wraps an arm around her. Johanne doesn't startle, just settles further into the mat.

He wishes Kate could see that. Wishes he had time to take a picture. Wishes she was late because of paperwork, not because she's at the precinct staring at a mostly-empty white board without him.

"What can I do for you, Jim?" he asks as Jim falls into one of his arm chairs.

"I called Katie earlier," the man says, gesturing for him to sit. "She told me there's been another break in the case."

Castle nods, his throat tight. He knows what it does to Kate, but he's never seen Jim like this before—so still, so soft. He can't imagine what it must be like—what it would be like if Kate…and they're not even married. Hell, they're not even—he shakes himself and comes back to the task at hand.

"The man who murdered Officer Raglan has escaped," he says.

Jim nods. "Lockwood."

"Exactly."

"How is she, really?"

Castle sighs. "It's hard to tell, you know? She so good in front of Johanne. And she's been working hard to be good in front of me too, but I can tell."

"Tell she's scared?"

"Tell she's determined," he corrects. "She gets this fierce quality. And it's good for solving murders, but—"

"But it pulls her back down," Jim agrees. He meets Castle's eyes with an amount of understanding that's comforting and quite scary at once. "This man she's chasing. How dangerous is he?"

"He's a trained killer," Castle admits. He can't lie to this man, to Johanne's grandfather, Kate's dad. He just can't.

Jim sighs and bobs his head. "And if he finds her?" Castle opens his mouth but finds no words to comfort him. "I've already—they already took Johanna. They've already taken so much of Katie's life, of my life. And I've made my peace with that, with what they took, and what I did to try and forget. But Katie? I look around at this life of yours—this life you two are building. She has so much more to live for now."

"She did before," Castle says softly. "Before Johanne."

Jim nods. "But this time she might finally be able to see that," he says. "This time you might be able to get her to see it."

"Jim," he protests.

"My daughter loves you, Rick," he announces. "She hasn't said it yet, but it's there in every moment she spends with you. And I know you love her—know you would do whatever it took to keep your family together. Alexis, Johanne, Kate, Martha."

Jim stands at that and gives him a long look. "Don't let Katie forget what she has to live for." With that, he turns and walks out of the room.

Castle watches him go, a heavy weight settling solidly onto his shoulders.


	16. Chapter 16

**Attachment Syndrome**

**Quick A/N: In response to a few reviews, I wanted to let you guys know that I've decided not to include the Royce storyline in this AU. Obviously, this story plays with canon events, but that won't be one of them. And so, onward:**

**A/N 2: This chapter has been having trouble. I'm trying a few things to get it up. THERE IS NO CHAPTER 17. There was a site error. I'm sorry! Chapter 17 will be up this weekend. But, this is the new chapter, and it's long (grumble ffnet grumble)!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 16:<strong>

"Kate?" he mumbles, stumbling out of his room and into his office. He didn't wake up during the night. She must have gotten Johanne on her own.

She turns her head, seated at his desk. He sees Johanne's sleeping form in the crib in the corner. Kate's still wearing the same clothes she left in yesterday.

"What time did you get in?" he asks, rubbing the grit out of his eyes. It's only 5:30am.

"Two," she says distractedly, looking back down at the desk.

She's added things, he notes, walking over to peer over her shoulder. She's got the Hedge Fund manager on the right hand corner, a list of his known friends and various charitable organizations on a note card in her tidy scrawl beneath the picture. Lockwood's picture sits front and center, above it, Raglan and McAlister.

"Did you sleep at all?" he wonders.

She shakes her head and he notices the coffee to her left.

"Kate," he sighs.

"What?" She looks up and meets his eyes, and he can see something fragile there.

Maybe if he lays it out, maybe if he can tap into that, he can reach her. Can stop her before she gets any further, before the frenzy around the fragility swallows her whole.

"Look, maybe—"

Her phone rings and he sighs, spinning around to run a hand over his face as she answers.

"He's what? No. No. I know Ryker. He wouldn't—you're sure? Yeah, yeah, I'll be right there."

He groans quietly and revolves to find her standing, shoving files and papers back into her bag. She glances at the crib, her jaw tight.

"Kate," he says quietly.

"The guard, Ryker. The guard that called me. He's the one that let Lockwood into General Population. I'm meeting the guys at his apartment."

"Are you—"

She shakes her head. "I have to. I—I have to go. Take her to the park today, okay? And tell Alexis I'm sorry I missed her last night. I was going to help her with her application."

He opens his mouth, but he's got nothing. He doesn't know what to say, how to ask her to stop. She's…being as careful as she can, he knows. And at least she's still here—comes here to spiral down.

"I'll come by later," he tells her.

"No, Castle, what about Josie?"

"So we'll face her away from the murder board," he says immediately. "At least let me bring you coffee."

"I," she starts.

But he holds up a hand. It flares in him. He has to be there, has to help somehow. Has to see what she's really like, how she's really doing. Because even now, on no sleep and kissing her daughter's forehead, he can tell that she's hiding. She's faking for him.

"I'll see you around one," he says as he follows her up to her room.

She stares at him as they reach her door. "Rick, I just—"

"I know," he promises. He's not really sure he does.

She nods once and disappears inside, re-emerging not five minutes later. And for a woman who hasn't showered and hasn't slept, she looks remarkably put together. It's what's so terrifying about her like this. Anyone who doesn't really know her couldn't see her falling back down the hole.

She follows him down the stairs this time, and he waits at the door as she slips back into her shoes. She looks at him then, and for a moment, everything clears. She leans up and kisses him, her hands on his cheeks.

"I'll see you at one," she promises.

And then she's gone.

It's a long wait until one. He pours over the case for a while until Johanne wakes, then distracts himself with his kids. Well, her kid, and his kid. But they both call him some variant of dad. He can't split hairs today.

Alexis gets off to school just as his mother comes bustling back into the apartment. She takes one look at him, sitting at the counter with Johanne, and shakes her head.

"What's wrong?" she asks, settling beside him. Johanne reaches out for her hand, her eyes obviously glued on one of the many baubles and rings his mother wears. "And hello, miss Josie," she adds with a laugh.

Castle musters a half-hearted smile.

"Richard," she says quietly.

"Beckett's mother's case reopened," he says tiredly. "And I don't—I don't know what to do, or how to help, or how to keep her from…being Kate."

His mother considers him. "How deep in are you, darling?"

"Never climbing back out, deep," he says honestly. "But I want to make sure there's something down there to not climb out for. And sometimes, when this case comes up, I worry."

"Have you told Katherine this?"

"I tried," he mumbles. "But there isn't time. I'm going to go bring her coffee in," he glances at the microwave. "God, five hours?"

Her eyebrows raise. "With the baby?"

He sighs. "I can't leave her with you. Not yet. And Kate's barely seen her, even though I know she probably spent half of the three hours she was here with Josie on her chest."

Martha nods, smiling as Johanne gives her a two-toothed grin. "You seem pretty happy," she tells the baby. "It looks to me like mommy's doing okay."

"Of course she is," he says defensively. "I didn't mean—she'd never neglect Josie."

Martha gives him a sad smile. "I know dear. But you worry."

"I do."

"Sorry to tell you, kiddo. But this is parenthood."

He shakes his head. "You say that like it's new to me," he grumbles.

"It is," Martha insists. "I can't speak from experience, but I imagine it's rather different when you have a partner to help you. Then you're worrying about two instead of one—whether that person's going to make it home for your child, and for you. We all know it wouldn't just be Josie who would suffer if something happened."

"Nothing's going to happen," he asserts, convincing himself as much as convincing her.

"I know, dear," his mother soothes. "Now, why don't you go have your holding time. Try and calm down a little."

He nods and tears Johanne away from his mother's hand. Martha's been a remarkably good sport. With all the teething, Johanne's become a bit slimy as of late, her fingers constantly in her mouth, and then touching everything.

"Come on, Josie-bug," he murmurs to her. "Let's go have some holding time, huh?"

Johanne smiles, patting his chest. "Dada," she says happily.

Oh, he wishes Kate weren't—well, she wouldn't be here for this anyway. He gets Johanne during the day. She misses a lot, but she makes up for it at night, with the way she plays with her daughter, loves her, comforts her.

He just wants her to keep having that opportunity.

(…)

"Okay, bug," he says as they ride up in the elevator. "I want you to pull out all the stops. All those cute little giggles, all the sounds that are kind of like 'mama.' We're gonna make mama smile, okay?"

Johanne coos up at him. He strokes her cheek and offers her a smile. He's got her facing him in the snuggly today—doesn't want her seeing anything on the board if he can avoid it. And maybe he wants her closer too, wants to be able to look down and see her innocence. Well, if she's in an unguarded kind of mood. Alexis—Alexis breathed innocence and delight as a baby. Johanne, he's decided, has an older soul. She's seen more. At least, he likes to pretend she has an older soul, not that she lost her mother at a month and a half and spent the next two and a half months lonely and wanting.

"Castle," L.T. greets as he steps out of the elevator. "And Baby Beckett," he adds with a grin. "How are you?"

"I'm good," Castle offers back, feeling more on an even footing. "How are you?"

"I'm great man," L.T. says happily.

"Did you finally ask that girl out?" Castle asks, remembering the beat cop L.T. had been eyeing months ago.

The man beams at him. "I did."

"All right!" Castle says, slapping him five. Johanne squeals her agreement.

"Aw thanks, Baby B," L.T. says, bending down to look at her. "You have a good time visiting your mom, huh?"

Johanne gives him a quick look then buries herself in Castle's chest.

"She's in the conference room," L.T. tells him, patting him on the back before striding away.

Castle hesitates. Johanne grabs one of his fingers and waves her arm. He looks down at her and watches as she smiles at him, open and happy today.

"Dada," she offers.

He grins, can't help himself. "Yeah, bug. Hey. You wanna go see mama?"

She beams. He's not sure she understands, but maybe she does. And so he sets off in search of Kate. He finds her, and Esposito, and Ryan, and Roy, in the conference room, the table absolutely hidden under file after file.

Ryan notices him first. "Castle," he greets, his face lighting up with something that looks suspiciously like relief. "Hey, coffee's here," he adds, tapping Kate's arm where she's hunched over, eyes squinted as she reads over a file.

She looks up at that and finds him there in the doorway. Her face relaxes and she smiles at him. He notices Esposito exchanging a significant glance with both Ryan and Montgomery, but Castle ignores it. He enters the room and places her coffee by her elbow.

"Someone wanted to see mommy," he tells her in greeting. He hoists Johanne out of the carrier and smiles as Kate reaches for her instantly.

"Hey, sweetie," she coos, standing Johanne up on her legs. "How you doin'?"

Johanne smiles at her, her two-toothed grin. She reaches out and pats Kate on the cheek.

"Can you say mama, Josie-bug?" Castle asks, ignoring the guys and bending down. This is the most relaxed he's seen Kate in two days, and judging by the guys' incredulous looks, they feel the same way.

"Ma," Johanne manages.

Kate beams, bumping his shoulder with hers where he's bent over. "That's it, Josie," he encourages. "Just add another one. Ma-ma."

Johanne considers him, then looks back at Kate. "Ma—ma," she sounds out.

Kate might not be breathing. He grins at Josie and glances across the table at the boys. Okay, Kate's not crying, but he thinks Javi might be. Montgomery looks incredibly proud, and Ryan, well, Ryan's definitely a little misty.

Castle laughs softly and looks back at Kate, who's just staring at Johanne. The baby smiles and reaches out, grabbing her necklace. Kate stops her from yanking too hard but lets her pull it out of her shirt. Oh, of course—Johanna's ring.

"Yeah, baby," she says quietly as she wraps her hand around Johanne's around the ring. "I'm mama, yeah. I'm so proud of you," she adds before she pulls Johanne close and wraps her in a hug.

She glances up at him, her eyes full and bright, and thank God. She's still there. The woman he's been living with is still there. Maybe he doesn't have to do anything at all—doesn't have to try and convince her that her life is worth more than her mother's death.

Johanne does it for him, with every breath she takes.

In that moment, he feels like such an ass for ever doubting this woman. She may need guidance sometimes—everyone does with their demons—but she's not gone. She's not slipping away. She may be close, but she's there.

And he really, _really_ wants to kiss her right now.

"Thank you," she mouths, one hand around her mother's ring, the other around her daughter.

He smiles and squeezes her shoulder once before turning back to the guys to give her a moment with Johanne. Who says two words now. Mama and Dada. Holy hell, they're Mama and Dada.

"How's it going?" he asks, walking over to stand next to Montgomery.

"Better now," the man says, giving him a small smile. "I'm going to go to my office. Let me know if anything pops," he tells the boys.

They nod and Ryan pushes out a chair for Castle to slip into. He gives him a once over.

"You look good, Castle," he observes.

"Thanks?"

Esposito glances at Beckett then looks back at him. "Real good."

"Well, I try," he says slowly. Whether they mean he looks good with Beckett, with the baby, or by bringing Beckett the baby, he's not sure. But he'll take it. "What are these?" he asks, indicating the files. There's about a hundred of them.

"We're…re-checking all of Raglan and McAlister's cases," Esposito tells him softly.

"But we—" Castle starts.

"We're checking them again," Ryan says, shaking his head slightly and glancing at Kate, who remains oblivious, babbling with her daughter.

Castle nods. Okay, so, they've gotten nowhere. "Ryker?"

"Shot to death, straight through the back of the head," Esposito whispers.

"Yikes," Castle lets out. "So—"

"_So_," Ryan says deliberately. "We're checking again."

"Got it. Hand me some?" he asks. Both of them raise their eyebrows. He just stares. He's here. He can be helpful. He—he needs to be helpful. Because Johanne just said mama, and he wants Kate to get to hear every word her daughter ever utters.

Esposito sighs but hands over a few files and they set to work. After about ten minutes, Kate rises and walks over to him. She shakes her head as he goes to get up, to take the baby from her. Instead, she crouches down and fishes a bottle out of his bag, smiles, and leaves the room.

"Dude, you gotta bring that baby more often," Esposito says immediately, once Kate's cleared the doorway.

"Magic," Ryan adds.

Castle shakes his head. "She's just—well yeah, she's magic. But Beckett's a mom now. No magic about it."

"Little big of magic," Ryan mumbles.

He chuckles and glances back at his file. "Who's Napolitano?" he asks.

"Died back in 1993, heart failure," Esposito tells him. "Worked a few cases, but was at a wedding the night Armen was shot. Why?"

He'll call a personal victory on this one. Being a writer actually does come in truly handy sometimes. "Look at this," he says, handing over the file.

He launches into an explanation about striations and typewriters, and soon enough, the guys are marching into Montgomery's office. He found the third cop. Well, he found the third cop's cover up.

He sits quietly, watching as the guys immediately go to their computers. But he'll have to leave soon—doesn't want to get too caught up. Instead, he watches Kate through the blinds to the breakroom, smiles as she plays with her daughter. It was good that they came. Her coffee's gone cold by now, but it was good that they came. For Kate, and for him.

She's going to come out of this.

"Castle."

He turns and finds Montgomery standing in the doorway.

"Captain," he offers with a smile.

"That was a great catch," the man tells him. "I've got the guys running down the record's room managers from ten years ago. It's not much, but hopefully we'll get something." Castle nods inanely. It's more than they had at least. "You know, I was going to call you, try and get you to come in and talk some sense into her," he says, walking into the room and shutting the door.

"I'm sorry?" Castle manages.

"I can't get her to stand down. Never could," he says, sinking into Ryan's vacated seat. "She ever tell you how we met?" Castle shakes his head. "I was working late one night and went down to archives to locate some old reports, and there she was, with a flashlight and a banker's box open on her lap, studying this Unsolved. She was a patrol cop then. She wasn't even authorized to be down there. When I asked her what the hell she was doing, she told me this was her mother's case. That she found some things that didn't add up. Now, I could've written her up, right then."

"Why didn't you?" Castle asks.

"Because I knew it wouldn't stop her. It was there in her eyes, man, and I thought, with this kid's tenacity and some training, I mean, she'd make a hell of a homicide."

Castle bobs his head. He can see it, can imagine the fire in her eyes—the same look she gets right after a great lead. The same look she gets whenever this case comes up.

"And then you come in today, and I look across the table at the three of you, and I see this woman who has a family, a life. She still has that tenacity, that drive. But she's funneling it into her daughter, and into you, if I'm any kind of cop."

Castle shrugs, unwilling to offer too much. They haven't talked about it, and the man is her boss, after all. Even if they play poker together on occasion.

"I can't tell her to stand down, can't convince her to back away. And I figure the only one who can is you. But now, I don't know if you even have to anymore."

Castle doesn't know what to say. He'd like to take credit, but Kate Beckett doesn't deserve his ego. She's a woman all her own, and she's strong enough to make the right decisions for herself.

"But Castle," Montgomery says. Castle looks back at him. "There might come a point where there's a choice—a concrete one. Help her make the right one."

With that, the man rises, claps his shoulder, and walks to the door. "Oh, and Rick? I've put a protective detail on your loft."

He gapes after him. Why—oh, the mission. The mission from the phone call she told him about via text. Oh, hell. If the third cop isn't the mission that means…

He may not have to tell her to protect herself, to stay with them and not dive head first into the rabbit hole. But that's not the only way she can be taken from them. He sits there, numb and a little stunned, staring out at the conference table still covered with files.

Kate could be the mission. They're coming for her.

"Castle?"

He shakes himself and finds Kate standing over him, Johanne asleep in her arms.

"Hey," she says. "You okay?"

He nods, can't really explain it to her, not now, at least.

"What are the guys running down?"

"We found an anomaly in a few of the records. They're looking to see if they can track down whoever was working the records room when the files were pulled."

Kate nods, swaying slightly in place out of habit, though Johanne is fast asleep. She glances out into the bullpen for a moment before reaching out to run her hand through his hair.

"Why don't you take her back?" she suggest, touching his ear before letting her hand fall.

"I can stay until she wakes up," he says immediately. Now that he—now that he knows, he doesn't want to leave her.

She shakes her head. "She won't sleep well here. I'll come home soon. Bring the files, work from there."

He feels his eyebrows raise.

"Even I realize that being here until two last night was a bit extreme," she adds.

She smiles down at her daughter then meets his eyes. He trusts her. He trusts her to come home to them. He's not sure he trusts that she'll be back within the hour, but she'll come home. It's just the trip between the precinct and home, from the boys to the security detail. Kate's amazing, but she's not a trained killer—at least, not in the strictest sense.

Even so, he stands and takes Johanne from her arms. Kate helps him get the baby situated back in the snuggly, the two of them standing so close together—closer than they ever have at the precinct, that's for sure.

"Thank you for bringing her," Kate says quietly, her fingers fiddling with the straps, adjusting Johanne there on his chest.

"No charge, Beckett," he offers with a smile, bolstering her with his ease just as much as he's drinking in her smile.

"I'll see you at home," she promises. "Can we get pizza?"

"I could cook a real meal," he offers. Pamper her a little, help her relax. Help himself relax, for that matter.

She shakes her head and straightens his collar. "Pizza and breadsticks," she decides. "Though, I am partial to cheesecake."

"You're the one that makes cheesecake," he argues lightly.

She laughs. "Okay, well then make me something tasty. I've got weekend dessert tomorrow."

"Deal."

She smiles and bends down to kiss Johanne's head. "Get out of here, Castle," she says quietly.

"Going," he agrees with a sigh. She hefts up the baby bag and helps him sling it over his shoulder.

He stares at her as the elevator doors close in front of him—watches as she moves to Esposito's side.

He just hopes it's enough. The baby. Him. The protective detail.

(…)

He paces in his office, wringing his hands as he listens to the sound of water running through the pipes while Kate showers. Since returning home, he's found his anxiety level slowly skyrocketing. Her return, their pizza dinner, and even seeing her calmly look over photos while simultaneously playing with Johanne hasn't been able to quell this gnawing feeling digging at his stomach.

She's not throwing herself headlong into danger this time. This time, it's headed straight for her. For them, his head corrects. She's living with him. It's not exactly like there wouldn't be collateral damage if Lockwood got in.

He's triple checked with security. They're working with Montgomery's detail—a guy at every door, cameras everywhere, and two people on surveillance 24/7. It cost him a bit extra, but he's willing to pay the price if it means her safety, Alexis and Johanne's safety, his mother's safety.

"Castle?"

He looks over and finds Kate standing in the doorway to his office, her hair still damp and hung in a loose braid over her shoulder. He smiles at the picture she makes in her leggings and over-large purple top. She looks so sweet.

"You okay?" she asks as she walks around to the desk to fall back into his desk chair.

They had been camped out at the kitchen counter, but he noticed Alexis looking faintly sick with all the pictures laid out. She usually has a strong stomach, but he figures the image of Kate's mother lying dead in an alley was too much to bear.

He nods absently at Kate and watches as she looks over their work—over the timeline they've laid out, the possible angles. They've got nothing—nothing but the hope that Ryan and Esposito will find something on his Napolitano lead.

And then what, he wonders. What happens if they find the third cop? If he's the one pulling the strings, aren't they just playing into his game? And if he's not the one pulling the strings…

"Castle."

He looks around and finds Kate staring at him. "What?"

"You—" she breaks off, shaking her head. "Nothing."

He watches as she goes back to her notes. He just—they have to stop. Completely. Walk away. It's the only thing that makes sense.

"Everyone involved with this case is dead." She looks up, startled, and he scrubs a hand over his face. He can do it better than that. "I just—look, Kate," he starts, walking over to stand across the desk from her. "They're—they're coming for you."

"Castle," she sighs. "I'm fine. There's a protective detail outside, and don't think I didn't notice your henchmen lurking all over the building." She gives him a look but he refuses to feel guilty for it.

"Even so. Lockwood's a trained killer. You saw what he did to Espo and Ryan, what he could have done to you if I'd jumped wrong. And you know me, I'm always the guy who says we can move that rubber tree plant, but I just don't know that we can this time."

She stares at him, slowly dropping the file in her hand. "They killed my mother," she says slowly. "They—what are you asking me to do?"

He meets her eyes and then glances to the side of the office, to the sleeping baby in her crib, her daughter. The girl that calls his Dada.

"Walk away," he says, staring at Johanne. "They're gonna to kill you, Kate. And they'll take her down in the crossfire, whether or not she's with you. You think I can—you think if something happens to you I can keep her here?"

He looks back at Kate and finds her standing, arms at her sides, just staring at him.

"I just—I can't—she can't lose you to this. And I know you're not diving in, not just jumping without a net, but Beckett," her face shudders at the name, "I don't think being careful is going to be enough this time."

"Castle," she lets out.

"You had it all boxed up just under four months ago," he adds. "Waiting until it was safe. It's not safe now."

It looks like she's barely breathing. He sighs and runs his hands through his hair. He doesn't know how to fix this—how to help her get her closure and keep her safe, keep them all safe, at the same time.

"This is my life, Castle. This has been my life for eleven years," she manages, her fingers digging into her thighs.

"But it's not," he says quickly. "It's not anymore, and I know you see that. I know that girl means more than revenge. And I am sorry," he says, emphatic. "I am so sorry, so desperately sorry that your mother is gone. And I'm sorry that we can't get her back, and we haven't caught who did it yet. But Kate—Josie—"

"I know," she bites out. "You don't think I know that? You think I haven't spent the last two days worrying about working so much, about falling down the hole and leaving her alone?" He blinks, startled. "I don't need you to tell me that Johanne has to be my top priority."

"I know that," he jumps in. "I know, I just—look, I just want you to be safe. I want us all to be safe."

"And you think turning our backs is the way to do that? Just let Lockwood run free, spend the next thirty, forty years of our lives looking over our shoulders?"

It hits him hard, knocks the wind from his chest. Because even angry, even hurting, even undefined and unmoored, she sees a future with him—a future with an 'us'.

"You want to be at her high school graduation, wondering in the back of your mind if someone's going to shoot me through a window? Shoot you?" She meets his eyes. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

He swallows hard and pushes it down. Tonight is not the night for declarations and promises. Tonight—tonight they just have to find a way to get to that future.

"You'd rather they take you out now?" he counters. "She's not even legally yours yet, Kate. Not all the way."

"I know," she grits out.

"I'm not saying never," he says desperately. "I'm just saying not now. Maybe—maybe we hand it over, send it up. Jordan would probably be willing. It's a serial now, right? Well, we'll add the attempt on you, Ryan, and Espo."

"Castle," Kate groans. "We can't just pass this off to Jordan."

"Fallon? It's a conspiracy. We woke the dragon. That's bigger than the NYPD, bigger than Ryan and Espo and the records room."

"You can't CIA conspiracy our way out of this," she lets out.

"Well I can't just stand by and watch you get gunned down either," he cuts back. "I can't—Josie can't lose you like that."

"Josie, huh?"

"Yes. Josie."

"And if I hadn't come back with Josie. If I'd just come back from Haiti, and we'd gone back to work, would you still be here, telling me to drop this now?"

"What kind of question is that?" he asks, indignant. "That I only care about your life because of her?"

"It's my life, Castle. Not yours," Kate says, looking fierce, and foreboding, and challenging.

"If you don't care about it, then think about the people that love you. Think about your Dad, Ryan, Espo, Lanie. Think about them watching you be put into the ground. And hell, think about how Josh would have felt, if that's your scenario," he says. If she hadn't—how can she possibly think that it wouldn't have mattered if she hadn't come back with Johanne?

"And what about you, Rick?" Kate says, stepping around the desk so they're closer, so they can keep up this heated argument in barely-there voices.

"Of course I care. Of course I would have cared. I'm your partner. I'm your friend. I'm your—" he trails off, because he honestly doesn't know just how to finish that sentence.

"Is that what we are?" she baits.

Fine. If she wants to go there, he'll go there. "I don't know what we are. We kiss, and we never talk about it. We sleep together in the same bed nearly every night, and we never talk about it. Your daughter calls me Dada, and we _never_ talk about it. Whatever I am, Kate, I damn well care about what happens to you. And you know as well as I do that Johanne didn't make me start caring."

They're chest to chest now, glaring at each other. He's just not sure how they got here, physically, emotionally, argumentatively.

"I can't just sit back and wait for them to kill me," she says, defiant.

"I'm not asking you to sit back. I'm asking you to walk away, for now. We'll get there, you know we will. I just want to make it to that, Kate. I want to make it to forty years from now. Don't you?"

Johanne gurgles in her crib and he watches the fight sap out of Kate Beckett. The fire doesn't die, but he feels the moment she consents, watches as she takes off her armor. Her forehead hits his shoulder and he immediately wraps his arms around her, taking her weight as she slumps.

"It's not what I want to do now," she mumbles into his neck.

"I know," he agrees, holding her tight, still terrified for a moment that she'll step back—that she'll keep poking, even from a distance.

"But," she sighs. "But you're right, Rick. If I want that shot—if we want that shot—we have to be more careful. Make it at least look like we're giving up now."

He nods against her forehead. It's more than he hoped for, honestly.

"And so we're clear," she adds, pulling away to look up at him. "I'm not giving up."

"I'd never ask you to," he promises her. "Just come home, okay?"

"I am home, Castle," she mumbles.

He smiles and bends down to press his lips to hers, cupping her cheeks in his palms.

"Just keep coming home," he corrects as they pull apart. "We'll get them, Kate. Just not today."

She nods into his hands. "Just not today."


	17. Chapter 17

**Attachment Syndrome**

**Author's note: So...here is the ACTUAL Chapter 17, not the fake post that confused all of us. Here's hoping FFnet will not eat and 'un-eat' this chapter for three days. Such fun. Sorry for all of the confusion, everyone.**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 17:<strong>

"Dad?"

Castle looks up and smiles at Alexis. He and Kate are seated side-by-side at the counter, drinking coffee and pretending to read the paper. Johanne's been in her jumper for half an hour already, and doesn't look ready to stop.

"Hey, pumpkin," he greets as Alexis descends the stairs, rubbing sleep from her eyes.

"You're up early," Kate observes.

Alexis startles, as if just noticing her. "Kate," she manages.

Kate smiles and lifts her cup in acknowledgement. Alexis glances at him, and he knows she's seeing the woman's blood-shot eyes, her exhausted face. Kate had insisted on taking care of Johanne on her own after their…whatever it was last night. Détente seems fitting. She kissed him goodnight, let him hug her, but needed a night with her baby—a night to get her feet back under herself, on her own. He's sure she didn't sleep a wink, just stared down at her daughter all night. He found them in her bed together this morning, awake and cooing at each other.

Alexis, for her part, seems to shake off Kate's appearance and take it in her stride. "Have you guys eaten yet?" she asks.

Kate shakes her head. "Haven't been hungry," she admits. "But I can make you something?"

Alexis shakes her head. "I can just have cereal," she says quickly.

Kate smiles and looks across the countertop at her. "How many days this week have you had cereal for breakfast? It's Saturday."

"I thought brunch was Sunday," the girl argues.

Kate glances at him, as if asking him to intervene. "Brunch is usually Sunday," he hedges. Kate glares at him. "What? It's your tradition."

Kate sighs and stands up, flicking his ear as she rounds the counter. "Fine. Let's have it a day early, and call it breakfast. Why are you even up, Lex?"

Alexis shrugs and scratches at her arms beneath her blue sleep shirt. "Been tense," she offers.

Kate hums her agreement as she reaches into the fridge for eggs and cheese. Alexis watches as Kate preps everything, putting together a decent omelet spread. His daughter looks at him, then flicks her eyes to Kate. He smiles, trying to communicate that all is well—as well as it can be now.

Alexis smiles tentatively in response.

"Are you and Ash going to prom?" Kate asks as Alexis has joined him at the counter.

Alexis dips her head and Kate glances at him to share in her utter cute-ness. "He asked last night," Alexis admits. "Took me out to a really nice restaurant. It was sweet."

"Good kid, that one," Kate says, giving him a significant look.

What? He likes Ashley, ignoring the whole taking-his-baby-to-California issue.

"Yeah," Alexis agrees. "He's pretty great. Gives you a run for your money, Dad," she adds, looking impish.

"Hey now," he protests. "He does not woo a woman better than I do."

"Is that so, Castle?" Kate says, an eyebrow raised as she flips the first omelet—Alexis' he thinks.

"I am an expert woo-er—an expert at romancing women," he corrects.

"Uh-huh," Kate offers. "Don't see much proof."

He gapes while Alexis snickers into her juice. "You want proof, Kate Beckett? Fine. You, me, next Saturday."

"And who's watching Josie?" she tosses back.

He frowns for a moment before an idea blooms in his head. "All right. Next Saturday, 8pm, after she's out. I will cook you the most romantic meal of your life."

"Romantic, huh?" Alexis says, looking between them.

"Yep," he says, staring Kate down. "Romantic as hell."

He swears he can see a faint blush painting her neck and cheeks, but Kate studiously pours the next omelet into the pan.

"I'll believe it when I see it," she says coolly.

He just grins. Alexis shrugs and pulls the paper closer, turning to the Arts section. A moment later, Kate looks up and meets his eyes, her face remarkably soft.

"Unnecessary," she says.

He smiles. "Totally necessary," he counters. "Gonna woo the crap out of you."

She wrinkles her nose with a laugh and he feels all of the weight of the last few days rising from his shoulders. They're going to be great.

(…)

She leaves for the precinct at noon, promising to come home early. She's just going to box things up and explain to Montgomery that she wants to step away—discuss the best way to accomplish that.

And so, hours later, he lays with Josie on her play mat and does 'push-ups,' with her. She's slow to crawl, but he think she's getting there. He grins as she mimics him and pushes up on her hands, her little legs kicking behind her. She scoots forward just a bit then collapses down onto her stomach.

"Hey, bug, that was great," he proclaims, rubbing her back as she looks at him.

He lies down next to her so their faces are on the same level and grins. She giggles happily and flails her arms, smacking onto the play mat.

"Dada," she lets out.

He beams at her. "Yep. That's me."

"Dada, Mama," she adds.

"Oh, we'll see mommy later." He rubs his hand over her head and glances at the clock. "Probably soon, sweetie."

It's nearing seven now. Kate said she was staying later to help Javi and Kevin log everything so they had a good record. Then she'd be home. He's yet to hear from her. But he's not worried. She promised to come home. He trusts that.

He does.

"She's nearly there, huh?" Alexis asks.

He cranes his neck and finds her at the side of the couch, watching them with a smile.

"Yeah," he agrees. "You crawled around the same time."

"Was my first word really denouement?" she wonders, plopping down on the couch by his head.

He grins at her but she just raises an eyebrow. She picked that up from Kate, he's sure of it. "Okay, no, it was Dada, but denouement came close behind."

"Sure it did," she hums with a small laugh. "Do you wan—"

His cell rings and he gives her an apologetic look before pulling it out, expecting Kate's face on his screen. It's the precinct, at least.

"Beckett?" he answers.

"Castle." It's not Kate, it's Montgomery.

"Roy? What's up?" he asks, sitting up and glancing at Alexis. "Is everything all right?"

"I need you to meet me somewhere in an hour," he says, his voice tight. He's never heard Roy sound like this before.

"What? Where? Captain, what's going on?" Castle looks at Johanne and stands, motioning for Alexis to keep an eye on the baby. This suddenly doesn't seem like a family call.

The Captain breathes on the other end of the line, and Castle feels his stomach drop. "Is Beckett okay?"

"For now," comes the bone-chilling reply. "I need you to meet me at the Hangar where we found the get-away chopper. Out by Linden Airport in Jersey. 1101 West Edgar Road, Hangar 600."

"Captain," he tries.

"I need you to meet me, and when I say so, I need you to get Beckett out."

"What?" he manages, feeling fear creep over his body.

"They're—look, Castle. I've asked her to meet me there. I need you to come, make sure she gets out. Make sure she's safe."

"Roy," he says, with more confidence than he feels. "What's going on? What am I getting Kate out of?"

"You're getting her out with her life. Just come."

The call cuts out. He sits for a moment, numb, until it falls into place.

They're coming for Kate. And Montgomery has something to do with it, and he needs to go Get. Her. Out.

Shit.

He's halfway to the door before he hears Johanne's small whine. He turns and finds Alexis on the play mat with her, rubbing her back as the baby reaches out for him.

He about faces and drops to his knees next to them. He has to get Kate out. Out of what, he's not sure. But unfortunately, that has to trump all of their carefully laid plans tonight.

"Okay, Josie. I'm gonna leave you with Alexis for a little while. But I'll be back. And I'll bring mommy with me," he promises, stroking her head before leaning down to kiss her forehead.

The baby gurgles up at him and he pastes on a tight smile for her. He turns to Alexis. "I have to go, help Kate with something. Please watch her, and don't open the door for anyone other than Gram, you understand?"

"Dad," Alexis protests as he stands.

"I'll explain later, I swear," he says as he pats himself down for his phone, his wallet, his keys. "Just hold her, give her a bottle, and—I love you. I love you both, okay?"

"Daddy," Alexis lets out, standing as he walks swiftly for the door.

He turns as he opens it and smiles at her. "Everything will be okay," he promises, knowing it's a lie before he shuts the door and jogs down the stairs.

He has an hour. He has an hour to get the hangar.

He could have stalled, could have asked for more information, but he knows he doesn't need it. This is a tipping point. If Roy Montgomery is calling him and telling him to get Kate out—

He speeds out of the parking garage, hoping that he makes it in time. That whatever's waiting for him at that hangar won't be Kate's bloody corpse.

(…)

He makes his way through a backdoor, having followed texted instructions from the Captain. He doesn't like it, doesn't like feeling his way through the hangar in the dark.

He gets a text as he's approaching the door to the hangar floor. He glances at his phone, too preoccupied to really care, until the breath whooshes out of him.

_ 3__rd__ Cop – It's Montgomery!_

He stares at his phone, his foot against a bucket and some kind of netting just brushing the top of his hair.

Montgomery is the—

He's baiting them. He's using Kate to _bait_ them. Shit.

"I was a rookie when it happened, Kate. McAlister and Raglan were heroes to me. I believed in what we were doing. We were just going to snatch Pulgati that night. Bob Armen wasn't even supposed to be there.

"Armen reached for my gun. That's when I heard the shot. I didn't even know it was my gun that went off until Armen went down. Then McAlister pulled me into the van. I remember him saying, 'It's okay, kid. It's not your fault. Happens in this town every day.'

"McAlister and Raglan tried to drown it. But not me. I put it all into the job, Kate. I became the best cop I could be. And then, when you walked into the 12th, I felt the hand of God. I knew he was giving me another chance, and I thought, if I could protect you the way I should've protected her."

Castle jerks forward at the end of Montgomery's confession, walking to stand behind Kate as she sways in place. He doesn't know how he feels, can't think past the rushing in his ears. Montgomery was the third cop. Montgomery set off the entire conspiracy that killed Kate's mother. He's known for years. He knows who the Dragon is.

Kate's, "I'm not going anywhere," breaks through the haze and he steps forward.

"Yes you are. Castle, get her out of here," Montgomery barks at him.

He steps forward and sees Kate glance over her shoulder at him. "Captain," he protests. He doesn't want anything to happen to Kate, but Montgomery—maybe they can help. "I don't—"

"Don't argue. That's why I called you. Get her out of here now!"

He meets Roy's eyes and sees the desperation there. Movement catches his attention and he looks to his left, where a large SUV—too large for just Lockwood—is pulling into the lot.

Shit.

"Kate," he says, trying to get her to look. Trying to get her to see what's really happening. It crashes over him with startling clarity. Roy's planning to die. He didn't just bait them, this is his suicide mission.

And if Castle doesn't get Kate out right now…

"I forgive you, I _forgive_ you," Kate beseeches the Captain

The car is getting closer.

"This is my spot, Kate. This is where I stand," Roy tells her solemnly.

Castle feels his heart bottom out. He notices the headlights go out on the SUV.

"Castle," Montgomery says.

Castle grabs her arm. They have to move. They have to go. They have to…leave Montgomery to this.

"No, No. Sir, please. Listen to me. You don't have to do this," Kate begs.

"Castle. Get her out of here now!" Roy roars.

And he does. He pulls Kate into him and lifts her off her feet even as she screams for Roy to let them _help_. He grits his teeth and runs as fast as he can back toward his car, her body a heavy weight in his arms.

She stops screaming as they crash through the back entrance, his feet kicking at buckets and mops, spare bits of machinery. She doesn't fight him, just sobs, her arms clutching at his. They'd get there faster if he put her down, but he doesn't trust her to keep going forward. He trusts her enough not to go back, but Roy said _outside_. He has to get her outside.

She's weeping raggedly, her breath in tune with his as they careen out onto the asphalt behind the hangar.

"Rick, please," she croaks as he gets them far enough away.

"Kate," he murmurs, bringing her to rest against the side of his car and turning her around. She meets his eyes, so much horror and pain staring back at him. "I'm sorry," he says, covering her mouth as she continues to sob. "I'm sorry. I've got you. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, Kate," he whispers, over and over.

Her fingers come up to touch his cheek and he rests his forehead against hers. "For Josie, I'm sorry," he adds.

Her eyes find his, full of anguish, searching. She nods slowly and sags, the defeat of it—of knowing saving themselves will cost Roy his life—dragging her down. He grips at her hip to keep her standing just as the first shot rings out, followed closely by three more.

She jerks with each one and he holds tight.

They were so close. She gave it up. She _walked away_.

And now Roy—

Two more shots.

There's silence and he starts to move, until he hears one final bang. They wait for a long moment, listening, his hand still over her mouth, her fingers at his biceps, squeezing hard.

When there's nothing more—no one rushing out to kill them—he lets her go. He lets her go and watches as she sprints back for the hangar.

And as in everything else, he follows.

By the time he's made his way back through the crowded service entrance, she's reached the chopper. And there, lying on the ground, is Roy Montgomery. Next to him, Lockwood. On the other side of the chopper, three other thugs. All of them dead.

He feels sick as he staggers his way to Kate. She's knelt over Roy's body, sobbing uncontrollably as she touches his face, traces the edges of his jacket.

She looks over as he approaches her. He's unsure of exactly what to do. He loved Roy. He was a good man. He was. Even this—even being the third cop, he worked so hard to fix it.

A small, perhaps less emotional part of his mind thinks Roy could have surrendered, could have come forward earlier, given them a name, given _her_ a name. But then, Castle wouldn't know Kate—she would have been in and out of the Precinct, may have left the 12th, may not have even stayed a cop.

"Castle."

He kneels at her pained murmur, kneels there at the side of her mentor, his friend—one of the few great men he's known.

"What do we do?" she whispers, reaching out for his hand.

He takes her smaller palm in his and squeezes, reaching out with his free hand to brace her back. He doesn't have an answer.

They stay there for a long time, just staring at the Captain's lifeless face. Castle doesn't know if Kate has even taken stock of Lockwood dead beside them. Even as grief claws at his innards, he feels a sick sense of relief. Lockwood is dead. They're safe, at least for now.

(…)

Four hours later, they return to the loft. Her knees are bloodstained, and his chest is sore with grief and the latent ache from carrying her out of the hangar—a physical reminder that this conspiracy has taken yet another person from her, in front of her.

Screaming greets them at the door. Alexis sits on the couch holding Johanne, tears streaking down her face as the baby cries.

Kate rushes forward and scoops Johanne out of Alexis' arms. The baby quiets slowly and he moves around them to his daughter's side. The young woman looks up at Kate, then looks to him, her head twisting like a spectator at a grotesque sporting event. He watches as she notices the blood on Kate's pants, the haggard looks on both of their face.

"What happened?" she lets out, wiping at her eyes.

Kate looks to him, her lips pressed to Johanne's forehead. He sighs and reaches out to cup Alexis' cheek.

"First, are you guys okay?" he starts, noting Kate nodding in his periphery.

"Yeah," Alexis manages. "Yeah, she just—when you didn't come back, like an hour later, she started crying. The crying turned into screaming about an hour ago, and I couldn't get her to stop. I don't think she's ready to be alone with me yet."

Castle rubs her back and gives her a sad smile. "But she was good for the first hour."

Alexis shakes her head and twists her fingers together in her lap. "Dad, what happened? Why—why are your knees, bloody?" she adds, looking at Kate.

"Captain Montgomery died tonight," Castle tells her softly.

"What?" Alexis lets out, loud enough to startle the still-crying Johanne.

Kate shushes the baby and meets Alexis' eyes. "He was shot," she says, and he's rather impressed by how calm she sounds. "But he took four other guys down with him. A…a hero's death."

"He—were you there? Was that—Dad, was that why he called you?"

Kate's eyebrows raise and he sighs, reluctantly meeting Alexis' gaze. "Yeah, honey. He—it's complicated, and I think the less…the less you know the better. But he needed me there to," he glances at Kate and screws himself to it, "to keep Kate safe."

Alexis swallows and he notices Kate closing her eyes and breathing deeply. Roy sacrificed himself for her. For them. For this, he realizes, for the four of them together in his living room at two in the morning.

"Evelyn," he lets out, looking up at Kate.

Kate nods. "Tomorrow. We'll—I'll have to go. I'll take Espo or Ryan," she adds quickly when he balks.

Roy may have—they may be safe, but there's no way in hell Kate should be out alone right now.

"Funeral will be in a few days," she says. "Alexis." His daughter looks up at her, her pale face even whiter, her eyes shiny. "Thank you for watching Josie. I know it wasn't easy."

Alexis bobs her head and wets her lips, glancing between them. "I'm just glad you guys are okay. Dad, please, don't ever do that again." She reaches out and he takes her hug, meeting Kate's' eyes over her shoulder.

"I'll try, pumpkin," he whispers. "I love you."

"I love you too, Daddy," Alexis tells him before pulling back. "I'm going to go to bed. I'll—I'll see both of you in the morning?"

"Depending on how early you're up," Kate agrees with a nod. "If not, we'll have family dinner, okay? Esposito and Ryan and Lanie might join too," she adds, looking to Castle for confirmation.

He nods solemnly and lets Alexis get up. "I'm really sorry about Montgomery," she says quietly.

Kate nods at her. "I am too. Thank you, Lex."

Alexis smiles sadly, then turns and heads upstairs, exhausted.

Kate slowly looks back at him, swaying there on her feet. Johanne's quieted to the intermittent sniffle. He stands, his whole body aching, and takes the few steps to meet Kate. She immediately leans into him and he cradles her gently, running a hand over Johanne's head.

"Sorry, bug," he whispers between them.

Kate nods into his shoulder. "What do we do for the funeral?" she asks quietly a few minutes later.

He sighs and moves his hand up to cup the back of her skull. "Will your Dad want to go?"

Kate nods. "They—Montgomery helped, when he…when he really needed it."

"Maybe my mother can stay with Alexis and Josie. They'd understand," he says, thinking of Espo and Ryan. His mother and Alexis met Roy, saw him every so often on poker nights. But, of the three of them, Jim needs to be there more. The boys will understand.

He has so many questions. What did Roy say to get her there? What was she doing before? Does she think this means it's over? Is she okay? Is she in pain? Is she in shock?

"Did you get dinner?" he manages a few minutes later. It's not his most burning of questions, but perhaps the most practical.

"I can't," she whispers, pulling back. "You?"

He shakes his head and looks down at the baby. "Are you hungry, baby?" he asks, bending to look at Johanne.

She doesn't look back at him, but relaxes as he adds his hand to Kate's against her back.

"God, is this going to ruin everything?" Kate mumbles. "Will she make it through another afternoon without us?"

Castle waits until Kate looks up to meet his eyes. "We'll make it. All of us," he tells her, with a quiet confidence he doesn't really feel. "We'll get through this."

She nods and looks back at the baby before meeting his eyes again. "I wish..."

He links their fingers together on Johanne's back and bends to touch his forehead to Kate's. "I know." She sighs, her breath against his lips. "But we're safe for now."

"Yeah," she agrees, squeezing his hand. "We're safe for now."


	18. Chapter 18

**Attachment Syndrome**

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><p><strong>Chapter 18:<strong>

"We don't have to do this," he says softly, holding Johanne while Kate changes into a pair of jeans and a deep grey turtleneck.

"Yes we do," she says, meeting his eyes in the mirror over her dresser.

Johanne peers at Kate with him, her little eyes wide and awed in the mirror, watching as Kate touches up her make up. Kate catches Johanne's look and smiles, glancing back at them after a moment.

"Did you have a good day with Daddy, baby?" she asks, walking over to stand in front of him and brush her hand over her daughter's head.

"We napped, and read a story, and," he trails off. He sat and watched her play, unable to muster the energy to take her out or do anything more adult than resisting the urge to spend the whole day on her play mat.

Kate sighs and looks up at him. "Sounds like a decent day."

"How was yours?"

She closes her eyes and steps to the side to lean into him, wrapping her arm around his back to fist her hand in his shirt. "Napping with you guys sounds nice."

"You okay?" She hums, her face pressing into his shoulder. "Kate."

"No," she says softly, a bite to her voice. "I'm not okay. Roy is dead, and Evelyn is devastated. And all I could think—" she pauses and wraps her other arm around the baby, holding them both in her embrace. She leans her head into him, her lips open at his shoulder.

He waits her out, turning to kiss her forehead as she breathes against them, the baby still in their arms.

"All I could think was what it would be like if someone showed up at my door and told me you were dead, and I—It's my fault."

"No," he says quickly, pulling back to meet her eyes. "No, it's not, Kate. It's not."

"I didn't stop him," she protests.

"How would you have stopped him?" She opens her mouth, then closes it and lets out a frustrated grunt. "He chose this," Castle says quietly.

Her nostrils flare. "Yeah, he did," she agrees. "And I'm mad."

He sighs. "Me too."

"Kate? Dad? Esposito, Lanie, Ryan, and Jenny are here," Alexis calls upstairs.

"Come on," he says, squeezing her waist once before stepping out of her arms. "Let's give Javi and Kevin a baby to play with." They stare at each other, then glance at Johanne, who sits semi-stiffly in his arms.

"Or at least one to look at, right?" Kate offers, her lips quirking. "Can you smile for Uncle Javi and Uncle Kevin?" she asks Johanne as she places a hand on Castle's back and steers him out of her room.

"Oh, or burp in Javi's face?" Castle asks.

"Castle," Kate lets out, laughing a little. Good.

"What? It's one of her main talents."

"They should change a diaper then. Get acquainted with her second."

"Really, Beckett, a poop joke?" he asks as they reach the first floor.

She smiles at him and pats his back before moving around him to hug Lanie. He bends and presses his lips to Johanne's forehead. "Your mommy is funny," he tells the baby, pulling back to look at her.

She doesn't quite meet his eyes, but pats his chest. "Dada," she says softly.

"Yeah. Let's go see Uncle Kevin, huh?" he suggests to her, watching the way Ryan leans against his counter, watching Kate talk to Esposito and Lanie. He can see the strain of the day in his shoulders.

Kate and Esposito went to Evelyn's. Ryan dealt with the precinct.

Castle wonders if Kevin feels the same lack of closure he does. If sitting quietly at home carries the same sense of sitting at the precinct, staring at an empty office instead of a dining room chair used around the poker table.

"How you doin'?" he asks, as he steps up to the man. Jenny's helping his mother set the table.

Ryan smiles at the baby, his face breaking open. "Hey, little girl," he greets.

"Oh, fine. Ignore me. I see how it is."

"What's he doing?" Alexis asks, stepping up to them.

"Ignoring me in favor of the baby," he offers with a put upon sigh that makes even Ryan huff out a laugh.

Castle might not be able to fix it, but he can damn sure give his friends a nice evening, even with Roy's death hanging over them. He's good at cheering people up. And maybe if he can make the four of them, and their family smile, the lead in his chest will ease.

"Oh, come on, Dad. If it's a choice between your face and Josie's face?"

He narrows his eyes at her, but Alexis just smiles. "Fine, you win."

"Sorry, what?" Ryan asks, looking up from the baby, his finger still clutched in her hand.

"Nothing," Castle replies. "How are you?"

Ryan glances at Alexis before shrugging. "You?"

"The same."

"Alexis. You must be almost finished with your application by now, huh?" Ryan asks.

Alexis smiles shyly. "Yeah."

"It sounds so exciting," Jenny, adds, appearing over Ryan's shoulder. "Do you like California? Your mom lives there, right?"

Alexis nods just as Johanne squirms in Castle's arms. He looks down and finds her little face screwed up.

"Excuse me, guys," he says, patting Alexis' shoulder before skirting around her to head into the office for the changing table.

"Alexis is going to college," he tells Johanne as he lays her onto the changing table. "Can you believe it? I swear she was your size just last year."

Johanne kicks her legs as he unbuttons the onesie, her little hands flailing around as she stares at him.

"I used to change her, and give her baths too," he continues. "Then she got all big, and does all that for herself. And everything else too."

He grimaces as he gets rid of the dirty diaper. "You're gonna stay little, right?" he asks the baby, wiping her down and slipping on the clean diaper. "I mean, I want you to crawl and all, and you're so good at standing on my legs, but…just stay small, okay?"

Johanne gurgles up at him, letting him slip her legs back into the onesie. "Dada," she says.

He smiles at her even as she stills a little at his hand on her stomach. "Yeah, bug. I'm right here. Wanna go see Mama?"

"Mama," she repeats, her eyes focused on his chin.

He withholds a sigh and picks her up. She doesn't stiffen, but doesn't cuddle either. Well, what did he expect, really?

"And how is this little cutie doin'?" Lanie asks as he emerges from the office.

Kate catches his eye, standing in the kitchen with Jenny and his mother. 'okay?' she mouths.

He nods and turns his attention back to Lanie, who's pulling faces at the baby. "Uh-huh, and then what?" she asks.

He laughs and Lanie glances up at him with a soft smile. "How you doin'?"

"What, no cutie for me?" he asks.

She shakes her head and points toward Kate. "You want sweet talk, get it from your girl, Castle."

"Right, because Beckett's such a pet-name girl," Esposito interjects as Lanie guides Castle back toward the table.

"What?" Kate calls across the kitchen.

"Lanie thinks you're callin' Castle honeybear."

"She did _not_ say that," Castle cuts in.

"Didn't say what, honeybear?" Ryan pipes up as Jenny giggles.

"Watch it, honeymilk," he tosses back, smirking as Ryan pinks up.

"It's been two years, guys," Jenny says with an eye roll. "Where's your creativity?"

"Javi called me 'Irish' for three years before Castle broke it," Ryan explains.

"Well, twinkletoes there doesn't write the books," Kate adds, walking over to take Johanne from him.

"Twinkletoes?" Esposito lets out, affronted.

"Or was it someone else who took dance lessons before Montgomery's 25th?"

The room goes silent at the mention of their boss. Their former boss.

Castle sets his hand on Kate's lower back as she tenses next to him, her face hidden by her daughter's head. He glances at his mother and Alexis, who stand at the far end of the table, placing the last dishes out for this dinner—this dinner they're having because Montgomery is dead, and he and Evelyn will never have another…

"Tryin' to impress a girl, Espo?" he manages.

He feels Kate lean into him gratefully as Lanie slaps Esposito's arm and Ryan lets out a weak chuckle.

"Yeah, well, we can't all have your poise on the dance floor," Esposito replies. "White Whale."

Kate snorts and Johanne startles in her arms. "Sorry, sweetie," she whispers to the baby.

"Let's eat, shall we?" Martha prompts, Alexis nodding vigorously by her side.

He helps Kate get Johanne settled into her high chair, the two of them bent over the baby while Kate hands her a teething ring. He glances back at their guests and finds them watching in various stages of awe.

Oh, right, well, they're parents, aren't they?

"It'll be you next," he says, looking at Ryan.

Ryan blanches and Kate shakes her head. "Be nice," she chides. "They need to set a date for the wedding first."

Esposito laughs as they sit down. "Don't be so smug," Kate taunts. "It could be you next."

"Beckett," Lanie squeaks out.

"Like you aren't twice as bad," Kate replies, blithely taking the potatoes as an amused Alexis hands them over.

Castle swallows as he notices Lanie, Esposito, and Ryan sharing a look, while Jenny chats quietly with his mother. Damn, their last defense, taken by his mother.

"And what about you, Beckett?" Esposito opens. "You got a key here?"

"I live here," she says easily, even as her hand migrates to grab Castle's. Yeah, she stepped in it.

"Mm. Shacking up in Casa Castle. Must be nice," Esposito continues. He withers a bit as Kate glares at him.

"I wouldn't call it shacking up," Martha interjects. "They hardly—"

"Mother," Castle lets out. "I beg you."

"No, no," Ryan says with a grin, leaning his head on his hand, elbow propped on the table. "What do they hardly do, Martha?"

"Oh, well—"

"More potatoes?" Alexis exclaims, shoving them down the table toward Lanie.

Jenny looks around, confused. "What am I missing?"

"Is this a secret?" Martha asks, looking to Castle and Kate.

"I—" Castle starts. It's not even—they haven't—

"No," Kate says, squeezing his hand. "But it's not exactly…not?"

Alexis lets out a surprised laugh. Kate turns to look at her, eyes narrowed. "Sorry, sorry," Alexis says, glancing at Johanne. "Swallowed the wrong way," she adds, coughing. "Got…mixed up."

"Are they not together?" Jenny asks, looking to Ryan and Esposito.

"They're—what?" Lanie says. "You thought—"

"Well I assumed. Kevin mentioned she was living here, with a baby…"

"I didn't say—"

"Oh, mom is mad," Esposito says, clapping Ryan on the shoulder.

"Mom isn't mad," Kate says, shaking her head. "And don't call me that," she adds. "Creepy."

"I think it's cute," Martha says, taking a sip of wine.

"Dada!" Johanne lets out as her teething ring hits the floor.

The entire table stares at him as he dislodges Kate's hand and goes to pick up the toy. "Did you throw this, huh?" he asks, wiping it off before handing it back to her. Johanne kicks happily in her seat.

"Oh no," Martha says with a laugh.

"What?" Kate asks.

"Well, now he's done it once, she'll be throwing things all the time just to see him pick them up."

Castle sighs and nods in agreement while Alexis giggles. "You did that for like three years. I stopped getting them when you could understand 'I'm not a golden retriever.'"

Kate scoffs as he settles back beside her. "We are so not waiting until she's three to break that habit."

"I see your confusion," Lanie says to Jenny.

"So, Dada, huh?" Esposito says, looking to Castle as he tries to just eat his dinner.

"What's it to you, Espo?" Kate asks, glancing at Castle. He nods slowly. "She needs a strong male role model in her life."

"And you chose Castle?"

He gapes at Esposito. "Hey now."

"Yeah," Kate says, patting Castle's arm. "Chose the manliest of the three of you. It was a tough choice, but I'm happy with my decision."

Both boys shrink a little. He's too busy withholding a grin to look to Kate to see whatever face she's making.

"You just let me know when she wants to play softball," Esposito gruffs out.

"Who says she'll wanna play softball?" Castle gets out. "She'll fence, like Alexis."

"You fence?" Jenny asks, surprised.

Alexis nods. "Dad got me lightsabers, and it kind of went from there."

"_You_ fence?" Ryan adds, looking to Castle.

"He's also a damn near perfect shot," Kate says, smiling when he turns to look at her. "What? You—oh, God, Castle. I have complimented you before."

The table laughs and then dissolves into other conversation. Kate takes back his hand, threading their fingers together.

"This was a good thing," she whispers as their friends chat with his family.

"Yeah," he agrees.

"Dada!"

They hear the teething ring with the floor again.

"So breaking her of that before three," Kate adds, squeezing his hand before letting him go.

He retrieves the teething ring and bends down to look at Johanne. "You having fun?" he asks the baby as she gums at the ring.

She giggles.

He smiles and runs his hand over her head, looking down the table at their family—biological and not. This was good. This was a good thing to do. Because the next few days—the next few days will be filled with so few good things.

Kate glances back at him, their eyes meeting.

They'll make it through the next few days. And then, maybe then, when the dust has settled, they can talk.

(…)

"I have to go get my dress blues."

He turns his head and looks at her profile, her eyes gazing up at the ceiling as they lay there on her bed together in the pre-dawn stillness of the city. Johanne's asleep in her crib, his mother and Alexis hopefully still out for the count in their rooms.

"You don't have them here," he acknowledges, watching as she nods, just a subtle shift of her head.

It's strange to think, to remember, that there are parts of her life, parts of her apartment that don't live here with him, with them. Dresses and outfits, shoes, books, dishware—there's a whole life waiting back at her apartment.

"I didn't think I'd need them any time soon," she says quietly.

"I know." He reaches out and laces their hands together between them. Her lips quirk upward for his effort and he squeezes her hand.

"I should think about subletting anyway," she continues. "I mean, it's wasteful, just paying to keep my stuff there."

He lets out a slow breath. They don't have to do this now. He's not sure he can.

"Are you okay with the Eulogy?" he asks, immediately biting at his lip. Not his smoothest segue, and yeah, he might not want to even tiptoe around the issue of her apartment, but that's no reason to start the day off badly—worse than it already is.

He watches as she breathes in and out for a minute, her hand tense in his.

"Will you stand up there with me, when I give it?" she whispers.

"Yes," he lets out immediately. "Of course I will."

She nods and squeezes his hand before rising. "I'm gonna shower. Can you wake Josie for a feed? I don't want to leave without her seeing us."

He nods as he sits up, watching as she stands, her body dwarfed in that huge red shirt.

That's—that's _his_ shirt.

"Rick?" she prompts as she reaches the bathroom door.

"Yeah," he manages. She's wearing his shirt. In fact, she always wears it when she's struggling—when she needs comfort. Oh, Kate.

"Find a black suit and tie. Sunglasses. I'd get you blues if it was allowed, but," she pauses and considers him for a moment with a faint smile on her lips. "I think Roy would want you there as you are anyway."

He just stares as she shuts the door, the breath knocked out of him. God, he's not ready for this, any of this.

He stands and stretches, feeling his body protest against it. He shakes his head and shuffles over to the crib, looking down only to find Johanne awake and staring back at him.

"Hey, pretty girl," he whispers, reaching inside to scoop her up.

She offers him a small yawn, immediately cuddling into him, exhaustion obviously winning over any lingering ramifications of their absense earlier in the week. He smiles and rubs her back. Kate put her into an adorable pale-blue onesie, and she smells perfect—all baby powder and baby.

"I'm right here," he promises as he makes his way out of the room with her. "Mommy and I have to go out later, but we'll be right back. And we love you so, so much," he adds. "We're not gonna leave you."

Johanne babbles at him as he grabs her bottle and settles in on one of the bar stools. She reaches up and he hands the bottle to her, steadying it with a few fingers as she drinks greedily.

"You were hungry, huh?" he murmurs. "You gotta use your words. Well, you gotta use your big loud voice 'till you have the words, okay? We'll always come get you if you're hurt or hungry or scared, or just want to cuddle, even when we're sad. And we're very sad today," he admits, stroking his pinky over her little hand.

Johanne's eyes meet his, staring at him, like she's listening.

"Mommy's Captain died three days ago," he tells the baby. "That's why mommy's been out so much, and we've been so quiet. But you've helped," he adds, pulling a face at her. Her eyes light up in response. "All those great snuggles you've given us. They make it so much better."

Johanne smiles around her bottle and he gives her one of her own. He knows it's tired, knows the lines on his face show more than normal, realizes he has stubble two days old.

Can't they just go back to bed? Can't it be just a week ago—Kate snuggled up with him, Johanne babbling happily on his chest, Alexis barging in and demanding breakfast?

"Dad?"

He turns and watches as Alexis creeps down the stairs just as Johanne finishes off her bottle. He smiles at his daughter and sits Johanne up on the counter in front of him. Her little legs kick and she waves her arms before burping quietly.

"You're getting pretty good at that," Alexis tells her as she comes to stand beside them. "Is Kate up?"

"In the shower," he says quietly, meeting her eyes. "You sleep okay?"

Alexis shrugs and reaches out to take one of Johanne's flailing fists. The baby giggles and shakes her hand. Alexis waggles her arm in reply and laughs quietly.

"We'll have fun today, won't we bug? While mommy and daddy are out, we'll have some sis time."

"You want some breakfast?" he offers, watching as the girls play together.

"Let me make it?" Alexis replies. He goes to refuse but she looks at him, and he shuts his mouth—the naked need on her face shocking him into silence. "Please?"

He nods and watches as his seventeen-year-old puts together a decent set of pancakes he knows he and Kate will choke down for her benefit. Because they have to bury Roy today, and leave their daughters behind to do it.

Two hours later finds them standing at the door, Johanne cradled in Kate's arms while he shifts restlessly in his suit. Alexis comes forward and he wraps his arms around her. His mother stands a few feet away, watching them with a pained smile.

"You let your Gram help you if Josie gets out of hand, okay?" he whispers to Alexis. "You're a wonderful 'sister,' and you know it's never about you."

"I know," Alexis promises him. "Come home soon, okay?"

He pulls back and meets her eyes. "We'll be back as soon as we can, right?" he adds, looking over at Kate.

"Yeah," Kate agrees, reaching out to pull Alexis into her side for a one-armed hug, Johanne still clutched to her chest. "Thank you, Lex," she says as Alexis squeezes her tightly.

"Always," his daughter says before she pulls back and gently takes Johanne from Kate's arms. "Say goodbye to Mommy and Daddy, Josie," she says to the girl.

"Mama," Johanne repeats, smiling at Kate.

"Bye bye, baby. See you later," Kate promises, bending to kiss both of the girls' foreheads before walking out the door.

"We'll see you later," Castle tells the three of them, glancing at his mother with a grateful smile before repeating Kate's gesture on the girls. "Be good for Alexis, huh, bug? Love you two."

"Bye, Dad," Alexis says, waving one of Johanne's little hands. "Say bye bye, Daddy."

"Dada," Johanne says happily.

"Bye bye, Josie-bug. See you later."

He forces himself to walk out, shutting the door quietly behind him, only to find Kate standing right there, her hands in fists, jaw tight, head bowed. He watches her for a moment then reaches out and takes her hand, guiding her gently away from the apartment. They'll be back soon. They can get through this.

(…)

"Here, let me," he says as he walks into her bedroom.

She's standing in front of her floor-length mirror, her fingers fumbling with the buttons on her cuffs. It's startling, to see her dressed this way. He's never seen her in uniform before, with her hair up in that severe bun. She looks young and old at once—scary, professional, devastated.

She lets him do up her cuffs, one hand after the other. When he finishes he smoothes his hands down her arms and waits until she raises her head, meeting his eyes.

"You good?" he asks, lacking for anything more eloquent.

She nods, then shakes her head and lets out a quiet sound—somewhere between a laugh and a sob.

"He died for me, Castle," she whispers. "And I'm supposed to stand up there and look his wife in the eye?"

He sighs and takes her hands. "He did what he had to do. That was his stand. And ours—yours—is to honor him, to protect his memory. No one outside of this immediate family, yeah?"

Kate searches his eyes for a long moment before she nods and squeezes his hands. "Yeah."

"Ryan and Espo will be here in a few to drive us over," he says softly. "Do you want something to drink?"

She shakes her head and gives him a wan smile. "I might vomit if you give me coffee."

"Oh, ouch," he says, trying to find playful, and falling rather flat. But she brightens just a hair, and for that, he can be proud.

She shakes her head and releases his hands to lean into him, her arms raising to wrap around his neck. He surrounds her with his arms, taking the comfort she offers and hoping that his own is somewhere close to enough.

"Can I make you coffee?" she whispers in his ear a minute later.

He laughs, the sound loud and startling against the quiet. She stiffens in his arms, but he doesn't let go, just holds her tighter until she relaxes again, her cheek pressing into his shoulder.

"You can make cocoa tonight," he tells her.

She chuckles softly. "You mean, watch Alexis make your special cocoa and co-opt it as my effort?"

"Yes," he says immediately. "That's the whole point of children, Beckett. We take their accomplishments for our own and lord them over others in superiority."

He can feel her smile, her lips pressed against his neck just as the doorbell rings.

"Ready?" he whispers.

"No," she admits.

He waits a beat. "Ready?"

She laughs and pulls back. "You're an ass."

He grins at her and shrugs. "Yes, but I'm charming."

She rolls her eyes and takes his hand, pulling him back through the apartment to greet the boys. It's time.

(…)

He stands to her left, hands clasped in front of his body as he watches her, listens to her eloquent words. The sun beats down on them, steady and unrelenting, and he can feel sweat trickling down his spine. But he doesn't care.

He's too struck by Kate's words—by the speech he couldn't have written if he'd tried.

"Captain Montgomery once said to me that for us, there is no victory. There are only battles. And in the end, the best you could hope for is to find a place to make your stand. And if you're very lucky, you find someone willing to stand with you."

She glances at him and he meets her eyes. Later, he can tell her. Later he _will_ tell her. He'll stand with her, wherever her stand, whatever her fight.

He looks back toward the assembled audience, searching out Evelyn until a flash of light catches his eye. Behind an oak tree, maybe sixty headstone rows away, there's something glinting behind a grave stone. Something like—

"Our captain would want us to carry on the fight."

It's a gun.

"And even if there is..."

A shot goes off.

"Kate!" he shouts.

He vaults toward her, knocking her down to the ground as the crowd screams. They hit the grass and he tries to soften her fall as much as he can, hoping, hoping that he made it in time.

One look at her face, pale and stiff and in complete shock is enough to give him his answer. He cradles the back of her neck and looks down her body. People are screaming everywhere around them. Her glove is bloody and he follows the trail back to her chest where red is beginning to flow up and over her jacket, the navy staining darker.

Her chest. She was shot in the chest.

"Kate," he says urgently, looking back at her face as he grips at her side. "Kate, please," he begs, watching as her eyes find his. "Stay with me, Kate," he continues, nodding at her. "Don't leave me, please."

Oh, God, she's bleeding so much. This isn't how he loses her. It's not. It can't be.

"Stay with me, okay." She blinks at him, and he watches as a tear falls down her cheek. "We have to go home, remember? We have to go home to the girls."

She blinks again, her mouth open as if she could say something, but nothing comes out.

"We have to make it home, okay?"

He feels it bubble up within him. If this is the last chance he gets—if this is—but it's not. It's not. And she has to stay, because he loves her. He _loves_ her. And she has a daughter, and he has a daughter, and they are a family, God damnit.

"I love you, Kate." It pours out of him, the wrong moment, the wrong time, but the undeniable truth there for her to hear.

The corner of her mouth twitches and she stares into his eyes for one moment longer until her eyes slip shut and he feels her neck going slack in his hand.

This can't be how it ends.

It just can't be.


	19. Chapter 19

**Attachment Syndrome**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 19:<strong>

They let him ride in the ambulance.

He sits at the head of the stretcher, his body bent as the siren wails above them and Lanie pounds away on Kate's chest over and over and over.

"You stay with me, Kate Beckett," Lanie chants, variations of pleas and curses and threats spilling from her lips.

She's been giving her chest compressions for at least fifteen minutes now. He had to stop watching, couldn't help feeling like Kate's chest was cracking with every single jolt. He feels like his own is cleaving in half.

So he bends over her, his hand on her head, thumb stroking her temple.

"So help me, Beckett, if you die, I am going to show Castle your diaries," Lanie hisses.

He would laugh if his throat didn't feel like sandpaper crushed by a metal pipe. "See, you've gotta live, Kate," he says, his voice scratchy. "Can't let—can't let Lanie tell me all your secrets."

He feels another tear slip down his cheek as her heart rate dips again. Lanie's been keeping her steady, but the beeps are coming slower and slower with every passing moment.

"Are we almost there?" he calls out, urgent and angry and terrified.

"Two minutes," the EMT in the driver's seat yells back.

"Not fast enough," Lanie growls. "You stay with me, Katie, all right? We have to get you home to Castle and that baby."

"Josie needs her mom," he adds, bending to kiss her forehead. "I need her mom," he whispers to her. "Please Kate."

He can't do this without her, can't imagine a future without this woman. He loves her. He's known it for a while, somewhere deep down. Hell, he's raising a kid with her.

But he _loves_ her—in that visceral way that he loves Alexis, that he loves Johanne, his mother. It's primal, and needy, down down in the depths of him.

"You have to wake up so I can tell you when you're not dying," he tells her. "So I can tell you so much you want to hit me, okay? Got that, Beckett? I need you to twist my ear when my declarations of love get to be too much. Don't you want Josie to hear my girlie shriek?"

Her heart monitor dips again just as the ambulance pulls to a halt.

"Damnit, Kate," Lanie lets out. "You stay alive, girl. We're almost there."

The back doors burst open, and then he's running, jogging to keep up with the stretcher as they careen through the hospital, Lanie beating away on Kate's chest. The white walls, the harsh lights—it's making him dizzy, narrowing his vision to nothing but the stretcher until suddenly Lanie's standing in front of him and Kate's being rushed away by the doctors.

He hears the double doors swinging shut behind them, watches as another set cuts Kate off from view. His heart is racing, blood rushing past his ears. He's still crying, he thinks.

He looks at Lanie and finds her doubled over, hands wrapped around her elbows, with sobs wracking her body.

"Lanie," he says, his voice cracking and not nearly as comforting as he wants it to be.

He steps up to her and places a hand on her back, reaches out tentatively to wrap his hand around her arm.

"Fuck, Castle," she lets out, straightening into his embrace. "She—" She turns and they stare at each other, lost for words.

"Thank you," he manages, as he hears the tell-tale sounds of Javi and Kevin coming their way, yelling for people to get out of their path. "For keeping her alive."

"Didn't do much good," Lanie says, her eyes hollow.

"You threatened to show me her diary. She'll wake up."

Lanie lets out a watery chuckle. "You don't need her diary. You're—God, Castle, what about Josie?"

"She'll make it," he says, forcing the confidence out. "She has to."

The boys burst in on them then, followed closely by Jim Beckett. He looks as haggard as Castle feels. Javi immediately engulfs Lanie in a hug while Kevin hovers awkwardly by their side. Castle reaches out and takes Jim's arm as the man sways on his feet.

"How—how is she?" he asks, breathless.

"Still beating," Castle says immediately.

She was. She was, up until Lanie let off, she was.

"What the hell happened?" Jim asks the group at large. "I heard you shout, then she was down."

"Sniper rifle," Ryan supplies when Lanie refuses to release Javi. "The whole force is combing the graveyard. But we—"

Jim nods in understanding. They had to be here. They couldn't stay to find out. This—Kate is more important.

"Rick," Jim says suddenly. "Josie, Alexis."

"Shit," he lets out. If they—if they came for Kate…

"I already called, bro," Javier says, pulling back from Lanie to look over at him. "Alexis and Martha are on their way with the baby. We sent a detail over to bring 'em. Shouldn't be alone right now."

He nods, trying to telegraph his thanks while the words stick in his throat. The girls, his girls—he doesn't want Alexis to see him like this. Doesn't want _Josie_ to see him like this, blood soaked and shaking.

"Come on," Jim encourages, gripping the arm of his jacket. "Men's room's this way." He points back through the doors.

"I don't want to—"

"Gimme your jacket," Ryan says immediately. "I'll get a bag, find some wipes, for both of you," he adds, looking between Castle and Lanie.

"Toss the jacket," Castle manages. Four sets of eyes land on him and he shakes his head. "Like I could ever wear it again."

Jim nods in understanding and Castle quickly shucks out of his jacket and tosses it to Ryan. He looks down at his red-stained hands and grimaces. Ryan takes off through the double doors, glancing over his shoulder at them as he goes.

"Where was she hit?" Jim asks quietly. Castle and Lanie glance at each other. "I saw you on her, pounding away," he adds to Lanie. "Where was she shot?"

"Her heart," Castle gets out.

"Or close to," Lanie amends as Jim nearly collapses. "She—she'd have died if it had been a direct hit."

"God," Jim manages. "And where—"

"Emergency surgery," Castle tells him. "It's—this is one of the best hospitals for it." The group stares at him. "Book research."

Esposito nods in understanding. He opens his mouth but snaps it shut as they hear a brusque, "You tell me where she is or so help me God I will snap your chicken neck in two."

Jim manages to take the few steps to the doors and push one open. "Martha," he calls.

A moment later, Martha and Alexis come bursting through, Johanne clutched in Martha's arms. Alexis reaches Castle first, barreling into him as he wraps his arms around her.

"Daddy," she whispers, up on her toes as he presses his face into her hair.

"Hey, it's okay," he says, feeling inane and so horribly lacking.

"What happened?" Martha asks as Alexis releases him.

He reaches out for Johanne without replying, taking the strangely quiet girl from his mother. He looks down at the baby, trying to smile. Johanne looks up at him, her eyes red-rimmed.

"Was she crying?" he asks.

Martha huffs. "Richard."

"Kate was shot," Jim tells her as Castle cradles Johanne into his chest.

She stays stiff for a long moment, but then relaxes, practically climbing him in her effort to be close.

"Where?" Alexis asks.

Lanie releases Esposito and reaches out for her, only to notice her blood covered hands. Ryan comes back through the doors at that moment and Castle watches as Lanie hurriedly takes the wipe he extends to clean her hands.

His are still caked in Kate's blood, but he's not letting go of Johanne, not when she's whimpering quietly in his ear.

"Her heart," he says, meeting Alexis' eyes. "But she's in surgery now."

"She was—but why?" Alexis exclaims, her voice high and young, giving words to what they've all been wondering.

"We don't know," Esposito offers before he can come up with anything. "But we'll find out." Ryan nods emphatically.

"Are you all right, Richard?" his mother asks, stepping up to him, her eyes combing over his blood-covered hands, grass-stained knees.

"I'm fine," he promises.

"I doubt that."

He gives her a look then turns his attention to his daughter. His daughters. "You okay?" he asks Alexis as he sways in place, hoping to clam Johanne down.

Alexis nods slowly. "She's probably hungry," she adds, gesturing to Johanne. "Here." She shucks off a backpack he hasn't noticed until now and pulls out a bottle of formula.

She passes it over and he looks around. He doesn't want to move, though he's sure there must be an actual waiting room somewhere for them. Instead, he slides down a nearby wall until he hits the floor, his body protesting the whole way.

"Hey there, bug," he whispers, pulling her back from his shoulder. "I've got you. Alexis brought you a bottle. Think you can eat?"

Johanne stares at him, seemingly unsure for a moment before one of her hands reaches out. He smiles faintly and helps her grab hold of the bottle. He sits there, just watching the baby eat, his legs spread out in front of him, her sleight weight an anchor in his arms.

He glances up and finds the whole group staring at him as he feeds the baby. He must look a sight. But then he realizes they're all staring at Johanne.

What happens to Johanne?

Esposito's phone rings, shattering their bubble. He sighs and picks up, walking swiftly up the hall. A moment later, Ryan's phone rings as well. He gives them a regretful look and follows his partner.

"What do we do?" Alexis asks softly.

Jim squares his shoulders. "We find the waiting room, and sit. Come on," he says, beckoning to them.

Lanie helps Castle up and he follows his little family—those blood and not, as Jim leads the way down the hall. He doesn't know if the man knows where he's going, but he'll follow.

Johanne releases the bottle and he glances down at her. He holds her snug with one arm and slips the bottle into his back pocket—a tight fit in his dress pants.

"There you go," he whispers to her as he hikes her up to his shoulder. "All better."

"Mama," the baby lets out.

He sighs and rubs her back, swallowing thickly. "We'll see mama soon, Josie."

He hopes he's not lying.

(…)

"Nothing," Esposito spits, falling into the chair next to Lanie's.

They're camped out in the surgical trauma waiting room, the seven of them seated in the far corner. It's an unwelcoming room—sterile and harshly lit, with chairs he expects someone thought would be comfortable, but only serve to remind the waiter that they are in a hospital, and no amount of stiff blue-purple stuffing can bring a loved one back from the edge of death.

"Nothing?" Alexis lets out. "But—but wasn't—what about the gun?"

"Wiped," Ryan gets out before Castle can really focus on his daughter asking about fingerprints.

"Security cameras?" Jim asks.

"Not for blocks, and there wasn't a thing on whoever it was. They covered their tracks."

"What about before the ceremony?" he asks suddenly. "Anything on the entrance to the graveyard?"

"I doubt they just walked through the front door," his mother offers.

"But it's worth a shot, right?" Alexis puts in.

Her eyes are fiery, face drawn. His daughter is out for revenge, and he hates it. He hates it. This is exactly what they didn't want—what Kate agreed to step back for—to avoid this. And now, now she's in some operating theatre. And he's out here, waiting.

"I'll try," Ryan tells his daughter, standing and patting Castle on the shoulder before walking out into the hall.

"How long?"

He looks over at Lanie. She's barely said two words since they sat down and he's noticed that she keeps rubbing her hands together. He'd be tempted to do the same if Johanne weren't asleep on his shoulder.

His mother finally forced him to give her up an hour ago to go and scrub his hands and get a bottle of water. But otherwise, he's been glued to the little girl, holding tight, because she's all he has of Beckett right now.

"Four hours," Jim supplies, looking as worried as Lanie.

Lanie nods and he watches as Esposito reaches out and rubs her back. His eyes meet Castle's and Esposito tries to give him a brave smile. They all keep giving him these looks—trying to mask their pain. Yes, he's…connected to Kate, but she's as much a part of their family as his. Differently, but still.

God, he hopes differently. He hopes they still have the chance to get to forty years from now.

He hears the click of stilettos and turns almost instinctively, even though he knows, he knows, it can't possibly be her.

What greets him—or rather who—is much, much worse.

"Mr. Castle," Harper Kline states, her eyes like steel.

He curls around Johanne and stands up, stepping away from her as his friends and family look on in surprise.

"What do you want?" he lets out. He should be polite, should play as much game as he can. But he doesn't have the energy. Kate could be dead. He's not up for going another forty rounds of 'give back your baby,' today.

"I understand Detective Beckett has been shot," she says evenly—without even a smidge of empathy, sympathy, anything.

The room reacts. Alexis is halfway out of her seat before his mother manages to pull her back. Esposito and Lanie both stand up and he sees Jim eyeing the woman darkly from his seat.

"She's in surgery," Castle tells The Harpie. "And we're all here waiting, so can we please do this another time—three months, you said."

"If I didn't see a whiff of life endangerment. But," she opens her arms, gesturing to the empty waiting room, "here we are. I'm here for Johanne."

"You're what?" Lanie, Espo, Alexis and Jim exclaim at once.

"I'll be taking her into custody until we can find a more stable home for her," Harper Kline says, her voice like liquid lead. "Detective Beckett obviously is not a stable individual—"

"You and what court order?" Ryan asks, appearing behind her.

"There's no way we're handing her over," Esposito adds, stepping in front of Castle as he clutches the baby to his chest.

"And good luck getting any judge in the city to vouch for you," Lanie puts in. "These two? Saved the city not three months ago."

"Oh?" Kline lets out, unimpressed. "And at what risk, I wonder? Great personal? This child needs a stable home."

"What do you think we give her?" Castle seethes, pushing past Esposito.

There is no way in hell this woman is walking away with his daughter.

"She calls me Dada," he tells her. "And she meets my eyes. She's almost crawling. She'll be walking in no time. You think that'll keep if you take her away? You think she'll ever attach to another person after this? She calls me _Dada_."

The Harpie's eyes flash. "And what good will that do when her mother, and her only legal guardian is dead?"

If he weren't holding Johanne, he thinks he would hit this woman. "I'll adopt her then," he tells her. "And if you think Kate's connections were complicated, you won't believe the people in high places who owe me a favor."

Harper Kline glares at him. "You think you're doing this child a service? Losing her mother only to attach to a dilettante playboy who—"

"My daughter is not dead yet, Ms. Kline," Jim says, cutting her off as he stands.

And if Castle thought Esposito and Ryan were intimidating, they are nothing compared to Jim Beckett.

"Unless you have legal documents to present, and at least four large security enforcers, I suggest you turn around with your tail between your legs and get the hell out of here," Jim seethes. "Her mother is not dead. Her mother is in surgery. How dare you come here and try and _steal_ her baby?"

"I am not stealing, I am removing her from—"

"How fast do you want to talk to talk to a lawyer?" he interrupts.

"Mr—"

"Beckett," Jim provides. The Harpie deflates just slightly. "Jim Beckett, defense attorney. You think Rick's lying? He's got the mayor on speed dial, plus a number of judges, and quite a few of your superiors, if I'm not mistaken. And I'll gladly take his and Katie's case."

The Harpie glares at all of them before staring Castle down. "I am here in the best interests of that child," she says, pointing toward Johanne. "A mother blown to smithereens, a father on page six, what kind of life is that for a child? For this child? You say you're protecting her, Mr. Castle. You say you're helping her form attachments, but really, what are you doing? Letting her get attached to a woman who's inches from death, and a man who is in no way involved with said woman?"

"You want involvement?" Castle gets out, his jaw almost painfully tight. "You want proof of my commitment? Go and get me some adoption papers."

"I would need Ms—Detective Beckett's consent," Kline says, her voice low.

"Oh, so you acknowledge that you would need her mother's consent for another guardianship, but don't believe she should be notified of the abduction of her child?" Jim cuts in.

"I am not abducting—I am Social Services, Mr. Beckett. We do not abduct children."

"Oh yeah?" Esposito says. "That what the D.A.'s gonna say, with two eye-witness accounts from NYPD Detectives?"

"Are you threatening me, Detective—"

"Esposito," the man grunts. "And no. I'm advising."

"I'm a blood relative," Jim interjects before Javi can continue. "And as such, this child is not without a guardian, and there is no legal reason to remove her from my daughter's care." Kline looks at him, her eyes narrowing. "Do you have any documentation to remove her from a blood relative's custody?"

Slowly, she opens her mouth. "No."

"Then what the hell are you doing here?" Alexis lets out. The entire group turns to stare at her. "If Jim weren't here, were you just hoping my dad would hand her over? Kate's not even dead."

"Yet," Castle hears Kline mutter.

Before he can blink his mother is across the room, her hands fisted in Harper Kline's jacket. "You worthless, pathetic excuse for a—"

"Martha," Jim exclaims, grabbing her back.

Esposito, Ryan, and Lanie gape as his mother takes a few deep breaths.

"Get out," Castle tells Kline as the woman stands there, eyes wide. "I want a new caseworker. Tomorrow."

"Mr. Castle, you do not have the right—"

"The hell he doesn't," Jim says, an arm still around Martha. "You have no right, and you'll be lucky if you still have a job after this—marching in and taking her before we've even heard from the surgeon."

Kline goes still and stares at them, halfway across the room, her jacket still wrinkled from his mother's fists. "You think I'm some evil villain," she says to Castle. "But I am looking out for this child. This whirlwind adoption won't work, and you know it. Her mother was just shot."

"And what, would you remove another child, a biological child, from a cop's family if the parent was shot?" Jim presses.

"That's irrelevant," Kline tells him sourly. "Biology forces children into these situations. I can fix this one, if any of you would open your eyes to see the decision you're making. Who's to say the next bullet doesn't drop her cold?"

"Get out," Castle seethes. "Go tell your supervisor I want someone else on this case."

"They'll say the same."

"Then let them," he gets out. "I'm not about to let your prejudices take away Kate's daughter. A new caseworker. Tomorrow," Castle asserts, feeling his legs starting to shake.

Kline takes them in one last time, the seven of them a pack between the chairs, blood-stained and battered, but defiant. After a moment, she turns on her heel and marches out.

There's a beat before everyone starts talking, exclamations and curses and outrage flying around him as he sways on his feet. He looks down at Johanne and lets out an unsteady laugh. She's still asleep on his shoulder, her thumb in her mouth.

"That's my girl," he whispers.

Damned if he's going to let anyone take her away. He'll file for adoption tomorrow if he has to. Pretend the baby is staying permanently with Jim. Whatever it takes.

(…)

It's another two hours before a doctor shows up. They all turn as the doors to the surgical wing open and a haggard looking surgeon emerges, in wrinkled scrubs, a surgical mask in hand.

Castle stands as the man approaches, trying to get a read on his face. He's not shaking his head. He's not giving them all pitying looks. That must count for something, right?

"Family of Katherine Beckett?" the man asks, looking around at them.

Martha gently rouses Alexis, who's been asleep on her shoulder. Jim stands and nods at the man, joining Castle in the middle of the room.

"How is she?" Castle manages, rubbing Johanne's back as she settles back against him, still asleep.

"She's a fighter," the man replies with a tired smile. "Took nearly five and a half hours, but we managed to repair the damage to her pulmonary vein and close off the surrounding trauma. She's lucky. Even a milimeter more would have lacerated it and punctured her left atrium."

"The—she was—her heart," Castle stammers.

Jim puts a hand on his back. "But she's alive?"

The doctor nods and gives Castle a reassuring look. "She's pulled through beautifully. We've got her in the ICU recovery ward, heavily monitored. She's lost a lot of blood, and she'll be here for a while, but she's alive. Are you the husband?" he asks Castle.

Castle opens his mouth as Johanne stirs on his shoulder. "No," he manages.

"Boyfriend," Jim supplies. "I'm her father," he adds. "When can we see her?"

"Good to meet you. I'm Doctor Hoyt," the doctor tells them. "We'll have her extubated when she wakes up. Once that's—"

"Can I sit with her?" Castle cuts in. Hoyt blinks. "Please. I'll be quiet, but I want," he glances at Johanne. "I want her to see her mom."

"Mr—"

"Castle," Jim supplies.

"Mr. Castle, I don't know that the baby should see—"

"Please," Castle repeats.

Hoyt sighs and looks around at them. "Fine, but only you."

"Oh," Castle lets out, glancing at Jim. "I—no, Jim, you should. You have to—Josie," he manages.

Jim shakes his head and squeezes his shoulder, looking longingly at the doors before glances at the baby. "Go ahead, son. I'll get the girls home and leave word with the desk that you've been given legal permission."

"Can you do that?" Castle wonders.

"You're not the only one with friends in high places. Call us when she's awake, all right?"

Castle glances back at his mother and finds her with her arm around Alexis, nodding at him. Esposito and Ryan smile, and Lanie waves him toward the doctor.

"I'll call as soon as anything happens," he promises them. Alexis walks forward and helps him shoulder Johanne's bag, arching up to kiss his cheek. "I promise," he tells her.

"Go, Daddy."

He nods and follows Doctor Hoyt back through the doors, hearing them swing shut on his family. But he needs to see her—and Johanne's a package deal with him right now. He knows she'll want to see Kate as soon as she wakes, and more, Kate will want to see her.

The room Hoyt leads him to is small and isolated, at the far end of the ICU.

"There's a call button by her bed. Hit it if she wakes, all right?" he instructs. "If the baby starts crying, bring her out to the hall. I don't want anything to wake her unnaturally."

Castle nods, his fingers itching to open the door.

"And, Mr. Castle," Hoyt says, stalling his progress toward the door. "She looks worse than she is. She'll need a week of recovery here, but she'll pull through."

"Thank you," he says, meeting the man's eyes.

Hoyt gives him a genuine smile. "You're welcome. Go see your girlfriend."

He turns and walks away before Castle can even begin to formulate 'but she's not really my—'

He shakes himself and glances down at the baby on his chest. Girlfriend wouldn't do it justice. "Okay, Josie. Let's see Mommy, huh?"

His hand shakes as he opens the door, the breath knocked out of his lungs as she comes into view. The room is little more than a sterile white cube, with Kate's bed in the center and a chair off to the side. There isn't even a window.

But it hardly matters. His eyes are glued to her figure in the bed. She's got a tube down her throat, an IV in her hand, monitors on her chest and fingers. She's pale and there's still blood matted in her hair.

But she's alive. He can hear the steady beep beep beep of her heart.

He practically falls into the chair pulled up to the side of her bed, his eyes combing her relaxed face, cataloguing every minute detail. She's okay. She's going to have a rough time of it, but she's okay. She'll live.

"Please," he says, his voice cracking, lips dry. "Please don't do that again," he begs her. "Please don't ever leave us again, okay?"

Johanne grunts in his arms before sighing and settling against him.

"I'm really enjoying raising her with you. I don't want to do it alone. So, just wake up and get mad at me for watching you sleep."

She doesn't wake, but her heart keeps beating, and he can hear the regular forced breathing from the tube.

"Mommy's gonna wake up soon," he tells the sleeping baby. "And we're going to take her far away, aren't we? We're gonna take her to the beach and take care of her, huh? You, me, and mommy. And my mother, and Alexis, and probably her dad. All of your favorite people," he continues, watching the rise and fall of Kate's chest as he talks to Johanne. "And we're going to be so happy, and we're going to love her lots, and mommy's going to get all better, and," he swallows, "and it will be great. You'll see. She's going to be just fine."

The clock on the wall ticks and Johanne sighs. A meter attached to some machine slowly prints out a reading. The heart monitor beeps.

"She's going to be just fine."


	20. Chapter 20

**Attachment Syndrome**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 20:<strong>

"Okay. It's okay, bug," he says softly, rubbing Johanne's back as he walks the small length of the room. The baby fusses in his arms but doesn't cry. "Not hungry, huh? Not wet. You just want your mom," he hums to her. "She'll wake up soon."

She better. It's been three hours already.

Doctor Hoyt came in an hour ago and told him not to worry. Her body is recovering from massive trauma. Sleeping straight through the end of the anesthetic isn't unusual. He clings to that reassurance, because every minute she's still asleep sends his mind reeling into overdrive.

Coma. Brain damage. Brain death.

There are so many things that could be wrong. And though he knows that she's fine—they're detecting brain-wave activity, she has a steady pulse, and they're expecting an easy and successful removal of her breathing tube—he can't help letting his mind convince him that she's not going to wake up.

Johanne whines against him and he glances toward Kate. He doesn't want the baby to cry if he can avoid it. He's all for Johanne voicing her discomfort, but he can make her happy again. He doesn't want to have to leave Kate's side.

"Hush little baby, don't you cry," he sings, his voice hoarse and tired. "Daddy's gonna sing you a lullaby. And if that lullaby don't sing," he glances at Kate and smiles. "Daddy's gonna buy your mom a diamond ring." Nothing. Damn, he thought that might do it.

"And if that ring should turn to brass, Daddy's gonna buy you a looking glass. And if that looking glass should break, Daddy's gonna buy you some birthday cake." Johanne settles against his chest and sighs. "And if that cake should not be sweet, Daddy's gonna buy you some…butcher's meat. And if that butcher's meat won't fry, Daddy's gonna find you a big…tough guy."

He pauses. "Okay, I do not know the words. And I don't know what you'd need with a big tough guy. I'm tough enough already." He looks over at Kate. "See, she totally would have snarked me over that one, wouldn't she, bug?"

Johanne just coos. He sighs and walks back over to Kate's bedside to sit down, pulling the girl away from his chest to meet her eyes. "How you doin'?" he asks her.

She cocks her head and reaches out for his nose. "Dada."

He smiles at her and nods, catching her fingers in his mouth and nibbling on them. She squeaks quietly.

"Dada, Mama," she says.

"I know, baby," he manages. "We'll hug Mama soon, okay? But we'll have to be very gentle."

Johanne just stares at him before focusing on the buttons on his shirt. He lets her play, re-buttoning each button as she accidentally undoes it. She gets this adorably frustrated look on her face as he does and he grins, glancing at the bed. God, he just wants her to wake up.

Johanne whines as he recloses another button. "Sorry," he whispers to her. He gives up and she fiddles with every button until his shirt is lying open on his chest.

"Do you want holding time, baby?" he wonders as Johann tries to shuffle closer to him.

He's astounded that she does, but doesn't fight her movements. It's not too cold in the room. He slips off her little tee shirt and holds her close, smiling as she sighs in contentment against him. He hopes this means their absence hasn't hurt her—hopes when Kate wakes up the baby won't reject her.

He hopes she wakes up.

He glances over at Kate and finds her eyes open, realizes then that in his moment of shock over Johanne, he's missed the sound of her heart rate increasing.

"Kate," he whispers, rising instantly.

She blinks at him, her eyes wide and panicked. Her fingers curl and open on the bed and she starts shifting.

"Hey," he says softly. "Hey, you're okay. Kate, look at me," he continues, watching until her eyes find his, until some clarity shines through. He presses the call button urgently as she gags around the breathing tube. "You're on a vent. You're okay. You're alive." She groans. "Don't try to talk yet. You're awake. Thank God," he adds, bending down, Johanne cradled against him with one arm as he reaches out to stroke over Kate's forehead.

"You woke up," he breathes out, searching her eyes.

She goes to move her arm, reaching up, then suddenly squeezes her eyes shut, her body spasming. He presses the button again, glancing worriedly toward the door. That's pain. She's in pain.

She's awake.

The door bursts open a moment later and he's shoved aside, watching as they sit Kate's bed up, as someone takes her pulse manually and they prod her body. All the while, Kate's eyes remain shut tight.

"Ms. Beckett," Dr. Hoyt says gently, waiting until Kate opens her eyes, blinking rapidly. "I'm going to remove the tube, all right? On the count of three I want you to blow out. Ready?" Kate nods minutely.

Hoyt detaches the tube from the machine, then nods at Kate. "One, two, three."

Castle cringes as he pulls the tube out. Kate splutters and coughs, each hack causing her body to tense, her eyes squeezed shut, tears leaking down her face.

Johanne stiffens against him and he rubs her back, forcing himself to relax. It just looks so awful.

"Good to have you back with us, Ms. Beckett," Hoyt says as the coughing finally subsides.

She lays there limp, staring at him. "How—how long?" she manages, licking her lips.

"Nine hours," falls out of Castle's mouth.

Her eyes cut to his as Hoyt nods. "Five and a half of surgery, and then it took you a while to come to. It's good to see you awake."

"What—happened?" she asks.

She doesn't remember?

"You were shot," Hoyt says softly.

"No, no," she insists. "After. After that. Where?"

He lets out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. She remembers.

"You were shot in the chest. The bullet nicked your pulmonary vein. We managed to repair it and stop the bleeding, then tended to the damage behind your heart. You're in for a rough recovery, I must admit."

She nods slowly. "M'I safe?"

"Medically, yes," Hoyt says. "I—yes, you are."

So he's taken stock of the burly guard outside the door. Castle wishes he hadn't mentioned it to Kate so soon. The boys set it up, through his security service. But since Kate's bound to the bed for at least the next few days, he'd been hoping to avoid broaching it.

"Not medically?" she wonders, glancing over at him. He shakes his head. "Recovery?" she asks slowly.

"A week in the hospital," Hoyt tells her. "Then you're looking at a good three months. Bed rest and minimal exercise for one, then two months of ratcheted physical therapy before we get you back to normal. Beyond that, getting back to your original physical condition could take much longer. It could be a year before you'll be back to full capacity."

"A year," she breathes.

"But what's important is that you're alive," Hoyt reminds her. "There's a morphine drip attached to your IV. The moment you feel like you need it, press the call button, or have Mr. Castle call. We'll get you a personally administered pump tomorrow or the next day when you can stay awake for longer periods."

Kate just stares at the man. Hoyt smiles and glances at Castle. "Let me know if she needs anything, or if you have any questions." He looks at Johanne for a moment. "Would you like to have a bassinet sent in?"

"Please," Castle says immediately.

The doctor smiles and nods at him before quietly slipping from the room, his nurse, a short, portly man, following in his wake. The door shuts and then they're alone, just the three of them. And she's awake.

"Castle," Kate says roughly.

He turns and walks back to her side, reaching behind himself to pull up the chair so he can ease down into it, can more easily support Johanne as he reaches out to take Kate's hand.

"You're awake," he repeats.

"Nine hours?" she whispers, her fingers twitching beneath his.

He sighs and nods, stroking his thumb over her pulse point. "Kinda scared the hell out of me," he admits, looking up to meet her eyes as Johanne shifts against him.

"She okay?" Kate asks.

He smiles and nods, releasing her hand to turn the baby around. "Look, there's mama, bug."

Johanne just stares at her. He closes his eyes for a moment and opens them to find Kate's full as she looks at the little girl.

"Hi, baby," she whispers. Johanne doesn't move. "I'm so sorry, bug."

"Hey, no," he says immediately, shifting so he can take her hand again. "It's not your fault, Kate."

"But," she starts before swallowing hard.

"No. This isn't your fault," he says vehemently. "You walked away."

"Fat lot of good it did," she gets out before her face contorts.

"Pain?" he asks inanely.

She squeezes his hand in reply. He reaches out immediately and hits the call button. She opens her eyes.

"No," she whispers.

"It's okay," he promises as the nurse bustles back in, walking around to their side of the bed.

"Pain?" he asks, looking between them.

Castle nods, ignoring Kate's faint "No, I'm fine."

"The more we manage your pain, the better you'll get," the nurse tells her as he reaches up and fiddles with the morphine drip.

"Don't wanna sleep," Kate mumbles.

"I'll be here when you wake up," Castle promises as the nurse steps away, nodding at him before leaving the room.

"Rick," Kate whispers, forcing her eyes open even as he watches the drugs seeping into her system. "You—"

"Later," he placates with a smile. "Later, Kate. Rest now."

"M'too," she mumbles before it takes her under.

He sits there and smiles, his chest brightening, his whole body relaxing at her words. Whether she means what he thinks she does or not, she remembers, and she's awake, and she's going to recover. He lets it spilt his face, a tired grin erupting as he releases her hand to pick Johanne up.

He turns her around and meets her little solemn eyes. "See, she's okay, baby. I know you were worried. But she's okay.'"

Johanne blinks at him and he laughs softly. "I love you, baby girl," he tells her, bringing her in to smother her face with kisses until she giggles. "And we'll get you your cuddle time with mommy as soon as we can. Until then, you stay with me so me staring at mommy isn't really, really creepy."

He looks back at Kate and drinks in the sight of her chest rising and falling on its own.

She's all right. She woke up.

(…)

"Castle?"

He startles awake, his head slipping off his palm, jerking his neck. He groans and blinks his eyes open. The room is dim, just the light from the bathroom and the myriad green and red dots on the machines to illuminate the space. Johanne, thankfully, is still asleep in her bassinet. And she doesn't call him—oh, Kate.

"Hey," he manages, rising from the chair to approach her bedside.

She looks up at him, her bed still a bit elevated—to help her drain, they said. Her skin is pale, the bags beneath her eyes visible even in the dark room.

"Castle," she mumbles as her eyes find his.

"You awake this time?" he asks gently.

She's woken a few times since the morphine knocked her out. It's closing in on five. The two other times, she was barely there, a slurry, confused Beckett who quickly fell asleep. But the look she's giving him now—he thinks Kate's back.

"Josie?"

"Asleep," he says, pointing toward the bassinet and leaning out of the way so she can see.

"'Lexis?"

"Home." She nods, then frowns. "Pain?"

"No," she lets out slowly. "Just…weird? I feel loopy, Castle."

He has to stifle a chuckle at that. She is _stoned_. But oh, it's good to see her like this—even drugged and loopy and looking a little lost. He's just so glad she's looking at all.

"That's okay," he tells her.

"I'know," she slurs. "The boys?"

It takes him a moment. He's feeling a bit loopy himself. "Ryan and Espo?"

"And Lanie," she corrects.

"Not a boy."

"Shaddup."

He does laugh then, easing onto her bed where there's space by her hip. He reaches out and twines their fingers together, glad to have had them move the pulse-ox to her left hand.

"They're fine. Probably still at the station," he admits, before his brain can catch up.

"Huh?"

"Nothing," he says quickly. "Nothing. They're—later. We'll talk about it tomorrow. When you're less…loopy."

"'Kay," she hums. "M'I forgetting people?" she wonders.

"Your dad and my mom are home with Alexis," he says easily. "But they'll come by tomorrow."

"Good." She stares past him at the bassinet for a moment. "She okay?"

"Yeah, she is," he promises as her fingers squeeze his. "A little shaken up. Doc says you can probably hold her with a pillow by tomorrow."

"Pillow?"

"We're not putting any direct pressure on your chest for a while," he says simply. "But your arms will do."

"Holding time," Kate breathes out, a moment of clarity shining through. "Shit, Rick, what about—"

"We'll manage," he promises, bending to brace himself with an arm by her hip so he can lean close. "Hey. She's okay. She'll be okay. You're still here. That's what's important. We'll improvise holding time with you." She stares into his eyes, her lip caught between her teeth. "Kate?"

"What if it hadn't—you'd take her, right?" she asks, her hand moving to grip his wrist where he's propped himself up. "You'd find a way to keep her."

"Of course," he says immediately. "'Course I would. She calls me Dada."

"You wouldn't let that woman take her away."

He smiles at her, his grin only broadening when she gives him a quizzical look. "May have already come up."

"What?"

"We're getting a new caseworker—someone without as much baggage or…whatever she has."

Kate blinks at him. "How?"

"Um, our family is pretty scary when they want to be," he admits. "But she's yours, Kate. No one's going to take her away."

"Ours," she corrects. "Ours. If I don't—if they do it again, Castle. If they don't miss next time—"

"There won't be a next time," he asserts, his voice harsh against the quiet.

"Castle," she whispers.

"No. I'm not watching you die again. I'm not. I can't."

He realizes then that his eyes are misting over, his throat tight. Flashes of that afternoon—was it really just yesterday?—spill through his mind. Kate on the grass. All the blood. The flat line as they rushed her away through the double doors.

"Hey."

He blinks and meets her eyes, feeling her fingers squeezing his wrist, the pulse-ox on her other hand brushing over his side.

"You okay?" she asks.

He snorts, something between a laugh and a sob. "You're the one in the bed."

"M'getting the picture that I have the easy side," she tells him, trying to smile.

He can see she's getting tired again—this brief conversation already so much effort.

"We can parse sides tomorrow," he says, leaning forward to press his lips to her forehead. "You sleep. I'll keep an eye on the bug."

"Missed," she gets out.

"What?"

"You missed," she mumbles before puckering her lips.

Loopy indeed.

"Sorry, my mistake," he offers, suppressing the intense urge to laugh. Kate Beckett puckering for kisses.

But he bends down none-the-less, pressing a gentle kiss to her lips. Part of the broken place in his chest seems to mend when she kisses back, when her hand squeezes around his wrist and her tongue sweeps across his bottom lip, lazy and sloppy.

He pulls back with regret, but smiles as her eyelids flutter. If only it was just him, not the morphine.

"Sweet dreams," he tells her, brushing back her hair, a messy halo fallen from her braid around her head.

"You sleep too," she insists as her eyes slip shut.

"I make no promises," he whispers.

She huffs then falls silent, her fingers still wrapped around his wrist.

(…)

"Nothing?" he whispers into the phone, leaning his head back and closing his eyes. "Nothing at all?"

"I'm sorry, bro. This guy's a ghost," Esposito tells him, anger flowing over the phone. "We'll keep lookin', but with Lockwood gone we're—"

"Back to square one," Castle agrees. "Surveillance?"

"You guys are safe," Ryan says quickly. "No suspicious activity around your place, nothing at the hospital."

He waits. "Ryan."

"Beckett's place may have been tossed," the man admits.

"What?"

"It's fine. Nothing was stolen. We think," he hears a slight scuffle over the phone. "He should know!"

"What, guys?" Castle prompts.

"We think they were looking for her file," Ryan tells him. "Espo, c'mon."

"It's," he pauses. Should he even admit to the location of Kate's notes? The box that's sitting on a shelf in his office. In the apartment where his daughter and mother currently are?

"You got somewhere we could put it?" Esposito asks, his voice gruff. Castle wonders if they've actually been shoving each other.

Castle's eyes dart around, flicking from Kate to Johanne to the door to the room. "Maybe," he hedges. Somewhere safe. Somewhere it can't be found. "What are you thinkin'?"

"Bring it here," Ryan says. "We can keep it here. They're not gonna mow us all down."

"You sure about that?" he huffs.

"Castle," Esposito chides.

"Sorry." He looks at Kate, watches the steady rise and fall of her chest. They've got nothing for her. Nearly twenty-four hours later, they've still got nothing. No answers. There's a bullet wound in her chest and they've got nothing.

"How is she?" Ryan asks quietly.

"Sleeping," he tells them. "She was up for about an hour around ten, which is good. They're gonna let her have solids later today."

"You ordering something good?" Esposito asks.

"Yeah. Pizza, was the request. You guys want to come for dinner tonight?"

"Only if Lanie's allowed," Esposito says quickly. "She'll kill me if I see her first."

"Lanie too," Castle agrees with a laugh. "Bring Jenny, Ryan. We'll have a party. Play some poker."

"While she falls asleep? Don't think she'll thank you," Ryan says with a laugh.

"Seeing people will be good," Castle says softly. "Even if she falls asleep. I want—if she agrees, I'm gonna take her away when they discharge her."

"Far?" Esposito asks.

"Far enough," he says. "See the beach." The guys think they're safe, but he doesn't want to say exactly where they'll be over the phone. The Hamptons isn't that far, but he hopes it'll be far enough.

"Sounds good," Esposito tells him.

His phone beeps. He pulls it away from his head and Alexis' name flashes on the screen. "Hey, I have to go. I'll see you tonight?"

"See you tonight," they chorus before he switches the call over.

"Hey, sweetheart," he greets.

"How is she?" Alexis asks, just as she has every hour, on the hour, since eight this morning.

"She's asleep, but she's good," he promises. "Why don't you and Gram and Jim come over around five. She should be up, then you can hang with the gang when they get here." There's a silence on the other end. "Alexis?"

"Can I come now?" comes the quiet request.

He feels his mouth opening but can't find the words. He's been so worried about keeping Johanne close—about making sure she wasn't feeling abandoned. He never thought about Alexis, not like that. He's an ass.

"Of course," he finally manages. "Of course you can. Bring some stuff to do. She's been sleeping a lot."

"Okay," Alexis whispers. "Do you need anything?"

"Have Gram put together some clothes for me," he says gently. He may be an ass, but he can make her feel useful, can give an excuse if she's feeling self conscious about it. It took her at least five phone calls. He should have just insisted she come. "And a few extra button downs, so Kate has something. A sweater or two of hers would be good. And some extra baby things."

"Okay. I'll be there in a while," Alexis tells him. "Kate won't mind?"

"I'm sure Kate will be happy to see you," he says. "I'll see you soon."

"Bye, Daddy."

"Alexis," he says before she can disconnect.

"Yeah?"

"I love you," he tells her, trying to put force behind the words. He's been a crappy Dad to her today.

"I love you too," she says, and he can tell she's smiling. "I'll be there soon."

"Okay, pumpkin. See you soon."

She cuts off then and he sits for a moment before curling over and resting his head in his hands. He didn't even consider it. She's seventeen, yes. She's planning to go off to college in January, yes. But she's still his daughter. And Kate—her mentor? Her friend? Her father's partner was just shot, and almost died, and they left Alexis alone with the baby. Her little sister was almost taken away.

"Castle?"

He turns and finds Kate awake and watching him. He tries to push it off his face, to push it down. He failed Alexis. He didn't get to Kate in time. He can't protect them. He can't keep any of them truly safe.

"What's wrong?" Kate asks as they stare at each other.

"You okay?" he deflects, rising from the chair to check on Johanne before making his way to her side. "Any pain?"

She raises an eyebrow. "I asked you first."

"Hey, gunshot victim gets first check over," he insists, handing her the cup of water on her bedside. "Drink. You're scratchy."

She frowns at him but takes a few long sips. She calmly reaches out and places the cup on her bedside without a grimace, then gives him a look. "What's wrong?" she repeats.

He sighs, unsure of how to explain it, really. 'I was too busy worrying over you and the baby that I didn't think about how emotionally devastated my daughter must be.'

"Alexis is going to come hang here for a while," he says. "She'll bring you some clothes."

Kate cocks her head. "She's coming just to bring me clothes?"

"Well, she wants to see you too," he says quickly.

"Castle," Kate chides. "Is she okay?" He pauses for a moment too long. "She wasn't—she didn't see me, right? You said she came with Josie after."

"She did," he says, reaching out to brush his hand through her hair as she sits there, tense. "She's just…upset, I think."

Kate nods against his hand. "Understandable."

"Do you mind if she spends the day here?" he asks. She jerks her head against his hand, then stiffens. "Hey, careful."

"M'fine," she says through gritted teeth. "'Course I don't mind."

"I just—I know we've been here all night. If you want time, or space, or anything I can—"

She raises her hand, wrapping it around his arm, her grip tight. "Castle." He stops himself and meets her eyes. "Let me decide what I do and don't need, okay? I'll tell you if it gets to be too much." He nods slowly. "And what I need now is for you to hand me Josie, because she's awake and sitting up, and then you're going to sit down and relax."

"I don't think—"

"Shot in the chest. My rules," she tells him, all no-nonsense Beckett. Really, for a woman who's just had open heart surgery, she's remarkably bossy.

"Fine," he reneges. "But we're putting a pillow in front of your chest like Hoyt said and you have to tell me if you're in any pain at all."

"Fine. Now gimme my kid, Castle."

He holds up his hands and turns to the basinet, reaching down and hoisting Johanne out. "Guess who's awake, bug?" he coos, bringing the baby over to Kate. "I will acquiesce to your request if I can sit on the bed with you guys."

"I'll allow it," Kate says with a roll of her eyes. But he catches the corner of her mouth twitching upwards and can't fight his own smile.

He settles by her hip, Johanne held with one arm as he maneuvers a pillow over Kate's chest. Then he gently passes the baby over, watching as Johanne's eyes search Kate's face, her own little face expressionless.

"Hey, baby girl," Kate greets, holding the baby's hips as Johanne sits on her thighs. "How are you, sweetheart?"

Johanne just stares at her.

"Mama's awake, bug," Castle coos, watching as Kate's face slowly falls. "Can you say Mama?"

Johanne turns her head toward his voice and he see Kate's face crack, her eyes filling. He can fix this. This one he can fix.

He stands and moves to Kate's side, perching next to her, his ass half off the bed to manage it, so they can both look at the baby. He reaches out and steadies Johanne with one of his hands so he can hold Kate's with the other. She shifts over just slightly and he manages to situate himself without falling off.

"Look, baby," he coos. "Look who's awake. It's mommy. She's so happy to see you. Can you say hi?" Johanne stares at him. "Say hi to mommy."

"'I!" Johanne lets out.

Kate gasps and beams at her. "Hi, Josie-bug."

Johanne looks at her. "Hi," she repeats, a little smile on her face.

"Hi," Kate repeats. "Hi, baby. I'm so glad to see you."

"Hi," Johanne says again. "Mama, hi."

Kate squeezes his hand. Johanne shifts forward, bunching one of her fists into the pillow.

"I," Kate starts, glancing at him. "I can't give you hugs right now, sweetie," she says, and he withholds a sigh at the anguish in her voice.

This is going to take so much from her—already has. Her health. Her strength. Her safety. And now this.

"But I bet Daddy can give you good hugs," Kate says. "Can give you lots of good holding time."

"Any time," he agrees.

Johanne coos and reaches out for Kate's hand. She releases Castle and gives her finger to the baby, laughing when Johanne immediately sticks it in her mouth.

"Aw, look, she missed you," he says with a chuckle.

"At least she's looking in my general direction," Kate says, glancing at him.

"Not your eyes?" She shakes her head. "She'll get there. You're awake now. You'll talk to her all the time. It'll be okay."

"She didn't even want to look at me until you made her," Kate argues.

"Hey," he protests, turning to lean his shoulder against the back of the bed, pulling his leg up with him so he can meet her eyes. "It'll get better. She's not beyond repair now. She'll get back to snuggles."

"When I can give them," Kate says softly. "This sucks, Castle," she admits.

"Yeah," he agrees, watching the way just sitting with her baby is already wearing her out—the lines of her face tightening with every passing moment. "Yeah, it really does."

There's a knock on the door and they both turn as a young, bespectacled man pokes his head through. "I'm looking for Detective Beckett," he offers.

"I'm Detective Beckett," Kate replies.

"I'm Brian Ludson," he says as he opens the door and steps inside. "From CPS."

"Oh," Kate lets out, starting to shift. Castle squeezes her hand, hoping to remind her that she does not need to sit up straight here. She glances at him and nods slightly before turning her attention back to the kid.

He's got to be about twenty-four. How on earth did they go from The Harpie to Brian, the hipster in a suit?

"I'll be taking over your case from Harper Kline," he explains. "You must be Mr. Castle," he adds, turning to smile at Castle. "I'm sorry to hear about what's happened, Detective," he adds.

"Thank you," Kate says simply, smiling at the baby when Johanne squirms. Castle helps her turn the baby around so Johanne can look at Brian.

"Can you say hi to Mr. Ludson, Josie-bug?" Castle asks. He feels like they're letting their guards down with this…kid. It wouldn't hurt to have Johanne charm him up a bit.

"Hello, Josie," Brian offers, walking closer to them to bend down and try and meet the girl's eyes.

Johanne shifts away from him and Castle hears Kate sigh.

"I understand she's been diagnosed with indicators for Reactive Attachment Disorder," Brian says after a moment. "She looks rather content with the two of you."

"She is," Castle says firmly. "And she'll stay that way."

"Castle," Kate murmurs.

"No," he grunts. "Clean slate. She's yours, Kate. She should have been from the start. I'm sure…Mr. Ludson can see that."

He looks over at the kid and finds him shifting on his feet.

"I—"

"She's _Kate's_," Castle insists, feeling his heart sinking. How can—how can this frankly adorable young man think there's something wrong here?

"Mr. Castle. I haven't come to take her away," Brian—Mr. Ludson says quickly.

"The hell you won't," Castle mutters.

"Castle," Kate reprimands. "I'm sorry," she tells the social worker, squeezing Castle's arm, hard, before he can say anything else. "It's been a rough week."

Castle snorts against his will and Mr. Ludson cracks a smile. "I'm sure," he agrees. "As I said, I'm not here to take Johanne away." He pauses and looks between them, then down at the baby. "That said, I do agree with Ms. Kline that—"

"You what?" Castle lets out.

"Rick," Kate exclaims. "Stop. Just for a minute, stop."

"But he's—he can't agree with her, Kate. She's our—she's _yours_."

"And she will remain in Detective Beckett's custody," Ludson cuts in. "That said, I'll want to work closely with you to develop a more comprehensive plan for her care."

"Plan," Kate repeats.

"You two obviously have worked hard to help Johanne with her disorder, and it seems unconscionable to take her out of a home where she feels safe and trusts her guardians—counter productive to how I see my job," he adds, trying on a smile for them. Castle's not ready to bite just yet. "That said, it's obvious as well that your situation is precarious, and that Johanne's care falls heavily to Mr. Castle."

"Dr. Goldstein recommended that we—" Kate starts.

"I'm not saying that's a bad thing," Ludson assures her. "But you can see our concern, especially in light of recent events, that Johanne's care would fall out of your hands completely should something else happen."

"I've already said I would adopt her," Castle tells the kid. "Do you have papers?"

Ludson blinks at him. "I—wasn't aware that you were interested in joining Detective Beckett's case in filing for permanent custody."

Castle stares at him, then looks to Kate, who he finds gaping at him. "Um," he manages. "I—"

"Is there a way to make him the next-of-kin for her?"

"Before your father?"

"Yes. My father is a good man, but he's a bit past parenthood, though I know he would do it in a heartbeat for Josie," she adds quickly. "She wouldn't be alone."

"I understand," Ludson says with a smile, seeming more at ease now. "It would be best for Mr. Castle to file for joint adoption with you. Might actually help your odds at this point, despite your lack of official…relationship."

"Can we file together?" Kate asks.

"You can," Ludson tells them.

"Are there odds against Kate?" Castle wonders, choosing to gloss over the biggest point for now, while his heart gallops in his chest.

Ludson considers them. "Harper Kline was very dedicated to removing Johanne from your custody yesterday, and she wasn't alone in thinking it was the right move. Then there were a few phone calls made to the office. You're not exactly popular with CPS at the moment."

"But I still have my baby," Kate says with some measure of triumph, smiling at Castle. He wishes he could take credit. He's going to have to hug the crap out of Jim Beckett.

"You do," Ludson agrees. "And I want to keep it that way. So yes, Mr. Castle, if Detective Beckett agrees, I would suggest you file for adoption. It will take a while to process without the, eh, expedited conditions of Johanne's initial adoption."

He glances at Kate and Kate stares right back. "It worked for Angelina Jolie," she offers glibly.

Ludson laughs. "That it did. As long as you consent, Detective, I'll begin the process for Mr. Castle to join your file. I think it's the right choice."

Kate nods and glances at Castle. "If you're—"

"Don't be stupid," he tells her, reaching out to stroke Johanne's head.

Kate laughs softly. "Sorry," she whispers, before turning to Ludson. "Yes, you have my consent."

"I won't take up more of your time then. I'll have the papers sent over, Mr. Castle. And if all goes well, I'll come to see you in a few weeks once they're processed, check up on everything."

"Call before you do," Castle agrees. "We may be out of town."

"Really?" Kate asks, ignoring Ludson for a moment.

"We'll talk," he says softly. "Thank you, Mr. Ludson," he adds. The man may not agree with them wholeheartedly. But he's letting them keep Johanne. He's going to—

Castle's going to have her, legally. Be her father, legally. Well, if everything works out.

Her father.

"I'll leave you be," Ludson says. "Feel better, Detective."

"Thank you," Kate replies.

They watch him go, shoulder to shoulder in her hospital bed, Johanne sucking on her fingers between them.

"He's…nice," Castle offers after a minute, lacking for the words to thank her, forcing back the urge to kiss her senseless. Not that she wouldn't enjoy it, but she's fading.

"If I'd known all you'd need to do was adopt her with me, I'd have had you sign up that first week."

He lets out a loud laugh and grins at her while she smiles shyly back. Johanne squeaks at his outburst. He feels his chest unclenching as he hauls the baby up. He raises her in the air and brings her in close to press kisses to her stomach, smiling as she giggles.

"Your mom is a liar liar, pants-on-fire, isn't she, bug?" he asks the baby.

"Am not," Kate argues.

"Are so, so too," he says easily, meeting her eyes as she frowns at him. They both know she wouldn't have asked him to adopt then. "But, so we're clear, I would have said yes."

Kate smiles and raises a hand to brush over his shoulder as he settles Johanne back on his chest. "I know."

"So," he says quietly.

"So," Kate breathes out, leaning into him as Johanne relaxes into him. "I, um," she starts, darting her eyes to the baby. "You—"

"Do you want to call her Josie Castle?" he asks cheekily as she stumbles over herself. Kate laughs and presses her lips together. "Beckett-Castle? Castle-Beckett?"

"Thank you," she says, cutting him off as he goes to suggest 'Josie Caskett,' just for the hell of it.

"No," he says gently. "Don't thank me. She's—she calls me Dada. I'm just putting it to paper."

She huffs. "And you call me extraordinary," she whispers.

"You are," he returns, leaning close, shifting so he can press his forehead to hers. It's not comfortable, but he manages, even with the baby on his chest.

"Castle, I want you to know that I—"

There's a knock at the door and Alexis' head pokes in. "Up for a visitor?" she asks, looking to Kate.

Kate smiles at her as Castle sucks in a breath, forcing it all down and away as they gently disengage. Kate squeezes his thigh. Later. Always later. But they'll get there. She asked him to adopt. They'll get there.

"Come in," Kate beckons to his daughter.

Alexis enters, dropping two bags by the foot of the bed, one for Kate, and, judging by the stuffed animals peeking out, one for Johanne.

His daughter hovers at the end of Kate's bed, her fingers running over the baseboard as she looks at them seated on the bed together.

"How are you?" Alexis asks quietly.

"I feel like I've been shot in the chest," Kate says solemnly.

He worries for a moment that it's too serious, too _soon_ for Alexis (it almost is for him), but his daughter cracks a feeble smile and lets out a little laugh. Score one for Beckett.

"You look…"

"Better or worse than you thought I would?" Kate wonders. Alexis blushes. "Either's fine. I think your Dad has been laying it on."

"I have not," he protests, catching on to her plan.

"The words, 'it just looks like you pulled an all nighter,' were used," Kate tosses back.

And just like she wants, Alexis laughs, relaxing with every bit of banter they throw between them. He didn't have to tell her that Alexis is…whatever it is he hasn't been paying attention to today. Kate just knew.

"You don't look as bad as I anticipated," Alexis admits.

"Flattering," he stage whispers, earning two glares.

Wow. "Hey, Josie," he coos, reaching out for the safety of her lack of word comprehension. "Do you wanna see what Alexis brought you?" he asks her as he takes her from Kate, leaving her to relax and talk to his daughter.

He'd love to think his reassurances would be enough—that a hug from him could give her safety like it does for Johanne. But he knows that the only thing that can really help is seeing Kate. And as it looks like the woman in question will be going back under in about ten minutes, he should give them their time.

So he sets to work unpacking the play mat and toys for Johanne, the little travel changing mat, the picture books. This room is going to look like half a daycare, and he doesn't give a damn. He listens idly as Kate and Alexis exchange words, Kate's responses coming fewer and farer between, but he lets them have their minimal privacy.

"Dad, what are you doing?"

He looks up from the play mat, where he and Johanne have been lying side by side. She has her foot in her mouth. He doesn't think he's that flexible.

"We're contemplating life," he replies without moving. "Kate asleep?" Alexis nods, glancing over at the bed. "Come join us," he encourages, scooping Johanne up to lay on his chest so he can scooch and make room for Alexis.

She eyes them for a moment before shrugging and plopping down next to him. He smiles as she wiggles around next to him to find a comfortable position. Together they stare up at the ceiling, Johanne on his chest, Alexis snuggled into his side.

"You okay?" he asks after a minute. She hasn't snuggled up with him like this in years, not with her hand bunched in his shirt.

He feels her nod, but doesn't believe her.

"She's okay, you know," he says. "I mean, recovery's going to suck, but she's okay."

"I know," Alexis mumbles, her voice tight.

"And I'm okay," he adds, shifting so he can wrap an arm around her.

"I know," she repeats.

He breathes for a moment, feeling utterly lacking. "I'm sorry."

"Me too," she whispers, reaching out to stroke Johanne's back where the baby is starting to doze.

They lie there quietly for a long while. He doesn't know what else to say, how else to make this better. She's always had stability in her life, Meredith not withstanding. And even with Kate and Johanne in the house, it's still been regular, easy. He's seen how happy Kate makes her, how much she enjoys Johanne—how much she enjoys having them both around. And now it's all gone, all that stability, all that safety, all the normalcy.

"How would you feel about spending the summer in the Hamptons?' he asks her. Maybe it won't just be good for Kate. "Beach, sun, far away from…here?"

"Can we?" she replies. "Is it safe?"

"We'll take the security team up, and you know the house is safe."

She hums quietly then nods against him. "Okay."

"You don't have to stay the whole time, if you don't want to," he adds as an after thought. "If you want to come back to spend some time with Ashley, I'm sure Gram would come with you. Or I can come."

"No you can't," Alexis says immediately. "You have to stay with Kate and Josie."

He sighs, feeling her pulling back. He tightens his hold on her. "Alexis," he says softly. "I don't ever want you to feel like you come second here. Things with Josie are challenging, but if you need me, I will always be there," he says, turning his head to try and get a look at her face.

She keeps herself tucked into his side, her head pointed downward. "I know."

"Alexis," he repeats.

"I know, Dad," she says, pulling back to sit up so she can look down at him. "I know that. I just—maybe we should all just stay out there. I don't need to come back."

He sits up as well, cradling Johanne to his chest so he and his too-grown-daughter can look at each other. "If you want to spend the whole summer there, sweetheart, I'm all for it. But I know this is Ash's last summer—"

"So?" Alexis mumbles.

"Hey." She looks up at him. "Is everything okay?"

Alexis sighs, shaking her head and running a hand through her hair. "I don't think this is nearly as important as Kate getting shot."

He frowns. "Honey, life doesn't—your life shouldn't just stop because of this."

"Yours is," she lets out. "Our whole life could have just come crashing down, Dad. Do you think it should really matter to me if my boyfriend's being distant? Is that really what I should be focusing on right now?"

He gapes at her. "What happened?"

Alexis shivers and stands up, pacing away from him, her eyes glued to Kate. "It's just—it's nothing. Okay? You're okay, she's okay. That's what's important right now. When do we leave?" she adds, looking back at him.

He takes a breath, letting it go, for the moment. "When Kate gets discharged. Well," he equivocates, standing up with the baby to look at Beckett. "If she agrees."

"Because anyone would say no to our manse at the beach," Alexis says with a sad smirk.

"It's not a 'manse,'" he protests, insulted. "It's great. You love our house."

Alexis cracks a real smile. "I do. But, it is a manse, just a little."

"Is so—"

"It's thirteen rooms, with a private beach," Alexis adds.

He huffs. "Okay, so it's a bit of a mansion. But…a tasteful mansion."

"Sounds intimidating," comes a rasp from the bed. They both look over to find Kate watching them with slitted eyes. "Beach view?"

He glances at Alexis, seeing the way her shoulders have relaxed at Kate's presence with them. "Depends on what room you get," he tells her.

"Dad's has the best," Alexis puts in.

"Mm, shock," Kate mumbles. "We goin' on a trip?" She meets his eyes, but he sees no condemnation there, just acceptance, and exhaustion.

"I thought maybe you'd like to spend some time away from the city. There's a great hospital about thirty minutes away. We could set your physical therapy up there when you're ready for it."

"Pool?" she wonders. Huh, not what he thought she'd ask.

"And a hot-tub," Alexis says with a nod. "I bet the pool would be good for exercise for you, right?"

Kate nods. "It sounds nice," she tells them both. "Somewhere for Josie?"

"13 rooms," Alexis repeats. "We'll find something."

Kate laughs lightly. "I haven't been to the beach in years."

"I thought you went with Demming last summer," falls out of his mouth before he can stop himself.

Both Alexis and Kate stare at him. He figures if Johanne were awake she'd look incredulous too.

"I—we, ah, never actually made it out there," Kate says slowly. "So—so it'll be nice to go. Am I cleared for solids yet?"

He opens his mouth, then closes it, trying to follow her segue. "Uh, yeah. Yeah, you are. I can—pizza for dinner, but do you want something?"

She gives him a pitying look and nods. "Caffeine?"

"I can get you a decaf frappe if you want."

"That's—"

"Gunshot wound. You can use the calories."

She offers him a smile for that. "Okay, yeah. One for Alexis too." His daughter grins.

"And for me?"

"Eh," she offers. "Gimme my baby."

Alexis takes Johanne from him before he can move, then waves him out the door as she walks over to the bed. Well, fine.

He leaves the room and lingers by the door, just out of sight but able to look through the window. Alexis helps Kate get a pillow over her chest and settles Johanne with her before sitting cross legged on the end of the bed. Kate smiles at his daughter.

Maybe the beach will be just what the three of them need.


	21. Chapter 21

**Attachment Syndrome**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 21:<strong>

"Where have we gotten?" Kate asks later that night, when they're all seated around her bed.

Javi and Ryan sit at the foot, Lanie and Jenny on either side. Jim and his mother sit along one side, with Alexis on the other. He's squished onto the bed next to Kate, Johanne falling asleep half on his lap, half on hers. He's surprised they all fit, really. No one's backs will be thanking them tomorrow. The whole hospital is so uncomfortable.

"Guys," Kate prompts as the boys glance at each other, then at Castle. "Do you know?" she adds, looking to him.

"No," he insists. "Well, I mean, there's nothing to know, so not really?" he continues as she gives him a look.

"Nothing?" she breathes out.

"We're waiting on thin leads, but yeah…nothing so far," Esposito admits.

"But," Kate stammers. "Really, nothing?"

The guys give her apologetic looks as Castle feels her sinking into the bed. Johanne gurgles and Kate absently reaches down to rub the baby's belly where she's laid out on a pillow across their thighs. Johanne grabs her finger with a giggle and begins to suck on it.

The room sits in silence for a moment, all of them mute in the face of the utter lack of justice for what has them there—for Kate.

"So, Alexis," Jenny says, turning to his daughter. "You must have finals this week."

Alexis nods and Castle feels Kate stiffen, staring at his kid. "I do, yeah. Just one more tomorrow," she agrees.

"Alexis," Kate says softly. "You—you should be home, studying."

Alexis shakes her head with a smile. "You slept most of the afternoon. I studied."

"Oh," Kate mumbles.

"We quizzed after you passed out around four," Castle tells her as Jenny continues to ask his daughter question after question, keeping the room engaged. "She's okay."

Kate nods and squeezes his hand before tuning back into the conversation. He looks over and finds Jim watching the two of them, drinking in the sight of Kate alive in her bed, of his granddaughter falling asleep on her lap.

Jim's eyes find his and he offers Castle a weak smile before rising quietly to walk out into the hall. Castle watches him go.

"Can you—" Kate asks softly.

"Yeah," he whispers, squeezing her hand once before moving to stand. He picks Johanne up and places her in the bassinet, mumbling to their friends about going to the bathroom, never mind that there's one attached to Kate's room.

He gives his mother a tight smile and leaves the room, stepping from the comfort of friends out into the foreboding hospital hallway. The place smells sterile and death-like, and he looks around urgently for Jim. He hasn't been away from Kate's side since she woke, and he's rapidly feeling like there's a good reason for that beyond Kate's emotional well being. His seems to be fraying as he stands there under the harsh lights.

He spots Jim at the end of the hall, sitting on the floor against the wall with his legs pulled up, his head leaned back and eyes closed. He walks toward him slowly, glancing around to ensure their privacy before he slides down the wall to sit beside her father.

"You should be with Katie," the man says, without even opening his eyes.

"You all right?" Castle asks.

Jim lets out a harsh laugh. "No."

Castle bobs his head and waits until Jim opens his eyes and straightens up. "Can I help?"

Jim shakes his head. "Katie tells me you're going to the Hamptons house?"

Castle nods, fighting the urge to re-check the hallway. He doesn't want to make her father paranoid as well. So far, he's the only one of their family with that burden, and he'd like to keep it that way.

"Would you like to join us?" he asks, lacking for anything better.

Jim meets his eyes for a moment, considering. "Maybe for a few days. I can—I could stay for longer, but we're coming up on a big case."

"Come for as long as you like," Castle encourages. He knows Kate will feel more comfortable having her father there—someone quiet to sit with when he and his family become overbearing, as they are apt to do sometimes.

He just wants the man close. The closer they all are, the safer they are.

"I will," Jim agrees. They sit there, shoulder to shoulder for a moment.

"Thank you," Castle says. Jim glances at him. "For the calls you made."

"What calls?" Jim asks, giving him a sly look. "Should you get back?"

Castle knows a dismissal when he hears one. He nods and stands, hauling himself back up the wall. God, he's sore. But not as sore as Kate, so he has no right to complain.

"Rick." He turns and looks down at Jim. "Why don't you take the baby home with you tonight. I'll stay with Katie."

He should say yes. It would be better for Johanne, certainly. And probably better for Alexis as well. But he just—can't. He can't leave her.

"If you want to stay, you're welcome to," he tells Jim. "But I think we'll camp here—so Kate can see Josie if she wants."

Jim gives him a skeptical look but doesn't argue, waving him back toward the room.

He's just not ready to go home—to sleep alone in his bed, or hers, if he knows himself. He hasn't dreamt yet, hasn't been deeply asleep enough yet to dream. But when he does, he knows the nightmares will come, and he's not sure he can face them without Kate there to wake up to—to prove her life by simply sleeping there beside him, or at least down the hall.

The guys are standing to leave when he comes back in. Lanie and Kate talk in quiet whispers while Jenny hugs his daughter, and then his mother. He's always liked Jenny.

"We'll see you soon," Esposito tells him, reaching out to clasp his hand.

"You'll—"

"If anything pops," Ryan assures him, taking his hand after Espo.

"Take care of her," Esposito adds, his voice low.

"Of course," Castle tells them both.

Jenny comes around to hug him, and then he's hugging Lanie and watching as the four of them file out, leaving just their little family there in the room. He turns and finds his mother shrugging back into her jacket, Alexis standing anxiously by Johanne's bassinet.

"We'll be back tomorrow, dear," his mother tells Kate, walking over to clasp her hand. "Get a good night's sleep."

"I will," Kate promises, though Castle sees tension on her face at the lie.

"Alexis," he says softly, approaching his daughter. "Are you okay?"

She nods. "I'll come here after my final tomorrow," she says in answer.

She has a final in the morning. God. He needs to be there.

"No," Alexis says before he even opens his mouth. "No, stay here, okay?"

He sighs. "Honey—"

She grabs his arm and moves him to the corner of the room before wrapping her arms around him, arching onto her toes.

"Stay and keep Kate safe. We have the guard at home. Gram promised to order out for breakfast. We'll be fine," she whispers.

He hugs his daughter tight. "We're safe," he tells her. "I promise."

"That's not what Ryan and Espo think," she murmurs back.

He pulls away and meets her eyes as she sinks back to her toes. "We're all going to be just fine. You'll see," he says, fighting to instill the same confidence he could when she was four with a scraped knee.

Alexis gives him a wavering smile then releases him, walking over to give Kate a gentle hug.

"Mother," he says as Martha approaches him.

"I've got her," she assures him. "You just help Katherine get better, and then we'll all head to the beach, hm?"

"Thank you," he offers, feeling inadequate.

"Oh, darling," she tsks, shaking her head. "What are mothers for? We'll see you tomorrow. Come on, Alexis," she beckons, guiding his daughter out of the room, the door swinging shut softly behind them.

He stands there, blindsided, and runs his hands through his hair. He's just…not enough, for any of them, for all of them. There's not enough in him for everyone, and what he has to give is so less than adequate.

"Castle?"

He closes his eyes, trying to gather the strength to be _more_. He turns with a smile he doesn't quite feel and finds Kate eyeing him from the bed, her own face tired and drawn.

"You okay?" he asks, making his way back to her bedside to hover there, looking down at her.

"Are you?" she wonders.

"Again. Gunshot wound. Priorities, Beckett," he chides, reaching out to brush a fly-away from her face.

"I've got pain meds," she argues. When he doesn't respond, she sighs. "How's my dad?"

The door opens and Jim's head pops through. "I'm gonna head home," Jim tells them. "Unless," he looks to Castle.

"I'm staying," he assures him.

"Hey," Kate interjects. "No one needs to stay. I can make it through the night on my own." They both turn to give her incredulous looks. "I can. Dad, you have that big case coming up, you should sleep."

Jim sighs at her but nods before giving Castle a last look and disappearing. He's certainly not leaving her after that. Jim's entrusting her to him. He can't leave her alone.

"Castle," Kate says, her voice rough. "You should go home."

"No," he says easily, looking down at her.

"That's not an answer," she huffs.

"Hey. No means no. It's a complete statement," he argues.

She raises an eyebrow. "You're—look, I just, I think you should be there, for Alexis."

"She told me to stay."

"Yeah, well, she's seventeen, what does she know?" Kate lets out. He opens his mouth, but can't quite find the words. "I mean—if it—shouldn't Josie sleep in her own bed? Shouldn't you?"

He sighs and pulls a chair up to her bedside, glancing into the bassinet to make sure Johanne's still asleep. She's entirely conked out. He doesn't think the crib matters, just that they're there.

He sits down heavily at Kate's bedside, feeling his lips twitch as she reaches out for his hand. He envelopes hers between both of his and stares at their entwined fingers, trying to figure out how to explain without explaining everything. She doesn't need his emotional upheaval right now.

"I really can make it through the night on my own," she says quietly.

"I'm not sure I can," he admits. Her hand squeezes his and he looks up to meet her eyes.

"You need to sleep," she says softly.

"Your bed is comfy," he says easily.

"There isn't room," Kate protests. He shakes his head then bends, resting it on the edge of her bed. "Oh, seriously," she says with exasperation. "You can't just—"

"Kate," he says, cutting her off. He doesn't have the energy to argue—doesn't even have a good concrete reason to stay. Like he'd actually be much help if someone broke in to kill her. He just…can't leave.

"Why won't you go home?" she asks.

"If it were me, could you?" falls out of his mouth before he can stop it.

She stares at him, her eyes wide. "I—"

"No, it's stupid. I'm sorry," he says quickly. "Forget it."

They sit quietly for a minute as he avoids her eyes, staring instead at the heart monitor as it peaks and valleys—the steady proof of her continued life.

"I probably couldn't." He turns at the sound of her voice. "But if you asked, I would."

"Are you asking me to leave?" She bites her lip and glances toward the bassinet. "Kate."

"No," she whispers. "But you should."

"And you should sleep."

"Yeah, well," she offers meeting his eyes again. "Maybe they can bring you a cot or something. I'd say join me, but—"

"But we shouldn't tempt fate like that," he agrees. She cocks her head. "With our track record? I'd pull out your stitches or unhook your IV or something."

"No you wouldn't," she says with a laugh.

"You don't know. I could have some kind of sleep compulsion."

She shakes her head and squeezes his hands. "You don't. You've never even kicked me in your sleep. You're like a rock. You lie down and you stay that way."

Because they sleep together. She knows because they've been sleeping in the same bed. They've been kissing. They've cuddled. And all of that was nearly taken away before they ever even talked about it.

"Hey." He looks up and finds her watching him, concern all over her face. "What's—Castle, what's wrong?"

He manages a laugh. "Short list, long list?"

She sighs and tugs on his hand gently, gesturing for him to come join her on the bed.

"You just said—"

"Not to sleep, but I could use a hug."

She probably doesn't need one, but he does, and he loves her for pretending it's for her benefit. Oh, he loves her.

He shuffles onto the bed and tentatively wraps his arm around her shoulders, smiling as she leans into him, her head settled in the crook of his arm, her hand resting on his thigh.

"They say touch is healing," she mumbles a few minutes later.

"Do they? Like for Josie?" he asks, smiling into the crown of her head.

"Mm-hm," she hums against him. "Helping?"

"Me?"

"Yeah."

He huffs a laugh into her hair. "Yeah. It is."

"Good," she sighs.

"You falling asleep?"

"Mm-hm."

"Then I'll—"

"Stay," she whispers.

He nods and strokes his thumb over the shoulder of her hospital gown. He smiles as she falls asleep against him. He glances over to the bassinet, watches the steady rise and fall of Johanne's chest, and he feels it like a punch to the gut.

He wishes this were a different hospital stay—wishes he were holding Kate, massaging her stomach, their brand-new baby lying in the bassinet. Wishes he were so bone tired from the midnight feedings. Wishes it were normal. Wishes it were beautiful.

He shakes his head. Kate's alive, and that is beautiful.

It's enough.

(…)

"Oh, you know what I'll need?" Kate says three days later.

"What?" he asks, smiling at the sight of her broad-faced grin as she plays with Johanne.

"My bathing suit. It's still at my place. Can we swing by before we head out on Friday?"

He swallows. He hasn't mentioned it to her yet—hasn't wanted to upset her. She's been doing so well, gaining color, eating more, standing for a minute at a time. They've even gotten rid of the bedpan. And he's just wanted to see her happy, to see her smiling. He hasn't mentioned the guard she still hasn't seen, hasn't mentioned her tossed apartment, hasn't talked about the big, tinted-window SUV that's going to take them to the Hamptons, Ryan and Esposito behind them the whole way.

"Castle."

He meets her eyes and takes a breath. "I, ah, actually need to talk to you about that," he says softly, reaching out to take Johanne from her and place her on the play mat on the floor where he can see her.

"Rick?" she says as he returns to the bottom of her bed, his gaze still trained on the baby.

"I'll have to have one of the guys grab your suit, if we can," he offers, slowly bringing his gaze to meet hers.

"Why?"

He sighs. "Your apartment—I didn't want to mention it—"

"My apartment what?"

"It was tossed, the day you were shot," he admits, flinching as her face morphs into a glare. "I didn't want to say anything until CSU turned up with prints, but they…haven't."

"My place was—but the loft? That's okay? Your mom, Alexis?"

He reaches out and squeezes her foot. God, she's so much more than he deserves. He kept this from her, and she's worried about his family.

"They're fine. The loft is fine. We think—the guys think they were looking for your file on your mother's case."

"Oh," she mumbles. "But it's—"

"At the precinct, with Ryan and Esposito," he assures her. "I had them go get it Monday."

"Good," she breathes out. She stares at Johanne for a beat before looking back at him. "What else haven't you told me?"

He runs a hand down his face and steels himself. "There's a guard outside."

She waves a hand. "Something new, Castle."

"What?"

She laughs at him—God damned laughs. "I noticed him yesterday. What?" she adds as he stares at her. "I'm injured not blind."

He lets out a surprised chuckle and shakes his head. "Um, that's pretty much it. Well, that and Espo and Ryan are going to tail us up to the Hamptons, just to be safe."

She nods slowly. "That's…probably for the best?"

"Yeah," he agrees. "Then I've got a team that will watch the house, on top of the security system."

She bites her lip and looks down at Johanne, who lies on her play mat, perfectly content, batting at the little mobile he set up. "Is this safe?" Kate asks softly.

"What, going to the Hamptons?" She nods. "Where else would we go?"

"I don't know," she say says with a shrug. She winces.

"Okay?"

"Yeah. I just…keep forgetting," she admits. "I mean, hospital room aside, it's like sitting in your living room sometimes. I keep forgetting it's real." She rubs gently at her chest.

"Me too." She meets his eyes. "But we'll get there. See the beach. She'll love the water."

Kate smiles. "Yeah. Is she—do you think she could learn to swim?"

He blinks at her. "What?"

"What?" she returns, looking slightly defensive. "Babies can swim. It's like an innate sense or something. I just don't know if she's too old now. Didn't you do that with Alexis?"

"I—why would you assume I'd do that with Alexis? Putting my baby in a pool? That's crazy."

"I just thought it would have been something you'd be interested in. Little baby super swimming powers. Sounds right up your alley."

He pauses for a second. "It does, doesn't it?"

She smiles. "Might be the only place I can actually hold her, at any rate."

"I'll order some floaties to be delivered," he says instantly. She gives him a soft look. "And maybe a new swimsuit for you."

"A one-piece?"

"Won't that be harder?" he wonders.

Her eyes cut away from his and he sees her shoulders rise. Oh. Oh, right, the scars. He still hasn't seen them.

"Color?" he asks, hoping to keep her from dwelling on it too much.

"Surprise me," she says softly, sinking back into her pillows.

"Tired?"

"Yeah," she mumbles, her eyes slipping shut. "Josie needs…bottle," she says as she fades off.

He watches her sleep for a few minutes, listening as Johanne gurgles up at her mobile, as her hands whack at the little dangling fabric pieces.

"Okay, Josie," he says as he slips off of Kate's bed and crouches down to scoop up the baby. "Why don't you and I do some reading about this swimming thing after your bottle, huh?"

He wanders back to the chair and pulls out a bottle of formula he prepped earlier in the day. Johanne settles in to eat easily, her eyes searching his face as she suckles, her little feet kicking.

"I think when we get out there, we're gonna have to start you on real food. You're getting so big." She taps one of her little fists against the bottle. "But we'll still do the bottles. Mama can do that with you with a pillow." He sighs and looks over at Kate. "We need to be extra nice to mama, bug," he tells the baby. "She's—she didn't get to have you, so I can't use that one as a comparison, but I think this is the hardest thing she'll ever have to do. So we need to snuggle her lots and lots, okay?"

Johanne blinks up at him and grabs one of his fingers.

"Good, we agree," he says, smiling at her. "You're gonna love the beach, aren't you? Yeah," he adds as she grins around the bottle at him. "You're gonna be a little beach rat, and we're gonna take tons of pictures so we can remember just how cute you were."

There's a knock on the door. Castle looks over as it opens, standing immediately as an unfamiliar woman steps through. She wears a blue blazer and matching skirt, kitten heels and a badge clipped to her waist. A cop? She looks too…dressed to be a cop.

"I'm looking for Detective Beckett," the woman says, turning to look at him. "You must be Mr. Castle."

"I," he says, glancing at Kate. "Who are you?"

The woman raises an eyebrow. "I'm Victoria Gates, the new Captain of the 12th precinct."

Oh.

His phone pings. Yeah, a little late, guys.

"Nice to meet you," he manages. Johanne squirms in his arms, popping off the bottle with a cry. "Sorry, bug," he murmurs, stroking her cheek until she returns to eating. "Kate's actually—"

"I can see that," Gates offers. "Detectives Esposito and Ryan told me she might be. I just wanted to come and meet her, discuss her leave."

"Oh, well, I'm sure—I could call you when she wakes up?"

Gates considers him. This woman is nothing like Montgomery. He can't see an ounce of fun, an ounce of good will in her. She screams no-nonsense.

"M'wake," Kate mumbles.

Gates turns to her, her face softening a hair. "Detective Beckett."

Kate blinks and covers a yawn. "Yes," she manages.

"I'm Victoria Gates, your new Captain."

"Pleased to meet you," Kate says evenly, though he can see she's a thrown by this as he is.

"I just wanted to come down, see how you are. You know, I've heard quite a lot about you. Youngest woman in the city to make detective. You beat me by six months. It's quite impressive."

Kate smiles tentatively, glancing at him. "Thank you, ma'am."

"Ma'am is my mother. Call me Captain, or Sir," Gates replies.

"Yes…Sir," Kate says slowly.

"I'm glad to see you're awake and alert," Gates continues. "Everyone's been quite worried about you at the precinct."

"That's sweet of them," Kate tells her, looking to him, like he can somehow solve this problem.

Johanne finishes the bottle and gurgles at him. He smiles down at her, ignoring the newest addition to the room for a moment as he puts the bottle down and bounces with the baby. He sees Kate smiling in his periphery as Johanne giggles.

"And who is this?" Gates asks.

"That's Johanne—Josie," Kate tells her. "My daughter."

"She's adorable," the woman tells Kate, stepping over to Castle to get a look at her. Johanne immediately stops giggling as Gates reaches out for her hand.

The baby's face goes blank and Gates withdraws her hand. Castle watches as the woman's face falls a bit.

"She's—" he looks over at Kate, who raises a shoulder and nods. "She has some trust issues," he says, deciding to hit somewhere in the middle. "But she's getting there, aren't you, Josie?" he adds.

Johanne turns toward him in his arms, her face more open, body relaxing.

"She seems to trust you, Mr. Castle," Gates observes before looking back at Kate. "And, speaking of…trust. I understand from your colleagues that Mr. Castle has been shadowing you for three years?"

"That's correct," Kate hedges. "And our closure rate has never been better."

He stares at her, an eyebrow raised, but Kate staunchly refuses to look at him. He tamps down his urge to grin, only because the new Captain is there. But oh, is she going to hear about that later.

Gates looks between them. "And this," she says, gesturing to the room, to Johanne's play mat on the floor, to Castle holding the baby. "Was this not a problem for your former Captain?"

Castle looks to Kate, confused as Kate's eyes widen.

"Um, Sir, it's—Castle and I are just—it's a complicated situation," she says, wincing.

"Mm," Gates offers. "Not exactly the response I was hoping for."

"Meaning?" Castle probes. He's feeling lost, and somehow quite worried.

"Well, I'd hoped that you were here merely in solidarity. However, I will have to say that beyond my personal misgivings about your…partnership, it is against NYPD policy for two colleagues to work together while engaged in a romantic relationship."

He feels his eyebrows skyrocket. Roy _never_ mentioned anything of the sort.

"Sir," Kate says, bringing Gates' attention back. "Castle has been watching Josie during the day since I brought her back. I don't think it will be an issue. Though, he does come in to consult on occasion." And via text message. "I hope that won't be a problem, as he won't be in the field with me."

Gates considers her. "Why don't we discuss it when you return?" she suggests. "Your colleagues have told me it will be about three months?"

"Give or take," Kate agrees. "But Castle—"  
>"When you return," Gates says, cutting her off as she glances at her watch. "I have to get back. I hope you make a quick recovery, Detective Beckett. And a painless one, if possible."<p>

"Thank you, Sir," Kate manages.

"Mr. Castle," Gates says with a nod, smiling at the baby once before striding back out of the room.

"Wow," he says, once the door swings shut.

"Yeah," Kate agrees.

He waits as long as he can. "Your closure rate's never been higher?"

"Oh, shut up," she groans, falling back into the pillows. "Jerk."

He just grins. She may be hurt, and they may all be in danger, but she's adorable when she's pouting, and their closure rate's never been better.


	22. Chapter 22

**Attachment Syndrome**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 22:<strong>

"Castle," Kate sighs, sitting in her wheelchair, impatience practically radiating off of her.

"I just want to make sure I know everything," he protests.

Doctor Hoyt gives them both a smile. "He's very thorough," Hoyt agrees.

"It's not like we're going to 'nam," Beckett grumbles. "And Lanie's—"

"Just let me finish getting instructions on wound care, jeez, Beckett," Castle bites out.

She quiets but gives him a murderous look.

"Her stitches are out," Hoyt tells him kindly. "So she should be fine. But if the scars are pulling or aching, try some ice to decrease any swelling, and I've already given Ms. Beckett a great prescription for some extra-strength scar cream. Otherwise, use a lot of sun block to prevent them from getting any darker, and they should diminish with time."

Johanne chooses that moment to squeal where she's settled against Castle's chest in the snugly.

"Exactly," Hoyt tells her. "Remember," he says to Kate.

"No lifting her until I'm cleared by the therapist," Kate recites.

Castle runs his hands over her shoulders. It's by far her least favorite restriction. She relaxes minutely and offers Hoyt a tight smile.

"Thank you," she tells the man.

"It was my pleasure. Keeping families like this together—kind of the best part of my work," he tells them.

"Really, thank you," Castle adds. Without this man, he might not—Kate might not be there at all.

Hoyt smiles and nods at him before handing over a packet. "All the instructions are in there, along with my number and the on-call number if you ever have any questions."

Castle takes the pages and stuffs them into the bag over the back of Kate's wheelchair.

"Take care, and don't come back, will you?" Hoyt tells them.

"Count on it," Kate says, and he can hear the genuine smile in her voice. She is oh-so-ready to get out of here. He is too.

"All right, well, don't let me keep you. Have a good recovery, Ms. Beckett. Take care of her, Mr. Castle."

"Will do," he says as he pushes off from the doorway and wheels Kate down the hall. "Ready to get out of here?" he asks her quietly.

"So very," she agrees as he turns them down another hallway. "Is this…not the way to the main entrance?"

"Back entrance, for food prep," he explains. "There, ah, may be paparazzi outside, and this just seemed…safer." Johanne kicks against him. "Doesn't it, bug?" Johanne coos.

"Yes, the eight-month-old should make all of our decisions," Kate agrees with a small laugh. She winces a moment later.

"You okay?" he asks as they near the service entrance.

"Yeah, just…God, I'm tired already. Is that insane?"

"No," he says easily. "We got you up. You're dressed. You did your hair. That's a lot after a week of nothing."

She sighs but nods as he hits the button to automatically opens the doors and wheel her through to where his mother, Alexis, her father, Javi and Kevin are waiting. Jim and Alexis quickly start opening the doors of the big black Escalade parked behind them.

"That's our…getaway car?" Kate asks as he passes her off to Ryan so he can get Johanne settled in her car seat.

"No, that's our ride. Our getaway car should be white, don't you think?" he replies offhandedly as he ducks into the SUV.

He glances at Alexis as she climbs in, scooting into the back behind what will be his seat. They've decided to let Jim drive, Martha riding shotgun, with him and Kate in the middle row, Johanne between them, Alexis in back. Alexis gives him a look.

What?

"You planning on having a getaway car with Beckett?" Esposito asks as he and Ryan approach the car with Kate.

Oh, well, he hadn't—well, actually, he had meant it that way. Maybe this whole in-the-hospital-for-a-week-thing has kind of done him in as well. It's been, God, has he gotten more than four hours sleep at a time? Probably not.

He chooses to ignore Espo, turning instead to smile over the top of Johanne's head. She blinks at him and reaches up to pat his cheek.

"Your first road trip," he tells the baby, kissing her forehead before slipping back out to help Kate get in.

He and Esposito help her stand. Ryan slides the wheelchair back and hands it off to Martha. He then turns and spots them as Castle and Espo haul Kate up and into her seat, which Alexis, bless her, has already reclined. Kate doesn't make a sound, but he knows if the boys weren't there, she'd be moaning. As it is, her eyes are squeezed tight, her breathing ragged.

The SUV seemed like a good idea at the time.

"How you doin'?" he asks, crouching in front of her seat as the guys close up the doors and jog back to their car.

She slowly opens her eyes, eyeing the bag he tossed onto his seat. "Magic stuff in there?"

He laughs quietly. "Yeah. Can you eat something first?"

She groans but nods, blinking as Alexis hands her a yogurt smoothie from the backseat.

"Alexis is keeper of the snacks," he says easily, unscrewing it for her. "Drink that, then I can give you a pill and you can sleep all the way there."

"Miss the view," she mumbles between sips.

"You'll catch it on the way back," he assures her. "Water, Alexis?"

Alexis smiles and passes him two bottles.

"We good to go?" Jim asks as he climbs into the driver's seat.

"Yeah," Castle agrees, sliding over to buckle into his seat. He passes a bottle to Kate and then fishes out one of her pills.

"Sick of sleeping," Kate tells him softly, even as she uncaps the bottle and swallows down the pill.

"We'll get you back to your insomnia," he promises as Jim starts the engine and they pull out of the service alley.

He glances out the window and sighs at the crowd of cameras at the hospital door. Someone had tipped off the press about Beckett's discharge today. He still hasn't shown her the articles. Isn't it bad enough that she was shot? A small mention in the paper he can understand. But the paparazzi outside?

"For me?" Kate mumbles as they turn away from the parking lot and back onto the avenue.

"You're pretty beloved," he tells her. "Isn't she, huh?" he adds, leaning over to look at Johanne, who watches Kate, or at least has her head turned in Kate's direction.

"Know 'bout Josie?" Kate asks.

"I don't think so," Alexis pipes up.

"Good," Kate slurs before her head falls to the side, out cold.

His mother and Jim chat amicably in the front, and he notices Alexis slipping in earbuds before settling back to read a book, a skill he has always envied of her on car trips. With no one to talk to, he pulls out one of Johanne's toys from the bag and dances it over to her.

She smiles at the little pink bunny Alexis got her a few weeks back, reaching out with a slobbery hand for it. He plays tug-of-war with the baby for a minute before letting go. Johanne squeals in delight for having won.

"We're gonna see the beach," Castle tells the baby softly. Johanne smiles and turns to look at him. "Yeah hi, baby. You excited?" She giggles around the ear of the rabbit. "I got you all kinds of cute little beachy things. We're gonna have fun," he promises, glancing at Kate. "You'll see."

(…)

"Wow," he hears Espo let out as they all decant from the cars. "That's—wow."

He shakes his head and hands Alexis Johanne's car seat, bending down to tickle the baby before moving back for Kate. The woman in question is still asleep, her mouth open, body relaxed. He wishes he didn't have to wake her, but he's not sure any of them can carry her all the way to the first-floor bedroom on the far side of the house.

"Kate," he says softly, reaching out to place a hand on her shoulder.

She shifts but doesn't wake.

"Kate," he repeats, leaning in. "Time to wake up, we're here."

She wakes with a start, her body jerking. "Oh, ah," she lets out, wincing. "Castle."

"Hey," he says, cupping her cheek as her eyes slowly open again. "How you doin'?"

She blinks at him for a moment. "Fuzzy. We here?"

"Yeah. Wanna go check it out?"

She glances out the open car door and her mouth drops. "Oh my God."

He grins. "Come on. We'll give you the short tour."

"Not the long one?"

"I think it'll be enough for now," he placates as he helps her sit all the way up.

Esposito appears at the side of the car, and together, they help her climb down, both of them holding their breath as she winces. But her eyes are trained on the house, her face a little slack even with the pain.

"Right?" Esposito mumbles as he helps her lean into Castle so he can support her weight as they shuffle up to the house.

"13 rooms?" Kate breathes against his shoulder.

"Yep. And you get the best view. First floor, right out to the ocean."

"Your room's on the first floor?" she wonders.

Esposito raises an eyebrow at him, but Castle ignores him. "No, second. But you don't need to be climbing stairs right now."

"Oh," she mumbles, her hand tight at the small of his back, his tee shirt bunched in her fist. "Josie?"

"Alexis has her. There's a crib all set up in your room."

"Oh," she repeats as they come to the small, two-step entrance to his…astoundingly large house. It usually doesn't feel quite so big, but with Beckett, Ryan, Esposito, and even Jim gaping, he feels a little pretentious all of a sudden.

"I can carry you the rest of the way if you need," he suggests, even though he probably can't. He just—she looks so tired already.

"No carryin' me 'cross the threshold yet, Castle," she mumbles, gripping his hand as they take one step.

_Yet_.

It carries him through the next step, down the long front hall, around the kitchen, through the living room and to her room, bolstering him through every gasp, every small whimper for his ears only.

"Here we go," he says softly, pushing open the door to what will be Kate's room for a while.

Light sea-green walls, a crème bed-spread on the queen in the middle of the right wall, the blue-green tiled ensuite across the way, the huge, glass windows facing the ocean.

He swallows as Kate gapes. Huge. Glass. Windows. That can't be the safest place to have her.

"It's gorgeous," Kate breathes out.

He turns and watches as she gazes at the room, at the oak crib he had sent over, a matching crème mattress and buffer for Johanne, a little star mobile over the head.

"Look at the ocean, Castle," she whispers.

He smiles and squeezes the hand she still holds, his other arm tight around her back, supporting her as she starts to shake.

"We're gonna make it down there soon," he assures her, easing her over to the bed. "But I think you need to lie down right now."

"It's a beautiful room," she tells him as she lets him maneuver her back onto the bed. "Yours as pretty?"

"I'll show you soon," he promises. "Even if I have to carry you."

"Show off," she mumbles, helping him arrange the pillows behind her.

"It's got the best tub," he argues. "And it can be walk in, so you don't have to step over anything."

"Oh, God," Kate groans, sinking into the bed. "Like a grandma."

"A sexy grandma?"

She peeks an eye open and looks up at him, her lips quirked. She looks so innocent like this, in sweats and a button down, her hair in a french braid.

"I'll take it," she decides. "Where's my baby?"

"Here," Alexis says, stepping into the room with Johanne in her arms. "There's mama, bug."

Johanne coos and reaches out for Kate. Kate sighs and looks up at him. "I don't think I can," she admits quietly.

Castle nods and swiftly plucks Johanne from Alexis' arms, spinning around and lifting the baby to make her giggle. Alexis smiles at him then moves around to sit on the edge of Kate's bed, by her feet.

"Your dad wants to know what you want for dinner," Alexis tells her as he brings Johanne over to the window to point out the ocean.

The baby stares at it, her eyes wide, little mouth open.

"Alexis," he says softly.

"Hmm?"

"Get your phone. Come take a picture of this, would you?"

He hears her get up, so he smiles at Johanne, points at the ocean to keep her focused. He hopes Alexis can catch it—the pure wonderment on the baby's face.

"Oh," Alexis says as she snaps a picture. "Wow."

"What?" Kate asks

"Show her," Castle encourages, still looking at Johanne. "Yeah, it's big, huh?"

He listens as Alexis walks back to Kate, shows her the photo of her daughter. He glances over his shoulder and finds Kate with her hand over her mouth, staring at him and Johanne. Her eyes are shiny and he notes a shade of regret there.

"Maybe we'll go down later in the week, huh?" he suggests, turning back to Kate. They both laugh as Johanne cranes over his neck to look at the ocean.

"You shouldn't keep her in just because I can't make it down there," Kate says quietly.

Alexis looks between them and rises from the bed. "I'll tell Jim about the chicken," she says gently.

Kate turns and watches her go. He sees her face fall, recognizes her dawning look as the one she sometimes wears when a case is getting nowhere, when she's out of ideas.

"Hey," he says, walking over to perch on the opposite side of her bed, slowly climbing up so he can settle beside her. "She'll be happy to wait. We've got the pool to get to first. It's closer."

"And after tomorrow?" Kate wonders, watching as he stands Johanne up on his thighs, dodging as she grabs at his nose.

"We'll do the pool again. She's going to think it's the best thing ever for a while," he assures her.

"You can't just…stop living because I have to be in bed."

He turns and looks at her, bringing Johanne back to his chest.

"Life hasn't stopped. You're alive. That's huge," he tells Kate. "And I'm not letting you miss any of her big things. We'll just get creative."

She searches his eyes and he lets her, hoping she'll find the confidence in them he feels for her. She's going to get better, and she's going to get to experience every single moment of Johanne's life. He'll make sure of it.

"If I find out you've gotten a beach buggy or something just to cart me down to the water," she manages after a moment.

"You'll think it's awesome?"

She huffs and reaches out slowly to stroke Johanne's hand, letting her arm drop a moment later. "God. I haven't even _done_ anything."

"Man, you are not going to be a good patient, are you?" She glares at him. "We'll have movie marathons, and eat great food, and just relax for the summer, okay?"

"In between the beastly physio?"

He nods and squeezes her hand. "We'll make it a good as it can be."

They sit for a long moment, hands entwined, the baby slowly falling asleep on his chest.

"I'm tired, Castle," Kate whispers.

"I know." He turns and bends to kiss the top of her head. "I know."

(…)

"They asleep?" Esposito asks as Castle creeps out of Kate's room, both girls heavily sacked out.

"For now," he tells his friend. "You guys gonna stay for dinner?"

Both Esposito and Ryan shake their heads as Castle follows them into the kitchen, where his mother, Kate's father, and his daughter are preparing dinner.

"We need to head back. Early day tomorrow."

"Beckett's case?"

Ryan shakes his head. "With no leads—"

"Right," Castle sighs, glancing at his family. "Well, let us give you something for the drive back?"

"Water bottles?" Esposito suggests.

Alexis immediately passes one to each of them. "Do you want sandwiches?"

"Did you…have someone come stock the house?" Ryan asks him as Esposito waves Alexis off.

"And set up the crib, install some guide rails in Kate's bathroom, and clean up," Castle rattles off. "What? You thought I was going to bring everyone here and _then_ clean up."

"No," Ryan concedes. "S'just nice, is all."

"Let us know if you need anything," Esposito says quickly. "And pull the blinds in Beckett's room overnight."

"Will do," he agrees. Yeah, because the blinds are so much protection?

"You guys are fine," Ryan adds as he and Espo wave to Castle's family then follow him back toward the front door. "With the amount of security you have here, and the press, they'll lay low."

"What, wait to shoot her again until she's regained strength?"

"Yeah," Esposito says with a shrug. "At least, we think they'll lay low for a while. You just get her better, we'll work on finding this guy."

Castle sighs as the three of them stand at his front door. "I—" He shakes his head and runs a hand over his face. "Yeah. Okay. Have a safe trip back."

Esposito clasps him on the shoulder. "You'll be fine. Keep us updated."

He cracks a smile at that. "What, about Kate, or do you want videos of Josie?"

"For surveillance purposes, of course," Ryan says with a grin. "Have a good dinner."

"Have a safe drive," he returns as they open the door and step out onto the front porch. "And guys," he adds. They turn. "Thank you."

"No sweat," Esposito says casually.

"See you for Memorial day?" Ryan adds, going for laid back, he can tell.

"Of course. Bring Lanie and Jenny."

"Lanie would decapitate me if I didn't," Esposito tells him with a smile.

"See you soon," Ryan says, waving before they step off and head for their car.

Castle watches as they pull out, a deep sense of insecurity settling on his shoulders as they pull away. But he can see the SUV at the end of the driveway—the security detail stationed there. There's one on the beach, and a full time guard stationed in his pool house. They've got cameras, a huge alarm system, and there's a team that will come do a daily sweep of the grounds.

They'll be fine.

"Potatoes with dinner?" Alexis asks as he walks back into the kitchen, feeling dazed.

"Sure," he says, wandering over to look out the window, staring at the ocean. They'll be just fine, won't they?

"You all right?" his mother asks, walking over to join him. He nods slowly. "Really?"

He glances at her and huffs. "I'll get there."

"You're not fooling anyone, you know?" she says softly.

He offers her a thin smile. "Then you're very good at pretending."

"It is my great skill, darling," Martha returns with a grin. "Now, help your daughter peel the potatoes. Jim has some magic recipe Katherine told me about a few weeks ago, and I'd love to experience it."

"Yes, mother," Castle replies dutifully, ducking as she goes to swat at his head.

(…)

He stares out his window later that night, sweatpants in hand, just…looking. He watches the undulation of the ocean in the moonlight, looks along the stretch of sand at the water's edge.

He wanted to bring her here last summer. He wanted—well, he's not sure exactly what he wanted out of it. She was with Demming. But he _wanted_. Would they have become something more? Would they have just dunked each other in the water and eaten smores? Would they have slept together?

He sighs, twisting the fabric in his hands. He wanted more than this. He wanted more for her. He wanted…magic for them both.

There's a whine over the monitor set on his bedside table, and he sighs. He quickly pulls off his pants and slips into the sweats, reaching out for his robe to cover his naked chest. He's been trying to have more holding time with Johanne since the funeral—trying to make up for what Kate can no longer give.

He jogs downstairs, passing his mother's room, Alexis' room, Jim's room. Kate and Johanne are alone on the first floor. It sets his teeth on edge.

He slowly pushes the door open, entering her room quietly, hoping not to wake Kate. She's been sleeping pretty heavily on the meds, but they'll run out soon. He's hoping she just sleeps through, and Johanne's cries are quiet tonight.

He lets out a breath of relief as he spots Kate still asleep, one fist wrapped around her pillow, her body curled and propped up on her good side.

"Hey, honey," he coos, moving to the crib to pick Johanne up. "You hungry sweetie?" The baby huddles into him, her cries quieting as he holds her. "Or did you just need a good cuddle, huh?"

He moves to the rocking chair he brought down from Alexis' room earlier in the evening and sinks onto it. He starts rocking gently and runs a hand over the baby's back, kissing her head. Johanne relaxes against him and he smiles, his gaze falling onto Kate.

He hums a quiet lullaby and lets the peace of the room wash over him. It doesn't smell like them yet—doesn't have that calming effect on him. But it feels like home, more so than his room does. He hasn't been here since last summer, and somehow, the house feels foreign.

It feels unsafe, his mind reminds him. _He_ feels unsafe. He knows, logically they're safe. They're fine, and Kate will heal. But in his quiet moments, without her, without the baby, he feels himself cracking. He still hasn't laid down.

"How 'bout you just sleep with me," he whispers to the baby. "I'll stay here, and we'll all be happy."

Johanne sighs against him and he looks down to find her asleep on his chest. He could. He could just stay up, keep gliding back and forth here with the baby. He can have coffee in the morning.

He shouldn't, but he stays. He watches as a half hour passes on Kate's bedside clock, smiles to himself when Johanne shifts against him, her little hand curling around one of his fingers.

A moan shatters his silence and he looks to Kate. Her face scrunches, her body twitches. He quietly rises and places Johanne back in her crib, easing his finger from her grasp and resting a hand on her tummy until she relaxes without his body heat. She doesn't wake and he thanks her silently before moving to Kate's side.

He gently gets onto the bed, scooting until he can lay a hand on her shoulder, hoping to do the same for her as he did for Johanne. She hasn't been waking much in the night. But this is the first night with the pills rather than a drip.

She groans again, her lips parted, her forehead beginning to bead with sweat. He doesn't know whether to wake her, or let her dream through it. She twitches again, her body in spasm, and he winces, watching the contortion of her abdomen. That's got to hurt.

A moment later, her eyes slam open and she gasps for air. He scoots closer and lies down to find her eyes, his hand moving up to cup her cheek as she stares at him, wide-eyed and hazy.

"Hey," he whispers, stroking along her cheekbone with his thumb. "Kate, breathe," he reminds her.

She lets out a small sound, somewhere between a sob and a moan. Her hand reaches up and wraps around his wrist as her eyes slam shut, her face pinched.

"Breathe through it," he says gently, his hand soft on her cheek.

He sucks in a loud breath and blows it out, waiting until she starts to copy him. They breathe together for a minute, until her eyes open he sees some of the pain leave her, some clarity shining through.

"Hey," he murmurs.

"Hey," she manages, squeezing his wrist before letting her hand fall. "Loud?"

"Hmm?" he wonders, watching as she stretches gingerly, uncurling her body.

"Was I loud?" she clarifies.

"Oh, no," he replies. "Josie was up."

"I didn't wake her, did I?" she asks immediately.

"No." He smiles at her and brushes a stray hair from her face. "No, she's sleeping. She just needed a snuggle."

"Good," Kate breathes out.

"Nightmare?" he wonders gently.

She blinks, staring at him for a beat, her lip pulled between her teeth. "Yeah," she says. "Nightmare."

He waits, but she doesn't elaborate. "Do you want another pill?"

"No." He raises an eyebrow. She sighs. "I guess."

"There's nothing wrong with taking something." She glances away from him and worries her lip. She's going to chew the damn thing off soon. "Kate."

"It's hard to wake up," she admits quietly.

"From the nightmares?"

She shrugs. "I didn't hear Josie."

He bites back the automatic 'you can't pick her up,' that wants to tumble free. "I can stay down here."

"You weren't before?" she asks, surprised.

"Oh," he lets out. "Well, I went up to change. I didn't…know if you'd," he pauses as she rolls her eyes. "What?"

"Castle, you've been sleeping my bed for almost three months now."

"Not all the time," he mumbles.

"For that last month you have," she says easily. "And I…can't get her."

It's as much of a _please sleep here_ as he thinks he'll get. "Okay," he says softly. It's no hardship on his part. "If you take a pain pill."

"What?"

"You can have my snuggles if you take a pill."

She blinks at him. "Seriously? You're bribing me with snuggles?"

"Like you don't want it," he taunts back, happy to fall back into some semblance of normal.

"I," she huffs out. He grins and she shakes her head, reaching out to poke his chest. "I'm not the one with no shirt on."

"It was for holding time," he protests.

"Uh huh," she says, her voice tired but light.

"Besides. They say touch is healing."

She wrinkles her nose at him and he smiles, his hand still at her cheek. She seems to notice as he does. She turns her face and kisses his palm.

"Yeah, it is," she admits after a moment. She peers at him then. "Have you slept at all?"

"It's only midnight," he protests.

"You need to sleep," she chides.

"Fine. I'll sleep, if you take a pain pill."

"I thought I got snuggles for a pain pill," she argues.

"Hah. You do want snuggles," he says with a lazy grin.

She narrows her eyes. "You can't just change the terms of the bargain. And you can't derail me with your charms, Mr. Castle."

"Really?" he wonders, gliding his hand down her neck, skirting the arm she has raised to touch his, ducking under it to trail along the inside of her arm, and gingerly down to sit over her scar.

She shivers, but doesn't wince. "Shut up," she mumbles as she relaxes under his hand. "You're no fair."

Oh, her grammar's slipping. It's probably time for that pill, or she'll fall asleep and have to wake up in pain all over again.

He gives himself a moment, strokes his thumb gently over the skin of her flank, smiles as she lets out a puff of air, her body relaxed. He can't take back the surgery, can't remove the damage done by the bullet, but his hand on her incision site makes her relax. He'll take it.

"Let me go get you a yogurt and give you a pill, and then we'll cuddle," he whispers.

She sighs but nods and lets him up. He makes quick work of jogging to the kitchen, grabbing a smoothie and a glass of water before returning to her room. The house is quiet, the floor bathed in swatches of moonlight from the big windows. He can hear the gentle lap of the ocean down the lawn. It's quiet here. It's peaceful here. She'll get better here.

When he returns, she's managed to get herself into a sitting position, her hands twisting together in her lap. He hands her the smoothie and sets the pill and the glass of water on her bedside before walking around to climb onto the bed. He takes the initiative and climbs under the covers with her, watching as her lips twitch around her last sip.

She manages to hold the water and the pill, swallowing half the glass before putting it back and sinking into her pile of pillows. She's only left him one to sleep on, but that's fine. Well, maybe he'll manage to steal one back.

She looks over at him as she shuffles down, still elevated—"you can't sleep flat just yet, give your lungs a little help for a week"—but looking more comfortable than he's seen her in a while.

"You okay?" he asks, reaching out to snag one of the pillows falling out of her pile so he can put his face up on her level.

She nods and rolls onto her good side. She reaches out with a heavy hand to grab his. He lets her, wrapping his larger fingers around her small ones, smiling as she tugs on his hand. He scoots closer, until they're a foot apart.

"Thought we were gonna snuggle," she says, her voice rough with exhaustion now.

"My bad," he says as he smothers a grin. Her eyelids are fluttering, but he'll indulge her for the moment. Yeah, he thinks, like he doesn't want it too.

He shifts and gingerly slings his arm low around her waist, sliding his other arm along and under her pillow. She smiles and wraps her free arm up high on his shoulder. He thinks it should hurt, stretching her side, but she sighs, smiling at him.

"Okay?" he asks quietly.

She hums her consent, blinking her eyes open. "Sleep," she encourages.

"I will if you will," he tosses back, knowing that he won't. That the moment he closes his eyes, his dreams will be filled with her bleeding out on the grass, of whispered words she'd never hear again, of the light dying in her eyes.

"Rick," she mumbles, slogging through the drugged haze he can see overtaking her body. "M'alive. Go to sleep. I'll be here when you wake up."

"I know," he tells her.

"Then sleep," she says, before the meds take her under and she falls asleep, her side rising and falling with her steady breath, her hand slack but present on his arm.

"I will," he whispers to his silent bed-partner. "I will," he adds, promising himself as he drinks in her image, the slope of her nose, the jut of her jaw, the way her eyes flutter in sleep, the way her side feels beneath his palm. He stares until his eyes fall shut and he gives in, lets sleep take him under.

He wakes two hours later, his body drenched with sweat, her name on his lips and her last gasping breath still reverberating in his ears.

But there she is, whole—well, relatively whole—and still asleep, her hand curled against his chest where he's twisted onto his back.

He can hear Johanne breathing in the crib, can feel the heat of Kate's skin against his own. He turns his head and watches her sleep as his heart rate slowly descends. He forces her sleeping face to replace the one on the grass. Makes himself take deep breaths just like he told her to do hours earlier.

She's alive, and they're at his beach house, and their baby is sleeping in the crib. No one's going to take that away, no matter how many times he watches her life drain out of her eyes in his dreams.


	23. Chapter 23

**Attachment Syndrome**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 23:<strong>

"You're okay. Yeah, you're okay. Hey, princess."

He grunts, rolling away from the sun streaming in through the window and directly onto his face. He squints over at where Kate should be, and finds the bed empty.

"Shh, shh."

He bolts upright, feeling panic clutching at his chest. Irrational panic, because, of course, there she is, leaning over the crib—

"Kate," he lets out, scrambling out of bed. "What the hell are you doing?"

She startles and he hears a hiss of pain as he shuffles over to her where she stands, clutching at the top of the crib. Why on earth is she out of bed?

"She was crying," Kate offers through clenched teeth.

"So you thought you'd join her?" he wonders, gripping her elbows to help guide her back to the bed.

"Very funny," she says, meeting his eyes. "You were asleep."

"So wake me up." She glares at him, even through getting back onto the bed. "What?"

"Nothing," she decides after a moment. "You need to feed her."

He stares at her. "Kate."

"Just—" Johanne whimpers. "Just feed our kid, okay? And give her a hug, please."

He opens his mouth but her lip quivers. Okay. So, someone woke up on the…strange side of the recently shot-in-the-chest—yeah, she gets a free pass here.

"Okay," he says, spinning around. He reaches into the crib and lifts Johanne out, bouncing with her as he turns back to face Kate. "Hey, baby," he coos. "You wanna have a bottle then sit some with mommy?"

"I can't even hold her," Kate mumbles.

"But I can," he says, shaking his head as her frown deepens. "We'll have a Castle sandwich, a Beckett on each shoulder." He gets a lip twitch for that one.

"Go," she says, pointing him out of the room.

"Going." He grins before scurrying out of the room, Johanne squirming in his arms. "You need to cry a little louder next time, bug," he tells her as he grabs a bottle of formula from the fridge. "Mommy can't pick you up, and we gotta get her to stay in bed so she gets better."

"Kate was trying to pick her up?"

He spins on the spot and finds himself face-to-face with Alexis, sitting at the counter, reading. It's 9:30am.

"Why are you awake?"

"Kate was trying to pick up Josie?"

He nods slowly, taking in the cup of coffee at her elbow, the fact that she's already dressed. "Did you sleep?"

"Why weren't you up with Josie?"

"I was asleep," he defends. "I didn't…I meant to be up."

Alexis considers him. "You okay?"

"Are you okay?" he counters. "It's early."

"You're up."

He glances at Johanne, who is happily ignoring this awkward morning. "I have…baby," he offers. "Where's Gram?"

"Sleeping."

"Jim?"

"I think he went for a walk."

They stay for a moment, silent, the waves lapping outside, the coffee pot making…a second pot of coffee.

"Seriously, sweetheart, how long have you been up?" Castle asks.

Alexis shrugs and looks back at her book. "Not long."

She glances at him and he recognizes it as the look she gets when he's teetering on too protective. But how is this protective? He's just trying to ask when she got up. She raises an eyebrow, as if daring him to push. He opens his mouth, then decides against it. No reason to start the morning like this. He knows a dismissal when he sees one, and gracefully bows out.

He grunts as he stubs his toe on the way out of the kitchen and refuses to look back and see her laughing at him. He's just being a considerate Dad. Trying to be at least, he thinks, as he looks down at Johanne, who's nearly done with her bottle already.

"Day one at the Hamptons is not going so well," he tells the baby. "But we'll fix it, won't we?" Johanne looks up at him and smiles around the bottle. "Yeah, we will," he agrees as he steps back into Kate's room. "And look, here's mommy."

Kate looks over and offers him a weak smile. He glances at the clock and sighs. She's out of meds.

Didn't get the baby.

Can't get a straight answer out of his kid.

Left Kate without meds because he slept too well.

This is not his morning.

"Lemme set her up with you, and I'll grab you another pill," he says as he places Johanne's now-empty bottle on the bedside table and grabs for one of his pillows.

"I'm okay," Kate says softly. He can hear the strain in her voice. "I can last a little longer. Gimme my kid," she adds, pasting on a smile.

He does as he's told, figuring she might be more receptive with the baby on her lap. He sits Johanne down between Kate's outstretched legs smiling as the baby immediately reaches out to grab the pillow he's propped against her mother's chest. She'll need a change soon, he's sure, but he'll let them play for a minute first.

"Someone's happy to see you," he says as he walks around the bed and plops down gently next to Kate.

"She wasn't earlier," Kate says, even as she smiles. Johanne grabs one of her fingers and pulls it into her mouth. "Ouch," Kate lets out.

"What?" he asks immediately, a hand outstretched.

She shakes her head and glances at him, laughing a little. "She bit me. I'm fine."

He sighs in relief and leans down toward the baby. "No biting mommy, bug," he says sternly.

The baby giggles at him.

"You are so not going to be the bad cop, are you?" Kate asks.

He grins over at her. "Nope." She smiles, then winces. "Let me get you a pill."

"No," she whispers.

"You do remember that you were shot eight days ago, right?"

She levels a glare on him, but her heart isn't really in it. "I do."

"There's nothing wrong with the pills."

"I'll fall asleep."

"So?"

She sighs and pulls a face at Johanne. "I don't want to sleep all day."  
>"Nonsense. It's not even ten yet," he argues. She rolls her eyes. "Half a pill?"<p>

"Fine," Kate breathes out. "But that's all."

"Okay," he agrees, unwilling to fight, for the moment. She'll—God, he doesn't like the idea of agreeing because he knows that she'll be in pain soon enough and will cave to it before long. From the way she's looking at him, he figures she feels the same way.

"I just want to see this place," she admits softly. "Make it to the pool. And if I take one now, it'll be four before I'm back up."

"Maybe three," he argues. She frowns. "Okay, okay. Half a pill, a walk to the pool, then the rest?"

"If I get to watch you and Josie in the pool, deal," she offers with a smirk.

"You just want to see me all covered in water," he tosses back. She smiles and he feels his jaw drop open.

"What?" she asks, laughing. "I'm injured, not dead."

"Um," he manages. Does she…have the hots for him, right _now?_

"Okay, stop it," she says sternly.

"Stop what?"

"Where's the big Rick Castle ego?" she asks, an eyebrow lifted, both hands in Johanne's grasp. Surprisingly sexy, actually.

"It's recovering," he admits as she glances down at his unclad chest beneath his robe.

"Good," she decides. "Now, go put Josie in a bathing suit."

"It's not even ten yet," he says slowly. "It'll be too cold. Let's wait until one, okay? Maybe watch a movie until then?" Not that he's disinterested in…showing off, but he doesn't want to scar the baby with frigid water.

"Doesn't your pool have a heater?"

Oh, well, okay, they're doing this now. "I'll…go get you a yogurt?"

She nods then looks down at the baby. "You're gonna go in the pool, baby. Aren't you lucky?"

Johanne smiles up at her and squeezes her fingers. He sees Kate's face open, watches as she seems to relax. He hopes he's helping.

(…)

She's actually ogling him, staring at him as he drops his towel and takes Johanne from Alexis. His daughter is a champ, happily deciding to join their morning swim. He doesn't like the bikini she's wearing, but he'll deal. There's no one else to see just how…little support it gives her.

"Oh, give it up, Castle," Kate says with a grin as Alexis dives into the pool. "I'm sure she's worn worse."

"How?" he wonders. It's a tiny blue bikini.

Kate shrugs and drags her eyes over him, toes up to baby. Johanne giggles, watching Alexis over his shoulder. He swallows under his partner's stare. It is so unfair that she's out here in shorts and a tee shirt. He should be getting to do his own perusal.

"You look good," Kate offers.

He wonders if it's the pills. He hopes it's not. But really, she's never been—well, that's not true. She's extolled the virtues of his body before, in the quiet of night. But they've never gotten to do this, really, to just appreciate.

The baby laughs on his chest. They've never really been alone together.

"Take her into the water," Kate orders with a smile. "Have fun, Josie-bug."

Johanne turns back to look at Kate and reaches out a hand. He sees Kate's eyes dim as she stays there, stationary on the lounger, a pillow behind her back.

"Go, Castle," Kate chides. He realizes he's just been standing there staring at her, his heart hurting for all she's suffering, for how close they came to losing this.

"Okay," he agrees, smiling down at the baby. "Okay Josie, let's go for a swim, huh?" he coos as he walks around the edge to the stairs to slowly wade in.

It's nicely cool, and he grins as Johanne lets out a squeal as they hit the water together, her little body lighter in his arms. She slaps her hands against the water happily, her feet kicking.

He smiles at her and holds her a bit further away so she's buoyed mainly by the water, his hands still steady on her torso. She splashes too hard and gets herself in the face, wincing before letting out a loud laugh.

"It's pretty great, isn't it?" he agrees as she babbles at him.

"Dada!" she says clearly.

"What?" he asks, pulling a face. "What's up, bug?"

"She likes it," Alexis says happily, appearing at his side.

He startles and loses his hold on the baby. Josie goes under and he frantically lifts her up. She splutters, flailing in the water while he gets his hold again. He's ready for tears, but she laughs instead, eyelashes wet, eyes wide.

"Sorry," Alexis mumbles.

He laughs. "No harm done, pumpkin."

"Told you so," Kate calls from her seat.

"Told me what?" he calls back.

"That babies can swim," she replies.

"Right," Alexis agrees. "I saw Youtube videos of that."

It just seems so wrong, letting her go underwater. But, after fifteen minutes, she's swimming like a champ. He pulls her up every few seconds to make sure she's got enough air, but she's a little water nymph.

He glances at Kate as he lets Alexis take Johanne, the two of them giggling. Kate smiles brightly at him and he feels his chest relax, unknown tension releasing. He can do this. He can be good for her, be good for the baby. Alexis laughs loudly with Johanne. He can be good for all of his girls. He can.

(…)

"What are you doing?" his mother asks as he stares up at the ceiling, Johanne asleep on his chest the next night.

"Relaxing?" he offers quietly.

"You're brooding," she corrects. "Where's Alexis?"

"She and Jim are playing chess on the deck," he supplies.

"And Katherine?"

"Asleep."

He watches as she settles at the end of the couch, lifting his feet and plopping them into her lap. He fights to keep a straight face. She hasn't done that in years. Since Meredith left, he thinks. She found him on the couch one night, but instead of the baby on his chest, it was a bottle of Jack, and he was decidedly less coherent. She'd chatted with him until he fell asleep, a hand on his shin and a complete lack of judgment in her eyes.

But he hasn't been divorced this time. Kate hasn't cheated on him. All in all, his life is pretty wonderful, all near-death-by-sniper incidents aside.

"How are you?" Martha asks.

"I'm fine," he says instantly. She raises an eyebrow at him.

"Katherine mentioned that you didn't sleep well."

He blinks at his mother. "She…did?"

Martha nods. "Mumbling, she said. I've known you to snore, but you've never talked in your sleep."

"How would you know?" he tosses back, feeling defensive. Kate went to his mother? It's been nine days since she was shot. Give a man a break. "You haven't watched me sleep in years." She shrugs and he feels his discomfort growing. "Don't tell me you come into my room to watch me sleep."

Martha laughs. "You do it to Alexis."

"Mother!"

"I'm kidding, Richard. Honestly," she says, smiling at him. "But really, are you all right? I can help more. _We_ can help more."

"We?"

"Jim and I," she explains. "You've invited us out here, and you've done everything yourself. Cooked dinner, entertained the baby, and Alexis. Kept Kate's meds running. You don't have to do this all yourself, you know."

"We've been here two days," he protests. "I'm not—why are you all looking at me like I'm the one who's falling apart? Kate was just shot. Worry about her."

"I think you're doing enough of that for all of us, dear," she says softly. He frowns and strokes his fingers over Johanne's head. "Just take a little time to take care of you too," his mother continues. "She'll notice if you keep not sleeping."

"I slept last night," he mumbles.

"Mm," she hums.

He sighs and looks down at the baby, her little mouth open against his shirt, a fist in the fabric. One of her legs kicks in her sleep and he smiles.

"You're rather in love, aren't you?"

He glances at his mother. "This news to you?"

Martha smiles and pats his leg. "No, dear. It looks good on you."

"Fatherhood?"

"That too," she says. "I'm glad you two finally got your heads out of your—"

"Hey, hey, baby in the room," he says.

She rolls her eyes. "It's good to see you happy."

He huffs. "Weren't you just worried about me?"

"You're a complicated man," she returns.

"Hardly."

She considers him. "You really think so?"

He doesn't have a response for that. He used to think he wasn't—was simple, and a little shallow, and utterly brilliant, of course. He loves his family, he loves his writing. He loved the party life he led. Well, he loved it fleetingly and in small doses. But—

Johanne snuffles on his chest.

He's not complicated. He's just a bit twisted up, his head full of love and regret and fear. It's simple really. He has a lot to lose.

Losing Alexis would break him. It's always been that way. But now there's a second little girl he can't imagine his life without. And losing Kate—it would rupture him, break something off that could never heal. A different pain from losing a child, one he hopes would temper with time. He could never recover if Alexis died. But he'd recover from the loss of Kate. He just wouldn't be whole, and he'd have to go on living for his daughter—his daughters.

And that fear, of living life without her—of having to live it, and move forward, of not being able to just sink down into despair and never get up—he figures he's short on sleep for an acceptable reason. Every time he closes his eyes, he lives that reality.

With them open, it's just the waking nightmare of knowing how close to it he was.

"Why don't you go put her down and crawl in with Katherine," his mother suggests.

He blinks and meets her eyes, seeing something tender and worrying staring back at him. In the face of that, he can do nothing but agree, quietly rising and taking the baby back to her mother.

He gently lays Johanne down in the crib in Kate's room. He leans over and cradles her skull in his hand, just watching her breathe. She's beautiful, such a beautiful little girl. Bright and cheery most days, and still so smart in her reluctance, her solitude. She's more open now. And even though it's taken a few days for her to trust Kate again, she seems to be doing so well.

They'll get to watch her grow up, together. They'll watch her crawl—she's almost there—and walk, and run, and fall off her bike, swim in the ocean, learn to read. They'll get to see her do all of that.

He turns and looks at his sleeping…partner? Girlfriend? Lover? _Wife_? his mind whispers to him.

These few short months have felt more like marriage to him than either of his others did, even without the sex. There's been intimacy—more so than in his marriage to Meredith, certainly, and heaps above his marriage to Gina. He wants the sex, of course. Oh, God, how he wants her. But that's not on the menu for now. Baby constantly with them or not, Beckett's not going to be ready for that for a while.

He finds himself crawling into the bed next to her, wrapping an arm low across her stomach as she lies there on her back, her face slack in sleep. He curls around her, watching the rise and fall of her chest.

They need to talk. He wants to talk.

He wants to cement what they have, because they almost lost it. Because he loves her, and he loves her daughter—their daughter—and he wants to call Kate his. Whatever way she wants to be his. Partner. Lover. Girlfriend. Wife.

He wants all of it.

(…)

"It looks like the shore, doesn't it, Katie?" Castle hears as he wanders onto the back lawn the next evening.

"It does," Kate agrees, the two of them sitting on his white deck chairs under the beach umbrella he dredged up earlier in the day.

They've got her propped up with pillows and a the cushion from one of the narrow couches laid out underneath her. She looks rather comfortable, and contemplative, as he plops down at the end of her chair, reaching out to rest a hand on her ankle.

"This is a beautiful place, Rick," Jim says as Castle places the baby monitor onto the table set between them.

"Thank you," he tells her father. "It's…a little big, I know."

"She out?" Kate asks, smiling at him, he assumes, to try and ease his discomfort. He nods.

"If money isn't meant to provide comfort, son, then I don't know what it's good for," Jim tells him.

Castle laughs. "Well, it is comfortable."

"And I haven't even seen the second floor," Kate agrees.

"Tomorrow," he promises. "I can carry you up."

"Or I could climb myself," she huffs.

"Can we wait to torture you with the physio instead?"

Jim chuckles and stands. "I think I'll go see what the girls are making for dinner."

"Don't let our bickering drive you away," Castle says with a laugh as Kate kicks weakly at his hand.

"Not at all," Jim assures him. "I just think Katie won't appreciate being ganged up on. I'm trusting you," he continues.

Castle salutes and Jim smiles, shaking his head as Kate grumbles at them. He pats her shoulder and makes his way back into the house, leaving them to the sounds of the waves and the setting sun.

"I'm not an invalid," Kate tells him as she stares at the ocean.

He bites his lip, because she actually _is_ an invalid right now, but he doesn't think that's the best way to start here.

"How about this: You let me carry you upstairs, and I'll let you use my awesome bathtub?"

She meets his eyes. "What, I get myself up there by my own sweat and blood, and you're going to deny me the bathtub?"

He nods firmly. "Yes. Yes I am."

She snorts and brushes her hair out of her eyes. "Yeah right."

"How about you save your strength for holding Josie, and let me carry you up to an amazing bath instead?" he offers.

"How about I get better magically and we run away to the Caribbean, become scuba instructors, and home school Josie?" He blinks at her and she laughs. "Oh, man. Your _face_!"

"It's just…so not you, Beckett," he manages. But oh, he kind of wants it? Just a little bit. The magically better part, certainly.

"It could be me," she rebuffs. "I could have suffered a drastic personality change due to the trauma. You don't know."

He chuckles and rubs circles on her ankle, watching as she deflates. "Yeah, I don't think so. You're still too snarky, and much too beautiful to spend you life in a wet suit."

A faint blush climbs her neck even as she rolls her eyes at him. "Did you come out for something?" she asks.

He shakes his head. "Wondered where you were. Alexis was on the phone with Ash, Mother was…somewhere else. Josie's asleep."

"Ah, so I'm the consolation prize," Kate deduces.

He groans and squeezes her leg. "Hardly."

She smiles. "It really is beautiful here." Her hands twist together in her lap and he notices then that she's holding her mother's ring and chain, winding it around her fingers. She follows his gaze to her hands and sighs. "She would have loved it here," she says, meeting his eyes briefly before looking back down at the ring. "Would have adored seeing Josie in the pool, sunning with Alexis."

He swallows and watches her, unsure of what to say, of how to help, if his help is needed here. She looks melancholic again, wistful.

"I think she would have loved you," she adds, softer.

"Yeah?" he manages.

She looks up at him. "Yeah," she agrees. "She'd have loved how much you care, how you hold everyone so close, your heart." She glances away again and raises a hand to her chest. "How good you're being about this," she continues.

"How—good?" he asks.

Kate shakes her head, still rubbing over the bullet wound beneath her soft-cotton shirt. "Not everyone would stick through this," she says.

"Kate," he starts, scooting up to sit at her hip, covering her other hand with his. "Look at me."

She squeezes her eyes shut then opens them, meeting his. "You're putting yourself in a lot of danger for me," she tells him, flattening her hand over her chest. "Your daughter, your mother—bringing us here, all the security. It's above and beyond, you know?"

"It's not," he asserts.

She bites her lip and flips her hand beneath his, threading their fingers together. "It is. And you're willing to adopt Josie. It's—it's a lot, Castle. And I—"

"Don't," he says gently. "I'm not putting myself in danger. I'm protecting you, and our daughter, and Alexis, and mother and your dad. Our family, Kate," he continues, reaching out to cup her cheek. "It's worth protecting. You, are worth protecting."

"I can't even walk back to the house," she mumbles.

He gapes at her. Is this—"You can't walk back? So we'll have dinner out here until you feel up to it. You can't get to the top of the stairs? Big deal. You're already doing so much."

"But I'm not," she insists, shaking his hand off of her cheek, her body tense. "I can't—Castle, if they came tomorrow, I'd be useless."

"Kate," he lets out.

"I'd take two steps and I'd be down, and I just—it's so vast," she says, looking back at the ocean.

"And that's bad?" he asks, feeling lost and inadequate. He's not sure how to help her with this, the powerlessness of being so incapacitated.

"I look and I feel like I'm being swept up and I'll never get back, and…I don't know. I don't know. I'm drugged, and not making sense. Just ignore me."

She looks down at their hands and sighs. He scoots closer. It's vast. She's right. Her recovery is vast and this fight they're facing is vaster still. All of it, this life they lead, is uncertain and large and wild.

"Not gonna ignore you," he manages. "You're too cute when you're drugged."

Her lips quirk but she keeps her eyes averted from his, even as she allows his proximity, lists into him as he gingerly wraps his arms around her shoulders, gentle and less than he wishes he could.

"They're not coming tomorrow," he tells her, his voice in her ear, lips against her cheek. "And you're already getting better. We're in the lifeboat. We'll make it back to shore. And then we'll find a way to take them down, and we'll drive off into the sunset. You'll see."

"Mixing metaphors," she whispers, her hands gripping into his shirt.

"Just modes of transportation," he argues. "And speaking of which, how about I carry you inside for dinner, leave the stairs for another day?"

She shakes her head and presses his nose into his neck. "Just another minute, okay?"

"Of course," he says, running a hand through her hair.

"You smell like you," she whispers.

"Hmm?"

"You smelled like the hospital," she explains, her fingers rubbing at his hips where her arms are slung low around his waist. "You smell like you now."

"Ditto," he mumbles into her ear, smiling as she huffs a laugh at him.

"Not my fault. You could have showered."

"Even the shower there smelled like a hospital, Beckett. It was in a hospital."

"Shut up," she says, pulling back to meet his eyes. "It's just nice—to not smell that, anymore."

"I think we've had enough of hospitals for a while," he agrees.

"Forever," she agrees.

"I don't know. You don't seem like a home-birth kind of girl," falls out of his mouth before he can stop it.

Her eyes widen, her mouth drops, and he wishes he could just suck the words back into his mouth, along with his foot.

"I," she starts, pausing to lick her lips. "Um."

"Sorry," he manages. "Over-active imagination. You…you know me."

She peers at him as he averts his eyes, spotting his mother and daughter through the kitchen window, the two of them laughing together.

"You want more kids?"

He looks back at her and finds her watching him, lip between her teeth, a shy look in her eyes. "Do…you?"

Her lips quirk. "I asked you first," she argues.

"Well, I—it's your uterus," he tosses back.

She laughs and swats at his arm. "Seriously?"

"Well, yeah," he says, trying to work around the lump in his throat, because apparently the assumption that they could have kids together is just something else they're not going to discuss—like it's a _given_ that they could, that they would. "You have one, I have one," he continues. "If we wanted a…biological one, I mean, that would be more up to you. Your body, and all."

"And you get no say?"

"Well, I think I'd be a pretty _active_ participant," he offers, going for sly.

She giggles and squeezes his hand where it's fallen to rest high on her thigh. "I'd hope so."

He laughs and leans in as she tugs on his hip, pressing their lips together. Her mouth opens beneath his and she sighs into him, her other hand rising to rest on his chest as he cups her neck in his hand.

"Not now," she whispers as they pull apart.

"God no," he agrees. "No big stress for your body for at least a year."

She smiles. "I meant, actually, Josie should be a little older. They say siblings with a four-year-gap are generally happier. But," she adds, a hand rising to her chest as she slowly sinks back into her pillows, "you make a good point."

He reaches out and tucks her hair behind her ear, raising his other hand to sit over her surgery incision, letting the heat help her relax those muscles. She closes her eyes, and he waits until she looks comfortable.

"You been doing research on sibling rivalry?"

She pops an eye open, a blush climbing her cheeks even as she adopts an unaffected expression. "It came up while I was doing research on RAD."

"Uh-huh," he says with a grin. "You want little Castle babies."

"Castle," she groans, fighting her own smile.

"You want to be all full with my—" Her hand clamps over his mouth.

"If you ever want me full of anything, you will shut up, right now."

"Noted," he mumbles into her palm. She smirks and pats his cheek before pulling her hand away. "But, so we're clear, we're, um," he stumbles, not exactly sure how to phrase the question:

'_We will have sex, right? We're gonna grow old and gray together, right?_'

"How about this," she says, meeting his eyes. "When I can get up the stairs, we can…"

"We can?"

"We can," she starts before stopping again. "You're the writer," she huffs. "Find some nice way to say we're gonna have sex."

He gapes at her, his jaw hanging open before he starts laughing, watching as her face cracks and she joins him. He leans down and rests his forehead against hers, feeling the puff of her breath against his lips as she giggles.

"Make passionate, long over-due love to each other?" he proposes.

She wrinkles her nose, but leans in and kisses him, a promise. "Yes," she says as she pulls back. "Without the baby in the room."

"Roger that," he agrees.

A faint whine comes over the baby monitor then.

"God, do you really want to do this again? If we have a kid, we'll never get there," she says, her voice light.

He chuckles. "Well, we'd have to do it at least once to have the other kid, you know. Or do I need to explain it? When a mommy and a daddy lo—" he breaks off as Johanne begins to cry, pulling himself back from blurting it all out. He wants to talk about this, he really really does. But the baby is crying.

Kate searches his eyes for a moment, then squeezes his hip with an understanding smile. "Go get her."

He nods, then stands, bending swiftly to pick her up. She squeaks, clinging to him as he laughs.

"You could have just come back," she grumbles as he starts walking toward the house.

"And miss this chivalrous opportunity? Fat chance," he tells the crown of her head.

She shakes her head against him and waves shyly at his mother and daughter as they come through the door. Martha smiles at them and Alexis laughs. He nods at them and turns down the hall, depositing Kate in the living room on the couch.

"Want me to bring you the baby?" he asks as he helps her settle, arranging the pillows behind her, and one under her knees as she sighs and relaxes.

"Please," she says.

He nods and brushes his hand over her cheek before setting off toward her bedroom. Johanne's cries come louder and louder as he jogs into the room. He finds her pulled up in the crib, standing on her own little feet, wailing.

He stops short, staring at her. She's standing. She's _standing._

He reaches jerkily into his pocket and pulls out his phone, snapping a quick picture before hurrying to pick her up.

"Look at you," he coos over her screaming. "Standing up all on your own," he congratulates, moving to the changing table as the stench reaches his nose.

She stares at him as he changes her diaper, her limbs quiet even as she continues to heave in breath. Her cries peter out, but she looks, well, he probably can't aptly ascribe disapproval to a baby, but she looks disapproving.

"It took me too long, huh?" he asks her as he pulls off her onesie and picks her back up, smelling of baby powder, the dirty diaper safely in the genie. "You wanted me to be there the second you stood up."

He grins down at the baby as the thought settles. She wanted him, or Kate. Wanted them badly enough to haul her little self up.

"Do you think you can stand up for mommy?" he asks her as he walks into the living room.

"Stand?" Kate asks blearily, blinking up at them.

"Yeah," he breathes out, grinning at her. Kate smiles back, watching in amusement as he juggles the baby to get his phone out of his pants. He passes it to her and sits down on the coffee table, Johanne snuggled against his chest.

"Oh," Kate whispers, staring at the photo. "Oh, baby, look at you," she says, looking at Johanne as he turns the baby so she can see. "You're standing, Josie-bug!"

Castle tickles Johanne's stomach and the baby laughs, loud and bright. "You're gonna skip crawling all together, aren't you?" he asks her.

"We'll have to make her though," Kate says, waving her fingers at Johanne.

"What?"

"Well, crawling is linked to reading skills, and they say if the baby skips that step, you have to have them do it anyway—like remedial crawling—or it could have a big impact later on."

"How much reading have you done?" he wonders as she focuses on the baby, a little pink in the cheeks.

"Not all of us have done this before," she huffs, glancing at him before pulling a face at the baby.

Oh, well, he hadn't meant to make her feel self conscious. He's genuinely curious, because she's been schooling him on this stuff. "You got any of those books with you?" he asks, smiling as she looks at him, surprised. "I'm rusty."

Johanne squirms and he adjusts his hold on her, hiking her up so she can stand on his legs. The baby giggles and waves at Kate.

"I think you're doing just fine," Kate argues.

"Well enough to do it again?" he asks, peeking out around Johanne just to see Kate laugh. "Do you want a little brother or sister, bug?"

"I feel like you should at least marry her first."

They both gape as Alexis stands in the doorway to the living room, regarding them with a smile.

"I, ah," Castle manages.

"Or let her recover from heart surgery," his daughter continues.

"We," Kate begins, glancing at him, looking lost.

They—haven't…it's not…they _haven't_…

"Oh my God, you should see yourselves!" Alexis lets out, her laughter getting the best of her.

"Your daughter is mean," Kate tells him.

"Does it help if I come bearing news of dinner?" Alexis asks with a smirk.

"Minorly," Castle admits. "Can you bring Josie to the table?"

Alexis nods and walks in, taking the baby from him with a grin. "Are we gonna have a little sibling, Josie? Are we?" she asks, winking over her shoulder at him as she takes the baby through to the kitchen.

He looks back at Kate and finds her watching him, her lip pulled between her teeth.

"If we have another girl, I think I'm done for," he says, letting the thought free, because, really, at this point, there's nothing left to even step in.

Kate laughs quietly. "Think of the hair," she says.

He snorts, shocked by the image of it. God, any child of theirs would have such a head of hair. Unfair of them, actually.

"He'd never go bald," Kate continues.

"Don't even," he growls, running a hand over his head, just to check.

She giggles and shifts, holding out her arms for him to help her up. "You're not going bald."

"You'd still want my babies even if I did, wouldn't you?" he asks as he helps her stand, catching her as she stumbles into him.

He cups her head as she rests against his chest for a moment, breathing hard.

"Always," she says quietly. He smiles and bends to press his lips to the crown of her head. "But try not to go bald."

"I'll make an effort," he says on a laugh.

She wants his babies.


	24. Chapter 24

**Attachment Syndrome**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 24:<strong>

"Darling, you've got mail," his mother sing-songs, coming into the living room where he, Kate, Jim, Alexis, and Johanne have been camped out all day, watching The Lord of the Rings trilogy.

He figures everyone should marathon them at some point in their lives, and why not start Johanne now?  
>"Hmm?" he manages for his mother, his eyes glued to the screen while Johanne gnaws on a teething ring in his lap, Kate's toes pushing against the outside of his thigh.<p>

"Something from the office of Children and Family Services?"

He reaches for it immediately, awkwardly opening the envelope around the baby. He scans the document quickly, flipping the pages and reaching instinctively for his pocket.

"I need a pen," he mumbles, grappling at the plain tee shirt he's wearing.

"Are you looking for your pocket protector?" Kate wonders.

"Adoption application papers, Beckett. Don't mock," he tosses at her as Alexis reaches over to the coffee table and passes him a pen.

"Really?" Kate says quickly, sitting up.

She groans and he shifts focus, setting a hand on her calf as she falls back into the pillows. "Hey, careful," he chides.

"Just…excited," she offers shallowly, her face scrunched.

"Here," he says quietly, lifting Johanne in one arm and dropping the papers to his other side so he can scoot on the couch, settling her legs in his lap, and sitting Johanne on her knees.

Kate manages a laugh as he reaches out for the papers and transfers them over to her. "See?"

"Fast," she agrees. "Did you have your mail forwarded here?"

"Not all of it," he assures her. "Just anything Ernie saw from any important office."

"So what happens now?" Alexis asks.

"He'll sign, and send them back, then, I assume when you guys go back to the city, he'll have all of the same screening as Katie," Jim supplies.

"Or I could try and get it pushed through. It's not like we haven't done a home study already."

"But you need a psych eval too," Kate reminds him. "And the pounds of paperwork. You have to earn it."

He narrows his eyes at her just as Johanne burps, a little formula coming back up and onto his shoulder.

"Here," Alexis says with a laugh, passing him a cloth.

He settles the cloth under Johanne, but doesn't bother wiping up the spit-up, just reaches back for the papers and signs on all the dotted lines. He then glances around, from Kate, who's smiling, but still in pain, to his daughter, to Jim, to his mother.

"I need to Fedex this," he says, smiling as Johanne coos. "Where's…is there a Fedex here?"

"I'm sure there's a post office," Kate says.

"But I want to expedite this," he argues, meeting her eyes. "It's…not official until it's real."

"It's already real," she says softly. "Like you said, the paper doesn't change that. Send it snail mail. We've got all summer."

"I'll take care of that," Martha says eagerly, grabbing the papers from him before he can aruge. "You sit with your daughter," she adds, patting his head before sashaying back toward the front hall.

He can't fight the smile that blooms across his face. His daughter—he's holding his daughter.

"I love you," he whispers to the baby.

He glances at Kate and finds her smiling at him, her eyes full. He drops a hand and squeezes her thigh as Johanne settles against him, happy for the moment to be held. He feels the couch shift and looks over to find Alexis smiling at them, curled up against the far end, a pillow clutched to her chest.

"C'mere," he offers, gesturing with his head until she oblidges and slides down the couch to burrow into him. "Both my girls," he says, kissing the top of her head, and then Johanne's.

He looks over and catches Jim's eye. The man nods at him, a smile on his face before he turns back to watch Orlando Bloom shoot an orc dead.

These are the family moments he'll remember—him, his daugthers, and his…Kate. And her father.

A glass shatters in the kitchen.

And his mother.

(…)

"I just don't know what to do," he hears Alexis say as he approaches Kate's—their—bedroom.

"Do you love him?" Kate asks.

"I thought I did," Alexis tells her, sounding sad and confused. Her voice makes him want to rush in there and scoop her up, hold her close like he does with Johanne. She hasn't talked to him about this. They've been up here almost a week now, and every time he's tried to even suggest the topic of Ashley, she's fled.

"Why are you doubting it now?" Kate asks softly.

"It's not—would you try and push Dad out of the way if someone was shooting at him?"

He hears Kate sigh. "I would. You know I would," she admits. "But Lex, you're—your dad and I, it's not the same."

"Because we're young?"

"Because he's your first love. You may…want to jump in front of him someday, but now? You're seventeen. You should think of yourself first."

"Does it make me horrible?" Alexis whispers.

"What, that you're not sure if you'd try and take a bullet for someone?"

"I just—Dad didn't even hesitate," Alexis continues. "And…and I think I would."

"Are there people you would take a bullet for?"

He sucks in a breath. He doesn't want his daughter to equate love with sacrificing herself. He wasn't trying to take the hit for Kate, he was trying to save her.

He swallows. He never considered what would happen to him, just knew he had to knock her clear.

"My dad," Alexis says softly. "Gram, Josie. You."

He hears the shifting of blankets. Maybe they're hugging. He really should walk away. This is going beyond eavesdropping now.

He was just going to check on the baby. Honestly.

"So you'd protect your family," Kate tells her. "Just like I would, just like your dad did."

"But I don't—when I think about it, Ash doesn't feel the same…and I don't understand. I _love_ him."

"What happened when you called him after I was shot?" Kate asks gently.

"What?"

He bites his lip. He probably shouldn't have mentioned it to Kate—should have let Alexis do it herself.

"Your dad," Kate says simply.

Alexis huffs. "Of course he would."

'Hey now,' he mouths, slumping against the wall. He's just been worried, and Kate's usually so level headed about his kid.

"He just—I called, when we went home after you were shot, and he was at a graduation party, and I guess he couldn't hear me very well, but I was crying and then we got cut off, and I couldn't reach him again," Alexis admits.

"Did you try again the next day?"

"Yeah. And he's apologized, but he—I was crying, and he didn't try to get to another room or something."

"Maybe he really couldn't hear you," Kate offers.

He hears his daughter huff. "No. He just—he didn't listen, he said. And he's sorry. And it's all fine now but," she pauses. "Dad would be there if you were so much as sniffling."

Kate laughs sadly. "That's because your father is just about the best man on the planet."

He grins, can't help himself, even as he feels his heart breaking for his daughter.

"And I hate to say it," Kate continues. "But finding another Rick Castle? You may have to wait a while. Let the guys around you grow up. Or date up."

He coughs, and slaps a hand over his mouth, waiting. But no one seems to hear him. He just—he doesn't want her 'dating up.' He doesn't want her dating, period. He likes, well, he liked Ashley well enough, but what about when she goes off to college in January? Dating up, at Stanford, across the country?

"So you're saying I should just…settle until I find someone who cares as much as my dad does?"

"No," Kate says quickly. "No. I'm saying you can't expect all guys your age to be as…amazing as your dad, because that takes time. But no, you don't have to settle. I'm sure there's someone out there, who will care as much as you want him to. You're certainly worth it."

"I just feel like I'm being unfair to him," Alexis tells her. "I know he's got a lot going on. But then will that really get any better when he goes to school? This is—this is the biggest thing that's ever happened, in my life, and he wasn't willing to listen. Why would he listen when it's not you getting shot?" she lets out.

"It's not unfair to want someone to be there for you," Kate promises her. "It took me ages to figure that out. That you know it now? What you want? That's great. And if Ashley isn't what you want, then break it off. You don't need to stay out of some sense of loyalty."

"He's just," Alexis starts. "You told me I'd find someone someday that I'd look at and see forever. He's not my forever. I thought—thought he might be, or, you know, my forever for college. But he's not. I don't—the way you look at Dad? I want that."

"You'll find it," she promises his kid as he feels his breath leave his chest. That's what she told Alexis all those months ago—that he was her forever.

Her _forever_.

"You have so much of life to live yet," Kate continues. "Forever can wait. If Ashely isn't forever for college, let him go. You'll find someone else, who could be forever for now, or for a year, or for life. It takes time, which sucks to hear, I'm sure. But…it's worth waiting for the real thing, I promise."

"Thank you for talking with me," Alexis says quietly a moment later.

"Anytime," Kate assures her. "And I don't mean just when I can't walk away," she continues, making his daughter laugh. "Once I'm better, and back at work, that still stands."

"Thanks, Kate," Alexis mumbles.

He hears her rising from the bed and panics. There's a small closet in the hallway, and he shoves himself into it, biting his lips against a groan as he shuts the door. There are shelves of towels in this shallow closet and his ass is not supposed to fit in between them.

He waits, listening as Alexis makes her way back down the hall and out of sight before he bursts from the closet, practically tripping over himself as he comes into the bedroom.

Kate stares at him, eyes wide as he approaches her, climbing onto the bed and straddling her knees. He leans down, cups her cheeks in his hands, and kisses her hard, full of gratitude for her love of his daughter, her words, and her _forever_.

"I love you," he breathes into her mouth as he pulls away. She blinks at him, her hands settled on his hips. "I love you," he repeats, smiling as her face lights up.

"You've said that before," she tells him softly, a little awed.

"Thought maybe I should say it when you weren't dying," he offers shyly.

She smiles and reaches up to touch his chest. "Not because you heard me talking to Alexis?"

"What?" he asks, feigning complete innocence.

She shakes her head and pulls on his shirt, bringing their lips back together for a peck. "You're a snoop."

"A loveable snoop?" he replies, fishing a little. If she's not ready, that's fine. It really is.

Kate laughs softly. "Very lovable. But you know, someday you're going to listen in on us talking contraception, and boy will you be sorry."

"No," he groans. "No, no. I'm saying I love you. You can't talk about my daughter and contraception when I'm saying I love you."

She giggles and turns her head to kiss his palm. "I love you too, Castle," she says, meeting his eyes. He feels his face split in a grin. She smiles back, and tips her head in his hands. "I'm sorry if that wasn't clear."

He tsks at her and presses another kiss to her lips. "Just didn't want to assume."

"Assume away," she whispers.

He leans in again, but Johanne gurgles from her crib. He stills, his forehead pressed against Kate's.

"When you can get up the stairs, we're gonna move her into the bedroom next door," he says softly as she laughs.

"Deal. Now, pick up the baby, dear."

He chuckles and pulls away, kissing her nose. "M'not very fond of dear," he says, winking as he clambers off the bed and walks over to the crib.

"Just get the baby, sugar lips," Kate says.

He laughs, hard, as he reaches down and picks Johanne up, grinning as the baby laughs with him.

"Do you like mommy's new nickname for me? 'Cause if you do, you're cruel, bug," he tells the baby as he brings her over to perch by Kate's hip.

"Did you have a good nap, sweetheart?" Kate asks the baby, smiling as Johanne grips at her finger.

"She's probably hungry," he says, even as Johanne happily sits in his lap. "Think you could walk with us to the kitchen?" he asks Kate.

"If you can help me up, yeah," she agrees.

He nods and stands, holding Johanne in one arm while reaching out for Kate's hand. He watches as she shuffles off the bed, barely wincing now. She lets him get an arm around her waist as she stands, supporting her until she's steady on her feat.

"Look at mama, bug. Isn't she doing great?" he asks as he removes his arm from her waist, smiling as she holds onto his for balance, but less for strength.

"Be proud when I can get upstairs," Kate grumbles as they start their slow trip out to the kitchen.

"I'll be proud when I like, thanks," he says easily. "Gonna acknowledge every little milestone."

"God," Kate groans. "Do that for our daughter. Not for me."

"Your subconscious will thank me," he argues.

"If it doesn't smack you first," Kate mumbles.

"Violence is never the answer, Josie," he tells the baby. "No matter how much bodily harm your mother may inflict on me."

"Didn't anyone ever tell you that playground scuffles just mean she likes you?" Martha asks as they make their way into the kitchen.

"I'm supposed to be the one pulling her pigtails," Castle argues.

"Wow, Dad, way to be sexist," Alexis offers from the other side of the island.

Kate laughs and lets him lower her into the padded chair he had ordered for the table, keeping her a little reclined and extremely comfortable.

"I do have a bit of a history of…pinching," Kate admits, winking at him.

He laughs and covers his ear with his free hand, bouncing Johanne with the other. "My safeword is 'apples.' Have I ever told you that?" he asks the baby.

Johanne giggles as he picks her up with both hands, lifting her over his head. Alexis smiles, watching them, and his mother pats Kate's shoulder.

"How you feeling, kiddo?" she asks her.

"Good," Kate says with a smile. "Where's my dad?"

"He got a work call," Alexis replies. "Said he'd be done in time for dinner."

"You know," Castle says as he reaches into the fridge. "This might be a great time for Josie's first solid food."

"Oh, well," Martha says quickly. "I believe I have something to do upstairs."

He laughs as his mother flees the room. Kate raises an eyebrow. "What am I missing?"

"Well, this isn't going to be her most grateful moment," he says as he reaches into the cabinet for the rice cereal. "But I'm sure you won't be throwing anything, yet," he adds to the baby.

He brings Johanne over to her high chair, set beside Kate's chair at the table. He gets the baby into place and smiles as she slams her hands on the table.

"Yeah, yeah, it's coming. Don't be so impatient," he mock-grumbles, smiling as Kate laughs and holds out her finger for the baby.

He quickly puts together the admitedly bland and unappealing rice cereal and brings a little bowl over to Johanne. He settles in beside her, turning the high chair so both he and Kate can see. Johanne watches as he puts a tiny dab of cereal on the spoon.

"Can you get some video, Alexis?" he asks as he holds the spoon out.

"Sure," his daughter replies, coming over to perch on the table, iPhone at the ready.

"Okay, Josie. Can you say hi to mommy?"

"Hi Josie," Kate says, opening her mouth wide on a smile. "Hi."

"Hi!" Johanne gets out just as Castle swoops in with the spoon, depositing the cereal in her mouth.

The look on her face is priceless, full of shock and confusion. He looks over and finds Kate making exaggerated chewing movements. He covers a laugh and copies her, watching as Johanne gums uncomfortably at the cereal until it all dribbles down her chin.

"Did she eat any of it?" Kate wonders as he readies another spoonful.

"From the looks of it, no," Alexis says with a laugh.

"But maybe she'll do better with this one," Castle says encouragingly as he opens his mouth wide, internally laughs as Johanne mimicks him. Oh, babies and their lack of object permanence.

She does not look nearly as happy as he slips the spoon back into her mouth. In fact, she squirms, tonguing at the mushy cereal with great displeasure.

"I don't think she likes it," Kate says quietly.

"She'll get used to it," he says. "It took Alexis at least a week to warm up to it."

"Can you blame me?" Alexis pipes up. "That looks gross."

"Well, I don't think she'd like the schriacha eggs you made this morning."

"That sounds good," Kate offers, glancing at Alexis before reaching out to tickle Johanne's foot until she giggles, giving Castle another opportunity.

The baby whines but gums at the food. "I know," Castle coos at her. "I know it's weird. But you'll learn to like it, I promise."

Johanne glares at him. "Oh, don't glare at Daddy," Kate chides. "He just wants you to grow up big and strong like Alexis."

Castle gets another spoonful into Johanne's mouth. She squirms for a moment then starts crying, even as she does manage to swallow.

"Okay," he says softly, smiling at Kate as she frowns. "It's okay. We'll try again tomorrow, huh? Let me get you a bottle, honey." He wipes off her chin and picks her up, stroking her back as he reaches for a bottle of formula from the fridge.

"Here you go," he says, offering the bottle to Johanne. She takes it quickly, as if she's trying to wash away the cereal. "It'll get easier," he promises her, glancing at Kate.

"But she barely ate anything," Kate says as he scoots the high chair out of the way and pulls his chair next to hers so she can reach out and touch her daughter. "The books say to just keep…trying."

He smiles. "I found that after Alexis started crying, there was no getting food into her. It took a few days, but the stopped crying. We'll get there. She's just fine on the bottles for now."

"It's good we have Daddy, huh," Kate says to the baby. "I would have just kept pushing it on you, and you would have hated me forever."

Alexis laughs and they both look over at her. She's still got her phone up, recording them. "I think Dad's dramatics are catching," she tells Kate.

"I just—I don't want to make her cry," Kate defends.

Alexis smiles. "I know. How about we order out?"

"That sounds great," Castle agrees. "Barbeque maybe?"

"So we can all be messy?" Kate asks.

He grins. "Exactly. Make Josie here feel in good company."

"Oh, God. Cleaning the cereal was the easy part, wasn't it?" Kate wonders.

He nods and strokes his fingers over Johanne's cheek, smiling when she looks up at him. "Yeah, it was. But we're gonna have a lot of fun getting messy, aren't we? You remember all the things we got up to, pumpkin?" he asks Alexis.

Alexis nods, watching the three of them with soft eyes. "I feel like Kate will curb the crazy stuff. For the better," she adds, looking at Kate. "We put a lot of stuff in the microwave we shouldn't have."

"But mom, how will we know if silly putty explodes in the microwave if we can't try?" he says with a little voice, pouting at Kate.

"As long as you clean up, daddy, we're good."

"I'll call for dinner," Alexis tells them, rising and leaving the room, already dialing for the barbeque place a few miles out.

"She okay?" Kate wonders as Johanne finishes off her bottle. She snuggles into Castle as he pops the bottle on the counter and leans back in his chair.

"I think so," he tells Kate. "You would know more."

"There wasn't much you didn't hear, I think," she admits with a smirk. "It'll take time."

"I'm really glad she has you," he says quietly, reaching out to run his fingers down her arm. "I'm really glad we have you."

Kate snags his hand as he feathers his fingers over her palm. "It's the other way around, but thank you."

(…)

"Hey, Dad?"

Castle turns and looks up at Alexis as she steps out onto the porch later that evening. Kate and Johanne fell asleep an hour after dinner, and his mother and her father decided to go for a walk along the beach, grudgingly taking the flashlights he gave them. Like they're the children.

"What's up?" he asks, smiling as Alexis sinks down on porch swing with him.

"Mother's Day is next weekend," she says quietly.

He sighs and reaches out to run his hand over the back of her head, shifting immediately when she leans into him. He wraps his arm around her shoulders and looks down at her as she stares out at the ocean in the dying sunlight.

"Do you want to see your mom?" he asks gently. It's always a sore subject, whether Meredith can dein to make an appearance, whether Alexis wants to start her summer by flying to California and back.

She shakes her head against him. "No."

"Okay," he agrees.

It's always been her call. And frankly, this year, it suits him just fine to keep her here, and keep Meredith away. The last thing they need is Alexis' hurricane mother flouncing around the house.

"I wanted to know what we'd do for Kate," she says a minute later.

He winces. He hasn't thought of anything. It hadn't occurred to him. He's just been so wrapped up in taking care of her, and Alexis, and the baby.

"Do you have something in mind?" he asks, feeling both proud of her for thinking of it, and a little sick of himself for forgetting.

"I don't know," she admits. "What do normal moms do on Mother's Day?"

He sighs. "Are you okay, honey?" he asks as he rubs her arm.

"You and Kate make really good parents," Alexis offers quietly.

"Thank you," he manages. His heart feels heavy. He did his best to be everything she needed, but he knows he couldn't always pull it off—knows having Kate even now is more. "And you know, you did some Mother's Day stuff when you were little. We could make clay prints of your hands and make construction paper cards."

Alexis huffs a weak laugh into his chest. "Mom never kept them."

"Yes she did," he replies instantly, because even after all these years, he has this knee-jerk reaction—wants to protect her from her mother's inadequacies.

"No, she didn't," Alexis says, though there's no malice in it. "I would find them in your desk when she left. And don't tell me it was her 'packing light' or something."

"Your mom," he starts, then stops. She's a big girl now, and she obviously knows who her mother is, how her mother is. "Your mom has never been the best at showing up," he admits. "But she does love you."

"I know," Alexis assures him. "It's just different. If she were shot in the chest, I don't think she'd be so worried about how much holding time I got, or whether I was eating solids."

He bends and kisses her head, feeling lacking. It's hard to compare to Kate. Harder still when the person competing isn't even trying.

"I know it's not the same," he hedges. "But you know Kate's always happy to see you and talk to you, give advice."

"I know," Alexis agrees. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For finding Kate."

He smiles and hugs his kid. "She found me, remember?"

Alexis giggles and pulls back to look at him. "You've always been enough, Dad."

He nods and squeezes her hand. "But it's nice to have more than just enough. I know," he adds when she shakes her head. "And I'm sorry I couldn't give you a mom who…shows up."

"That's not your fault," Alexis tells him firmly. "She—mom's mom. You didn't pick her knowing she'd be my mom."

"Hey," he says quickly. "You are not a mistake," he tells her, his voice harder than he expects it to be. "You're the best thing that ever happened to me, and to your mom, even if she's terrible at showing it. Never, ever, think you are a mistake, Alexis."

His daughter smiles and leans close again, wrapping her arms around him. "I know I'm not a mistake, Dad," she promises before pulling back. "But I wasn't planned." He opens his mouth to refute her, because he's never told her that. It's not…untrue, but he's never said—"Mom told me," she offers.

He could kill that woman.

"I'm not upset," Alexis assures him. "I just—seeing Josie and Kate? What that choice really looks like? Mom wasn't ready to be a mom."

"No one's every really ready to be a parent," he offers quietly. His chest hurts. His heart hurts.

Alexis smiles at him. "I think you did pretty good."

He meets her eyes. "I think I did too. But I had it easy. You came out great."

She blushes and shakes her head, leaning back against his shoulder to look at the ocean. "Maybe we can take her down to the beach," Alexis suggests.

"I don't know that she can walk it," he says slowly.

"Right," Alexis agrees. "Do you have videos of Josie? What am I asking, of course you do. Dropbox them to me? I can make a video for us to watch, and we can have a big dinner."

"That sounds lovley, Alexis," he tells her—his big, grown up kid. Who deserves a mother, a good mother, so very much.

"Oh, and you need to get Gram flowers," she adds.

He laughs. "You are the best wingman ever, even with my mother."

Alexis laughs. "At least now I have Josie. It can be her job to remind me about your wedding anniversaries and stuff."

He coughs and looks down at her, where she leans, smirking into his chest. "You think you're real funny."

"Oh please. If you're not married in a year I will eat one of Gram's hats." He grunts petulantly. "Like you don't want to."

"I—" he manages.

"Just…I approve. When you want to, you have my blessing," she says softly.

"Thank you, sweetheart," he replies gruffly. He knew that already, but it's still so nice to hear. He never did get her blessing with Gina. Or anyone else he's dated.

Not that he's dating Kate. They're just in love, and raising a child together, living together, sleeping together.

The whole adoption thing would probably be easier if they were married…


	25. Chapter 25

**Attachment Syndrome**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 25<strong>:

It takes another week for the dreams to drag him from sleep. He wakes panting and frantic, images of men in black with giant guns still bright behind his eyes—of bullets in his baby and his daughter and his Kate.

"Cassle?"

He turns, blinking in the dim light and finds Kate pushing herself up against the pillows. He shakes his head and scrubs his hands over his face, trying to remember that it's not real. They're safe. The boys say things are quiet. She's healing, Johanne's standing, Alexis is planning a Mother's Day thing for tomorrow. They're all just fine.

He closes his eyes tight for a moment before turning back to Kate, brushing his hair back, hoping to make himself look less crazy than he feels.

It's all just been so good, so lovely—outside of her injury. He's been feeling happy, hopeful. Apparently, he hasn't though, if the dreams are anything to go by.

They always let him live. This time, they shot Johanne and handed her to him as he lay trapped beneath Kate's lifeless body, Alexis' hair sprawled over the floor feet away.

"Rick, what happened?" Kate asks, reaching out for his hand.

"Nothing," he mumbles, squeezing her smaller palm in his larger, clammy one. "Nothing, I'm fine. Dream." He glances toward the crib, watches the outline of the steady rise and fall of Johanne's chest.

Kate's hand squeezes his and he slowly looks back at her. "Can I get you something?" she asks.

He manages a shallow huff. "You rest," he chides.

"I can make it to the kitchen and back," she retorts with a smile. "I could even carry a glass of water," she adds enticingly.

"I'm fine," he assures her, smiling for her effort—for her 'sly' way of telling him she's getting better, that she's alive. "Did I wake you?"

She shrugs and he sighs. "Hey no," she protests. "It's the pills. I'm gonna be wonky with sleep for a while. I've never been a heavy sleeper to begin with."

"My tossing and turning never used to wake you up," he mumbles. It's bad enough that he has to deal with the dreams. She shouldn't have to wake up for them too.

Kate just shakes her head and tugs on his hand until he scoots closer, until she can gingerly shift to lay back down, pulling him with her. She cuddles up, tangling their legs together, sharing his pillow.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she whispers.

"No," he tells her honestly.

She nods and brushes his hair from his eyes, her hand lingering on his cheek. "You wanna make out a little?" He laughs, startled, and finds her grinning at him. "I'd try something more…relaxing, but I can't quite bend the right way," she continues.

He shakes his head and turns his cheek to kiss her palm. "I'm good."

She huffs and runs her fingers over his cheek, down his neck, falling to rest in the vee of his shirt. "You're sure."

"I mean, I am totally game for a 2am make out," he lets out quickly, smiling as she giggles. "I just—you don't have to make it better."

She stares at him. "Then what am I supposed to do? Just watch you suffer?"

"I—"

"Because every time _I_ wake up from a nightmare, you're always there with water and a washcloth," she tells him. "I'd like to return the favor."

He smiles and leans in to brush his lips to hers. "You are." She lifts an eyebrow. "You're alive. Better than a washcloth any day."

She sighs and brings her hand up to rub up and down his arm. "It'll get better," she promises.

He nods, because there's no use in contradicting her, even if he's not sure he believes it. Even if he knows that he won't sleep peacefully until the people responsible are caught—until he knows without a doubt that they're well and truly safe.

"What do the guys say?" she asks, and he realizes he must not be doing as good a job of worrying silently as he thought he was.

He meets her eyes. "That things are quiet. No leads, but no more threats, no more break-ins."

She nods and lowers her eyes, thinking. "I want this to be over," she says softly.

"Me too," he agrees.

"But I don't know how to move forward from here," she admits. "And it's not like I could even go to the precinct."

"You'll get there," he says, scooting closer so he can wrap an arm over her waist, can rest his forehead against hers. "You might even be able to start physio soon."

"Ugh," she grunts, smiling as he lets out a quiet laugh. "I mean, don't get me wrong, I want to get my strength back. But I just…I know it's going to be a bitch, and I'll be totally useless afterward."

"That's okay."

"No," she replies. "I want to hold my daughter, and I want to be able to walk down to the ocean, and on therapy days I'm sure I won't be able to do those things."

He feels her tensing up, the calm of sleep fully leaving her with the thought of her lengthy recovery.

"So we'll do massages, and get you in the hot tub, and let Josie play in the jumper for a while," he placates. "It's not forever."

"It's long enough," she lets out. "I want to be better," she adds, softer.

"I know."

"I want to go home, and back to normal. And I want," she pulls back to meet his eyes. "I want—"

"Me too," he assures her, leaning in to kiss her, to try and take their minds off of it.

She opens to him, her hand gripping into his sleep shirt, her mouth a cavern of heat. He pulls her closer, trying to be mindful of her body even as he feels his control slipping. She moans quietly and he sucks on her lower lip in response.

Her hand tugs on his shirt and she rolls, pulling him with her until she's lying on her back with him braced above her.

He breaks their kiss and skates his lips down her cheek, along the smooth column of her throat. He hears her breath hitch as he sucks lightly on her pulse, feels her hands in his hair. He smiles against her skin as she shivers.

"God, Castle," she lets out as he crosses the plain of her chest, licking at her collarbones before moving back up to tug her earlobe between his teeth.

"I approve," he mumbles into her ear.

"Of?" she gets out.

"Nightmare make outs," he says, rising back up to meet her eyes.

"M'not sure I do," she grumbles.

"Did I hurt you?" he asks immediately, glancing down between them, searching for a point of contact that could hurt—of weight distributed incorrectly, of angles and bones and her lithe, small body beneath his.

"No," she says quickly, reaching up to touch his cheek. "No. I'm," she breaks off, her chest heaving. She glances between them and it clicks.

"Oh," he manages, trying hard to quell the grin he can feel on his face.

"Yeah," she agrees, half amusement, half frustration.

"Yeah," he repeats, bending to rub his nose against hers. "Waiting makes the heart grow fonder?"

She snorts. "Three years of waiting isn't enough?"

He smiles. "Definitely enough."

"I just want," she grinds out, pushing her head back into the pillow and closing her eyes tight. He feels her thigh muscle against his—feels the tension thrumming through her.

"I could help you out?" he offers slowly.

She opens her eyes and meets his. "You…could?"

"I mean, it would be no hardship on my part," he hedges, shifting onto one arm to skim his hand down her stomach to rest low on her hip.

She shifts restlessly beneath him and bites her lip. Johanne grunts in her crib and Kate's eyes cut back to his.

"Baby," she mutters.

He sighs. "She wouldn't know," he offers quietly.

Kate shakes her head and forces herself to relax. "I should probably be cleared first anyway," she lets out tightly.

"Back bowing probably wouldn't be great, huh?" he whispers.

She laughs and swats at his arm. "Ego much?"

"The whole point is to…yeah," he decides. "Ego much. Gonna make you see all kinds of stars," he promises.

She smiles. "Yeah?"

"Oh yeah," he agrees. "But only once it's gonna be good for you."

She reaches up and cups her hand around his neck, bringing him back down for a searing kiss. "It's gonna be amazing, Castle. It'll always be good with you," she tells him, sharing his breath.

He presses a last kiss to her lips, his heart full, nightmare thoroughly forgotten. He shifts and slides down to curl against her side, his arm over her stomach, his other under her pillow, lips at her temple.

"I love you," he whispers, smiling as her fingers glide up and down his arm before twining with his on her stomach.

"I love you too," she says, turning her head to meet his eyes. "And I am so going to make this up to you."

"Make it—"

"Once I'm better," she clarifies, shifting a little so her hip presses into the part of him that is most definitely not relaxed.

He groans and nips lightly at her shoulder before cuddling into her. "I'll hold you to that."

"You better."

(…)

"What are you doing?" Kate asks as he gingerly leads her into the kitchen.

"Just keep your eyes closed," he encourages, holding her hands and walking backward, guiding her.

"That's rich from the man who doesn't even want me trying the stairs," she mumbles. "Seriously, why are you—"

They reach the table and he squeezes her hands, watching as she opens her eyes. She gapes at the room.

Alexis really outdid herself. She's set the table with a sunflower-patterned table-cloth, their nice white china set out for brunch. There are fresh flowers on the table and the counter, and it smells amazing—a brunch feast his daughter made herself.

"What?" Kate manages.

Alexis steps out from the kitchen, Johanne in her arms, wearing a little blue and white checked dress. His daughter wears a semi-matching light-blue sundress, her hair in that braid Kate taught her.

"Happy Mother's Day," Alexis offers shyly, approaching Kate where the woman sways, one of her hands still clutching his. "We thought we'd make you brunch."

"Oh," Kate lets out. He watches her face, smiles at the shine in her eyes, at the look she's giving both his daughters. "That's—Alexis, that's so sweet," she manages. Alexis smiles. "I didn't even realize," Kate adds, her free hand absently rising to her chest, where her ring usually sits.

"Mama," Johanne lets out.

Kate beams slowly. "Hi, sweetheart," she says, reaching out to take the hand Johanne stretches out for her. "Did you help Lexi make brunch?"

"She had fun with flour," Alexis admits. "But I think we got most of it out, didn't we?"

Castle laughs. "This looks amazing," he tells his daughter.

"That it does." They turn and find Martha sauntering into the room, Jim following in her wake.

"Shall we?" Castle suggests, gesturing to the table.

He helps Kate sit down, smiling as she just keeps staring around, obviously overwhelmed.

"Had to do something for your first one," he whispers as he leans in and kisses her cheek.

She turns her head and catches his lips for a moment before letting him go, that soft look in her eyes following him as he helps Alexis get Johanne into the highchair.

He takes a moment to hug Alexis. She leans up and kisses his cheek as they pull apart.

"Thank you," he mouths to her.

She smiles and takes her seat, leaving him to find his own. He watches as Alexis, his mother, and Jim all pass out food. Eggs, pancakes, bacon, French toast—she's been up for hours cooking. Both he and Jim pitched in a bit, but Alexis insisted it be her job.

"Do you remember when you tried to do this for your mom, Katie?" Jim asks as they all tuck in.

Kate lets out a startled laugh. "Oh, yeah. I nearly burned the house down."

"You what?" Alexis asks.

"In her defense, she was twelve," Jim puts in before Kate can answer.

"And I forgot about the pancakes, and the eggs stuck to the pan, and I knocked over the bacon pan and stepped in the hot oil."

"Oh my God," Alexis says, glancing at Castle. "What—what happened?"

"We spent the day in the emergency room," Jim says easily. Castle notes Kate's cheeks pinking up. "Katie cried for hours about ruining Mother's Day."

"Well," Kate huffs.

"You know, that was your mother's favorite one," Jim tells her. "You two spent the whole afternoon on the couch together, watching that silly show, and you had ice cream for dinner. She loved it."

Kate turns crimson and bites at her lip, her eyes shining again. There's a pause as they all seem to realize that they're missing someone—even someone four of them have never met.

"You know," Martha cuts in, smiling at Kate. "Richard once gave me food poisoning on Mother's Day."

"I did not," he lets out indignantly. Johanne giggles. "I didn't," he insists to the baby. "You had that old Bloody Mary mix, and I wanted to make you something nice with what I ordered. How was I supposed to know it was bad?"

"But you still gave it to her," Alexis says.

"Traitor," he mumbles at her.

"How bad?" Kate asks his mother, pasting on a brighter smile. He reaches below Johanne's little kicking feet and squeezes Kate's thigh.

"Oh, he ended up calling my best friend, scared out of his mind that he'd killed me," his mother recounts.

"I was worried she'd dehydrate," he grumbles to the group.

"It was sweet, overall," Martha admits.

"I totally made up for it after my first book," he adds, giving her a look. "Sent you to Cabo for a week. You met that pool boy."

Martha hums, touching her cheek. "Rico," she says dreamily.

"Too close to Rick for my tastes," Castle whispers to Kate.

Jim just stares at Martha, seemingly unsure of how to react. Alexis giggles.

"What do you usually do for Mother's Day?" Jim asks, shaking himself a little before looking at Alexis.

Castle watches her smile dim. "I used to visit mom, before I started doing summer programs," she tells him.

"You could have gone," Kate says quietly, looking at his kid.

Alexis meets her eyes and shakes her head, adopting another shy smile. "I'd much rather be here. Thought maybe we'd sun by the pool, watch Josie swim. Maybe have you get in?"

Kate smiles and nods, squeezing his hand beneath the table. "That sounds great, Alexis."

His daughter beams just as Johanne reaches out, grabbing Castle's ear.

He laughs and releases Kate to take Johanne out of the high chair, bringing her around to stand on his lap. "How's that sound, bug? You wanna go in the pool with mommy?"

Johanne smiles. "Mama!"

"Yeah," Castle agrees. "It's Mama's Day."

(…)

"Oh my God," Kate lets out as he helps her take the last step into the pool, the water rising around her chest.

"Good?" he asks, still holding her hips, keeping her steady as she fans her arms out to her sides.

"I don't hurt," she says brightly. "I—it doesn't hurt to move," she continues, bringing her hands up to cradle his face, pulling him in for a kiss.

He laughs as they break apart, as her hands coast down his chest. "Take it easy though," he cautions.

"With you, or me?" she asks with a grin.

"Both," he growls.

She laughs and turns as Alexis wades over, Johanne giggling in her arms, her little biceps adorned with floaties.

"Hey, baby," Kate greets, holding out her hands for Johanne.

"Careful," Castle murmurs as Alexis passes the baby over.

Kate holds Johanne's hips, but the floaties take care of her weight. He watches as Kate brings her close, keeping her on her right side, away from her incision site.

Johanne babbles at her, touching her face and slapping the water at intervals. Kate laughs and babbles back.

"I've missed holding you, bug," she tells the baby.

"Told you," Alexis says, swimming up to him.

"Yeah, you did," he agrees. He'd been wary of the idea, but seeing Kate hold her daughter, kiss her daughter, just enjoy her daughter, is worth it. "You're perfect," he tells Alexis.

She scoffs and he shakes his head, reaching out to wrap her up in a wet bear hug. "You will never convince me differently," he tells the crown of her head, meeting Kate's eyes as they each hold a daughter.

Alexis smiles as she pulls back. She turns and watches as Kate nuzzles Johanne. Alexis leans back into him and he wraps his arms around her shoulders. She deflates into him after a moment, and he can feel the melancholy seeping into her. So he makes a bold decision, and dunks her.

She comes up spluttering and shrieks at him, chasing after as he takes off for the deep end, hearing Kate laughing with Johanne in the background. Alexis chases him into the corner of the far side, splashing him furiously until they're laughing too hard to keep fighting.

A few minutes later, they slowly swim back toward the shallows, where Kate and Johanne are sitting on the steps, Johanne bouncing on Kate's legs.

"You comfy?" he asks as he piggy backs Alexis the last few yards.

Kate smiles. "Look, Dad. No padding."

He laughs and feels Alexis smiling, her cheek pressed to his. "You having fun with mama, bug?" she asks.

Johanne grins. "Can you say hi to Lexi?" Kate asks, tickling Johanne's tummy.

"Hi!" Johanne says. Alexis laughs.

"Hi Josie."

"Can you say Lexi?" Kate prompts the baby. "Le-xi."

"Ex-i!" Johanne squeaks out.

"Hey, yeah," Alexis says happily. "I'm Lexi."

"That's never going away, is it?" Castle grumbles.

"I thought you just didn't like Lex," Kate says.

"I just don't like nicknames," he complains.

"Wait a second," Kate huffs. "I have a nickname. _You_ gave Josie her nickname, and you have a nickname. Two of them, actually."

"She has a point," Alexis agrees.

"Well I don't—your name is Alexis. It's not too long, and it suits you," he argues petulantly. He just doesn't like nicknames for Alexis.

"Are you really going to make your adorable daughter call her sister 'Alexis'?" Kate asks with a raised eyebrow.

"No," he says, pouting.

"Then shut up," Kate offers with a grin. "Can you say Lexi again, Josie?"

"Ex-i!" Johanne repeats, clapping her hands together.

"That's so cute," Alexis says, sliding off his back to shuffle over and sit on the step below Kate's. "Hi Josie-bug," Alexis says, reaching out to take her from Kate.

"Ex-I, Ex-i!" Johanne says as Alexis hoists her in and out of the water.

Castle sighs and plops down next to Kate. "Okay, that is pretty adorable," he says, leaning close and bracing himself on his arm behind her back.

Kate turns and meets his eyes. "She's so happy," she whispers.

"Well yeah," he says, watching the girls. "She's with her sister, and her mommy's giving her snuggles. It's a good day."

"Yeah," Kate agrees. "It's a great day. Thank you," she adds, leaning her head onto his shoulder.

"I would take credit, but it was all Alexis," he tells the crown of her head, watching as Alexis walks deeper into the pool with Johanne, both of them giggling.

"Yeah, well, that's on you," she tells him. "She wouldn't be so great if she wasn't yours."

He smiles into her hair. "Happy Mother's Day."

"Thank you, Castle."

(…)

"I think it's time for me to head back," Jim tells him later that night, as they sit on the deck, watching the sunset.

Castle turns and regards the man, watches the way he stares out at the ocean then flicks his gaze to Kate and Johanne, who lie cuddled together on one of the loungers, asleep.

"If you're sure," Castle says quietly.

Jim nods and turns to meet his eyes. "It's time. I need to go back to work, and you've got Katie taken care of here."

"She'll miss you," he offers, because the man seems so sad, and he has nothing else to give.

Jim smiles wryly. "Maybe. But I think she's got everything she needs right here."

"Come back," Castle replies. "For Memorial Day, or the 4th. We'll have the guys up, have a barbecue."

"She might really be walking by the 4th," Jim says with a nod.

Castle pauses. "Kate or Josie?"

"Both?" Jim says, giving him a true smile. "Thank you," he adds as Alexis comes out onto the porch with a glass of wine for his mother and a soda for herself. "This was—I'm glad you guys did this."

"She's a mom," Castle manages.

Jim nods. "Johanna would have loved this."

"I'm sorry she can't be here," Castle says softly.

Jim meets his eyes. "I am too. You should wake her," he adds, gesturing to Kate.

"You'll say goodbye before you leave?" Castle presses. It just—the phantom look in Jim's eye—he can see the man just slipping away.

Jim looks back at him with a quirk to his lips. "I will. Goodnight," he adds, waving to Alexis and Martha before rising and walking back into the house.

Castle watches him go then looks back at Kate and the baby, imagines watching Alexis or Johanne celebrate this day without Kate. He'd want to run away too.

Instead, he kneels down beside the lounger and strokes his fingers over Kate's cheek. She slides her eyes open after a moment and gives him a sleepy smile.

"Hey," she roughs out.

"Hey," he whispers. "We should get you guys into bed."

"But I'm comfy," she protests, snuggling down a little in the lounger.

He hears Alexis giggle and smiles. "I know, but I bet you'd be comfier in bed."

"Fine, but take Josie first," she decides, shifting so he can scoop the girl up and cradle her to his body.

"Alexis, make sure she doesn't fall asleep," he says, chuckling as Kate swats lazily at him.

Alexis grins and walks over to plop into Johanne's deserted spot. Kate mock-glares at her then tugs until she lays down beside her, the two of them staring out at the ocean.

He shares a smile with his mother, who raises her glass at him before he walks through the sliding glass doors and back toward their room. Johanne stays peacefully asleep as he brings her into the bedroom. He steps up to the crib but finds himself staring down at the baby instead of putting her down.

"You made mama so happy today," he says softly. "You do every day, but today especially. She was all smiles, even though I know she missed her mom. But you're not going to miss your mom, are you? Your mommy's gonna be around for a long, long time."

Johanne sighs and cuddles into him. He strokes his fingers over her cheek and lifts her up to press his lips to her forehead before reluctantly setting her down in her crib. He watches her there for a long moment. Someday she'll be as big as Alexis, cooking brunch and working hard to make Kate smile—lighting up the same way Alexis does whenever the woman laughs. Someday she'll be big and grown.

He doesn't want that day to come.

And yet, as he walks back onto the deck and sees Kate and Alexis side by side, heads close together, whispering to each other, he figures it won't be so hard to watch Johanne grow up. Not when he gets to see her with Kate.

His mother rises and wanders over to where he stands in the doorway, just watching his girls chat together.

"This was a lovely day, Richard," Martha says, nudging her glass into his bicep.

"Happy Mother's Day," he replies.

She smiles. "First good one in a while."

"Amen to that," he agrees. "You heading in?"

"I thought I might," she says, glancing at the girls. "Give you two some time. They've been very cute."

"Aren't they always?" he wonders as he leans in to kiss her cheek. "Sleep well, mother."

"You too, darling."

With that, she sidles past him and into the house, leaving the three of them there in the moonlight.

"I don't know. I think it sounds amazing," he hears Kate say.

"What sounds amazing?" he asks, walking over to plop down beside her lounger, settling on the deck and resting his head against the padding along her side.

"Stanford," Kate offers, instantly reaching down to card her fingers through his hair as he tenses.

"Oh," he lets out, fighting both a frown and a smile at once, for his daughter's impending departure, and the delicate fingers soothing along his scalp.

"Alexis was mentioning that she might not want to go," Kate explains.

"Kate," his daughters squeaks.

"Was that secret?" she asks.

"No, but…he's gonna make charts."

"Charts?" Kate asks.

"I will not," he interjects. But, huh, that's actually a good idea. Charts, and maybe a collage, and a cake—a 'don't leave for college early' cake.

"I just," Alexis huffs. "I don't know. I don't want to miss everything," she mumbles.

"I told her she wouldn't," Kate says, lightly pinching his ear before he can open his mouth. "That we'd Skype and facetime and she can fly back any weekend she wants."

He sighs. Yes, she shouldn't change her plans because of what's just happened. Yes, if she truly, in her heart of hearts, wants to leave early for college, she should. But does he really need to be good about this? He can't capitalize on her fear and…

God damnit, Kate Beckett is a good woman.

"Even so," Alexis says quietly. "Josie's gonna be talking and walking and Gram's school will open, and you guys will…do whatever it is you're going to do. I could be part of that."

"And that would be wonderful," he says quickly. Kate rubs his ear. "But only if you want it to be," he forces out, proud to sound genuine about it.

"Yeah," Alexis sighs.

"You don't have to decide now," Kate adds.

"I know," his daughter says. "I know."

He glances over Kate's stomach and watches as Alexis cuddles into her, her eyes trained out on the ocean. Kate turns her head to meet his eyes.

"Okay?" she mouths.

He nods and kisses her palm. She smiles and looks back out at the ocean, the three of them quiet, and together.

(…)

He watches the next afternoon as Kate wavers in the front doorway, watching the SUV trundle back down the driveway, taking her father away. Castle called for a service to drive him back, accompanied by one of the security guards.

She and Jim had hugged for ages, exchanging soft words before he kissed her cheek and left with the promise of many pictures of Josie and phone calls between the two. Kate sways, her hand clutching the doorframe.

"Okay?" he asks, walking up behind her to gingerly pull her back against his chest.

The way she willingly sinks against him tells him she's far from 'okay.'

"He'll be fine, right?" she asks softly.

"Of course."

"Right," she says, nodding, her hand gripping into his arm across her stomach. "I think I'm paranoid," she admits softly.

"Join the club," he whispers into her ear, smiling as she huffs out a laugh. "Come on. Let's play with the baby."

She turns in his arms and tilts her head up. He leans down and meets her lips in a gentle kiss. She sighs as he pulls back and takes her hands, leading her back into the house and into the living room where Alexis is set up on the play mat with Johanne, the two of them sitting cross-legged, Johanne slapping Alexis' larger palms, giggling.

"She's not quite ready for Patty Cake," Alexis announces as Castle helps Kate sit down on the couch and props her up with pillows. "But she's getting there."

Castle opens his mouth, but his phone rings. Kate and Alexis exchange a smirk and he rolls his eyes, leaving them to step onto the deck.

"Castle," he greets, leaning up against the railing, letting the wind whip at his face. The ocean's choppy today. It might storm.

"Mr. Castle, this is—"

He stills. "Jordan Shaw?"

"You have a good memory for voices, Castle."

He waits, but she doesn't continue. "I'm guessing this isn't a social call?" he asks slowly, feeling more than the chill of the ocean breeze lick against his chest.

"Unfortunately not."


	26. Chapter 26

**Attachment Syndrome**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 26:<strong>

He glances back into the house and quietly closes the door. There's no reason to worry anyone just yet.

Actually, there's probably a great reason to worry everyone, and Kate should definitely be here for this, but he can't seem to make himself walk the fifteen feet back to the living room, can't quite drag himself to ruin the happy little family moment they'd been having.

"What can I do for you, Agent Shaw?" he asks, leaning back against the wall of the house.

"First, how's Beckett?"

"Improving," he replies, because it's obvious Shaw already knows the situation.

"That's good," Shaw offers.

"Yeah," he agrees. What's he supposed to say here?

"And how have things been? You have security set up there, correct?"

"We do," he says, glancing around, toward the pool house where Daniels has been staying all summer, switching out for a night shift with Roberts. "How did you know?"

"Gadgets," she says, pulling a short laugh from him. "And everything's been fine. No alerts, no suspicious activity by you."

"No," he replies. "No, not that I know of."

"Good," she says firmly.

"Jordan," he prompts after a moment. "What's going on?"

"We intercepted a file sent by Roy Montgomery," she offers.

A file sent by—"Wait, do you…do you have the name?"

"The name?" Shaw asks.

"The Dragon," Castle lets out, louder than he intends. "Sorry, ah, the Dragon. The guy that—" he pauses. He shouldn't—he can't go telling Jordan any of this without Kate's consent. "Agent—Jordan, I should get Kate. This—this isn't mine to explain."

"Castle," Jordan interjects. "It isn't something we should discuss over the phone at all."

"Right," he agrees. But what does that—

"If you were to receive a visitor tomorrow, would you be available?"

He swallows. With the girls here, should they really? "You know, my mother's been saying she wanted to take Alexis shopping. They can take Josie for the day."

"Josie?"

"Oh," he manages. "We've got some good surprises too," he decides. "We'll see…our guest tomorrow? Does the guest need a room?"

"The guest could be persuaded," Shaw says, sounding a little lighter. "Prep Beckett, would you?"

"Yeah," he says. "Yeah. I'll—"

"Goodnight, Mr. Castle," Shaw says, before clicking off.

He slumps. She—a file. A file from Montgomery. She has a name. She has the Dragon.

Kate.

He scrubs his hands over his face. She can't even walk up a flight of stairs, can't lift her daughter. How—this isn't how it was supposed to happen. She was supposed to walk up and collar the guy. She's supposed to be strong for this, indomitable.

She's not supposed to have a bullet wound.

This isn't supposed to be her life.

"Castle?" He turns as the door opens, Kate walking slowly out to join him on the patio. "You okay?"

He stares at her, standing on her own, wearing jeans and a loose tee shirt, her hair in a braid. She's been doing so well. They've been so happy.

"Who was on the phone?" she prompts. "Rick."

He shakes his head and swallows hard. "Jordan."

"Jordan?"

"Shaw."

Kate blinks. "Jordan Shaw. Agent Jordan Shaw?"

"Yeah."

"Book research?" she asks weakly, taking a few steps before sinking slowly onto the porch swing.

"No," he admits, waffling for a moment before sitting down on foot rest in front of the swing. "She wants to come tomorrow."

"Why?" Kate wonders, staring at him. "What did she say?"

"That she intercepted a package Montgomery sent—a file."

"A file," Kate whispers. "Castle, does she—does she have a name?"

"I think so," he admits. "But I don't know," he adds quickly as her face starts to get that edge. "She just said she needed to see us."

Kate lets out a slow breath and pinches the bridge of her nose. "Okay," she lets out. "Okay. Tomorrow?"

"Yeah. I thought maybe Alexis and Mother could take Josie into town, go shopping."

Kate nods then shakes her head. "Will she be okay with that?"

"Alexis, mother?"

"Josie," Kate clarifies.

He sighs. "I think so? If not, they can come back. It's not like she'd understand what's going on if one of us is holding her."

Kate groans and goes to lean forward, but hisses, collapsing back into the cushions behind her. "I don't want her to hear any of this," Kate mumbles, her jaw clenched.

"Hey breathe," he chides, reaching out to place his hand on her knee. "She won't remember."

"But I will," Kate bites back. "I'll know that we spent hours looking at pictures of her dead grandmother, and I was shot, and then she was there when Jordan told us who the Dragon is. This isn't the life I wanted for her, Castle."

He forces himself to stay calm. She doesn't mean them. She—this isn't the life he wants for Johanne either. Well it is, without the bullet hole in her mother and the conspiracy bearing down on them.

"I brought her back to keep her safe, to give her this big beautiful life and now…"

"She has a great life," he manages, his throat tight. "This is a…speed bump, but she's standing, you know? She's eating. She's happy and loved and looking us all in the eye."

Kate bites her lip. "I just want this to be over," she says.

"Maybe it will be," he hedges. "We'll see. It's good, Kate." She meets his eyes. "Whatever's in that file was meant to keep you safe—to stop this. If we have it—if it really is the name…"

Her hand comes down and grips his. "Then we'll have him," she agrees. "Oh my God," she adds, closing her eyes again.

He watches as she takes deep breaths. If it really is a name, if Jordan really has the Dragon, has the proof…

"You okay?" he asks softly.

She opens her eyes and nods, then shakes her head, then nods. "I don't know?"

He smiles and stands, offering her his hands. "Come on. We'll watch a movie with the girls, have a good dinner, and sleep. And then we'll have answers."

She lets him pull her up. "Answers," she whispers, leaning into him as he wraps his arms around her. "Castle."

"I know." He kisses her head and strokes her back.

They could end this.

(…)

"I've got a question for you, Castle," Kate says as she watches him feed Johanne a bottle, swaying in the kitchen. They can hear his mother and Alexis bustling around upstairs, preparing for a day of shopping.

"Shoot," he says, smiling at the baby.

"What is it with you and red heads?"

He looks up and finds her smirking at him. He can see the stress around her eyes, in the way she holds her jaw just a little too tight, the way she's fiddling with her fingers on the counter. But she's making an effort—the same effort they've been making all morning, keeping Martha and Alexis calm and happy.

"Well two of them are related to me, I don't think you can hold that against me."

Kate nods. "Meredith?"

He raises an eyebrow. "You really want to open that can of worms?"

Kate considers him for a moment then wrinkles her nose. "No. Right. Jordan?"

"If you recall, she came to _us_."

"Mm," Kate agrees.

"And, if you'll notice, I'm decidedly splitting time with the more brunette variety now," he adds, lightly boinging one of Johanne's curls.

"I'd say she's more black than brunette," Kate argues.

He sighs. "Fine, one midnight haired little girl, and a very leggy brunette. Satisfied?"

"Leggy?" she wonders.

"Really?"

"I just—leggy is a bit…stereotypically male of you."

"I'm sorry, leggy is male?" She nods and he conceals a smile. She's fishing for compliments, and he is more than happy to provide. "I thought you'd prefer it to hot or smokin'." She nods. "I could go for the breasts." She laughs at that. "And while they are lovely," he continues with a wink. "It's not the most delicate compliment. And you are stunningly beautiful," he says. "But I was going for more flippant."

She lets out a loud laugh and shakes her head. "You're doing good, Castle."

He grins. "I know." Johanne pops off the bottle and gives a loud belch. "And you are gorgeous too, little miss," he tells her, setting down the bottle before hoisting her into the air and pressing loud kisses to her stomach.

Kate's face relaxes as her daughter giggles. "Not the most ladylike yet," she says.

He laughs. "Who cares. She'll wear power heels and take names just like her mama."

"Maybe before her mama," Kate mumbles.

"At least you're tall," he offers easily. "And I like you at this height," he adds as he walks over to stand next to her. "You snuggle right into me."

Kate huffs but reaches out to tickle Johanne. "Yes, I'm sure my snuggle height is exactly what Mont—Gates is looking for in a head detective."

He takes a deep breath and pushes forward, pushes past it. "Gates, maybe not. But I like it," he says, smiling as he helps her pull herself up to stand. He brings her closer and decides not to comment as she slots her head right under his chin so she can look at Johanne.

"As much as my legs?" she teases.

"It's a package deal, Beckett. I get snuggles and your legs."

"Do you now?"

"Yes," he asserts. "I get it all."

She nudges him with her chin, but doesn't argue. Before he can get another word out, his mother and Alexis come traipsing in. Alexis has the baby bag over one shoulder, his mother has the car seat, and both look absolutely delighted to get out of the house.

"Okay, Josie-bug," he says as Alexis walks over. "You're gonna go out with Lexi and Gram. And they're gonna get you all kinds of over-expensive baby things."

"Hear hear," Martha says with a grin.

"And if you get sad, you just come home, and we'll be right here," Kate adds, her face close to the baby's on his chest.

"Give us a ring if she gets fussy, and we'll work it out," he tells his family. "Have fun," he adds as Alexis takes the baby with a grin.

"We will," she promises, smacking a kiss to Johanne's cheek. "Say bye bye, Josie."

Alexis wave's Johanne's hand as his mother kisses them both on the cheek, and then they're watching the girls leave, Kate still snuggled into his shoulder. The house is quiet as the front door closes behind them.

"When did Jordan say she was coming?" Kate asks.

"In about an hour," he says quietly. "You wanna nap?"

"No," she says petulantly. He waits. "Maybe."

He laughs and pulls away, taking her hand and leading her back to the living room. She follows with sure steps.

"You'll be ready for PT soon," he says as he helps her settle on the couch, stretching her out on her good side.

She shakes her head. "Let's do this first, then talk about that."

He smiles and plops down on the floor, leaning his head into the side of her pillow, watching the way her eyelids flutter open to meet his gaze. "It'll be fine," he promises.

She reaches out and touches his cheek. "Don't make promises you can't keep, Castle."

"I love you," he offers instead. "I can keep that one."

"You better," she mumbles, her lips quirking before sleep takes her under.

"I will," he says, staring at her.

They're going to get through this. Whatever it is Jordan has to tell them, they're going to survive it. Kate's going to get the justice she deserves, and then, _then_, they're going to live. Take trips around the world. Maybe honeymoon around the world.

No, he did that with Gina.

He sighs. He did that with Gina.

He can never regret Meredith; she gave him Alexis. And Gina, well, Gina made him grow up, even if he didn't realize it.

But Kate—Kate has changed everything. Kate and Johanne.

And he wishes that somehow Kate was his first. She'll be his last, and that's special too he thinks. But sometimes, sometimes when he looks at her, thinks of her forever, he's jealous. He's jealous that their marriage—and they will have one someday—will be her one and only. He wants to give her that.

He can't give her his firsts, but he'll give her his lasts. And their lasts start with the last time they dive into this case—the last gunshot, the last injury, the last fight for 'keep you safe.'

He spends the entire hour watching her sleep, bolstered by the thought of their coming future. He's pulled away by the ring of the doorbell. He sighs and leans up to kiss Kate's forehead.

"Kate," he says softly.

She shifts and blinks her eyes open. "Jordan's here. Do you need help?"

She shakes her head and waves him back toward the front door. He glances over his shoulder as he goes, watching as she slowly sits up. This is their last start. They're going to end this.

He opens the door and can't help but smile. Jordan Shaw is standing on his doorstep, her hair in that high ponytail Kate sometimes wears, huge shades over her eyes, wearing jeans and a billowing top. Dressed down Jordan Shaw—never thought he'd see the day.

"Mr. Castle," she greets.

"Agent Shaw." They stare at each other for a moment before she comes in for a hug.

He takes it, surprised, but pleased. He'd thought they'd ended on pretty good terms. Apparently hugging terms. Or perhaps it's the sight of Kate hovering behind them, dwarfed by her once-tight button down, her face still a little gaunt, hands in her pockets.

"Detective Beckett," Shaw greets, releasing him to step inside, dropping her bag against the wall while he closes the door.

He watches as Shaw hugs Kate, smiles encouragingly as Kate eyes him over the woman's shoulder, surprise all over her face. Shaw pulls back, still holding Kate's elbows and gives her a once over.

"You look pretty good for a gunshot victim, Beckett," she announces.

Kate laughs. "Thanks. Shoulda seen me a few weeks ago."

"She was glowing," Castle throws in.

Shaw shoots him a grin over her shoulder as she pulls away from Kate. "Was she now? Things a bit less complicated?" she adds, turning back to Kate.

Kate blushes and he feels rather left out as she bites her lip. "More, actually," she decides. "But you'll see when Alexis and Martha get back. Would you like something to drink?"

"Iced tea would be great, if you have it," Shaw replies, following as Kate leads her to the kitchen.

Castle follows, charmed somehow by hostess Beckett. At home. In his home. Their home.

Ah, right, well. He's charmed by her comfort in his home. She loves him. She's healing. They're…exchanging hugs with Agent Jordan Shaw.

His life is weird.

"How are you?" Kate asks as she reaches into the fridge for the jug of iced tea.

He hurries to her side and grabs it from her, giving her a look. She glares, but lets him have his way, leaning back against the counter as Jordan settles onto one of the barstools across the counter.

"I'm doing well," Shaw tells him. "Enjoying summer break."

"How old is your daughter now?" Castle asks as he passes her a glass of tea.

"She's seven," Shaw tells him, smiling. "Yours?"

"Almost eighteen," he replies with a grimace. "And nine months."

Shaw peers at him and Kate laughs, pushing off from the other counter to join him across from Jordan. She pulls her phone from her pocket and passes it over.

"Josie," she explains.

He bobs his head. Right, he didn't—

"She's yours?" Shaw says, glancing between them, then back to the adorable photo Kate pulled up of Johanne in the pool with Alexis, the two of them laughing.

"Kate's, and then mine too," Castle offers.

"Ours," Kate replies at the same time.

"The papers haven't gone through," he adds as Shaw raises an eyebrow.

"For either of us," Kate adds. "I, ah, went to Haiti with my…ex."

"And she brought me a baby!" Castle concludes.

Kate elbows him, laughing. "Yeah, that's exactly how it happened," she says with a roll of her eyes.

"You brought a baby back from Haiti," Shaw clarifies. "That…didn't come up in my research."

He bites his lip. He never mentioned this to Kate—that he and Jim quietly wiped Johanne from the internet a few weeks ago, right after the shooting. He didn't want to worry her, but the idea that the Dragon could target the baby, if he didn't already know about her…

"What did you do?" Kate wonders.

"Your Dad did it," he lets out. Under their twin glares, he deflates. "There's a site—Reputation Defender? I…had Jim set up an account, for you, to wipe her from the records, at least those accessible online, just to be safe."

Kate blinks. "I—fine. Fine."

"You're okay with that?" Shaw asks.

"He—well, it's…no? Yes? I'm—I'm drugged," she protests as he gives her a look.

"No you're not."

"Shut up," she mumbles. "I just—you—that was smart, Castle," she says with a sigh. "You could have told me, but it was smart."

"Very," Shaw agrees. She takes a sip of her drink and he steels himself. "Shall we?"

Slowly, he and Kate nod. Shaw stands and holds up a finger, disappearing from the kitchen. Kate leans against his shoulder for a moment.

"Reputation Defender?"

"A much more wholesome use than my last time," he says.

"Than—"

"You didn't know about my, ah, free-spirited horsescapade prior to my police file, did you?"

She snorts, then stiffens. "Oh, God, we're going to have to use that if Johanne ever steals a police horse, aren't we?"

"Do you think she will?"

"With us as parents?"

He can tell she's distracting herself, so he goes along. "I feel like grand-theft auto is more her style."

"Why stop there? She could steal Patterson's jet."

"Patterson has a jet?"

"Didn't he tell you?"

"When did he tell _you_?" he lets out.

She laughs and he smiles as Jordan pops back in, carrying her bag and a thick manila folder. Jordan meets his eyes and gives him a small smile before moving to the table. They follow, Kate's hand in his, and their good humor rapidly dissolving.

They sit together, and he takes note of the rather rapid rise and fall of Kate's chest. But she squeezes his hand and looks to Jordan, apparently all right for the moment. If her heart rate gets up too high she'll—

"We intercepted this file about a week ago," Jordan tells them, unraveling the tie around the button closure and sliding out a hefty folder. "Addressed to a Michael Smith, from Roy Montgomery."

"How did you intercept it?" Kate asks quietly, her hand a vice around his.

Jordan considers her. "Your shooting—it rattled the marble hall," she explains. "After Roy going out in that battle glory, we kept an eye on the three of you—the four of you. You're a bit beloved, if you haven't noticed. Medals from the Mayor and all."

"He has his in his bedside drawer," Kate manages, nodding at him.

"Damn right," he mumbles.

"So," Jordan, continues, withholding a smile. "We kept tabs on anything traveling around, and this came into our care." She taps the top of the file. "Before I hand this over, I want you to clarify a few things for me," she adds.

Kate swallows and he tenses. Clarify—they don't—they don't want to drag Roy through the mud. He paid his penance.

"Montgomery and his pals, Raglan and McAllister were being blackmailed for kidnapping mobsters," Jordan states, then waits a beat. "Yes?"

Slowly, Kate nods, her eyes downcast.

"Joe Pulgatti was put in jail for the murder of Bob Armen. Yes?"

This time, he nods.

"His case was reviewed by Johanna Beckett. Yes?"

They both nod.

"And twelve years ago, she was murdered to cover it up." she adds, softer, looking to Kate.

"Yes," Kate whispers.

"All right," Jordan says with a tight jaw. "And you've been digging into this case since."

"I—Castle helped," Kate manages. He feels his jaw drop as her palm sweats in his. "He found the evidence that led to her killer, the hitman."

Jordan nods and meets his eyes. "You've done a good job," she tells them. "Uncovered quite a lot. And made off almost without a scratch." He makes a quiet sound, something like a strangled laugh, he thinks. Jordan meets his eyes. "I said almost."

"She was shot," he protests, his voice high and a bit squeaky.

Kate laughs softly. "I could be dead, Castle. So could you."

"It's still more than a scratch," he manages.

Jordan bobs her head. "Yes. But, considering who you're playing with? I think you're both damn lucky."

"Who we're…" Kate breathes out.

"You know the name?" Castle adds when it becomes clear Kate's incapable. Her eyes are huge, her mouth open, chest rising and falling with shallow breaths.

Jordan looks between them for a beat then opens the folder and flips a few pages. "Does the name Bracken ring a bell?"

She turns the folder and they're left staring at a middle-aged white man with a strong jaw and a square face. He hears Kate suck in a breath, but it doesn't come back out.

Bracken. Bracken…

"Senator Bracken?" Kate manages, the words coming out on a gust, her hand slipping in his, both of them sweaty.

"Senator William Bracken," Jordan agrees. "He was the Assistant DA back when Montgomery was cutting his teeth with Raglan and McAllister."

"Senator," Kate says. "He's a fucking senator now?" He squeezes her hand as she tenses up. "He…he," she manages, before the anxiety of it seems to win over.

She wobbles in her seat, her face red, her chest pistoning with the effort to keep breathing.

"I," she mumbles, her other hand turning into a fist. She glances at him, and he can read the panic on her face.

"Breathe," he instructs, letting his concern wash away his own rage. He can feel Jordan watching, but can't be bothered to care. "Breathe, Kate."

She tries, he can tell, she does, but she's too riled, her body not quite healed enough to handle this kind of panic attack. "Castle," she manages, her eyes wide, her hand scrabbling in his.

"Okay," he whispers as she wavers there, blinking. Her vision is tunneling, he can tell. "Okay," he repeats, standing and then stooping down to pick her up. He gestures toward the hall with his head, before he starts walking back toward Kate's bedroom.

Her arm around his neck is tight, her other hand a fist in his shirt.

"Can't—breathe," she says into his neck.

"I know," he says, kissing her forehead as they clear the doorway and he can get to the bed, sitting and shuffling them back so he can settle her between his legs. "Try and match me, all right?" he says, hoping this is some kind of plan.

What the hell are you supposed to do when your girlfriend, who was just shot, has a panic attack bad enough to put her on the brink of fainting?

He takes a deep breath, feeling the press of her back against his chest, forcing her to rise and fall as he breathes. He keeps his arms loose around her torso, a palm on her chest, rubbing circles with his thumb.

"We've got him, Kate," he whispers to her as she pants. "We've got him, and you're okay, and we're going to take him down. I'm right here." Her fingers link with his on her stomach as she slowly regains her breath. "Josie's almost walking, remember? And as soon as we can, we're going to the beach. And Alexis is probably going to stay in New York all year." He gets a little huff for that one, and smiles. "And Jordan is here. Never safer than when there's an FBI agent in the house."

"'cept, 'cept when I have my gun," Kate manages.

He laughs in her ear. "True. But Jordan can keep us safe for now. You just keep breathing."

"Okay," she whispers.

They stay that way for twenty minutes, until her breath is even, and her heart rate a steady, unalarming thump thump beneath his palm.

After a few minutes, he feels her growing heavier, her head lolling onto his shoulder. "Falling asleep?" She nods, groggy. "Okay. You sleep. I'll go make lunch."

"Don learn withou me," she slurs as he slowly extricates himself and settles her under the covers.

"No case talk without you. I promise," he says, crouching to kiss her cheek. "Love you," he adds. She sighs, her fingers swiping at his on the bedspread before she passes out.

He stays crouched on the floor for a long moment, watching her sleep. He hasn't seen that happen to her before. In fact, after her shooting, shouldn't she—oh. The meds. They just stopped the meds.

Well shit. Maybe they should get her into actual therapy, along with the physical therapy. Hell, maybe they should all see a therapist. It's been a while since they saw Dr. Goldstein. Maybe he does regular therapy?

He sighs and stands slowly. He'll figure it out. For now, he needs to feed their guest, get her settled in. Needs to not ask the thousands of questions running through his head.

"How's she doing?" Jordan asks as he walks back into the kitchen. She's still seated where they left her, her phone out, playing candy crush, of all things.

"Sleeping," he admits, sinking heavily into the chair across from her.

"That happening a lot?"

"First time since," he says. "I—but she's sleeping. She'll wake up better."

Jordan nods and pockets her phone. "How has she been? The recovery?"

"Slow, but good. We've—she's got an appointment next week with the physical therapist at the hospital. Hopefully she'll start, and she'll get all her strength back."

"She'll be fine," Jordan tells him, certainty in her gaze. "She's Beckett."

He chuckles. "Yeah."

"How are you? A Dad now?"

They're going to ignore the file still sitting on the table. That's fine with him for now. He can't even—a _Senator_.

"Dad again," he corrects slowly. "It's nice."

"She's gorgeous," Jordan says. "And Beckett just brought her back?"

"Yeah," he agrees with a shrug. "We're still dealing with the legalities, and I've joined her file for adoption over here, but she's cleared on the Haitian side."

"What's stalling you here?" she wonders.

"We had an uncooperative caseworker, Harper Kline. And once we'd kicked her to the curb, we found out that if I filed with Kate, it would speed things up. But it's still a slow process."

"Hm," Jordan offers. He glances at the file, can't help himself, and she closes it. "Later?"

"Later," he confirms. "Lunch?"

"Sure," she says just as the front door opens and the sound of wailing fills the house. "With company," Jordan says with a smile.

Alexis bustles in, Johanne crying in her arms.

Castle stands immediately and takes the baby from her. "Hey, pretty girl," he coos, smiling as her cries begin to taper. "What's the matter, bug?"

"It got crowded at the mall," Alexis offers, glancing at Jordan. "I think she got scared and we're not…you guys. Where's Kate? And, hi. I'm Alexis," she adds, shaking Jordan's hand.

"Jordan Shaw," Jordan greets.

"Kate's sleeping," Castle offers. "Though, maybe not anymore. You're loud, Josie-girl."

Johanne sniffles in his arms as Martha comes through, removing her sunglasses and dropping a large take-out bag on the counter.

"She's gorgeous," Jordan says, stepping up to him.

"Why thank you," Martha puts in, making them all laugh. "You must be Agent Shaw," she continues, shaking Jordan's hand.

"Please, call me Jordan," Jordan says. "Hi, Josie, was it?" she says to the baby.

"Yeah," Castle agrees, waving one of Johanne's hands as the baby snuffles pitifully. "I bet you're hungry too, huh?" he asks her.

Johanne whines. "That's a yes," Jordan says with a laugh.

Castle smiles and moves to the fridge, grabbing a bottle. "I won't make you eat cereal," he tells his younger daughter. "You've had a big day already." Johanne latches on immediately. "You should have told Lexi and Gram you were hungry, bug," he adds with a sigh, watching as Jordan shoves the file into her bag while his mother and older daughter set the table for lunch.

"But it's okay that you came home. We're all safe here," he promises her. "And mommy's getting better, even if it's making her…upset to get better," he whispers to the baby, thinking of Kate's unaltered mental state. Without the drugs, how real everything must suddenly be—without that overarching fog.

"And we're going to live happily happily ever after, because your mom and I, we're going to slay some dragons."

Jordan glances at him as she passes, catching his last comment.

"You bet your ass we are," she tells him.


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27:**

* * *

><p>"Rick?"<p>

He turns from his place on the couch and smiles as Kate shuffles in to join them in the living room.

"Hey," he says softly, holding himself back from helping her sit down beside him.

Jordan watches them from an armchair, her book forgotten on her lap as Kate huddles automatically into his side. He wraps his arm around her shoulders, turning to kiss her head as Kate focuses on Johanne, who sits happily on her play mat with her pink bunny.

"How long was I out?" Kate mumbles into his shoulder.

"About three hours," he tells her.

"Sorry," she says, before stiffening.

He rubs her shoulder as she takes note of Jordan watching them. "You look better," Jordan offers.

"Thanks," Kate manages. "Sorry, I—ah…"

"No apology necessary," Jordan says, waving her off. "I've been watching your daughter play."

Kate smiles. "Yeah, she's good for distraction."

"Mama!" Johanne announces, turning to see Kate.

"Hey, bug," Kate replies, her voice still tired, but happier.

"You wanna hold her?" Castle asks.

Kate considers him then slowly shakes her head. "Maybe later."

It's then that he notices her cradling her right side. "Do you need meds?"

"No," she says quickly. "No. Just pulling. I'm fine," she adds. "Do you want to keep going?" she asks, looking over at Jordan.

"Are you sure?" Jordan glances at him and he shrugs. If Kate thinks she's good to handle it…

"Do you want Alexis to take Josie?" he asks.

Kate shrugs. "She won't know, right?"

Maybe now, with it in front of them, she wants to be able to see her daughter—a visual representation of why they're fighting, why she can't fight like she used to, the future.

"All right," Jordan says, reaching down for her bag and pulling the file back out. He keeps up his rhythmic rub of Kate's shoulder as they watch the agent open the folder again. "The bank records here show the payment that was used to hire Dick Coonan to kill your mother," Jordan says, matter of fact.

Kate stills beside him. "What?"

Jordan gives her an understanding look. "It's enough to start with," she says.

"Start?" Kate lets out. "Start, but—but that's it. That's it. That's the proof."

"For the hit on your mother, yes. But Beckett, this goes," she pauses, considering them. "This is bigger than just your mother's murder now."

"What?" Kate repeats, softer.

"There are records for a number of off-shore accounts, several other hits—including those on your mother's colleagues, and other documents that hint at illegal political activity. Before we can go in on him for the murder, or any of his other crimes, we have to gather more evidence."

"But you have that file," Castle cuts in. "Can't you arrest him—stop _this_—and then find more evidence? He already," he breaks off, squeezing Kate to him.

They have evidence, and they want to wait? When Kate's been shot? When there's still a target on her head?

"We will get him," Jordan tells them calmly, looking so damn poised and collected about the whole thing. "But we need more time. We need you to lay low, stay out here, and let us do the heavy lifting."

"For how long?" Kate asks after a moment.

"As long as it takes."

They just stare at her. They're—she's asking them to hide? Until it's over

"How long will it take?" he asks, feeling tension radiating off of Kate. "We're planning to be here through the summer."

"It could be more, could be less," Jordan says with a slight shrug. "We need to make this air tight. He could get off for the murder," she adds when Kate opens her mouth. "Account records or no. We need enough to put him away for good."

There's a tense silence. And he realizes, he does, that what Jordan's saying makes sense—that they need to build the strongest case possible. But to ask them to sit and wait—

"What can we do?" Kate asks, sitting up beside him and shrugging off his arm. "How do we help?"

Jordan shakes her head. "You don't. You heal, and you take care of your family."

"But," Kate starts.

"We don't want anyone digging around without our tech," Jordan asserts. "We don't want them tracing you here, we don't want them focused on you at all. For all they know—for all he knows—you're still laid up in bed at the hospital."

"What?" he and Kate exclaim together.

"I may have covered up your discharge on a hunch," Jordan offers blithely. "Precautions."

"I don't—"

"Kate," she says, leaning forward. "You've been shot once. Your mother is gone. I'm not about to let anything happen to you again, or your family. We'll get this done, I promise."

He can sense Kate resisting, can feel the strain her tight nod takes on her body. But what else can they do?

"And you'll keep her safe," he finds himself saying. "You won't go out on a limb and put a target back on her."

"I'm going to bring you all back to the city in one piece if it's the last thing I do," Jordan says, meeting his eyes.

"And you'll keep us informed?" Kate asks, half demanding, half pleading.

"Of course," Jordan promises. "You were the lead on this case. Of anyone, Kate, you know what's going on. We just can't have you leaving tracks."

"Right," Kate says sullenly.

"We'll get him. I promise you that," Jordan says.

Kate nods, then stares back at Johanne, her hand tense on his thigh.

"So," he says after a quiet, uncomfortable minute. "How's your daughter?"

Jordan smiles and glances at Johanne. "Bigger," she offers with a laugh.

He feels Kate relaxing slowly next to him and dedicates himself to pulling answers out of Jordan, lulling them all into a false security—that this is just a visit from a long-unseen friend.

(…)

"Kate?" he whispers, coming back into their room with a glass of water, only to find her woken from a deep sleep and sitting against the headboard.

She has her legs drawn up to her chest, and if she weren't crying, he'd be tempted to jump for joy. She hasn't sat like that since before her shooting.

"Kate," he repeats, sinking down to sit at her toes, placing a hand on her shin. "Honey."

She looks up at that, her face tired, eyes squinted and dripping tears. "Hey," she croaks.

"What's wrong?" he asks, setting down the water so he can scoot to sit at her side.

"Nothing," she says, allowing him to wrap his arm over her shoulder. He waits. "I'm—I had a nightmare," she says slowly.

He hums and kisses her head, waiting until she rests her head on his shoulder. "What was it about?"

"My mom," Kate whispers, one of her hands moving to wrap into his shirt as she turns in his arms. He helps her slide her legs across his, moves his arm down low to place his palm over her incision site. "She—I want to help, Castle."

He sighs. "I know."

"I could help," she continues, sounding petulant and pouty. "I could."

"I know. But you start PT on Tuesday," he counters. "That's where your focus should be."

She huffs. "This sucks."

"Yeah," he agrees. "It really does."

"And we're stuck here," she adds.

"Worse places to be stuck," he offers.

She smiles into his shoulder. "I guess, yeah."

"Just wait until we can be at the beach every day," he says. "Wait until we can get you upstairs."

She laughs a watery sound against him, her hand smoothing over his shirt. "Yeah."

"We're gonna end this," he promises her.

"No," she sighs. "_We're_ not."

"But it will end," he assures her. "And then you'll have closure, and we can move forward. We can watch Josie grow up, and you can hold me while I cry when Alexis goes off to school." She laughs. "And we'll just be."

"Yeah," she whispers. "Okay."

"What happened in your dream?" he wonders.

Kate tucks herself closer to him. "It was—my mom—it's fine. I'm fine, Castle."

"Okay," he agrees, because she's reticent about it. It's midnight. He doesn't need to push answers out of her tonight. "Think you can sleep?"

She shrugs. "Have you?"

"I was just getting into bed," he promises. She's been on him about his sleeping habits. And he's been trying, he has.

"Maybe we can put a TV in your room," she suggest quietly. "Is there a TV in your room?"

"There is," he says with a smile. "Comes up from the baseboard of the bed."

"God," Kate groans.

"Good or bad?"

"You are rich," she decides.

"Yes?"

"A TV that comes out of the baseboard rich."

"You have seen the rest of the house, right? And you've been living with me."

"I have," she agrees.

"Can't be that much of a surprise."

She laughs softly. "No. Just—no. It's not. It's…nice."

"Nice?" he wonders.

"Yeah, well," she offers, yawning against his shoulder. "I'm not after you for your money."

"But it's a nice fringe benefit?"

"Certainly helps, since I'm unemployed for the foreseeable future," she says.

He sighs and runs his hand over her calf. "We'll be fine."

"You're paying for everything."

They haven't had this conversation in a while. "Is that a problem?"

"No," she says quickly.

And yet somehow—"You sure?"

"Yes."

He thinks it's probably not the right time to mention that the physical therapy program he's taking her to on Tuesday isn't covered by her workers comp, so he'll be paying out of pocket. Unless he can convince her to let him put her on his medical, but that seems unlikely.

"Good," he says, smiling as she huffs.

"I can pay for things," she says quietly.

"I know."

"Like take out."

"Why bother? We've got accounts everywhere."

"Or movies on Amazon."

"Got an account there too," he says easily.

"Something," she grumbles.

"Kate."

"I just—I need to feel—I can't just live off of you until this is over," she lets out.

"Why not?"

"Because you're not my sugar daddy."

"No, I'm your boyfriend," he corrects. "And we're raising a kid together."

"I don't mind if you spend money on her," Kate grouses. "I just—"

"Consider it your half of the Nikki royalties. Actually, your sixteenth of them."

She takes a breath. "How much are you worth?"

He chuckles. "Do you really want to know?"

"I'm guessing not," she says.

"Smart girl."

"Shut up."

"You should just focus on getting better, forget about money and your job. Just heal."

She bumps his shoulder with her cheek. "I'm not good at this."

"At what?"

"Waiting."

"You waited for me for three years," he teases.

"Nu-uh. That was you," she says around a yawn.

"You'll get better at waiting," he promises. "We'll get there. Slow and steady."

"If you so much as utter those three words on Tuesday, so help me—"

He leans down and kisses her, only pulling back when she's started to shift, restless and hazy. "I'll behave."

"You better. I've got goals," she mumbles, meeting his eyes.

"Yeah?"

"Put Bracken in prison, get down to the beach, have sex."

"I'm hoping those aren't chronological," he hedges with a grin.

She smiles. "No. Just—no."

"It'll be good, you'll see," he says.

"Yeah," she agrees, curling closer.

"You wanna sleep?"

"No. Just stay," she whispers, wrapping one of her hands into his tee shirt and letting her head go heavy against his shoulder.

"Of course," he murmurs to the top of her head.

They're gonna make it through this.

(…)

Jordan leaves on Sunday morning with promises to call. After that, Castle, Alexis, and Martha put on a campaign to keep Kate busy—sunning by the pool, board games, movie marathons, endless hours of watching Alexis crouch and hold Johanne's hands, helping her toddle one little foot in front of the other. They keep it up through Monday and all the way until he hauls Kate into the car to head off to the hospital for her first physio appointment.

As soon as he shuts the driver's side door and starts off down the driveway, she looks over at him, an eyebrow raised.

"What?" he asks, eyes on the road, scanning the trees, suddenly feeling awfully exposed.

It's the first time in over a month that either of them has left the house, has left their little forested enclosure and the private beach.

"I know what you've been doing," she says.

"When you're asleep? Because I know my showers are long, but I swear, I'm not—well I'm not always…" he looks over and finds her laughing, a hand over her mouth. "What?"

"I wasn't insinuating that you've been—have you been masturbating in the shower?"

"Hey, personal," he argues.

"You brought it up."

"Actually, you bring it up." She laughs louder. "And I—shouldn't we have this conversation when I'm not driving?"

"What, so I can give you a hand?"

"Katherine Beckett."

She laughs out a 'hah,' and he grins. Okay, so they're crass and a little scared, and utterly in love. But that's fine. He's good with that. He'd be good without the…showers too. But maybe that's what this will do—what the physio will do. She'll get her strength back, climb the stairs, and—

"Castle."

"What?"

"Stop."

"Stop what?"

"Stop," she insists.

"Fine. No idea what you're talking about, but I'll 'stop,'" he says.

She hums. "I know what you've been doing—not in the shower."

"You do?"

"You think I didn't notice that I wasn't alone for even a minute for the last two days?"

"What?" he says, feigning complete shock.

"Castle."

"What?" he repeats. "We looove you."

"I'm fine," she insists.

"I know."

"I am."

"I _know_," he says. "That's why we're going to the hospital, right? Because you're fine."

"Rick," she says softly.

"What?" he asks, letting her get to it.

"You don't have to put on a USO show for me. I really am okay."

"We just wanted to stay busy, have fun," he protests. "I'm not…orchestrating anything."

"Uh-huh."

"I'm _not_," he promises. It's a white lie, but he'll tone it down. He will. He just couldn't take the lost look in her eyes that woke up with them on Sunday—the way she wandered the house aimlessly for an hour after Jordan left.

"Just cool it a little, okay?" she asks as they turn onto the highway. "I don't think I'll be up for fifteen games of hearts tonight."

"Noted."

"Thank you."

They fall silent for a long stretch, Castle focused on the road, Kate staring out the window. He notices one of her hands circling slowly over her surgery scar, the way she used to play with her mother's ring, he thinks. She hasn't worn it since the shooting; said it bothered the scar.

They pull up to the hospital and he kills the engine, reaching into the driver's side compartment for her temporary handicapped pass. She scowls as she watches him put it over the rear-view window.

"Only for a while," he promises. "You ready?"

She takes a breath and nods, waiting semi-patiently as he walks around the car and helps her out. She clutches at his arm as they walk inside, but her stride is sure, and her jaw is set.

And yet, as they come up on the doors marked "Physical and Occupational Therapy," she falters, tugging on him until he stops, the two of them left standing just before the swinging doors.

"Kate," he says gently. She shakes her head, her hand a vice around his arm. "Kate," he repeats, turning slightly to look at her.

"What if I don't get it back?" she whispers.

"What?"

"What if I never get back to full capacity," she explains, glancing at him before staring back at the doors. "What if this is all I ever get to?"

He shakes his head and dislodges her hand so he can step in front of her, can rest his palms on her biceps, can bend his forehead to touch hers. "You're already better. You're walking. You're sleeping. You'll be carrying Josie again in no time. But we need to make sure you can do it safely."

"He said it could be a year, Castle," she says, meeting his eyes. "What if it's not just a year? What if it's forever? What if the damage to my heart was so bad that I can't ever regain full activity? What if I can't sustain a pregnancy? What if—I can't even get Br—I can't even solve it on my own. What if I can never do anything on my own again?"

Her eyes are welling and her chest is heaving and he feels like an idiot. He should have—he's not sure how, but he should have seen this coming, should have been harder on her doctor, should have gotten a chart written out to map her progress or something.

"Kate," he beseeches, releasing one of her arms to cup her cheek. "You're going to get better. You know you are."

She shrugs. "I'm already tired," she admits. "And we just walked from the car to here."

"That's more walking than you've done all week," he argues. "You're gonna get there."

"But what if I don't?" she lets out, loud and choked. "What if I can never carry my daughter again? What if I'm just stuck on the couch watching you take care of her for the rest of our lives?"

He sighs and tugs her in, wrapping her in his arms. "Then she's going to get really good at climbing up to you, and I'll be super buff, and we'll figure it out." She huffs into his neck. "But that's not going to happen. We're going to go in there, they're going to torture you two to three times a week, and by summer's end, you'll be back in your heels and carrying our kid on your shoulders. You'll see."

She takes a deep, steadying breath before she nods into his neck. He smiles against the crown of her head.

"You know, if you spent as much time writing as you do crafting these motivational speeches, Gina wouldn't be calling so much," Kate says as she pulls back.

He scoffs. "Please. I'm just fine."

"I haven't seen a manuscript," Kate taunts, wiping at her eyes and sniffling, but back on firm footing.

"You get up those stairs and we'll talk," he says.

"No, I get up those stairs and we're definitely _not_ talking," Kate says, winking at him.

He grins. "Fine. When you go down to the beach for the first time, I'll give you something to read." That should give him a few weeks, right? He can finish it in a few weeks.

When was the last time he actually worked on Nikki?

"Deal," Kate says, sticking out her hand.

He laughs and shakes it before stepping back to her side. "You ready?"

"Yes," she decides.

Together they step through the doors and into the waiting room he's sure he'll know quite well by summer's end. Maybe he can write while she's in session. Man, he needs to write his book.

He watches as Kate walks to the reception desk on her own, as she stays there to fill out her forms.

She may make it down to the beach in two weeks.

He _really_ needs to write his book.


	28. Chapter 28

**Attachment Syndrome**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 28<strong>:

If Nikki and Rook—no. But if they—no, the doesn't work either. Maybe if Nikki went out and Rook—but would she want him in her place? And can he really—well, he shouldn't get one of them shot—but it would be _such _a good plot point. But would it be triggering for Kate, or would she find it romantic? It's easily the healthier way to exorcize his personal demons, given that the other is downing the entire bottle of scotch he has hidden in his bathroom upstairs…

"Wha are you doin'?"

He turns and finds Kate awake next to him, her body still curled tight in a ball as it was two hours ago. She stretches gingerly, wincing, and he abandons his laptop, for whatever that's worth. He's just been staring at "Chapter Fourteen" for two hours anyway.

"How you feelin'?" he asks, reaching out his hand to brush her hair off of her face.

"Sore," she admits, slowly uncurling one leg and then the other, her toes stretching in his socks. "But not at sore as last time."

"Hey, progress," he says softly, withholding a sigh as she grunts to sit up next to him. "You want a pill?" She shakes her head. Stubborn woman. "Want a massage?"

"I love you," she says.

He laughs and shuffles them around until he can get behind her, supporting her with his shins. Her back rests on his legs as his hands move to gently kneed into her shoulders. She groans and squeezes one of his feet.

"Alexis and Josie?"

"Napping together on the living room floor," he replies, smiling as he feels Kate relaxing against him. "Mother's on the phone with a director."

"For her school?"

"I think so."

He watches as Kate draws patterns on the bedspread with her fingertips. "Should she go back?" He waits. "To take care of her school. We've been here for almost a month and a half. I can't imagine it's progressing much without her."

"Jordan wants—"

"And when September rolls around, what about Alexis?" Kate lets out. "Are we keeping her here? Who's going to home school her, you?"

He sighs and pulls his hands back, gently opening his legs and helping her shuffle until her back hits his chest. He smoothes his hands down her arms, gently digging into her soft muscles, trying to alleviate her tension, even as she gets herself worked up.

"You're good with Latin," he offers.

Kate huffs. "I'm serious."

"I know," he says. "I—I don't know, Kate. I don't know."

"Josie won't care," Kate whispers. "But this is Lex's senior year. She should—she should get to experience it. I don't want this to ruin her life."

"It won't," he assures her. "It hasn't. She has a little sister, and she has you. I think if you asked her, she'd say she's doing better than before right now."

"Right, until her stepmother's conspiracy swallows up her whole life and we end up becoming the Castle version of Grey Gardens."

He smothers his smile in her cheek. _Stepmother_. "What does that make me?"

"You'd be the butler," Kate says, sighing as she leans into him, resting her head on his shoulder to look up at him. "I just don't—I don't want them consumed by this."

He nods and kisses her forehead. "It's only been a week," he reminds her. "There's still half of Alexis' break left. Right now, we should make dinner."

"Castle," Kate says.

"Worrying about it isn't doing you any good," he chides.

"Ignoring it is giving you writer's block," she lets out. He sucks in a breath. That's a low blow. "Sorry."

He nods against her head. He knows she is. She's testy after therapy, they've learned that much. "You're right," he admits. "But my writer's block only hurts Gina. You getting upset makes you sore all night."

"Why can't mine hurt Gina too?" Kate mumbles, sinking into him.

He laughs, startled. "Do you…have a desire to hurt Gina?"

"No…" Kate drags out. "Gina's fine."

"Uh-huh."

They sit that way for a long pause. He really wishes he could tickle her. This feels like something he could tickle out of her.

"What do you have against Gina?" he whispers.

Kate sighs. "Nothing. Nothing that's her fault, anyway."

Well that's—interesting. "Was it my fault?"

"No," Kate huffs.

"O-kay. So…what do you have against Gina?"

"You brought her here last summer," Kate says, rather loudly.

"I—" he starts, confused.

"You brought her here, and I was…well, I tried—I." She pauses. "You invited me, and I was…I was going to come with you, and then she showed up, and it was—ego bruising. That's all."

He sits there, stunned. But wait. Is that—is that why she didn't go to the beach with Demming? "You were going to come with me?"

"Yeah," Kate mumbles.

"But—but—Demming."

"I broke up with him," Kate admits. "Just before your going away party."

"Oh my God," he says, hitting his head back against the pillows. "Please tell me you're joking."

"Can't," Kate offers, shrugging against him. "It's fine, Castle."

"No it's not," he yelps. "Not at all. Are you kidding me?"

"Castle," Kate chides, rubbing her hand over his arm. "It's _fine_. I may never love Gina, but we're good. We're here."

"But—but—Josh, and the murder board, and…and…"

"Rick."

He manages to stop talking, staring sadly down at the top of her head. "That's a whole year," he says petulantly.

"Instead, we have Josie," Kate offers, turning her neck to lookup at him. "We wouldn't have Josie."

That hits him. They wouldn't have Johanne. If he hadn't called Gina, and Kate had gone with him to the Hamptons, they wouldn't have Johanne. And then, what about when the case came back? Would he have been enough to keep her from going under? Would she and Alexis have the same relationship?

They wouldn't have Johanne.

"I owe Josh a debt, don't I?" he mumbles.

Kate laughs. "No. But we have a daughter. We missed seven months, but we have a kid. That's worth it."

"Yeah, it is," he agrees, bending to kiss her softly before pulling back. "Wanna go see the girls?"

"Yeah," she agrees.

(…)

"Can you really be productive like that?"

He looks over and finds Alexis leaning over the couch, where he's settled with his feet on the coffee table, his laptop on his lap, and Johanne snoozing on his chest.

"Of course," he says quietly, tipping the laptop in her direction. "Look. Halfway through a chapter already."

"Ah, the baby muse," Alexis says sagely. He smiles at her and beckons her to join him. "You're working."

"Never too busy for you," he tells her, watching as she ducks her head and smiles softly before padding around to plop down next to him.

"Where's Kate?"

"Chatting with Mother while she 'doesn't' dye her hair," he says with a grin.

"Gram dyes her hair?" Alexis asks, her eyes wide with false surprise.

"You didn't hear it from me," he says with a wink. "How you doin'?"

"I'm good," Alexis says, leaning into his shoulder. "Josie and I read a bunch of books and took a swim today," she tells him.

He sighs. Kate's third therapy appointment was today, and he spent most of the afternoon with her in their room, helping her through the residual pain.

"Thank you," he tells Alexis. "You're such an amazing big sister."

Alexis smiles into his shoulder, watching Johanne sleep. "She's a great little sis. It's easy."

"Not all teenagers would happily play babysitter all summer," he reminds her. "I'm very grateful. We're very grateful," he corrects.

"I'm just happy she's happy with me," Alexis says softly. "She's doing well, you know?"

"I do," he agrees. "And you're a big part of that."

Alexis shrugs and cuddles into him, reaching out to stroke her fingers down Johanne's back. The baby snuggles further into him, and he smiles. While Kate's healed and hurt and struggled, Johanne has flourished.

"She'll be one soon," Alexis whispers.

"Yeah," he agrees. It's staggering to think.

"Do you think we'll be back in the city by then?" Alexis asks. "We should get her playing with other babies at some point."

He smiles even as it clenches in his gut. Not only will Alexis' social life suffer if they have to stay here, but she's right. Johanne needs to start playing with other babies at some point. The sooner the better, really, now that she's tolerating adults so well.

"I hope so," he tells his older daughter. September. Johanne will turn one at the end of September. They need to be home by September.

"Me too," Alexis whispers, fading against him.

It's only seven, but it sounds like his girls had a full day. He gingerly slides his laptop onto the couch on his free side and settles back, shifting to cradle Alexis with one arm, Johanne with the other.

His daughters.

The adoption papers should come back soon. God, if they're stuck here for the summer, and beyond, how does he even have his evaluation? It's not like they should be telling the agency that they have to stay in the Hamptons so no one guns them all down. That would do heaps for their case.

He wants to go home. He wants to go home with his girls and his mother and his wife. His Kate. She's not—she's as good as. Maybe he should start thinking about rings.

But she still has her apartment. He doesn't think she'd want to go back, but their six months will be up just before Johanne's first Birthday. He supposes—but no, Kate wouldn't do that. Johanne is _theirs_ now.

"Hey." He looks up to find Kate smiling down at him. Her phone clicks and she smiles. "Good photo," she says.

She gently moves his laptop onto the coffee table and settles next to him. She leans into his shoulder and holds up her phone to show him.

"I want that framed," he says softly, staring at the image of both of his girls asleep on him. "For my office."

"One for my desk too," Kate whispers, kissing his shoulder. "Tired them out?"

"They tired themselves out," he corrects with a smile. "You good?"

"I took some Advil," she admits. "So yeah."

"Good," he says. Now that she doesn't need the narcotics, it's good to see her managing her pain.

"Your mother has gone a bit more red. Don't act surprised," she stage whispers.

He laughs softly, wary of the girls sleeping against his chest. "Don't get any ideas."

"Is that an order?" Kate asks, eyes wide and playful.

"A request," he explains. "I like your hair just as it is."

Kate presses her cheek to his shoulder. "Good." She reaches out and runs her fingers gently through Johanne's hair. "We need to learn to do her hair," she says.

"Yeah," he agrees. "Maybe when Lanie comes this weekend?"

"She'd love that," Kate says. "I just—I want to do it right, you know? And we should talk about her heritage with her, and go to Haiti if she wants. I want her to feel comfortable."

"She will," he assures her, feeling some anxiety rolling off of her. "We'll do good."

"Do you think she'll mind?" Kate asks.

"Mind what?"

"That we're white?"

"What?"

Kate sighs. "When she's all grown up, and looking back at her life. Will she be upset that we raised her? I read—I read this article from a student at Harvard who talked about erasure, and how even though his parents raised him perfectly, and taught him about both cultures and race, and tried to help him maintain his heritage, he still felt out of place. And I don't want that for her. She's gorgeous, and her nationality and her race are important parts of her, and I don't—I don't want her to feel other. Or that our raising her makes her feel other, like she can't be black, and she can't be white."

"Kate," he says gently. He—he hasn't considered any of this. He's just been focused on making their baby happy. Their beautiful little girl. Who cares what color skin she has? But Kate—Kate's done reading about this, and she's right, and wow, that's…he hasn't considered this at all.

Shit, what kind of person does that make him?

"Castle."

He looks down and finds Kate watching him. "I didn't—" he starts.

"It's okay," she says, rubbing Johanne's back. "I just—it just hit me. Don't worry about it."

"But we should," he argues. "You're right. We don't know anything about raising a child and maintaining her birth culture, and hell, Kate, we're like the pastiest white people. I don't—I don't want her to resent us, or herself, or Haiti—"

He totally sucked up her panic, didn't he?

"Castle," Kate chides with a small laugh. "Sorry. I didn't mean to worry you. I'm just tired, ranting."

"But it's a good rant," he says dejectedly. He's a shitty dad.

"And you're a great daddy for worrying so suddenly about it. Maybe we can ask Lanie about that too, see what she thinks."

"She's just Josie," he says softly. "Sweet little Josie."

"I know," Kate agrees. "We'll do our best, won't we?"

"Of course we will," he gruffs out, looking down at Alexis—Alexis who grew up without a mother. But he can fix that, well he can try, by giving her Kate. But Johanne—

"I hate the world," he says.

Kate hums. "Yeah, it sucks, doesn't it?"

"It really does."

(…)

"Look at you, up and about," Lanie announces as Castle leads the gang into the house.

They all carpooled up. He has the suspicious feeling that poor Ryan had to sit in the backseat the whole way. Esposito is smiling at Kate while Lanie immediately goes in for a hug, Ryan bringing up the rear with their bags.

"Thanks for the help," he mutters to Esposito.

"Anytime," Espo says before stepping forward to hug Kate. "Lookin' good, girl," he says.

"Thanks," Kate says softly. "You guys get up here okay?"

"No sweat," Ryan adds with a grin, taking his own hug from her. "'Cept Esposito had a bit too much fun on the straight stretches."

"You're a cop, dude," Esposito protests.

"Where's my little niece?" Lanie asks, holding up a hand to head off their argument.

"Right here," Alexis says, walking in with Johanne on her hip, the baby playing with her hair. "There's Aunt Lanie, bug."

Lanie approaches and offers her hand to Johanne. The baby takes her finger and smiles brightly.

"Wow," Lanie says softly. They're all watching, the boys, Kate, Castle. "Well hello, Josie. You look happy today."

"Hi!" Johanne squeaks out.

"Hi," Lanie says happily.

"She's talking," Ryan stage whispers to Kate.

"I know," Kate says with a laugh. "Can you say hi to Kevin and Javi, baby?" she asks Johanne as they all hover around Alexis.

"Hi!" Johanne repeats, smiling as Kate runs a hand over her head.

"Hi chica," Javi says, waving.

"Hey princess," Kevin adds.

"Exi," Johanne says, patting Alexis.

"That is Alexis," Castle agrees. "Very good, Josie-bug."

Johanne looks around at all of them and deflates a little, suddenly realizing she's the center of attention.

"Why don't we go into the kitchen," Kate suggests, smoothing her hand over Alexis' hair as well. "Have some lunch."

"Good plan," Esposito says, stepping around the group to lead Lanie toward the kitchen, Ryan following in their wake.

"Too many people, huh?" Alexis asks Johanne.

"Exi," Johanne repeats, quietly now.

"I'm right here," Alexis promises. "But how about I give you to daddy so I can go supervise your uncles."

Kate laughs as Alexis passes Johanne over to Castle. "Supervise?"

"We got that garlic spread Kevin likes," Alexis explains. "And I left it out, and he's going to eat it all, and I like it too," she says with a grin.

"Go go," Castle says. "We'll be right there." Alexis scampers away. He hikes Johanne up in his arms and kisses her cheek. "You okay bug? Lots of people."

"Mama," Johanne says, reaching out for Kate.

Kate smiles and tucks herself into Castle side so she can take one of Johanne's grabbing hands. "Hey sweetheart. How you doin'?"

"Hi," Johanne says, smiling.

"Hi," Kate repeats. "If daddy carries you, do you think you can smile for Kevin and Lanie and Javi some more?"

"Dada," Johanne announces.

"Yep," Castle agrees. "I'm right here. We're both right here. You want a bottle?"

"Rick," Kate says with a sigh.

"What? She's uncomfortable. A bottle is so easy."

"But we said we'd try and only do bottles for breakfast and for nights. She's already had one."

"Do you want to feed her solids right now?" he asks as they slowly make their way back to the kitchen.

"Baba!" Johanne says.

Kate laughs. "Well, since she just learned a new word," she says, patting Castle's back. "Go ahead."

"Thank you, mommy. Can you say thank you, Josie?"

"Oo," Johanne manages. Kate beams. "Oo Mama!"

"Yes. Thank you, Josie-bug. Now let your softie of a dad give you a bottle."

"I am not a softie," he grumbles to the baby as Kate joins their friends at the dining room table.

Alexis walks over to grab the pitcher of lemonade from the counter and sees him filling a bottle.

"You are so too a softie," she says. "She had one this morning."

"Man, you try and comfort your baby," Castle says, following her to the table.

His mother walks into the room and pats his shoulder as he sits down with Johanne. "Did she cry?" Martha wonders, plopping down next to Lanie.

"She—no. She just—you are getting me in trouble, bug," he tells the suckling baby.

"Oh, it's not Josie's fault that you feel bad," Kate says, sharing a smile with Lanie.

"What's Castle doing?" Esposito asks.

"He's giving her a comfort bottle," Alexis explains.

"I—" Castle tries.

"She needs comfort?" Ryan asks.

"It's just been the four of us for a few weeks," Kate explains. "She's a little overwhelmed, and papa bear here thinks solid food would be too traumatic."

"You wanna feed her?" he tosses back, feeling a little ganged up on. He's just trying to make Johanne comfortable. There's nothing wrong with that.

Kate searches his face for a moment before shaking her head. "No. Sorry. You're right. How's the city?" she asks, turning to their friends.

He sighs and looks down, watching Johanne eat. She kicks her feet happily, staring up at him, her eyes sparkling. He smiles back at her and runs his finger over her tiny ones on the bottle.

"Castle?"

He looks up and finds the whole table looking at him. "Hmm?"

"You keepin' busy up here?" Lanie repeats.

"Oh, yeah," he stammers. Whoops. Softie, apparently, and besotted with the baby. Ah well. "We've had fun."

"Beckett says you're working on your book," Ryan adds.

"I am," he agrees, glancing at Kate, who smiles at him.

"Almost done?" Esposito asks.

"Why, you want an advance copy, Espo?" he tosses out.

Kate laughs. "What if I do?" Esposito says, glancing at Kate. "Beckett's got all the spoilers, and she won't share."

"She's a liar," Castle says, grinning as Kate huffs. "She knows nothing."

"I'll make it to the beach next week," she taunts back. "Better have it done."

"You two have a deal or something?" Lanie asks.

"If I make it to the beach, I get the book," Kate explains.

"A motivational tool perfect for a Castle fanatic," he adds, smirking.

"Or for the desperately bored," Kate counters. "He thinks his library is so expansive."

"It is," he defends. "And you sleep all the time."

"Hey!" Kate exclaims. "I found you asleep on your laptop yesterday."

"Children," Martha cuts in, sharing a smile with Alexis.

"Are they like this all the time now?" Ryan asks Alexis. Alexis nods solemnly. "My condolences."

"Thank you," Alexis replies. "I've been holding Josie hostage for good behavior."

"Good girl," Lanie says with a grin.

"It's no fun when they gang up on us, is it?" Castle asks loudly toward Kate.

She shakes her head and turns to Esposito, striking up a conversation about baseball. He chuckles to himself and looks down at Johanne. "How about you? You on my side?" Johanne releases the bottle and gives a little belch. "I see," he says seriously, standing her up on his thighs. "Anything else?"

She giggles and grabs his nose.

"Well sure," he says with a laugh. He catches Alexis' eye and smiles as she watches them. She smiles back and turns to Lanie.

It's nice to have the gang around again.

(…)

"So."

He turns and nods as Esposito steps onto the porch with him, the dying sunlight casting shadows behind him as he walks across to the railing.

"So," Castle agrees, turning slightly to watch the man as he leans against one of the tall support beams.

"Beckett seems good."

"Yeah," he says. "She is."

"Good," Esposito says, nodding. "You good?"

"Good as I can be," Castle admits. "You talked to—"

"Agent Shaw?" Esposito asks.

"Yeah."

"Every other day," he promises. "We're on it."

"Not going to tell me anything, are you?"

"You'll crack," Esposito offers with a shrug.

"I resent that," Castle huffs.

"Wouldn't you?"

"Probably," he admits. He likes to think he'd be able to keep it a secret, if Kate's life depended on it, but he doesn't want to. If she doesn't know, neither should he. It's better that way. He trusts the guys and Jordan to have their backs.

Still. "Progress?" he asks.

Esposito nods. "Yeah. That's all I'm saying. All I said to Beckett too."

"Bet she liked that," Castle says on a hollow laugh.

"Lanie's in with her and Josie."

"That'll help," Castle agrees. "How are you?"

"Me?" Espo asks.

"Yeah."

Esposito shrugs. "It's…rough. Gates is—Gates."

"Ryan's afraid of her," Castle tells him.

Esposito snorts. "He'll get over it."

"So she's not—"

"Oh, no, she is," Esposito says, shaking his head. "Ryan's just sensitive."

"You think she and Kate will—"

"Hell no. I hope you can come around. It'll be fireworks," Esposito says with a laugh.

They stand in silence for a moment. Fireworks. God, the uphill battles ahead of Kate Beckett.

"So you and Beckett," Esposito says with a smirk.

"Didn't we do this already?" Castle asks, sighing.

"I'm just asking, bro," Esposito says, holding up his hands. "You two seem cozy. Bickering over the baby."

"Yeah, well," he replies with a shrug. "We're good."

"I'm glad," Esposito says, smiling at him. "Took you guys long enough."

"Shut up," Castle grumbles.

"I'm glad she's here with you," Esposito says softly. Castle looks over at him. "She's—I haven't seen her happy like this in a long time. Ever," he decides. "Can't imagine the shooting without you here with her."

"Thanks," Castle manages.

Esposito gives him a tight smile. "Keep her busy," he continues, before turning to move back into the house.

"Espo," Castle calls out, stopping him as he reaches the door. He doesn't need a lot of answers, just something—something to hold onto. "How much longer?"

Esposito's shoulders hunch and he turns back, meeting Castle's eyes. "A while." He raises a hand before disappearing inside.

Castle sighs and turns to look back out at the ocean. They're doing well. They're solving problems and making plans and dealing. They are. Kate's getting more mobile by the day. She'll be up those stairs, and down at the beach, and holding Johanne in no time.

But after that, how long are they stuck here? How long will Kate be comfortable being kept on the sidelines once she can fight again?


	29. Chapter 29

**Attachment Syndrome**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 29:<strong>

"And then you pull back, like this."

Castle groans and rolls over, peeking an eye open. There are voices. Loud voices. In his…bathroom?

"Okay," he hears Kate saying. "And then…right."

"Exactly." That's Lanie.

He glances toward the crib. Johanne's there, sitting up and playing with her pink rabbit. So who's—wait, why is Lanie in his bathroom?

Shit, is he wearing a shirt?

He feels his chest and smiles. Okay, so Lanie and Kate are in his bathroom, and the baby is happily playing in her crib. Strange. He gets up and creeps toward the voices.

He laughs, startled, as he steps into the doorway to the bathroom. Lanie's sitting there on the edge of the tub, wearing pajama pants and an NYPD tee shirt with Kate looming over her, doing her hair.

"Mornin' Castle," Lanie greets around a yawn.

He's never seen Lanie's hair like this, natural. It suits her. Kate's halfway done, twisting Lanie's tight curls into those huge puffy braids he used to see on Alexis' classmates when she was little.

"Hey," Kate greets.

"I'm not invited to the hair party?" he manages, scrubbing a hand across his face and glancing at the clock on the counter. It's only eight. And it's Saturday.

"I figured I'd teach you on Josie when she has enough hair for it," Kate explains.

"Sorry, Castle. You're not getting anywhere near this hair," Lanie adds with a smile.

"You'd rather I pull Josie's hair?" he wonders, stepping up to brush his teeth. May as well. They're apparently this comfortable with Lanie now.

"I'd rather Kate show you, patiently."

"Oo do know I did 'Lexis' hair, ight?" he says around his toothbrush.

"That girl has the prettiest, easiest straight hair I've ever seen," Lanie replies. "Some hardship."

"Hey," he protests, spitting and wiping his mouth. "Do you know how much detangling I had to do?"

"Not half as much as you'll need to do for Josie," Lanie says, obediently tilting her head as Kate moves around to her other side. "And she'll want you to do it every day. I bet Alexis was okay with just leaving it down."

"And Josie won't be?" Castle wonders, leaning against the counter to watch Kate as she rather deftly starts parting Lanie's hair.

"She might," Lanie offers with a shrug. "But probably not most days. How many little girls do you see with natural afros walking around?"

"But she'd look awesome," he says. "Like a little lion."

Lanie gives him a look. "I'd stay away from that as a comparison, were I you."

"I don't know," Kate tosses back. "You look pretty great with it natural too."

Lanie laughs. "Yeah, if it was six inches shorter, maybe. For Halloween."

"I bet Javi would love it," Castle says with a grin.

Lanie laughs. "No way. He likes it long and straight. He'd pitch a fit if I chopped it all off to sport Josie's look."

"And you'd sock him, right?' Castle tosses back. "Cause it's not his choice."

"He's a good daddy," Lanie says, glancing up at Kate.

"With an itchy trigger finger," Kate agrees. "Alexis ever tell you about the time he burst in on her and Ashley?"

"It was an accident," he exclaims. "I won't—well, I mean, I didn't—shut up, Kate," he grouses.

Lanie laughs and Kate presses her lips together, hardly apologetic. "She may have mentioned that," Lanie says, winking at him. "It's cute."

"You're cute," he counters as Kate finishes off the last big twist.

Lanie stands and walks to look into his lighted mirror. She nods, turning her head side to side. "Good job, Beckett," she decides.

Kate smiles, but he can tell she's pleased and a little proud. She did a good job. Lanie looks strange with that hair-do now, the style much more suited to a child than to the grown medical detective chilling in his bathroom, but it's a good job.

"As soon as she has a little more hair, we can do little poofs," Lanie tells her, reaching up to start taking out the braids.

"Oh, please, wait," Castle begs. "Let me get a picture of Esposito seeing it first?"

"Not a chance in Hell," Lanie says with a laugh.

Kate pulls out her phone and snaps a quick picture before Lanie notices, shooting Castle a grin. He watches as Lanie pulls out the hair ties, then reaches out for Kate's straightener.

She goes about it with a practiced ease he hasn't seen before. Kate rarely straightens her hair, and he actually can't remember ever seeing her do it. It looks so time consuming. Is that Johanne's future? Forty minutes with a straightener because her natural look doesn't suit her, or her boyfriend, or the world?

"Hey," Kate says, walking over to stand in front of him, her bare feet between his, hands rising to rest on his chest. "You okay?"

He shakes his head then nods. "Yeah, yeah. You guys are up early."

"Well, we wanted to do it early enough for Lanie to still have time to get ready."

"Not all of us can dab a little cologne and walk out like we own the world," Lanie adds.

"Hey," he grumbles. "I preen." Kate raises an eyebrow. Okay, so, not his manliest of moments. Still. "I do," he says, shrugging.

"Don't preen too much. Josie's gonna be hungry soon. Is she up?" Kate asks.

"And playing perfectly quietly with her bunny," he says, smiling as Kate leans up to press a quick kiss to his mouth.

"You get pretty while I change, then get the baby?" she suggests.

"I'm always pretty," he says with a smirk.

"Uh-huh," Kate says, patting his chest. "Leave some room at the mirror for Castle, Lane."

Lanie snorts and shuffles over. Kate winks at him and saunters back into the bedroom. They can hear her cooing at Johanne.

"How you doin', Castle?"

He glances at her in the mirror, watching as she switches to the other side of her head, half traditional medical examiner.

"I'm good. You good?" he asks, grabbing a comb and setting to work on his hair. Most of it is sticking straight up. He's surprised they didn't laugh him out of the bathroom.

"After a night on that memory foam mattress? I'm great," Lanie tells him.

He laughs and combs through his hair, nodding to himself as he tames it. He catches Lanie eyeing him and shrugs. "I care," he says easily.

Lanie hums and turns back to the mirror, going about her business. He should probably shave, but he can't be bothered today.

"So, what are our Fourth plans?" Lanie wonders a few minutes later, when he's broken down and gotten out the shaving cream. He might not be bothered, but Johanne probably will be. Baby skin and stubble never seem to mix well.

"Chilling by the pool. If you guys want to hit the beach, you can," he adds quietly, listening intently as Kate hums in the other room.

"You won't be joining us?" Lanie asks, her voice a whisper.

"Not until she can make it down on her own," he admits.

Lanie nods decisively. "Pool it is. Barbecue?"

"Of course," he says with a grin. "We'll do the works. Fireworks are over the water. We can watch from the lawn."

"Perfect," Lanie says, beaming as she finishes off the last strand of hair.

"Nice," he proclaims.

She laughs. "I know. I'm gonna go wake Javi. See you two for breakfast?"

"You got it." She smiles and heads out of the bathroom, leaving him to finish off the last of his shave.

When he meanders out, he finds Kate sitting cross-legged on the bed in jeans and a flowing purple blouse, Johanne in her lap, the two of them staring out at the ocean.

"Did you lift her?" he asks as he makes his way to the dresser. He's moved at least half of his clothes down here, so she doesn't feel like she's taking him from his room. This is their room, for the time being.

Huh, when they do finally get back to New York, they'll have to move her downstairs. Ugh, with Johanne upstairs. It wasn't any better with Alexis. So many stubbed toes and banged elbows on that climb up in the middle of the night.

"Lanie got her out for me. We're looking at the water, aren't we, sweet pea?" Kate says, half to him, half to the mesmerized baby in her lap.

"We're gonna go down there soon with mama, bug," Castle tells her, detouring from his dresser to plop down next to them, wrapping an arm around Kate.

"Yeah," Kate agrees. "I wish…"

"When you're ready," he chides. "Our pool is great, and this way no one's gonna have a sandy ass after the fireworks."

"You owe her a dollar," Kate says on a sigh.

He smiles and kiss the top of her head. "Noted."

They should be getting ready, should be joining their friends, who will soon fill the kitchen, everyone trying to help make a festive holiday breakfast. Instead, they stay in the middle of the bed, Kate leaning against his shoulder, Johanne pointing out at the ocean.

(…)

"I don't get much sun, okay?" Ryan grumbles as Esposito laughs. The man is frightfully pale. "And Jenny's with her Aunt for a few weeks, so I've been—shut up, Espo."

Lanie whacks the back of Esposito's head as she skirts around them, a cocktail in each hand. She shakes her head and slides down onto one of the loungers next to Martha, passing over the drink.

"You could use some sun too," she says in Esposito's direction.

"Not as much as Cullen over here," Esposito says, watching in disgust as Ryan lathers on sunscreen.

"I'll burn," he protests, glaring at his partner.

"Sunscreen is important," Alexis interjects, swimming over to the side of the pool.

"Your skin is perfect," Martha adds, pointing at her. "Keep it that way."

Alexis salutes and grins at Ryan. "Thanks, Little Castle," he says happily. "See. The smarter Castle agrees with me."

"The smarter Castle?" Castle exclaims, walking over to join them now that he's gotten Johanne covered. His grumpy daughter whines in his arms. "I know. But Uncle Kevin has the right idea. We don't want you getting burnt either. And smarter Castle, I resent that," he adds.

"Oh seriously. What was your GPA?" Lanie tosses out.

"High enough," he says, puffing out his chest.

"At which school?" Martha wonders.

"Mom," he protests as Alexis giggles, causing Johanne to laugh as well. "That's…just not cool."

"What's not cool?"

He turns and smiles as Kate walks out onto the deck, wearing bikini bottoms and a small tee shirt. He cocks his head, surprised. It's gloriously sunny. He would have thought she'd want to—oh. He looks back and finds Lanie watching her friend with a sad smile as Kate takes the sunscreen from Ryan and lathers it onto her legs. That keeps the boys plenty distracted.

Castle laughs when Lanie kicks Espo into the pool, his perusal of Kate's legs lasting a bit too long. Kate grins at Castle and shakes her head, walking over to dab a little sunscreen onto Johanne's nose.

The baby bats at her in retaliation. "Hey, baby. No hitting," Kate admonishes.

"I already slathered her up."

"Still no reason to hit mommy," Kate decides. "Wanna get her in the pool?"

"You gonna take her?"

Kate glances at the guys, who're now playing volleyball with Alexis in the deep end, and shakes her head. "Nah. I'll tan with Lanie and your mom. Have fun, baby," she adds, smiling at Johanne.

"Okay," he agrees, only because arguing would draw attention to her. She loves going in the pool, does it every day, even on therapy days. Especially on therapy days.

But that would require taking off her tee shirt. And sometimes, sometimes, the edge of her bullet wound peeks briefly over the high line of her one-piece.

"Mama will take you in tomorrow," he whispers to the baby as he takes the steps down and into the water, smiling as Johanne eagerly slaps at the pool. "But now, let's go watch your sister trounce your uncles, huh?"

Johanne squeals and he smiles, walking until his toes just touch the bottom so they can observe the three children at the other end of the pool. He looks back and watches as Kate stretches languidly on the lounger, chatting happily with his mother.

He loves that they love each other. But today, he'd rather see her in the pool.

(…)

Johanne squeaks, huddling into his chest as the boom of a Saturn firework reverberates through the air.

They'd thought about putting her down, but Kate, rightly so, had pointed out that the noise would wake her, and then she'd be alone in their room. So he'd rifled around until he found the pair of baby noise-cancelling headphones they got for the subway. Johanne fell asleep on him as they chatted out on the lawn in the dying sunlight. Now he and Kate relax together on one of the loungers, their family and friends around them.

"We got you," Kate whispers to the baby, rubbing her back. Johanne alternates between hiding and watching the blooming lights, the headphones digging into his chest as she squirms around.

Castle smiles and cranes his neck to kiss Kate's cheek where she's curled next to him, face turned against his neck to watch the fireworks.

"Good?" he wonders.

She nods. "Beautiful. I would have thought you'd light them yourself."

"He tried once," Alexis pipes up, sitting on the ground, her head resting against his thigh. "The burns weren't pretty."

"You burned yourself?"

"Just my arm. It healed," he grumbles. "We let the Mackeys down the way do it now. They hire someone."

He hears Alexis giggling and reaches down to ruffle her hair, getting a gentle head butt in retaliation. "At least I didn't hurt you," he says.

"Yeah, Josie. No fireworks," Kate says, smiling as the baby looks toward her, probably feeling more than hearing her words.

"Oh, come on. I could learn."

"You are not letting our daughter play with fireworks. It's bad enough you subjected Alexis to them," Kate chides.

"Alexis never went near them," he exclaims. "What kind of…" He sighs as Kate starts laughing. "Walked right into that."

"Of course you'd never let Alexis light fireworks. I know that," Kate promises. "Still."

"Fine," he huffs. "Fine. Kill all my fun."

"With pleasure," Kate says, kissing his neck.

"Would you shut up?" Esposito calls out, turning around in the chair he and Lanie are sharing. "You're ruining this for all of us with your bickering."

"We're not bickering," they reply back, in unison. Oh, God, they're disgusting.

He hears Lanie laugh and catches his mother smirking out of the corner of his eye.

"Love you," Kate whispers.

He smiles. They can be as disgusting as they like. She loves him, and he has his daughters. They're just fine the way they are.

(…)

"Kate?"

He hears a startled gasp and hurries into the room, only to find Kate trying to pull the sheet up, Johanne laying on top of her unclad chest.

He feels himself jerking toward the bed on instinct, to lift the baby from her chest, to save her from…wait.

"Did you take her out of the crib?"

Kate just blinks at him, the baby clutched to her chest. Their daughter is fast asleep, their friends on their way back to the city. And she's in bed, with the baby, who was in the crib when he left them to nap. He went for a walk with Alexis. At least, he thought Kate was napping.

"Kate?"

She's just staring at him, a hand on Johanne's back, the other covering—covering her scar.

"I," she manages. "Um. Holding time," she offers shakily.

Holding time. She—but he didn't think—"You lifted her," he says. Kate nods shallowly. "You're okay?"

"Yeah," she whispers.

"You can breathe?"

She cocks her head, then looks at the baby on her chest. "Yeah, Castle. I can breathe," she says slowly. "I'm fine."

"I—I just," he manages, walking slowly to sink onto the edge of the bed. "I didn't think you could lift her."

"I didn't want to try with the guys here," she whispers.

"But you tried when I was out? What if you'd been hurt?" falls out of his mouth before he can stop it. But she shouldn't have attempted this alone. What if something happened?

"I'm _fine_," she stresses.

But she's still struggling with the sheet, still has her hand over the bullet wound on her chest, her elbow tucked over her incision site.

"Kate," he says softly.

"What?" she returns, avoiding his eyes.

He watches her for a moment, then toes off his shoes and stretches out beside her, ignoring the way she winces, the way she seems to try and turn away.

"You picked her up," he says, letting more pride seep through his voice, rather than shock. Because it's amazing. He didn't know she'd been cleared for it yet. Doesn't agree with her trying without him, but she did it. And she's got Johanne with her, asleep and comfy on her chest, her little mouth open against the side of one of her breasts.

Kate doesn't seem to mind being topless in front of him, hasn't for a while. But he realizes sharply that this is the first time she's been this way since she was shot. They've slept together in this bed for a month and a half, but every night, she's had a shirt, of one kind or another, covering her body. Martha helped her shower the first few days. Before that, the bandages masked everything.

"You're having holding time," he whispers, reaching out to stroke his finger along Johanne's ear.

"Yeah," Kate agrees, shooting him a fleeting look.

"You guys are beautiful," he says, resting his hand on Johanne's back. "I wish I had a camera."

"No," Kate lets out. Johanne startles on her chest, then settles.

He watches as Kate forces herself to relax. He has to fix this. He hadn't realized—was so astonished to see her in the pool that he didn't notice the high one-piece. Was so enamored of wrapping her in his arms that he didn't think that he hadn't seen her naked. Hadn't wanted to think about it.

"You're beautiful," he repeats, shifting closer, sliding his arm under her pillow. "Kate."

"I'm gonna make it up the stairs," she says, her eyes resolutely focused on some random spot on the ceiling.

"I'm looking forward to it," he says softly, trying to follow.

"And I," she pauses and traces the spot beneath Johanne's head with her fingers—her bullet wound. "I don't—I don't look the same," she decides.

He swallows. How can she feel like she's anything less than utterly, devastatingly beautiful?

"I wanted—I wish you could have seen," she breaks off and takes a shuddering breath.

She's going to cry. She's going to cry, because she wishes he could have seen her, been with her, before the bullet wound.

But he did, and he was. And she was beautiful, pressed against him in sleep, holding their daughter, laughing about her undress. She was beautiful, kissing him at 3am and spooning with Johanne in her arms. She was beautiful then.

She's beautiful now.

"I saw you then," he says, reaching up to trail his fingers across her temple. "And I see you now." Kate closes her eyes. "And I love you," he promises. "You are just as beautiful."

"I'm not," she says, her voice hollow. "I'm—"

"Perfect," he says, cutting her off before she can even begin to say something ridiculous. "You're perfect. You have scars, but you're alive. And you are beautiful, and lithe, and sexy," he adds, scooting closer, watching as her mouth twitches. "Your smile takes my breath away, and I want to live with your legs."

"Castle," Kate manages, halfway between sorrow and laughter.

"Making it up the stairs will be amazing," he says, gently cupping her cheek until she looks at him. "I want you just as much as I did three months ago," he promises. "More, actually."

She searches his eyes and reaches up to wrap her fingers around his. "Me too," she whispers.

"That scar is beautiful," he adds. Holding fast when she shifts as if to pull away. "That scar says you lived. It says you're alive, and fighting, and that you are extraordinary. I love that scar."

"I hate it," Kate says, her gaze landing on his nose. "I hate it. And I can't—I can't look at it. How can you?"

He sighs and releases her, sitting up. She watches, unsure, as he gently lifts the baby from her chest. He silently rises and places her in her crib, rubbing her tummy once before turning back to Kate. She's pulled the sheet up to her chin, watching him with suspicious eyes.

He can fix this. He doesn't have much practice for a self-conscious Kate Beckett, but damn if he won't learn.

"Come 'ere," he beckons, walking back over and extending his hand. She shakes her head. "I've seen them before, Beckett," he says, raising an eyebrow.

"You haven't," she replies quickly.

He blinks. Right. "I've seen your breasts before." She opens her mouth, then closes it. "Come on," he says, holding out both hands.

"Castle," she says, and somehow, it's like she's begging. Begging him to let her stay under the sheet, to hide.

But if she's making it up the stairs, he's going to see her. And he plans to commit every last inch to memory, and do it happily. He wants her to enjoy it, not to spend the whole time thinking her scars suddenly make her abhorrent, make it a chore rather than the immense pleasure he knows it will be.

"Please," he says, twitching his fingers.

She sighs and slowly sits up, the sheet still clutched to her chest.

"Close your eyes?" she whispers.

"Not a chance. I love you," he repeats, meeting her eyes. "Come on."

She considers him for a moment, then drops the sheet. He takes pains to keep his eyes on her face, to let her come in her own time. He takes her hands and helps her from the bed, smiling as he realizes she's wearing a pair of his boxers.

"What?" she grumbles as she lets him drag her toward the bathroom.

"They look better on you," he says, glancing at the boxers.

He watches with pride as she tries on a small smile. He flicks on the light in the bathroom and guides her toward the mirror, ignoring the way she seems to tug lightly at his hands in protest. He releases her once they're standing in front of it, then gently takes her shoulders and turns her toward the mirror, stepping up behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist, her hands clutched in his. He's sure she would cover the scars now if she could.

"Look," he instructs.

"At what?" she mumbles, meeting his eyes for a moment, then looking down, her gaze fixated on her scars.

"At you," he says.

"I am," she offers, a slight bite to her voice.

"All of you," he insists, waiting until she meets his eyes again in the mirror. "You're tan, and a little glowy." She scoffs. "And," he continues, "you're almost back to your weight. Curves," he says, releasing one of her hands to draw his palm along her waist. "Your hair is lighter, with these really cute blonde streaks from the sun," he taunts, watching as she bites at her lip, trying not to smile. "And if you'd just smile." He drags his fingers over her bottom rib, grinning as she giggles. "There, look."

She looks at them then, her face still caught in a smile.

"You're beautiful," he promises. "And I cannot wait to inspect every inch of you without the baby in the room," he adds, grinning wolfishly at her. Her cheeks grow pink. "So please, please, don't hide, Kate. You're so beautiful," he repeats, hoping that if he says it enough, she'll believe it.

She studies him in the mirror then grabs one of his hands and raises it to press the pads of his fingers against her scar. "It won't ever go away."

"Neither will I," he says easily. "So we'll be good friends, this scar and I."

Kate huffs. "You're making me feel silly," she mumbles, her eyes shining.

"You are silly," he agrees, laughing as she glares at him. "But I get it," he adds.

"I just," she lets out, leaning into him. "I want—I want me back," she decides with a listless shrug. "And every time I see them, I feel…I don't know. I'm—thank you," she says, squeezing his arms as he wraps her up tight, settles his chin against her temple.

"You're getting you back every day. Or was it another woman who scared the crap out of me by picking up the baby without help?"

She laughs. "I was fine."

"Half-way to a heart attack," he says.

"Wimp."

"Vixen," he counters, bending to press a kiss to her neck.

"Hardly," she says dismissively.

He waits, taking a moment to drag his gaze across her chest until she swats at his arm with a giggle.

"You brought me in here. I was just trying to hold our daughter," she says, her face breaking in a smile as he skates his lips up the column of her throat and to her cheekbone, smattering kisses.

"How long until you make it up the stairs?" he whispers, holding her tighter.

"Soon," she promises. "Maybe by the end of the week."

He growls against her cheek and she laughs. "Soon," he repeats.


	30. Chapter 30

**Attachment Syndrome**

**NOTE the change of rating.**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 30:<strong>

"How'd it go?" he asks as Kate walks out of the therapy room, the double doors swinging behind her.

She smiles at him, tired but triumphant. "I can get up the stairs," she says brightly.

"Yeah?" he asks, wrapping his arm around her shoulders as they head for the door. They're garnering more than a few looks, both of them grinning. He hardly cares.

"Not today," Kate says as they walk down the long hall back to the car. "Need to rest. But tomorrow."

"Then we'll move everything tomorrow," he declares, squeezing her to him.

Kate laughs. "No, I can get upstairs tonight, but I can't…"

"Oh," he lets out, laughing as she giggles into his shoulder.

"But we could have Josie try her first night away from us," Kate suggests. "And I could maybe have a soak in that enormous tub of yours, so I'm all limber by the morning."

"I like the sound of that," he says against her ear, his voice deeper than he intends.

It's not that he's been waiting to get her alone, and…upstairs. But he totally kind of has, and he's more than a little excited about it.

From the look she gives him as he helps her into the car, her eyes dark and wide, tongue held between her teeth and a smile in her cheeks, he figures she's probably pretty ready for it as well.

"Let's go, Castle," she says, when it becomes apparent that he's just standing there, staring at her, his body held up by the door.

"Right," he says, jumping into gear and running around to hop into the driver's seat.

They're getting up the stairs today.

(…)

He sighs, staring around at the empty nursery. Well, nursery now. It used to be a guest room between his and Alexis' bedrooms. Alexis used it for friends, for play, for giant multi-room blanket forts.

Now, it holds only a changing table, Johanne's crib, and a dresser. He had the bed removed, but failed to order…anything else. There isn't even a rocking chair.

"We'll put her play mat up here," Kate says, walking in to stand in the middle of the room with him.

"It looks awful," he says quietly. He should have decorated it. He should have asked her what she wanted and painted it. It's just white now. White, with a view of the ocean.

There are no animals on the walls, no pictures, no big toy chest or play castle.

"She's ten months old," Kate reminds him. "She won't know the difference."

"I'm sorry," he says, leaning against her as she wraps an arm around his waist. She's strong enough now.

"Shut up," Kate says, arching up on her toes to nip at his ear. "It's great. And you know what else?"

"What?" he asks, petulant.

"It has a door between us and her," Kate whispers.

He smiles at that and turns to wrap his arms around her. "It does, doesn't it?"

"Now come on, Alexis made lunch," Kate whispers.

"How many trips up and down are you good for?" he asks as she guides him from the room, her fingers strong between his. She laughs. "Kate."

"Okay, I'll stay downstairs for the rest of the day, and come up at night," she concedes.

He holds her hand but doesn't hover as they descend the stairs, watching the way she consciously tightens muscles in ways he's never thought about. He used to marvel at the way she could sprint down a flight of stairs in four-inch heels. Now he's marveling all over again at the control she exerts to just make her body move—how hard it must be.

But she smiles brilliantly at him over his shoulder and drags him into the kitchen. He watches as she takes her daughter from Alexis, as she and Johanne sway around the room, making faces at each other.

"Look at that," his mother says, walking over to lean against the counter beside him. "Up and carrying the baby."

"Yeah," he agrees.

Martha chuckles. "How you doin', kiddo?"

"Me?" His mother hums. "I'm great."

Martha smiles. "I was thinking. Maybe Alexis and I could take Josie shopping tomorrow. Go get all sorts of cute things for that nursery."

He turns and meets his mother's eyes, sees a glint in them. Oh, it's so wrong to have his mother clearing the house so he can get laid. It's wrong, but he's not above taking the hint.

"That would be great," he tells her. "I think she'll be comfortable with you guys."

Martha nods and gestures to the other side of the room, where Alexis is lifting Josie above her head and making zooming noises while Kate and the baby laugh.

"You two enjoy your day," Martha says, patting his arm. "But make sure that girl can still, you know—"

"Mother, I beg you," he says, raising a hand.

Kate turns and catches his eye as Martha zips her lip and walks toward the table. He shudders and Kate cocks her head. He can't help it, disgusted as he may be. He grins.

Kate laughs and takes Johanne back from Alexis, settling her in her high chair and pulling her seat close. He just stands there, watching as his family starts eating, as Kate tries, and fails to get the first scoop of cereal into Johanne's mouth. Alexis makes a face, and Johanne grins. Kate swoops in, and man, what a look from their daughter—like Kate's is the ultimate act of betrayal.

"Dad," Alexis calls.

He jerks into motion, walking over and plopping down to join his women. "This looks great," he tells his daughter.

"Thanks!" Alexis says, beaming. "Kate taught me last week."

"And it's amazing," Kate interjects, chewing a bite while simultaneously dabbing cereal off of Johanne's chin.

He's actually going to have to make sure not to break her tomorrow. It would be a real shame if he undid all of this progress.

He shakes himself. That's just not an appropriate thought with two daughters and his mother at the table.

(…)

"Kate," he sighs, grabbing her elbow as she tries to leave the room, again.

"I just want to check," Kate says, beseeching. "I thought I heard—"

"Nothing," he says calmly, drawing her back to him.

They're standing in his ensuite, the tub filling steadily with bubbles and bath salts all mixed in. He's lit candles. The warm, sand-tiled room is washed in candle light, moonlight criss-crossing the floor from the full moon outside. Kate has her hair up in that amazing bun she does sometimes, all disarrayed and calculated at once. And she wants to check on the baby, again.

"But I just," she says, pouting at him as he rests his hands on her hips, her feet slotted between his as he leans back against the counter in his open robe and boxers.

"Kate," he repeats.

She deflates and picks at the shoulder of his robe. "I'm being silly," she says.

"You're being a mom," he corrects. "But we know she's fine. Sang her to sleep. Down for the count," he says, lifting the baby monitor they've brought into the bathroom with them. "And I am totally ready to burst outta that bath and grab her."

"I could do it," Kate protests.

"You are going to stay in there until you are a human prune," he directs. "Maybe so long I have to lift you out and dry you off, and then slide you into bed."

She smiles, her cheeks pinking. "That sounds amazing."

"Doesn't it though?" he entices, pushing the monitor further down the counter. "Can you relax?"

She hums and steps closer, melding their bodies together. "If I promise to try, do I get wine?"

He grins and nudges her cheek with his nose to get her to turn her head. He's already poured wine. Not much, because this is the first hot bath she's had here so far, and she's already tired. But there's wine on the edge of the bath. He clicks a remote on the counter, and there's jazz.

"I love you," Kate says, pulling back to smudge her lips over his.

He smiles and squeezes her waist before gently pushing her away and walking over to the tub to turn off the taps. He tests the water, and it's perfect.

He looks up and finds her watching him, her nail between her teeth, a smile curled around her finger.

"Join me?" he asks, slipping off his robe. He hangs it up then meets her eyes and slides out of his boxers.

Her eyes roam his figure as he stands tall, and he feels himself pinking just a bit. But that's definitely the steam from the tub. Definitely.

She walks closer, shedding her own robe, and he swallows hard. She's not wearing anything underneath. And she's gorgeous. He already knew that. But this time he gets to be all cuddled up with her in the soapy water and _why_ do they have to wait until tomorrow?

She moves past him and steps over the edge of the tub, letting out only a huff as she sinks down to her neck in the bubbles. But he catches the grimace and then total relaxation of her face. That's why they're waiting.

She reaches for his hand and he follows her in, sliding in behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist. He pulls her back into the vee of his legs and she groans her approval.

"Good?" he whispers.

"God, Castle. I should make you work harder all the time," she decides.

He laughs, the sound bouncing around the room with them. She leans her head back on his shoulder and presses her lips to his throat.

"Worth the wait?" he asks, feeling the way her body is practically melting against his.

They've done the hot tub a few times, but this is different. He's never felt her like this, like all of her defenses are utterly blow apart, her body pliable and easy on top of his.

"Yes," she hums out. "Can we live in here?"

He smiles and kisses her forehead. "We can make it a regular thing. But I think we have to nix the candles with the baby."

"Mm," she agrees. "And get a gentler bubble bath."

"Oh, sorry, I—"

"We're fine," she promises. "It's perfect. It's just more scented than she should have."

"Right," he agrees, relaxing and ignoring the arched brow he knows she's sporting. He gets to have his little paternal freak outs too. It's allowed.

"Remind me what tomorrow is?" she asks a few minutes later, her fingers skating up and down his thighs, squeezing every so often. It's driving him mad.

"Tomorrow's about to be tonight if you don't stop," he growls.

She smirks and stops, her hand resting placidly on his lower thigh. "Sorry," she whispers.

He grunts and kisses her cheekbone. "Tomorrow, my mother and Alexis will get up with Josie, and then spend the whole day out in town, returning with dinner at about five."

Kate sighs happily and threads her fingers through his on her stomach. "That sounds amazing."

"And they will have their cells on, so we can call and get updates periodically."

"Good," Kate mumbles. He laughs. "I know, I know."

"Just wait until she can stay with a sitter. You'll be a wreck," he taunts.

"Oh, right. Me. Big tough guy you are. You cried yesterday when she said 'dada la.'"

"She was saying dada love!" he insists. "And you got misty too."

Kate giggles. "We're saps."

"Yeah, having a baby has kind of ruined us, hasn't it?" he wonders, affecting a serious voice.

"Terribly," Kate agrees.

"Wait until she starts really talking," he adds. "The toddler speech patterns."

"Did you pick up Alexis'?"

"Huh," he says, thinking back. He always tried to speak like an adult, so she ended up sounding very well educated at a young age. But there were some things. "I called someone a pompous windbag one night after an event, and she must have misheard me. Then, at one of my poker games, she interrupted one of Jim's monologues to tell him he was a porpoise windbag."

Kate lets out a loud laugh. "That's adorable."

"They thought so too," Castle says with a grin. "We still use it sometimes, if someone's going on too long."

"Aw. Does she know?"

"And she turns scarlet," he says happily. "It's cute."

"Yeah," Kate agrees, squeezing one of his hands. "She's very cute."

He smiles. "She is. She talk to you at all about Stanford?"

"Uh-uh," Kate tisks. "You want to talk about that, do it with her."

"But Kate," he whines. "I don't like all this 'keeping confidence' stuff. I'm her dad!"

"Yeah, and I'm her…" she trails off, both of them going still. "Um."

He's not sure what to say. She used stepmom not long ago. But he hasn't proposed, and hell, they haven't even slept together yet. Well, that doesn't really matter, if the state of them in this bath is any indication. That part's going to be easy.

"Uh," he offers.

"I'm her confidant. That trumps dad," Kate decides, her voice soft.

"I don't agree," he huffs, mostly for show. "But as you're still recovering, I won't retaliate."

She laughs, the moment gone now. "And how would you even retaliate?"

"I happen to know you're very ticklish," he whispers, making her shiver. Ha. "But it would be unkind to overwork your abdominals, tonight."

She swats at his leg and wiggles between his legs. He grips her stomach and growls while she laughs.

"Tomorrow," she promises.

"Tomorrow."

(...)****(…)

He wakes alone. He blinks, rolling over to glance at the clock. It's 9am.

Where the hell is Kate?

He hears the door closing downstairs and waits, suddenly rather aware of where she is. She's such a mama bear. Who would have guessed?

Well, he did, after seeing them together for even a minute. But still. Today is not about their adorable daughter, who, oh, yeah, he would have liked to see her this morning.

"You're up," Kate whispers, tiptoeing into the room, wearing his robe.

"You look good in my clothes," he decides.

She smiles and sheds his robe. His mouth goes dry. She's wearing nothing but a pair of black lace bikini briefs. She smiles at him and climbs onto the bed, settling in his lap as he sits up.

He doesn't seem to know what to do with his hands. He reaches for her waist, then her neck, then her thighs, and she laughs, leaning in to press her lips to his. He sighs and opens his mouth to her, before pulling roughly back

"You taste like toothpaste," he offers as she stares at him.

She laughs. "Really? This is your issue?"

"I just," he mumbles, keeping a hand firmly on her waist as he reaches into his bedside table and pops a Tic Tac.

"You keep Tic Tacs in your bedside drawer?"

He looks back at her, crunching. "Just for you." She arches an eyebrow. "I swear. It's been two years, Beckett. Any mouth freshener from someone else is long gone. I got these for you," he adds, leaning into press his lips to hers.

She giggles. They're cherry flavored. "Sap," she mumbles as she sinks down into his lap, her arms threading around his shoulders.

"Seductress," he bites back, breaking from her mouth to skate his lips down her throat.

"Good morning," she groans out, shifting in his lap.

They're separated by his sinfully soft comforter, and that's just not okay. But he's loathe to dislodge her, not when her hips are rocking like that, and her nails are scraping gently over his scalp. Not when he can lean down and take one of her nipples into his mouth.

He grins around her flesh as she moans, a hand tightening in his hair, her other scrabbles at his shoulder. He swirls his tongue and she makes this amazing, breathy little squeak.

She looks down at him as he releases her with a pop, curling his hands at the small of her back to bring her chest closer. He presses his lips to the puckered edge of her scar and her hand loosens in his hair. She skates her palm around and rubs her thumb over the divot above his left eyebrow.

"I love you," he tells her, and she beams.

"I love you too," she tells him, cupping his cheeks and bringing his mouth back to hers.

He slides his hands down and tugs on her briefs, smiling as she huffs against his lips when she can't quite get her legs to cooperate, wrapped as they are around his hips.

She yanks her mouth back and slides off of him, divesting herself of her underwear in a smooth movement. He feels his mouth going slack as he stares down at her, her skin sun kissed and tanned, lines from her tee shirts, her bathing suit criss-crossing her body in patches of light and darker skin.

He shuffles around until he can toss off the comforter and lean down over her, claiming her mouth once more as her hands trail down his back, tugging on his boxers.

"Off," she commands softly.

He obliges, and with her help, they end up bare with each other, in a bed, for the first time. No boxers, no robes, no baby.

"Hi," he says, brushing the hair from her forehead.

"Hi," she replies, her eyes blown wide, pupils dark, toes dragging up his calf.

They're both a little dopey. He kisses her nose, the apples of her cheeks, her eyelids, and smiles as she pants out a breath, his tenderness apparently just as much of a turn on as anything else.

And yet. He parts her lips with his, distracting her with his kiss as he trails his hand between them, proud when her hips jump as he circles the pads of his fingers around her belly button—her whine when he drags his digits up the crease of her thigh, close but not quite where she wants him.

She nips at his lip as he repeats the gesture on her other thigh and he gives in, dragging his fingers in one long glide at the apex of her thighs. She's hot and wet and he groans into her mouth as she nearly jumps at the touch, her lips going slack against his.

He swirls his fingers, watching her closely as she gasps, trying to learn every reaction. She keens when he makes an infinity symbol against her skin, her eyes slamming shut only to open and pin his, her hips rocking. He slides his fingers down then and pushes one inside her body. Her eyes roll back at the feeling and he bites at his own cheek against a curse.

She feels perfect. The ridges of her body, the feel of her against him, around him, is exquisite, and he's hit suddenly with the realization that this is his last first time. And he gets to have it with her. He gets to learn her moans and grunts and squeaks for the rest of his life.

And he wants to start by making her fall apart. He keeps his fingers moving and begins to kiss his way down her body, but she pulls him back up.

"Later," she tells the cavern of his mouth, quickening the movement of her hips against his fingers.

He'll defer to her, though he's eager to taste her, to commit her to memory with his tongue. He can go without that experience now, but he has to see her fall apart before anything else.

"Kate," he whispers, their foreheads pressed together as her body heaves and stutters. "Kate," he repeats, waiting until her eyes find his before curling his fingers and pressing up up up.

She shatters beneath him, her mouth open on a silent scream, her body shuddering. He keeps going, watching in awe as her throat works, as her nose flares, her eyes widen, then shut, then open again. As her scream turns to panting little moans until she pushes him away, breathless.

He smiles as she holds a hand to his chest, her other arm draped over her eyes, her chest pistoning.

"So, stars?" he whispers.

She laughs and lifts her arm. "Jesus, Castle."

"You saw Jesus?" he asks, gasping comically, waiting for her to recover. He has to use humor, because otherwise, he might spontaneously combust. Seeing her come apart has to be the hottest thing he's ever seen.

Kate shakes her head and slides her hand up to grip the back of his neck, bringing him down to press lazy kisses to his lips.

"You want me thinking about another man while you're doing that?" she hums against his skin as she breaks away and trails her lips over his jaw.

"No," he agrees. "Biblical ones are…"

"No one but you, Castle," she says easily, before flipping him.

He blinks up at her, surprised. "You, wow," is all he manages, as her hands trail along his chest, her body sliding against his.

He can feel her against his navel, and it's driving him mad.

"Condom?" she asks.

"Right," he says, catching her as she leans toward that side of the bed. "No, I mean, yes." She stares at him. "My drawer," he offers sheepishly.

She laughs, her voice melodic and happy as she leans over and fishes one out. "Can get rid of these when I can go back on the pill," she says with an apologetic shrug.

"Don't care," he says instantly. "Safety first, Beckett."

She giggles. "Yeah, well, I'm not so worried about safety," she says, swirling one of her fingers around _his_ nipple, and shit, that feels good. She grins wolfishly at him. "But we'll keep these until we don't need 'em."

He nods numbly, not really able to keep up with clean, and safe, and pills when she's sliding down him like that. When she blows on his belly button and nips at his hip.

"Kate," he groans out as she slitters down and props herself over him, her breath fanning hot and heavy. She presses a kiss to his head and swirls her tongue and he nearly loses himself. "Later," he pants, meeting her eyes, his hands in fists. "Later."

She nods in understanding and opens the condom, rolling it on without losing eye contact, which is hot. Really hot.

Then she's clambering back over him and he's sitting up and shifting back, wanting to be able to see her, to touch her. She climbs into his lap and meets his eyes, arching up before sliding down in one long, slow, fluid movement.

She gasps and he holds her hips, letting her take her time even as he bites his lip and forces himself to focus on the woman in his arms and not the blinding, gripping heat of her perfect perfect body.

He loves her. He loves her, and she is incredible.

She settles then, rocking down the last inch until they're fully connected. She opens her eyes and meets his, her chest heaving.

"You're big," she announces, and he laughs, full and loud, watching as she laughs herself.

"And you feel amazing," he returns, words leaving him as she shallowly rises up and down. "God, Kate."

"You see God?" she asks, rocking before rising and sinking again. "Oh."

"You see whatever you want," he pants out. "Just don't stop."

She leans in and captures his lips, her body setting a slow, thorough rhythm. He trails his hands over her back, bringing one around to slide along her collarbones. He closes his palm over one of her breasts and she sighs into his mouth, her body moving more quickly.

He circles his finger over her nipple and she groans, breaking from his mouth to stare at him, her eyelids fluttering. He takes his other hand and sets a counter rhythm with her other breast, and she keens.

"Castle," she gets out, her body moving faster and faster.

He nods and nips at her mouth, their kisses more a clash of lips than anything else as they breathe and move together. She squirms over him, her rhythm faltering as he releases one breast to glide a hand down between them. He circles her clit the same way he circles her nipple and she shouts, her hands cupping his cheeks, eyes focused on his.

"Kate, Kate," he whispers, adding pressure, lifting his hips to meet hers. He chants her name, holding on, holding on until she breaks. Her body bows, gripping and pulsing around him and he groans, finding release on the edge of hers.

She all but collapses onto him, her head hitting his shoulder as he slumps against the headboard. He wraps his arms around her and lifts her up, disposing of the condom with the last vestiges of strength he has before letting her sink into his lap.

She groans into his neck.

"What?" he whispers.

"Hate condoms," she replies. "And oh, God, I can barely breathe," she continues, stroking his hair.

"You okay?" he asks immediately, worry bringing him out of his haze.

"Yes," she promises. "So okay." She wrinkles her nose against his neck. "Wonderful," she corrects. "Just not ready to go again just yet."

"That makes two of us," he says easily, hugging her to him.

"But I wanna."

He laughs and pulls back, kissing her nose. "You get whiny after sex, huh?"

She narrows her eyes then flicks her gaze to his lips. "You saying if you were still in me, I couldn't coax a round two?"

He growls and kisses her, nipping at her lip before their smiles break them apart. "We'll work on endurance," he decides.

"Damn straight," she agrees. "Multiple orgasms, Castle. I'm _good_ at them."

He laughs out a groan. "You're gonna kill me, aren't you?"

"But you'll die happy," she says with a grin.

"So happy," he agrees, kissing her once before sliding them down, so she's splayed out over his chest. "You happy?"

"Yeah, Castle," she says, snuggling into him. "I'm happy. I'm so happy."


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter 31:**

* * *

><p>Their glow is a bit disgusting.<p>

They've been tactile since she brought Johanne back from Haiti—a hand on her waist, a hand on his knee, a shoulder to lean on every now and then. They've been cuddly since they started sharing a bed, comfortable to be topless together, to snuggle in bed, to spend lazy mornings with bad breath and a giggling baby. Since her shooting, they've been knowingly in love, full of kisses and hugs and touches and frustration.

But nothing, nothing, compares to their post-coital behavior. It's like they can't stop touching each other, at all. She's always leaning against him, trailing her hand over his shoulders, his thighs, his cheek. He's constantly holding her hand, and caressing her waist, and settling his hands on her impossibly small hips.

Having each other at night doesn't seem to be helping, just exacerbating the problem. If they don't have sex, they're clingy. If they do have sex, they're soppy. He loves it, and Kate seems to love it, and Johanne enjoys walking across their thighs and passing between them, giggling at the extra kisses they seem to give her too.

Alexis and Martha though, appear to be at their wits end.

"Darling," his mother sighs as he kisses Kate's ear, whispering to her to make her laugh. "Darlings," she corrects. "We love you, we do, but my goodness, it's like you've been doused in some kind of aphrodisiac."

"Mother," Castle exclaims as Kate drops her forehead to his shoulder, blushing. "I—"

"Now now, no need to be embarrassed," Martha tuts. "But honestly, I think you're scarring Alexis."

He sighs and Kate deflates next to him, Johanne passed out on her shoulder. They have seen significantly less of the teen in the past week. But she's been seeing her friends out here, and Skyping with her friends from the city, and…avoiding them.

"I'll talk to her," Castle says slowly.

"I'll talk to her," Kate corrects. "And you, keep your hands off of me."

"Me?" he protests. "It's totally you that's making her uncomfortable."

"Is not," Kate insists, sitting up to look at him. "You're the one who kissed my neck in the hot tub today."

"Because you were practically sitting in my lap," he argues. "Who was it that was trying to get me to go upstairs to 'shower off' earlier, huh?"

"I'm just going to take this little one out of the room."

They blink at each other as Martha bends down and scoops Johanne up, shaking her head as they go to argue. "You two do whatever you need to do. Alexis is fine. Just…maybe keep the x-rated whispers to the bedroom, hm?"

They gape at her as she saunters out of the room, headed upstairs to lay Johanne down. Kate sighs and flops back next to him, an inch of space left between their thighs.

"I feel like I'm fifteen," he mumbles.

"You? I just got told off by your mom," Kate huffs.

"I did too," he says, glancing at her. "I just—"

"Yeah," she agrees, taking his hand as he reaches out for hers. "We're, um—"

"A little sex high?"

"Yeah," she breathes out, turning to meet his eyes. "I didn't realize we were that bad though."

"We probably aren't. But they can't really escape us here. Nothing else to do."

She hums at that, giving him a look. He laughs and she smiles, letting her head fall back against the back of the couch. "So what do we do?"

"Try not to talk dirty around Alexis?"

She laughs. "Deal."

"And maybe have a quickie every morning. You know, get it out of our systems."

She turns and meets his eyes, an eyebrow raised. "Why a quickie?"

"Beckett," he whines as she giggles.

"I just—I have all this energy," she says, stretching her legs. "And um, well…"

"We're freaking great at sex?"

"Yeah," she agrees, laughing as he tugs her into his side. "We are really great at sex."

"Oh come on."

They turn and find Alexis standing in the doorway to the living room, a disgusted look on her face.

"Shit, sorry, Alexis," Kate says, pulling away from him. "Sorry, really."

Alexis wrinkles her nose. "I'm happy you're happy," she offers after a moment. "Just…try not to be so happy in public spaces?"

"Yes."

"Promise."

She shakes her head and sighs. "Okay. I made cookies if anyone wants some."

With that, she turns and leaves the room, both of them left on the couch, slouching next to each other.

"We suck as parents," Castle decides.

"Just to the grown one," Kate corrects. "Josie's loving this. I think she's soaking up our glow."

"That's kinda wrong," Castle mutters as he hauls himself up. "I mean, mirroring our emotions is great. But…squicky?"

Kate laughs and lets him help her up, keeping hold of his hand as she leads him back to the kitchen. "It's progress. We just need to be less…squicky in front of the grown one."

"Please don't start calling me 'the grown one,'" Alexis offers as they traipse into the kitchen.

"The more grown one?" Castle asks, releasing Kate to walk to the freezer. "Ice cream?"

Kate nods even as Alexis shakes her head. "You know you want some," she teases his kid.

"Not all of us still need to gain weight," Alexis snips back, but she's smiling.

"She's right, Castle," Kate decides. "She's not grown. Grown women know ice cream does not count toward weight gain. Like chocolate, and wine."

"Hey," Alexis protests. "Actually, I'll have wine, please."

"No," Castle grumbles, rolling his eyes as both girls grin. "No wine. It'll put you to sleep. You want to do shots if you're going to have fun."

"Castle," Kate exclaims.

"What, you can give bad advice but I can't?"

"Tequila is for fun, shots are for parties," Kate tosses back.

"Tequila is for fun you shouldn't remember. We shouldn't be having any of that with the grown one," he returns, spooning ice cream into three bowls for them.

"You guys are the worst," Alexis decides, even as she takes a bowl from him and fights a smile. "Terrible parents."

He sees Kate swallowing down a grin and meets her eyes, winking at her. They may be over-doing it with the…post-coital clinginess, but Alexis considers Kate a parent. What type of parent, he's not sure. But that's something.

"We'll try to be better," Kate promises his kid.

Alexis nods and points her spoon at her. "Good."

"Good," Kate agrees.

(…)

"You're gonna like the museum," he hears Alexis say.

He pokes his head into the nursery and smiles at the picture they make. Alexis is sitting cross legged in her pajamas with Johanne in front of her, the two of them playing with blocks. It's early yet, just gone nine. Kate's still asleep.

"We'll go to the museum, and Alice's teacup, and the aquarium. And there's this great park a few blocks away with a fabulous playground. Dad used to take me all the time."

"Dada," Johanne babbles back at Alexis.

Alexis smiles. "Yeah. He's the best. He's gonna make your childhood so much fun. And mama will too," she adds, building a little stack for Johanne to knock over and giggle. "I don't know what mama's like with little kids, but judging by you, I'd say pretty good."

She builds another stack and lets Johanne knock it down. "Exi!" she squeaks, clapping her hands.

"Oh, they're gonna be jealous," Alexis crows, clapping back. Johanne giggles and claps again.

Castle slowly backs away from the doorway before either of them can spot him. Kate's the one who'll be jealous, still zonked out from her therapy session yesterday.

He sighs as he shuffles his way down to the kitchen to make coffee. Alexis wants to show Johanne all of her favorite New York places—has plans and outings all queued up in her head. She's ready to go back to the city, he can tell.

And he understands. He gets it. Still, it's been wonderful to be here—wonderful to see Kate heal here, see Johanne heal here, see Alexis blossom here. They've been happy here.

He forces himself to focus on pouring coffee, on making little hearts with the steamed milk, on carefully climbing back upstairs and tiptoeing past Johanne's room until he reaches his. He sneaks inside and places the coffees on Kate's side table.

He sits down at her hip, smiling at the relaxed look on her face.

Maybe today is the day to make it down to the beach.

It's been two weeks now since she climbed the stairs, and she's only getting stronger. It's time.

She shifts as he places a hand on her hip, her eyes blinking open on a sleepy smile. "Hey," she mumbles.

"Morning," he greets. "How you feelin'?"

She stretches with a hum, opening and closing her hands. "Better."

"Good." He smiles as she shuffles up and immediately reaches for her coffee.

They're still pretty sex crazy, but they've restored some order. Coffee comes before him again. All is right with the world.

"How about we go to the beach today?"

Her eyes widen and she hastily swallows her sip, lowering the cup to stare at him. "Yeah?"

"If you feel up to it," he adds.

"Yeah, definitely," she says quickly, shifting close to press a quick kiss to his mouth before putting down her coffee and jumping out of bed.

He blinks as she bounds over to the door to the nursery and opens it, leaning in. "Beach?"

"Yes!" he hears.

He just sits there, watching as his daughter and Kate prepare for a beach day, calmly passing Johanne between them as they search for her swimsuit, Kate's swimsuit, sunscreen, towels.

"Get up, Castle," Kate chides as she heads toward the bathroom with Johanne.

"Don't you need breakfast?"

"Pack a picnic," she tosses over her shoulder. "We're goin' to the ocean," she says to the baby.

He shakes his head and gets up, heading back to the kitchen. Women.

(…)

"Okay, Josie," Kate says softly, standing there in a black bikini, hair wild around her shoulders, the baby on her hip.

The water dances at her toes and he stands in awe, watching the two of them, camera at the ready. Johanne gapes out at the ocean, pointing with one little arm as she clings to Kate with the other. She's just wearing a diaper—no point in putting her in a swimsuit for this.

Kate nuzzles her cheek. "What'cha think, bug?"

"Big huh?" he adds, walking closer, needing contact with them.

"Dad," Alexis says softly, approaching behind them, wearing a ridiculous sun hat. He can see his mother lounging under the umbrella a ways up the beach. "Gimme the camera," she insists.

He does, stepping in to wrap his arm around Kate's waist. Alexis smiles and takes a few pictures, wading into the water so she can catch Johanne's face.

"Wanna go in the water?" Kate asks the baby.

Johanne turns at her voice and pats her cheek. "Wawa," she says.

Kate beams. "Yeah. Big wawa."

He smiles as she goes to put the baby down. He crouches down next to them, taking one of Johanne's hands as Kate steadies her on the ground and kneels down on her other side, both of them helping her stand.

"Get ready," he says to the baby, watching as the tide laps back up to them.

Johanne shrieks as the water hits her little feet, leaving them both grabbing to keep her standing as she stumbles, eyes wide, mouth open in a little 'o.'

"It's okay," he says quickly. "You're okay. It's just saying hi."

Kate gives him a look and he grins, hearing Alexis laughing out in the water. "Saying hi?" Kate repeats.

Johanne squeaks as the water comes back, wetting their knees and her little ankles.

"It's just saying hi," Kate agrees, rolling her eyes as he grins. "This is the ocean. There's more of it than anything else on earth."

"Whoa," he lets out.

"Seriously, Castle?"

"That's—hey, that's kind of deep," he protests. "Your mom is deep, bug."

"Wawa," Johanne says, turning solemnly to him.

He smiles and nods. "Wawa. Exactly. Lots of wawa."

"Do you wanna go all the way in?" Kate asks the baby.

Johanne swings her head around to stare at Kate, and the two look at each other, as if they're having some real conversation. Kate smiles after a moment and picks the baby back up before steadily walking into the ocean. It's good it's warm, he can see how tense Johanne is as he scrambles in after them, Alexis taking picture after pictures.

Kate slowly bends down so Johanne's partially submerged. The baby squirms, laughing and whining at once.

He grins at Kate and crouches down in front of her, the water only up to his chin if he's on his knees.

"Hey, bug," he says, smiling as Johanne slaps at the water experimentally. "Different from the pool, huh?"

She kicks her feet and reaches out for him. Kate gently, and carefully, passes her over, and he holds her up, her little body buoyed by the water, Kate's hands held on either side of her.

After about a minute, Johanne begins giggling in earnest, slapping at the water and laughing as it splashes his face. She takes to it with eagerness, shrieking in excitement, ready for wave after tiny little wave. By the time they're walking out of the water, she's practically asleep on his shoulder.

"Worth the wait?" he asks as Kate strolls along side him, the two of them heading back to Martha and Alexis under their umbrella.

"Definitely," Kate assures him, reaching up to stroke Johanne's back. "Someone liked it a whole lot."

Johanne pats his chest and snuggles closer. "She's gonna hate that we're gonna change her diaper," he tells Kate.

Kate laughs. "She'll be fine. Alexis was," she adds, sitting down next to his daughter in one of the beach chairs they brought down.

"I was never that cute," Alexis says as Castle lays Johanne down and wipes his hands on another towel before reaching for the baby bag.

"I beg to differ," he says, glancing at his mother.

"Different babies, both lovely," his mother offers, immersed in some young adult book. He thinks she got it from Kate, who got it from Alexis. He feels oddly left out, actually.

"You were an adorable baby," he adds, looking to Alexis even as he unstraps Johanne's diaper, shushing her little whimpering cries. "Just like Josie. Just you had big blue eyes instead of black."

"I think they're dark brown," Kate offers, bending over Johanne's head to smile at her, distracting the baby from Castle's ministrations.

"Yours are never one color," he mumbles as he tosses the diaper into the trash bag they brought. He wipes the baby down and slips on another diaper, smiling as Johanne coos up at Kate.

"Mm, well, I'm a mystery," Kate offers, swinging Johanne up and turning her into her chest, grinning as she squeaks and then goes limp against her.

"That you are," Castle agrees, lying down next to them, hands behind his head.

Alexis pulls out her own book and Kate stares down at the baby. He turns and watches the two of them, notes the steady rise and fall of Johanne's back, the far away look in Kate's eyes.

He's glad they did this—a new thing, a new experience, another first. They still have plenty of firsts here.

(…)

"Down for the count," he announces, walking into their bedroom a few days later.

Kate nods absently, standing in front of the windows, staring out at the choppy ocean. It's cloudy today, wind whipping up the beach and rattling the house.

"You okay?" he asks, watching the way she's gnawing on her lip.

She's been quieter since they made it down to the beach, contemplative. A mystery, he reminds himself. But now, staring at her as she worries at her lip and gazes blankly out at the ocean, he wonders whether that bodes well in this moment.

"Kate?"

"Have you heard from Jordan?" she asks, glancing at him.

"No," he says slowly. "I haven't."

Kate nods, bringing a hand up to nibble on her thumbnail. She and Alexis went to the hospital today. Kate dropped her off on the way home at a friend's down the way. Kate came back in a strange mood, so he gave her space, played with Johanne, put her down for her nap.

"I could go back to work," Kate says quietly.

He gapes at her, and she looks over at him.

"Charlie—he said I'd be ready, if I wanted. More time is good, but I'm—he thinks I could withstand the recoil, and I can run, jump, lift." She shrugs then rubs at her arms, sore, he expects, from the therapy. "You sure you haven't heard from Jordan?"

He nods, walking slowly over to stand a few feet from her. "I haven't. I would have told you," he says, feeling oddly hurt by her need for reassurance, something clenching uncomfortably in his chest.

"I know," she agrees, glancing at him. She does a double take. "I know that, Castle. I'm sorry."

He nods and looks out at the water with her. She shakes herself after a moment and reaches out to take his hand.

"Lunch?" she asks, squeezing his hand as he rips his eyes from the view.

"Yeah," he agrees, letting her lead him out of the room.

The tightness in his chest goes with them.

(…)

"Yes, I understand," Kate says into the phone, pacing back and forth as he watches from the couch. "No, I do. Jordan, I do," she insists. "Okay. Thanks."

She clicks off and rubs a hand agitatedly through her hair. He finally broke down and told her to call after two tense days with her coiled so tight he was worried she'd do damage to her muscles.

It's not the outcome she wanted, he can see.

"So?" he asks.

"At least another two weeks," Kate lets out, tossing her phone onto the smaller couch on another pass in front of the coffee table. "At least. It could be more. It could be—God, it could be months, Castle."

He sighs, glancing out the window at Alexis and Johanne, splashing together in the pool. He wants to go back to the city, he does. But there's beauty in this too.

"We'll make it," he tells her, trying to smile against the face she gives him, angry and tight and frustrated.

"For how long?" Kate asks, scratching at her incision site. "I can walk, I can run, I can—I could go back," she lets out. "I could go back and fight this, but no. It's 'stay there, Kate.' 'You're safe there, Kate.' I just—I want to help."

"I know," he says gently.

"I just want this to be over," she continues. "I want my life back."

He feels it like a punch to the chest. Her life.

"What's this then?" tumbles from his mouth before he can stop it.

She pauses, grows still, and stares at him. "What?"

But it's sitting there heavy on his chest—her anxiety, her restlessness. They're building their family here, healing here, growing here. "You want your life back. What about this?" he gestures to the room.

"No," Kate says, shaking her head. "That's not—not what I meant."

"Then what did you mean?" he asks, standing, suddenly feeling like he's the one that wants to pace.

Kate stares at him. "I just—I want things to go back to normal," she offers after a moment.

"Back to—back to what?" he exclaims. "Back to us sleeping in different rooms? Back to your apartment? What the hell is normal for us, Kate?"

She gapes at him, the couch somehow between them now. He raises his head to meet her eyes and stumbles back. Hurt, anger, fear—they're awash on her face, her hands in fists.

"Do you," she starts, pausing to pinch the bridge of her nose. "Do you really think that little of me, Rick?" she asks, her voice low and hard.

He works his jaw, feeling out of his element.

"You're filing for adoption with me," she continues. "Johanne—you said you would take her if anything happened to me. Do you seriously think—how can you even ask me that?" she demands.

"I," he starts, feeling cagey and defensive now. They've never talked about this like this. "Look. We signed on to this for six months, and I sure as hell don't expect it to end when we get to go back, but you want normal, and I just—"

"What?" she interjects. "You're not—you're not seriously telling me you're still counting months. Like this is still some arrangement for Josie's sake? Fuck, Castle. I love you. Does that not mean anything to you?"

"Of course it does," he says immediately. "I'm not—I didn't mean—I don't know what to do to make this better," he admits. "You want normal, and you want to go back, and I can't do that. I can't make that happen."

"I'm not asking you to."

"Then what do you want from me?" he exclaims. "This isn't enough? What we're doing—what we're building, isn't enough for you?"

She stares at him and drops her hands, her fingers curling into her palms. "I got shot," she says. "I got shot, and I spent two months recovering from that. And I did. What I want, Castle, is to go home. To the loft," she continues before he can ask. "With our kid, our kids. I want that normal."

He feels his body deflating. He just—he loves her, and he loves the family they have, and it feels so—

"I'm going for a walk," she says. "I thought," she pauses, shaking her head and huffing. "I thought I was doing well—showing you. I don't plan to abandon you, Castle. But you gotta meet me halfway."

With that, she turns and leaves the room, her bare feet padding quietly away. He sinks onto the couch and places his head in his hands.

Shit.


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter 32:**

* * *

><p>"Dad?"<p>

He looks up and finds Alexis in the doorway, Johanne asleep against her chest.

"Hey," he offers, his voice hoarse.

"I just, um, I was looking for Kate. I have a Skype date, and since Josie fell asleep on me, I thought I'd pass her off."

"Gimme," he says, pasting on a smile.

"You okay?" Alexis asks as she walks over and passes him the baby.

Johanne barely shifts, her body a warm, soft weight as he holds her to his chest.

"I'm fine," he tells her.

"You sure?" Alexis prods.

He nods. "I'm—really. Go have your Skype. Kate'll be back…soon. Went for a walk."

"Okay," Alexis says quietly. She stares at him for a moment then leaves the room.

He sighs and slumps there on the couch with the baby on his chest. He runs his fingers over her little back. She's warm and a slightly sweaty with sleep, wearing a diaper and a little blue tee shirt. She snuffles against him and he cups her head.

He leans back and stares up at the ceiling. He pushed too far. He knows that. He let his emotions and his paranoia get the best of him and hurt his…Kate in the process. He knows she's playing for keeps. He's _adopting_ with her for Christ's sake.

But it still feels like the rug could be pulled out from under him. Like he'll wake up one morning and she'll be coming back from Haiti with Josh and Johanne will never have happened, and they'll never have happened.

Then there are other days where he wakes and expects to find the bed empty. Expects to get up and walk out to a cemetery where she's buried next to her mother. Expects to be calling to ask about Johanne at some foster home.

He has no control, and he wants assurances no one can give. They're safe here. He doesn't want to go back, doesn't want to help solve it. He wants to stay here where they're safe and they can live in their bubble of family and sex and love and protection.

Somehow, in clinging to that, he took her wanting their life back to mean she didn't want the life they're living.

He just doesn't know what to do about it.

"How do I make this up to your mom, huh?" he whispers to the baby.

(…)

He hasn't figured it out by dinner. Instead, they spend an awkward meal, taking turns feeding Johanne and making conversation with Alexis and his mother. It's uncomfortable.

They've never had to be together after a fight. Usually they go back to their separate spaces and mope until someone cracks. It's generally him. Because it's always him. But now, now she's smiling tightly at Alexis, making idle chat with his mother. The lines around her eyes are pronounced, that vein in her forehead a little more prominent.

"So," Alexis says, glancing between them. "I was talking to Paige today."

"How is she?" Kate asks, wiping up a glob of mushed carrots as Johanne spits them out over his spoon.

"She's good. Her family's going to the Caribbean for the last few weeks of vacation."

"Nice," he manages, opening his mouth wide for Johanne. She lets him put the next spoonful into her mouth, but her eyes say she's onto him.

"I thought maybe, well," Alexis pauses and both he and Kate look over at her. "I mean, not now, obviously. But maybe for Christmas or something we could go somewhere?"

"Like where?" Martha asks before either of them can get the words out.

"Europe? I've never actually seen Paris," she adds, smiling at Castle.

He lets out a sardonic laugh. "I thought you saw the Eiffel tower."

"For like a minute," Alexis huffs. "Has he ever told you?"

"That your mom took you for lunch one day?" Kate completes for her. "Yeah. My mom only ever pulled me out of school for the dentist."

Alexis laughs. "Dentist would have been better. I got so sick on the plane."

"Ugh," Kate agrees. "But you want to go back?"

"You speak some French, right?" Alexis returns, looking between them.

"Her more than me," Castle admits, glancing at Kate. She meets his eyes with a slight smile and nods.

"Enough to get around," she says. "I could do more in Kiev."

"That would be cool," Alexis says immediately. "Have you been to the Ukraine, dad?"

"Once," he says, laughing softly as Johanne bats his spoon away. "I signed books there on one of the European tours, but I didn't see much, just the hotel and the store really."

"Well, it sounds like we have our next vacation all picked out," his mother says, clapping her hands before standing up. "I'm off for a date. Don't wait up."

"A date?" Alexis says, staring at her. "With who?"

"Oh, just an old flame," Martha offers, waving it off.

"Mother," he says with a sigh. She always ends up seeing Jerrod from up the street and then inevitably spends the next week in a bottle of scotch. Every damn summer.

"Oh, don't give me that look, Richard," she scolds. "Fix your own messes first."

Kate chokes on a piece of broccoli and Martha smirks, waving before sauntering out of the room.

"Every year," Alexis mumbles, standing and collecting their plates. "I'm gonna head up. Do you want me to put her down?"

"No," he and Kate reply together. Alexis gives them a look but nods, moving around to kiss their cheeks before disappearing into the kitchen.

They sit in silence for a minute, Johanne gurgling between them, her face practically covered in mushed carrots. He rubs the back of his neck, unsure of where to start.

"You wanna give her a bath? I'll do the dishes," Kate offers quietly.

"Okay," he mumbles, sighing as she stands and quickly gathers the other plates—out of the room before he can manage so much as an 'I'm sorry.'

He sighs and stands up, hoisting his sticky little daughter out of her high chair. "Bath time," he says as she pats at his cheek, her eyes drooping. "Yeah, you're gonna fall right to sleep, aren't you?"

She coos at him as he walks her upstairs and into the nursery's bathroom. He looks around and smiles. His house was made for a second kid, really. There was already a bathroom in the guest room, and now it's Johanne's bathroom, full of baby things and bath toys, with her baby seat a permanent fixture in the tub. Though, Kate's been taking bath's with Johanne recently, the two of them giggling in the tub together.

"Someday, when you're all big, I hope you're better at saying what's wrong," he murmurs to the baby as he strips her out of her shirt and flicks on the taps for the tub.

She gurgles at him as he takes off her diaper and wipes her down. He smiles and leans down to blow raspberries on her stomach. She squeals and kicks, laughing at him. He chuckles and picks her up, moving across the room. He dips his elbow into the bath and then settles her into the seat. She squeals and hits the water, giggling and automatically reaching out for one of the rubber ducks Alexis and Martha bought on their latest shopping trip. The child has a rubber duck in every conceivable color of the spectrum.

Sometimes he wonders if having so much money has changed the way Alexis sees wealth. But then she buys her baby sister multi-colored ducks instead of buying herself a new iPad, and he knows he's done something right. The kid completely dotes on Johanne, the two of them thick as thieves now.

His daughter has a sister. His second daughter has a big sister.

He has two kids.

Kate chose to share her daughter with him. She didn't have to; the minute Dr. Goldstein said Johanne had RAD she could have pulled away, taken the baby back. Instead, she moved in with him, and lives with him, and cooks with him.

And loves him.

It's just—he sighs and shakes his head.

"It's enough for her, bug. It should be enough for me."

Johanne squeaks and looks up at him as he gently pours water over the back of her head. "Dada," she says, patting the tub. "Dada wawa."

"Wawa," he repeats. "Love you, bug."

"Dada la!" she replies, smiling her little two-toothed smile at him.

He grins. "Yeah, dada las you too. And he loves mama too."

"Mama la!"

He laughs. "You're already better than me," he tells her. "And I'm so proud of you, you know that?" She giggles as he tickles her stomach, meeting his eyes with her big little black ones, hands reaching out for him.

He pulls the plug and scoops her up, wrapping her in a towel and ruffling her hair. "You've grown up so big and so happy, bug," he says as he moves her back to the counter to put her in a fresh diaper. "You're such a happy little thing, and we're so proud of you, trusting us, loving us, loving your sister Lexi."

"Exi!" Johanne says, even as she opens her mouth wide in a yawn.

"And you are such a good sleeper now," he adds, grinning as he picks her up and moves back into the nursery. He slips her into a onesie with little ducks on it and slides down into the rocking chair in the corner. "And you cry and reach out for us, and I'm so proud of you for that."

Johanne snuggles into his chest, one of her hands wrapping into his shirt, her legs scrunched up against his arm.

"You've reached all of the markers we wanted you to hit by now. And you did it in under six months, you over-achiever," he says, pushing with his foot to set a gentle sway. "But you know, I don't think six months is enough at all. I think you need a whole life with us together, huh?" Johanne snuffles, her eyes fluttering shut. "Glad you agree," he whispers.

He rocks there for a long time with the baby, wracking his brain for something better than, 'I'm sorry.' Something that says he understands, that he does believe her when she says she loves him—that he trusts her with his heart. He does. He's just having some trouble getting his head to fully catch up, to stop panicking at any mention of the future.

He hears the door to their room open next door and glances down at Johanne, who's completely asleep now, and drooling on him. With a heavy feeling in his chest, he rises and places his daughter into the crib.

He stands there staring at her for a long moment before turning and opening the door to his room, to somehow explain to her mother—the woman who decided to share her daughter with him—that he loves her, and she's more than enough, and he kind of…lost it.

"Hey."

He looks over and finds Kate sitting on the bed, a batch of 8x11 photos spread out on the comforter in front of her. She meets his eyes, and he sees something fragile there.

"Hey," he replies, walking over to sit opposite her.

She hands him a photo, pulling her legs onto the bed with her and wrapping her arms around them—guarded.

He looks down at the photo and smiles. Alexis must have had these developed. There they are, crouched low beside Johanne, the baby gaping out at the sea with the water dancing at her toes. What catches him though is the look Kate's giving him. He's staring at Johanne, pointing out at the ocean, and Kate's staring at him, a smile wide on her face, crinkling her eyes.

"Kate," he manages.

"You know, that first night, when I brought Josie home, you told me you knew I could be a mom," she says, staring just past his ear, out at the fading sunlight over the ocean. "I don't think I would have slept if you hadn't."

He sighs. "Kate."

"You made me feel so safe, Castle," she continues. "When Josie had her first shot, when she was diagnosed with RAD, when I got shot—you have this really…amazing way of making me feel safe. And I don't—I don't think I do that for you."

He gapes at her. "No, no, it's not—"

She shakes her head. "You've spent the last six months waiting for me to pick her up and just walk out the door, haven't you?"

He feels his heart break. He hasn't. Well, he has—he did, at least. But then it became more about her dying before they even hit six months, then someone killing her, then her…getting bored with him.

"I love you," she says, her eyes flicking to the photo he holds limply in his hand. "And I'm sorry that I can't make you feel the way you make me feel."

He scrubs a hand over his face and meets her eyes, sees the way hers are shining with unshed tears, her hands twisting together against her shins.

"How safe do I make you feel if you don't think you make me happy, Kate?" he asks, pushing the pictures to the other side of the bed so he can scoot up to her, can place his palm on her small knee. "You make me incredibly happy," he promises her. "And that you love me—that means the world."

She nods slowly. "Good."

"I—I think I've spent the past six months half dreaming and afraid to wake up," he admits. "Because this—what we're doing together, with Josie and Alexis—this is more than anything I ever thought I'd get." One of her hands comes up and squeezes his, and he smiles. "And it just feels like I'm going to wake up one morning and it'll all be gone, because I can't really be this lucky."

She scoffs. "Castle."

"Beckett, I used to hope I'd get to kiss you," he says softly. "Now I get to wake up with you, and raise a kid with you—two kids, actually. And I get to sleep with you, and take baths with you, and watch you cook food I had no idea you could cook." She huff lightly at that. "And I'm still a little shocked."

She sighs. "How do I—how can I help then? Because you're awake, Castle. This is real, and it's been real for a long time, and I—I need you to be awake with me."

He nods and leans in to press his lips to her forehead, coaxing her into uncurling, her legs sliding over his until he can scooch beneath her, settling her into his lap.

"I'm awake," he says. "And I'm sorry, Kate."

"You freaked out. I get it."

"No, no, don't—don't just push it away because—"

"Because what? Because I found out that my—my—" she pauses and pulls away to meet his eyes. "Would having a label help you?"

He laughs at that, watching as her brow wrinkles. "What, calling you my girlfriend?"

"You've said that before and it feels wrong."

"Yeah," he agrees, searching her eyes. He knows what he'd like to ask, but it shouldn't—this isn't how he should ask. He can't ask her for a declaration of forever to make himself feel less unmoored.

"Would you—do you want—someday—" she pauses and considers him, before shifting, rising up on her knees, her thighs bracketing his waist, her hands on his cheeks. "Castle, will you mar—"

He lunges forward and swallows her words, cradling her to him as she loses herself to his kiss. Because she's willing to marry him. She's willing to marry him, and she loves him, and they're making a life together.

"Don't steal my thunder," he whispers as he pulls back.

She makes a muffled sound, her lips swollen, eyes a little wild. "But," she mumbles.

"Someday," he promises. "Someday, I want to get down on one knee and do this for real. You only get one proposal, and you deserve it, okay?"

She narrows her eyes at him. "And if this is what I want it to be?"

He smiles. "Then ask. But I—I don't want you to ask me because you want me to feel secure. I trust this. I trust you. We're both headed to the same place, right? Forty years from now, not looking over our shoulders, because we're going to get Bracken. But forty years from now, we'll be all wrinkled and grey and sitting on the lawn out here with a gaggle of multi-racial grandkids?"

Kate bites her lip and nods.

"Okay. Then let me do it right sometime?"

She sighs and draws her fingertips down his face. "Where was this earlier tonight?"

He turns his cheek and kisses her palm. "Freaking out. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

She shakes her head and pulls closer, resting her forehead against his. "It's okay. Just—just stay awake with me from now on."

"I promise," he whispers, drawing her in to wrap his arms tight around her body, burying his face in her hair. "You're my forever, I promise."

She nods into him, carding her hand through the hair at the nape of his neck. "Castle, you've been my forever since before Haiti."

"I love you," is all he manages.

"I love you too," she whispers, pressing a kiss to his neck before pulling back. He reaches up and wipes at her cheeks, laughing when she does the same to him, the two of them quietly crying and smiling at each other. "Now, about you 'doing it right.'? Seriously? I can't do it right?"

"Do you want to propose to me?" he asks, laughing as she huffs.

"I could do a great proposal."

"You gonna get me a pretty ring?"

"Have you gotten me one?" she asks, arching an eyebrow.

He hums. "Not telling."

"That's a no," she decides with a grin.

"No," he argues. "It's an 'I'm looking, really hard, because it has to be perfect,' Beckett."

"Oh," she mumbles, her cheeks pinking.

"But, if you wanted to get me one too, I'd wear it," he says, laughing as she pushes on his chest with a giggle. "Especially if you can get that picture inlaid into it."

"Do you want a locket?" she wonders, her face going soft as she stares at him.

"Maybe just get it framed," he suggests, reaching out to grab the picture and lay it on his bedside. "It's beautiful. You, are beautiful."

She smiles and leans in to kiss him. "You're beautiful too, Castle. The way you see me is how I see you. Believe that, okay?"

He nods and presses his lips to her cheekbone, her eyelids, her nose. "I believe you, Kate."

"I'll keep telling you anyway."

He smiles against her cheek. "Write me sonnets?"

"No, I'm gonna write you books. Big best sellers all about how amazing you are. Speaking of which," she pulls back and glares at him. He shifts, suddenly uncomfortable. "I seem to remember being promised a manuscript for making it to the beach, and I've yet to see one."

He swallows and gives her his best puppy dog look. "Oh, did I promise you that?" Her eyes narrow and she nods. He leaves her dangling for a moment then grins. "I got it done yesterday. A little late, I know, but…"

"Where?" she asks immediately, pulling away.

He drags her back. "Kate. Now?"

She considers him, looking excited and relaxed. "Make up sex, then read to me?"

He laughs, loudly, and leans in, pressing his smiling mouth to hers. "Deal."


	33. Chapter 33

**Attachment Syndrome**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 33:<strong>

"You're back!" Alexis exclaims, rushing to help him with the grocery bags. "You have to come see."

"See what?' he asks as she hurriedly guides him to the kitchen, tossing all of the perishables pell-mell into the fridge before grabbing his arm.

"Come on," she huffs, practically dragging him out onto the back porch.

His breath catches in his chest, a grin stretching across his face as Alexis leans into his side. Kate has a grip on Josie's hands, the little girl stutteringly putting one foot in front of the other, toddling unsteadily between Kate's legs.

Kate glances up and beams at him. "Let's go see daddy," she says to the baby, laughing as Johanne spots him and tries to move faster.

She stumbles but Kate keeps her upright, shuffling over until she lets go. Johanne falls into Castle's legs, gripping at his jeans to stay standing. She babbles up at him, so excited.

He laughs and crouches down to take her hands, feeling the way she teeters on her unsteady feet. But she's standing up, and toddling along with help.

"There's my big girl. Look at you go, bug," he coos.

"Dada!" she exclaims, bouncing before nearly falling over. He catches her under her armpits and settles his hand around her torso.

She flails her arms and grins. Kate crouches down behind her and smiles at him, reaching out to touch his forearm.

"Look at our girl," she says.

He is not going to cry.

"Oh, got it. Thanks, Kate," he hears.

He glances up and finds Alexis grinning, her iPhone clutched in her hand. Oh, man, she has that on tape now, doesn't she? Because he's definitely misty.

"I don't care," he says, pulling a face at her as Alexis laughs. "Took you until you were over one," he adds.

Alexis scoffs and Kate whacks his arm. "We don't play favorites, Castle."

"I'm not playing favorites," he exclaims while Alexis laughs. "I'm just saying Josie is obviously the more motor-skilled of my children."

Alexis sniffs and bends down, scooping Johanne up and blowing a raspberry on her stomach. The baby squeals and kicks, giggling as she reaches out for Alexis' hair. Alexis smiles and smatters her face with kisses next.

"I think Alexis is doing just fine with her motor skills," Kate says, the two of them shifting to sit on the porch as Alexis walks out onto the lawn with Johanne.

"She's walking," he says after a moment, tugging on Kate until she shifts into his side, scooting to sit on the edge of the steps.

They watch as Alexis puts Johanne down on the grass and holds her hands, laughing as the baby kicks at the ground, even more unsteady, and loving every second of it.

"Yeah," Kate agrees, leaning her head onto his shoulder. "She's walking."

"What prompted this?" he asks, feeling as she threads their fingers together, her body soft against his.

"She was trying to pull herself up on the loveseat out here," Kate says. "And I thought, well, why not try? And…there she goes."

He squeezes her hand as Johanne falls to her bottom, immediately reaching up again for Alexis, impatient and eager. "She'll sleep hard tonight, huh?"

"Oh yeah," Kate agrees, turning to him with a grin. "How was shopping?"

"I got stuff for dinner, enough for breakfast for a week, and enough to keep you in bed for two, if we're creative."  
>She giggles and leans in to kiss him. Since their fight, they've been even more eager, that understanding breeding more affection, which lead to them going through his box of condoms twice as fast as he expected.<p>

"That sounds great. I hope we're not," she pauses but he meets her eyes, encouraging. "I hope we're not stuck here for two more weeks."

"I know," he agrees. It's been two weeks already since her call to Jordan. Summer is waning and they need to go back, if only for Alexis to have time to shop for school. "I hope so too."

Kate relaxes against him, one of her fingers tapping at his knee. He can practically hear her thinking. After a few minutes and more than five squeals from their daughter, he gives in.

"Kate?"

"Do you think Martha might like to take my apartment?" Kate spits out. He sucks in a breath, startled. "Not—not at all that I think she should move out. I'm not saying that. I just—I love having her with us. She's been so helpful this summer."

"Kate."

"And Josie adores her. And I know Alexis loves having her there."

"Kate," he repeats, laughing as she bites at her lip, pulling away to meet his eyes. "I think she'd love it."

"Really?"

"Really," he says, the idea looming bright in his head.

Not that he doesn't love his mother, but they could use the space, and having a baby in the house, permanently, might really cramp her style. Ugh. Yeah, she should move into Kate's place, where her style can roam free and far away from him.

"I don't want to kick her out," Kate says quickly.

"I know you don't."

"I just—I—you're really okay with this?"

He laughs and tugs on the end of her braid where it's fallen over her shoulder. "My mother living with me was never supposed to be a permanent solution," he says. Kate nods slowly. "And have you noticed? She's been out almost every night. She's giving us space. I'm sure she'd be interested. And if not, maybe Alexis would want to live there when she goes to school."

Kate glances out at the girls. Alexis is lying in the grass now, laughing as Johanne crawls all over her.

"That might be nice," Kate agrees. "It's far from Columbia though."

"So's the loft," he says with a shrug.

"But she'll live in a dorm, right?"

Castle nods and reaches out to take one of her hands where they've fallen, twisting in her lap. "But she won't want to live in a dorm forever. And your place is much nicer than anything her friends will want to rent."

"Can your mother—if Martha wanted it, could she afford it?" Kate wonders, looking quickly back into the house, as if afraid Martha will walk out and hear them.

But his mother is back up the street with Jerrod. It's been three weeks, a record.

"She probably could," Castle hedges. "But if we want to keep it in the family we may as well just buy it."

She stares at him for a moment. "What?"

Oh, right. They've—they've promised forever, but the money thing was never nailed down, was it? "Um," he begins, rubbing at the back of his neck. "Well, I just—if we want mother to take it, or if Alexis wants it for college, it seems silly to pay rent for two years. We may as well just make the investment and buy it."

"Castle, that—that would cost at least four million. The building's not co-op. I'm only there at my rate because a friend of my dad's transferred it to me with the rent stabilized."

"So?" he asks gently.

"So?" she repeats. "A—you can't just—" she pauses. "You actually could just throw down a couple million and buy it outright, couldn't you?"

He nods slowly, sighing as she takes back her hand to rub her forehead. "It's a good investment. The building's in a great area, and your apartment is incredible."

"But I—I can't help you do that," she mumbles. "I don't have—my savings are gone. The medical bills alone," she breaks off, narrowing her eyes. "You paid my hospital bills, didn't you?"

"This is just occurring to you now?" falls out of his mouth before he can stop it.

She huffs and frowns out at the ocean. "Gimme a break. I was shot."

He laughs, startled, and notices the edge of her mouth curling up. "I brought you out here. The extra fees were because of me. And I only upgraded you to a junior suite at the hospital. It wasn't that bad."

"Castle, I bet that was at least two hundred thousand dollars."

Wow. She's good. "Um."

She shakes her head. "If you want to drop a million dollars or more to buy my apartment, fine." He stares at her. "I just—I'd like to contribute, somehow."

She turns her head and looks at him, her face open, vestiges of unease around her eyes, pulling at her jaw.

"When we get back, I have a psych eval to schedule, and then, hopefully, we're going to sign papers and Josie's going to be ours, officially," he says, waiting until she nods. "I want to put together a trust fund for her, like I did for Alexis."

"You haven't already?" Kate wonders. He winces and she just laughs. "Go on."

He's glad he waited to bring that up now—glad he didn't do it a few months ago, when it would have been an enormous fight rather than something that just makes her look tired.

"I thought maybe we could do the trust fund, and a college fund," he continues.

"A college fund? But you—but _we_," she grimaces. "We can just pay tuition, can't we?"

He considers her. "I thought maybe you'd like to put in for her tuition." Her eyes widen and he blows out a breath. "I know that you want—that my money makes you uncomfortable—"

"No," Kate interjects. "No, not uncomfortable. I just feel—my salary almost seems superfluous."

"But your work isn't," he says, watching as she smiles faintly. "They don't pay you enough at all. So I thought, maybe, if you wanted to put your salary toward Josie's college fund, then it would be more…I don't know. It's stupid."

She reaches over and squeezes his hand. "Not stupid, Castle. That's—I think that's a lovely idea."

"Yeah?"

"I mean, I'm going to expect a platinum AmEx to your account, but yes."

He laughs, deep and loud, and reaches out to haul her into his side and plant a kiss to her smiling lips. "Deal."

"Really?"

"But only because I know you're the more responsible one. And platinum? Black. You want a black AmEx. Centurion, Beckett."

"So I can escape and get to a non-extradition country?"

He nips at her lip, smiling as she laughs. "I'll put your name on the account when we get home."

Kate pulls back and looks at him. "You're sure?"

He laughs. "Kate, if I could have, I would have given you half the royalties for Nikki Heat after your apartment blew up."

Her mouth falls open and she huffs before tugging him into a hug. He smiles as she giggles against his ear, her knees thrown over his.

"Thank you, Castle," she says, her fingers threading through the hair at the nape of his neck.

He smiles into her hair. "Somewhere down the line, we'll have to argue about how expensive something is, and it'll be a lot easier if we're looking at the same figures."

She bumps his cheek with hers. "You're not expecting me to curtail you, are you? Because I feel like I should get that 'I just became a millionaire' free pass for at least two years."

He laughs and pulls back to slant his lips over hers. "Great. She's inexpensive now. Go crazy," he says as they break apart.

Kate rolls her eyes and shifts to lean against him so they can watch as Alexis meanders along the breakers with Johanne in her arms. Even from a distance, he can see the baby falling asleep against her sister's shoulder.

"My mom would have loved this," Kate says softly.

He shifts, looking down at her head where she's settled on his shoulder. "Yeah?"

"Sometimes she'd buy a lottery ticket when she picked me up from school, and she'd take me out for ice cream, and we'd plan what were going to do with our millions of dollars."

He smiles at the thought. "What did you want?"

"Oh, a jello pool, a pony, you know," Kate rattles off with a small laugh. "But my mom—her choices always seemed boring to me. She wanted a big house by the ocean. She wanted to take long vacations without worrying about work. She wanted to buy me an apartment and help me decorate it."

"Smart woman, your mother," he manages. He thinks he would have loved Johanna. He knows he would have; she gave him Kate. But this—those wishes—he understands those wishes, feels them every time he looks at Alexis, at Johanne.

"We were never poor," Kate continues. "They did pretty well. But we weren't…this," she says, gesturing out at the beach. He chuckles and feels her smiling against his shoulder. "But she would have—the way you are, how generous you are—she would have loved that. She would have loved you, money aside."

"I'm sure it would have been mutual," he says softly, rubbing gently over her back.

"I mean, she would have swindled some nice stuff out of you too," Kate says, laughter in her voice. "You think Ryan and Espo are bad about the Ferrari."

"Your mom was into muscle cars?"

Kate laughs. "Just the really pretty ones."

"My kind of woman," he says, smiling as Kate kisses his shoulder.

"She'd have planned big family vacations and sweet talked you into taking us on them. Well," she pulls back and considers him. "Actually, she'd have probably planned them with you, come to think of it."

"Oh, I would have spoiled your mom," he agrees with a smile. "Especially since it sounds like she'd be more receptive than you."

Kate huffs. "What, so all my spoiling would go to my mom?"

"Do you want spoiling?" he wonders, watching the way her eyes soften. "'Cause I can spoil you."

"Castle, you're going to buy my apartment, and give me an unlimited credit card. This house, your loft—I'm already spoiled."

He shakes his head. "Jewelry, lavish shopping sprees, Swedish massages and spa trips, Beckett."

She laughs. "I'm good. I mean, if you want to go to a spa with me, or need a new coat, I could be persuaded."

"Ooh, does this mean I can pay for shoes and jackets? Because I know one of the wholesale guys at Saks, and you know, Christmas is coming and I could—"

She raises a hand and presses her fingers to his lips. "Castle," she says, and he falls silent. "Let's get home, move the rest of my stuff in, and take it as it comes, okay?"

He nods and kisses her fingers. "Okay."

(…)

He wakes hazy and disoriented. It's still dark out.

The phone rings.

Oh. He rolls over and gropes for his phone, the dim light from the clock guiding his way. It's three in the morning. Who's calling—oh. It's not his phone.

"Kate," he mumbles, scooting over to her side of the bed. Her phone just keeps ringing. "Kate, honey, wake up."

"Wha'sa?" she mumbles rolling away from him and burrowing into her pillow.

He sighs and reaches over her, grabbing her phone and yanking it from the charger. He swipes the screen and holds it to his ear.

"Hello?" he gets out, his voice hoarse with sleep.

"Castle?"

"Jordan?"

"I'm sorry to call so late," she says, and he can hear the exhaustion in her voice. "But we're on our way to make the arrest."

"You're what?" he lets out, loud as he sits bolt upright.

Kate rolls over next to him. He reaches out blindly, groping for her hand.

"Castle," she grumbles as he ends up grabbing her breast.

"Sorry. Jordan, you're—"

"Jordan," Kate repeats, sitting up next to him.

He fumbles and passes the phone to Kate, wrapping his arm around her as she listens to Jordan. He can faintly hear Jordan explaining about a money-laundering ring, and a drug king-pin, but all he can focus on is the set of Kate's shoulders. All he can really see is the end of this horrible chapter in her life, in their lives.

They're going to go home.

"Okay. Yes. Okay," Kate mumbles. "Thank you, Jordan."

She clicks off the phone and it falls limply to her side as she stares straight ahead.

"She'll call back once they've got him. She'd like me there when they take him to court."

"How long until then?"

"Probably a few days," Kate whispers.

He waits, but she says nothing else, just sits still and taught, eyes staring blankly out at the ocean. He shifts closer and rubs his hand up and down her back, his fingers snagging in the fabric of her tank top, still a little over-large on her body.

"It's almost over," she says slowly. "All these years, and I'm—" she turns and looks at him, her face pale, eyes wet. "I want to be there, and I don't want to be there."

He nods in understanding and reaches out to wipe away the one tear that escapes. "How can I help?" he asks softly.

"Can you get our kid?" she asks after a moment.

He smiles and leans in, pressing his lips to her forehead before slipping out of bed. His feet feel unsteady beneath him as he pads into the nursery. He reaches the crib and looks down, finding Johanne awake but drowsy.

"Hey, bug. Why're you up, huh?" he whispers, reaching into the crib and lifting her up.

She snuffles and shifts against him, curling her fingers into his tee shirt with a yawn. He holds her close and kisses her head.

"As long as you're up, let's go give mommy hugs. Mommy needs lot of snuggles tonight, okay?"

He returns to their room and finds Kate standing in front of the windows. She turns as he enters, her face lightening just a touch as she sees Johanne in his arms.

"Someone wanted to see you," he whispers, passing the baby to Kate.

Kate smiles tightly at him then looks down at Johanne. "Did you wake up, Josie-bug? Daddy and I are up too." Johanne reaches up and touches Kate's cheek. "I love you, Josie," Kate says softly, turning and kissing the baby's fingers. "And Daddy loves you too."

"Yes he does," Castle agrees, stepping forward to wrap Kate in his arms, Johanne settled between them.

"We're gonna go home," Kate tells the baby. "And we're going to be safe." She looks up and meets his eyes. "We're safe."

"That's right," he agrees, pressing a kiss to Johanne's cheek before leaning his forehead against Kate's. "It's over now."


	34. Chapter 34

**Attachment Syndrome**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 34: <strong>

He shuts the trunk of the SUV, stretching in contentment. He managed to get everyone's suitcases, all of the foldable baby furniture, bedding, and incidental bags together and organized in the tight space. They've got everything.

Alexis is already settled in the back, his mother riding shotgun with Joseph, the security man sent by the company to drive them home. Castle tries to forget that he's packing, sitting up there in the driver's seat.

Castle walks around the car and approaches Kate where she's swaying with Johanne on the front lawn, staring at the house.

"Hey," he says quietly, stroking his finger down Johanne's nose. The baby smiles sleepily at him over her mother's shoulder. "Ready?" he asks Kate.

She turns to him, her face a wash of anxiety and excitement. "We'll come back, right?" she asks softly.

He melts at that. She's been a tense sentinel for the past day, organizing, packing, and generally keeping busy every moment she could. But now, here she stands, on the precipice of arguably the biggest moment of her adult life, barring the adoption of her daughter, and she's wondering over the future.

"Of course," he promises. "Christmas break, we can come out and build snowmen and huddle by the fire, and swim in the pool, because it's heated."

Kate laughs and nuzzles her face into Johanne's hair. "Hear that, Josie? Daddy's gonna take you swimming when it's cold out."

"At least until she can ski," he says with a shrug. "Then we'll go to Aspen."

Kate snorts quietly and looks up at him. "I love you," she says.

He smiles and bends down to press a kiss to her lips. "I love you too. Now, let's get back to the city and take that bast—bad man down," he says, laughing as she smirks.

Johanne burbles on her shoulder and he smiles, taking her from Kate's arms and hoisting her up. "Are you ready to have your own room at the loft, bug?" he asks the baby, guiding Kate over to the car. "We're gonna paint it and cover all the outlets and buy you all sorts of toys."

"If you buy her any more toys, she's going to disappear into them," Kate argues as she climbs into the SUV, settling into her seat with ease before reaching back for the baby.

He stares as he passes Johanne over. When they arrived, Kate could barely walk. Now, she's twisting around to share a joke with Alexis while simultaneously snapping Johanne into her baby seat.

"You comin', Castle?"

He nods and climbs up after them, shuffling around to slide into his own seat. He glances up front and finds his mother already asleep, huge sunglasses pulled down over her eyes. Joseph turns around and meets his eyes.

"All set?" he asks.

Castle nods and looks back at his daughters and his partner. "Yeah. Let's go home."

(…)

"What happened to my bed?" Kate asks as he follows her into the guest room on the second floor.

He smiles, looking around at the work Ingrid was able to do in the last week. The walls are a light green, at least for now. The rocking chair and crib have been moved to the wall opposite the bathroom. There's a new bookshelf stocked with most of Alexis' old picture books and a few newer editions. She brought up Alexis' old toy chest and play castle. There's a large strip of chalk-board paint beneath the windows, creating a wall-long canvas for when Johanne can draw.

It looks great. It still needs their personal touches, Kate's influence. But it's a nursery. He can even see the wall-mounted monitor that can transition into an intercom when Johanne's a bit older.

"I figured you'd keep sharing my bed," he says, wrapping his arms around her waist as Johanne crawls across the floor, headed straight for Alexis' old teddy bear—a four-foot monstrosity with brown fur and a red ribbon around its neck.

Kate laughs softly as Johanne topples onto it, letting out a little baby squeal of delight.

"This okay?" he asks.

She nods and reaches back to cup his cheek, her fingers stroking along the short bristles of the beard he hasn't found time to shave with their move back.

"It's perfect. Maybe we can do a mural along the crib wall?" she suggests.

"Anything you want," he promises. "If you want to scrap all of it, we will. I just wanted her to have something to come home to."

"We're definitely keeping the chalk board," Kate decides.

"Alexis loved that as a kid," he agrees. "I'm sure Josie will too."

Kate leans back into him, trusting him to support her. "She's gonna grow up here, Castle."

He smiles and presses his lips to Kate's cheek, watching the baby whack at the teddy bear. "Yeah, she is."

There's a knock at the door. They turn and find Alexis leaning into the room. "Jordan's here," she says quietly, before finding Johanne with her eyes. "Aw, I missed that bear," she says, stepping into the room.

"Sweetie, could you—" Castle starts.

"Go go," Alexis insists. "Josie and I will play with Mr. Teddylinks."

"Mr. Teddylinks?" Kate asks as she and Castle leave the girls to explore the new nursery.

"I thought it was pretty good for a three-year-old," he says with a shrug.

"Teddylinks, Monkey-bunky. She was cute," Kate offers with a shrug, even as her hand grips tightly to his as they descend the stairs.

Jordan Shaw sits at the kitchen island, listening to some story Martha's spinning. They watch at the agent laughs, looking more relaxed than perhaps they've ever see her.

"Oh, and here they are. I'll leave you three to talk," Martha says, patting Castle on the shoulder as she quickly vacates the room.

"Welcome back," Jordan says as they join her at the counter.

Kate slides up onto the stool beside Jordan's and Castle wanders around to lean against the counter so he can see both women. Kate turns to Jordan and opens her mouth a few times, but doesn't seem to find the words.

Jordan offers her a slight smile. "He's currently in holding at headquarters, under heavy guard. He'll be transferred tomorrow after the initial hearing. They'll hold him in maximum security up at Rikers until the trial, and then we'll see where he ends up," Jordan explains. "I thought you both might like to be at the hearing tomorrow."

Castle nods as Kate blows out a breath.

"And you're sure he can't get off," Kate says quietly, anxiety heavy in her voice. "There hasn't been contamination of evidence? No stone's gone unturned?"

Jordan covers Kate's hand on the counter. "This case is rock solid, Beckett. I promise you. With the work you've done, Montgomery did, the guys, and our team? He's going away for life. I'll make sure of it."

Kate nods and looks down at the counter. He waits, but nothing comes, the three of them sitting in the silence of this finality.

"What time is the hearing?" Castle asks.

"Eleven," Jordan says, looking over at him. "I'll send someone to pick you up."

"We need security?" Kate asks, her eyes wide.

"No," Jordan says quickly. "No. It'll just be easier to get you in and out. The press—this is a big deal, you understand."

"Is she mentioned?" Castle wonders, nodding to Kate.

Jordan sighs. "She will be. Johanna Beckett's murder is really the tipping point for the entire ordeal, and with Kate's shooting—there wouldn't be a conviction without the two of them."

"I haven't read anything about this," Castle protests as Kate seems to curl inward.

"We've kept it low profile as much as we could, but in the past day, it's leaked. There'll be an army of press. I don't want either of you to have to deal with it. I would suggest postponing any signings coming up as well," she says, meeting his eyes.

He barks out a laugh. "I told Paula to cancel everything until at least October anyway. The book won't come out until the end of September as it is."

"That's a shame," Jordan says with a smile. "I was looking forward to reading it on my week off."

"Well," Castle hedges, looking to Kate for confirmation.

His partner rolls her eyes and nods before rising and moving to the refrigerator.

"I suppose I could give you an advance copy," he tells Jordan.

The woman lights up. "Thank you, Castle."

"Would you like to stay for dinner?" Kate asks, emerging from the fridge with an armful of fresh vegetables.

Jordan shakes her head. "I have a few more things to prepare for tomorrow, and I promised my daughter I would take her out for ice cream. But I'll take a rain check?"

"Of course," Kate says. "Thank you, Jordan."

She smiles and stands, considering them across the counter. "It's my privilege. Have a good night. I'll see you in the morning."

They watch together as Jordan leaves the loft, the door closing softly behind her. Kate places the vegetables on the counter and leans forward, bracing herself on her arms.

"It's almost over," he says, rubbing her back. "One more night."

Kate sighs and stands tall, turning to him. "Dice some chicken?"

He smiles and leans in to press a kiss to the crown of her head before moving for the cutting board.

One more night.

(…)

He's ready before she is. He watches her for a moment, marveling at her confident movements as she runs a straightener through her hair. He smiles before catching her eye in the mirror. That is some glare.

So today is not the day to observe and annoy. Got it.

He heads into the kitchen and finds Alexis making breakfast, Johanne bouncing happily beneath the stairs in her jumper. He smiles and walks around to pat her head before moving to his elder daughter's side.

"You didn't need to cook," he tells her, even as he reaches out to grab a piece of bacon from the resting dish on the island.

She rolls her eyes and flips a pancake. "I felt like it."

He raises his hands and settles for pouring coffee into travel mugs and watching Johanne bounce and squeal at him.

"You guys will—"

"Stay in until we get the all clear from Paula," Alexis recites for him. "Honestly, I just want to hang here anyway. Ashley might come over," she adds, staring intently at a pancake.

"Ashley?" he repeats, turning to look at her. "I thought—"

"Just to talk," she says, glancing at him. "We sort of fell out of contact, and he leaves in a week. I just wanted to…clear the air."

"Make sure that's all you're clearing," he mutters.

"Dad," Alexis protests

"Castle," Kate admonishes, walking up to them. "Give her a break. Martha's here, anyway, and Josie."

"Did that stop you?" he wonders.

"From what, having sex with you?"

He splutters and Alexis groans. "Our parents suck," she tells the baby, walking over to scoop Johanne out of her jumper.

"We do not," Castle says haughtily. "Mommy's just got a dirty mind."

"I have a dirty mind? Please, Castle. Your use of innuendo could fell an ox."

He blinks at her, unsure of how to even go from there. She smirks and fills a plate for Alexis. She rips up a few pieces of pancake into tiny bite-sized bits and puts the plate in front of Johanne as Alexis settles her in her baby seat.

Johanne picks up the mashed pancakes and toys with them between her fingers.

Kate laughs and pops one into the baby's mouth. Johanne chews slowly, gumming it until she can swallow. She grins.

"Look at you, eating big girl food," Kate coos. "You're gonna be Alexis' size before you know it, huh?"

"Mama," Johanne gurgles out, pancake flying out of her mouth, just missing Kate's blazer.

Alexis laughs. "Maybe you should stay back from the baby, Kate," she suggests.

Kate shakes her head and takes the plate Castle prepared for her. He notes that they're nearly eye-to-eye today.

"You're wearing heels," he exclaims, glancing down at her feet.

They're not her highest pair, but they're heels all the same. She's in a power blazer, her hair stick straight. She looks like Beckett.

"Astute observation there, Castle," she says, sitting down at the table.

"Dad," Alexis prompts.

He sits, feeling a little numb. She's back to Beckett. They're about to go watch Bracken's arraignment. Johanne is eating pancakes. His daughter is having an official break-up talk with her boyfriend, he hopes.

Their life is really moving forward.

"Castle, eat," Kate insists, nudging him with her heeled foot.

She's wearing hells again.

(…)

Javi and Kevin meet them at the back entrance to the court house. They each shake Beckett's hand, and then Castle's, grim smiles on their faces. The three of them wait as Castle goes through the security scanner. He'd make a crack about an honorary badge, but it doesn't seem right.

As much as he wants to make jokes, and hold Kate's hand, and be his usual self, he can't. This is as serious as it gets. This is the end of a twelve year crusade—a reckoning with the devil.

The guys lead them up a few flights of stairs to the main hearing room. The hall is wide, mahogany lining the walls. Every step anyone takes echoes loudly, a soft cacophany surrounding them as they stand together in a huddle while people begin filing in. There's no reason for Kate to have to sit in there for longer than the actual arraignment.

He just wants this to be over. It's so close he can taste it.

"You comin' back on Monday?" Esposito asks.

Beckett startles, seemingly lost in thought. She considers Esposito for a moment. "Probably next week. We have some stuff to take care of in the apartment, and we should let the press die down anyway."

"Did you see the crowd out there?" Ryan adds, glancing toward the end of the hall, with the window to the street.

There were at least a hundred reporters waiting to see Bracken walked out of the courthouse. There's nothing like a major scandal to excite the media, without regard for the people hurt in the crossfire.

He already has Paula on red alert. Neither he nor Kate wants Johanne in the papers. He has an uneasy feeling that this is how her existence will come to light, submerged in the violence and horror of her grandmother's murder. If it has to come to light at all, he'd rather it be in an adoption notice, or a wedding announcement.

"Have you been approached?" Kate asks the guys.

They shake their heads. "We've kept a low profile, and Gates has uniforms turning them away at the doors," Esposito tells her.

"And Gates?" Castle wonders.

"Surprisingly supportive," Ryan admits. "Not pleased that three of her detectives were so intricately involved, but she helped."

"A steep hill to climb then," Kate mutters.

"When?" Castle wonders.

"When I go back. I brought this into the precinct. Her first year here, and she's up to her elbows in a government conspiracy set off by my shooting."

"Hey, it wasn't your fault," Castle lets out. "Mont—"

All three of them turn icy glares on him and Castle shuts his mouth. Kate considers him for a beat then turns to Ryan and Espo.

"Montgomery?" she whispers.

Ryan sighs. "He comes off as the hero, sending the evidence that started the investigation. But…he's in that file."

"Shit," Kate mumbles. "Evelyn?"

Esposito nods. "We've spoken with her. He died a hero, a good man, you know that, Beckett. Sins of the past are past."

"If he was still alive, he would have gotten off for cooperation, most likely," Ryan adds.

Kate closes her eyes and rubs at her forehead. "So they're going to—"

"Drag him and McAlister and Raglan through the mud?" Espo completes for her. "Yeah. But he was a rookie at the time, coerced by two older cops. He—we've all made mistakes."

Kate nods and leans back against the wall as Jordan comes up the stairs. "I just wish," Kate starts, before cutting off.

"Yeah," Castle agrees, catching her eye. "Me too."

She offers him the ghost of a smile as Jordan reaches their group. And then it's a fast set of greetings, and they're being guided into the court room. He follows Kate and takes his seat at her side as they close the doors.

He doesn't try to take her hand, just sits stoically at her side. She's fine through the opening proceedings. He startles when she takes his hand as Bracken is led to the front in handcuffs.

Castle threads his fingers through hers and watches the profile of the man who orchestrated her mother's murder, Montgomery's death, her shooting. He feels his blood boiling as he takes note of the seeming disinterest on Bracken's face, the way he stands limply in his cuffs.

It's short.

They read the charges, detailing the many lives this man has destroyed, the money laundering, the campaign funds comprised of drug money, the connections to other illegal activities. There are five more names added to Johanne Beckett and Roy Montgomery. Two he recognizes, the other three are different, tragic: The records room keeper at one of the government agencies, a uniform who witnessed the murder of the records room worker, and a wife of an official he doesn't recognize.

"Interference with and funding of a stop-gap placed on the adoption proceedings for Katherine Beckett and her charge."

Both Castle and Kate sit up straight, gaping.

"What?" Kate hisses. "He—"

Jordan turns around and gives her a stern look. Kate closes her mouth, looking mutinous, before her gaze shifts to the back of Bracken's head. If her look could kill, Castle figures Bracken would be melting into the floor.

Castle can't truly focus through the rest of the arraignment. He only realizes it's over when they turn Bracken around and begin marching him out, heading for the waiting squad car that will return him to the FBI building for processing.

Bracken meets Kate's eyes, and for the first time, Castle sees a flash of emotion pass over the man's face. It's defeat. A glance at Kate shows her sitting with her head held high, jaw tight, rage in her eyes.

Bracken passes and Castle keeps a firm hold on her hand, can feel her straining to sit up and follow him.

"He stopped my adoption?" Kate lets out as Bracken is cleared out of the court room.

Jordan turns around and considers the two of them. "Harper Kline had proven association with Bracken. Her main stomping grounds were in the Washington Heights area. We think she probably got onto the money laundering somehow, and ended up privy to some of his movements. She's currently undergoing investigation."

"Why—but she didn't do anything," Castle says slowly. "She stalled it, but she didn't—he didn't want her to take the baby or anything?"

Jordan offers them half a smile. "I think she realized what was going on, took his money, and then attempted to get your daughter out of a dangerous situation. She didn't account for either of your tenacity," Jordan admits.

Castle lets out a harsh laugh. "Damn straight. And the second guy? He put through my request. I have my evaluation later this week."

"He's clean," Jordan says quickly. "And I think you'll find that after you pass that psych eval, your paperwork should sail through pretty quickly."

"See," Castle says, knocking his and Kate's hands into her knee. "We've still got friends in high places," he manages, going for happy, for excited.

He just feels gutted.

One look to Kate proves that she feels the same. It's a blow, this new information. What was just a difficult process has turned into yet another machination, another symbol of the violence that has permeated nearly every crevice of Kate's life.

"Why don't you two head out the back while they're focused on Bracken," Jordan suggests. "We can meet in a week or so, cover any remaining issues."

He and Kate nod and let her lead them out of the court room and back down the stairs. Espo and Ryan give Kate a hug each, shake Castle's hand, then stand guard as they're ushered back into the waiting SUV.

Jordan offers Kate a genuine smile as she leans into the open door of the SUV. "Congratulations, Beckett," she says firmly. "This never would have happened without you."

Kate nods stiffly and Jordan shuts the door. It's quiet as they ride down the alley and out onto the next avenue. Kate sits still, her hands clasped tightly in her lap as she stares out the window.

He hesitates, reaching out twice before touching her knee. "Kate?" he says softly.

She turns and meets his eyes, her own wide and wet, but her face serene. "It's over," she tells him. "It's over, and we're going to keep our baby."

"Yeah, we are," he agrees, scooting across the seat to press against her. She lets him curl her into his chest, his arm wrapped around her shoulders. "We need to get your dad a cake or something," he says.

"Why?" Kate wonders.

"He's the one that stopped The Harpie from taking Johanne in the hospital. He was stronger than whatever money she'd been offered."

"She could have just told us. I'm the police for God's sake," Kate mumbles. "She knew. She knew something was wrong, and instead of telling us, she took hush money and tried to take away my baby."

Castle nods into her hair. "But she didn't. And Bracken's gone. And we're going to live happily ever after."

Kate snorts and pulls back to look at him. "Happily ever after?"

He nods, giving her a serious look. "Happily ever freaking after, Beckett. You, me, Josie, and Alexis."

She smiles, the grin blooming across her face before she surges up to press her lips to his. "Okay, Castle. Happily ever after."


	35. Chapter 35

**Attachment Syndrome**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 35:<strong>

"You're going to be fine," Kate insists, stepping up to him as he holds up two ties, waffling. "And you are way over-dressed."

"I just," he says, meeting her eyes. "Yeah."

He drops the ties and simply buttons up his shirt. Kate smiles at him in the mirror. She looks so comfy, wearing his robe over a pair of yoga pants and an NYPD tee shirt. Johanne babbles behind them, settled in the center of the bed in a square of pillows. He can see her trying to climb over, huffing each time she fails.

"You're a great dad. You've been a great dad once before, to an Ivy League bound kid no less."

"But what if I screw this up?" he mumbles, too nervous to bother pretending he's not freaking out. "It could cost us the adoption."

"You think Jordan wouldn't find a way around that?"

He shrugs. "I just…I want them to know I'm right for her," he says, turning to watch as Johanne finally surmounts the pillow cage and crawls headlong for the end of the bed. "Oh no you don't," he scolds, rushing forward to scoop her up before she careens head-first onto the floor.

"We can't cage her up anymore, can we?" Kate asks, reaching out to tap Johanne's nose. "You're gonna make us both go gray, aren't you."

Johanne giggles and pats Castle's chest. "Dada."

"See, Castle? You're fit to be a parent."

He looks down at the baby and pulls a face. "What do you think, Josie? Am I good enough to be your dad? Sane enough?"

"Oh, definitely not that," Kate teases, plucking the girl from his arms. "You need to go."

He hesitates, eyes glued to the picture of his daughter—his almost daughter—and her mother, swaying in the middle of his bedroom—their bedroom.

"Go," Kate prompts, reaching out to squeeze his hand. "You'll be great."

"Okay," he says, stepping up to press a quick kiss to her mouth and run his hang over the baby's head. "Okay. Daddy's gonna go plead with the adoption people."

"Go," Kate repeats with a laugh. "The 'adoption people,'" he hears her say to Johanne. "Your daddy is a nervous wreck."

"Hey," he tosses back as he heads for the door.

"Go, Castle. We'll be here."

He nods at her, the two of them staring at each other through the door to his bedroom.

"Love you," Kate adds, smiling at him.

"La oo, Dada!" Johanne agrees, a hand outstretched toward him.

He grins. "Love you too, girls. Wish me luck."

"Go!"

He goes.

He goes nervously, fidgets through the entire cab ride and stumbles his way through the paperwork. The mountains of paperwork—boy, Kate wasn't kidding.

By the time he's actually in with the therapist, he's answered so many questions about his life, his money, his relationships, his family, that the ones the man asks him verbally seem to gel together.

Yes, he has a stable job. Yes, he has time for Johanne. Yes, he'll be staying at home. Yes, the house has room for a child. Yes, he's committed to Detective Beckett both as a parent and as a significant other. Yes, he understands the gravity of what he's doing. Yes, he loves Johanne. Yes, he will do everything in his power to keep her safe, make her happy, provide for her.

When he walks out, he feels like he's been gutted, but he has it. He watches as they fax over that piece of paper proclaiming him fit for parenthood. Again.

He stands outside the building, looking up into the mid-afternoon sun. It's hotter here than in the Hamptons, his shirt starting to wilt with the heat. But they're close now. He's not sure if they'll do another home study, or if they go straight to an interview. He supposes it depends on what strings Jordan may be pulling.

Someday it might be fun to do something normally, he thinks as he wanders toward the nearest subway station. He has no problem knowing that they escaped the years-long adoption process. Kate saved Johanne from an untenable situation. And so she broke some rules and called in some favors to do it, and they're doing that again, because she was shot, and her original case worker was taking bribes from Bracken.

His hands ball into fists at the thought. All those things the Harpie said, all the worry she implanted in Kate's head, all these months of agonizing, knowing Johanne could be taken away at any moment—he comes to a stop, breathing hard.

He turns and finds himself in front of a toy store. He can't go home like this, riled up and jittery. Kate's been on edge enough for both of them, unable to fully stand down. She hadn't let him go to her mother's grave with her, had met with her father alone as well. This morning is the first time she's seemed at peace, and he's freaking out. He doesn't want to ruin that tranquility for her.

The store is cool inside, air conditioning running full blast. The walls are a barrage of color made of whirling toys, spinning tops, shelves and shelves of stuffed animals and toy wands. He wanders aimlessly through it all, smiling at things he bought for Alexis an eternity ago, reaching out to poke at things he thinks Johanne might like in a year or two.

"Can I help you with anything?"

He spins around and finds himself face-to-face with a tall twenty-something kid. The young man gives him an eager look, over-large glasses slipping down his nose.

"Um, no. I'm just looking, thanks," Castle manages, feeling off kilter.

"Not to worry. I'm Dan. Let me know if you need any help finding things," he says easily, giving Castle a grin before loping off toward the lone other customer at the back of the store.

Castle runs a hand through his hair. There are other people. Out there, in the city, there are other people—millions of people. It's been just him, and Kate, and the girls all summer. Their return to the city has been so fast, all of the hubbub of the arraignment and paper work and drivers swirling too quickly to really hold onto, but now…

Now, he's alone in a toy store, and there are _people_ outside.

It's not just them against the world, against nature, on the beach, their quiet little family.

God, he didn't expect to have trouble with this. He's supposed to have a grip on things.

He reaches out absently and grabs a little grey elephant. It's body is covered in that delicious shaggy fabric that's soft to the touch and changes shade each time you stroke it. The tusks are plush and it's tail has a little puff at the end. It's about half the size of Johanne, but it's lovely.

Kate has those elephants on her desk. She has those figurines that will find their way into their home one day soon.

They need to pack up her apartment soon. Or they need to sublet. But surely she'll want her things. He doesn't know quite what they'll do with her furniture. Maybe put some of it in the guest room? Or, well, maybe if his mother moves out…

He shakes his head and clutches at the elephant. One step at a time.

He walks slowly to the counter in the back, grabbing a monkey made of the same material as the elephant as he goes. Both of his girls should get a stuffed animal. Alexis will roll her eyes, but she'll love it.

Dan pops up behind the counter, eager and alarming.

"Did you find everything you were looking for?" he asks as Castle hands him the toys.

"Yeah," Castle manages. "You have a lovely store."

Dan beams and carefully sets the animals into a colorful bag before ringing up his purchases. "Thank you. Just took over from my mom."

Castle smiles at that. "I think you're doing a great job."

Dan nods. "Thank you. I hope so. That'll be forty-two."

Castle hands over his credit card, glancing around the store. "Where do you get your stuff?" he wonders, noticing now that most of the merchandise is customized, hand-made or high quality.

"Local vendors as much as I can," Dan says proudly. "Some commercial stuff, of course, for sales. But we like artisans, you know?"

Castle nods. "I'll have to bring my daughter here when she can walk."

"How old is she?" he asks, handing back the credit card and sliding the bag across the counter.

"Almost one," Castle says, feeling his heart flutter at that. "In about a month."

"Good age," Dan says sagely. "Cute?"

"The cutest," Castle admits. "Thank you," he adds, holding up the bag.

"You're welcome," Dan says happily. "Come back soon."

"I just might," Castle agrees, giving him a smile before walking quickly out of the store.

Johanne's almost one.

Someone knocks into him, a suit walking two fast, eyes glued to his phone.

Castle sighs and forces himself to head back for the avenue to catch a cab home. Johanne is almost one. He wants them back to normal by then.

(…)

"Josie, sweetheart, come on," he hears the next night.

He blinks, his vision hazy. The bedroom is dark, the clock winking back the depth of night at him. He stretches, feeling heavy.

"You just wanted a cuddle, huh?"

He reaches out. Kate's side of the bed is cold. He smiles then, relaxing as he hears her humming, the gentle whoosh-whoosh of the rocking chair against the carpet. She forgot to turn off the monitor.

"You cried so well," Kate continues. "Your lungs are so big and strong now."

He hears a soft murmur from the baby, can practically picture Kate cradling the girl to her chest, hair rumpled. He glances to the chair in the corner and smiles. She's wearing his robe.

"You're so big, bug," Kate tells her. "You were so little when I found you. And you would just hold my fing—yeah, like that." He can hear the smile in her voice. "You were scared and tired and hungry. And I loved you right away."

He sighs, feeling his chest ache at the thought of the baby—Johanne—his daughter, alone and scared and needing in a small, broken-down hospital.

"I'm so glad I found you," Kate tells her. "And now you're with me forever, huh? With me and daddy."

"Dada," he hears Johanne gurgle.

Kate laughs softly. "Dada's sleeping, baby." He winces, he's not. He could—"It's just us girls for now."

He won't. With all the running around, she's had less time with Johanne than he's sure she wants. They've tag-teamed, but she's had to be at the precinct a few times, had to spend hours on the phone with Jordan unexpectedly. Everything's fine, she said. Jordan promised. But they wanted more testimony, wanted Kate's memories again from the night her mother died.

"But we're lucky to have your dad, aren't we? I think we would have made it alone, but not as happy, huh? You're such a happy little bug. And all that eye contact." The baby giggles. "Yeah, I like it too. I'm so proud of you."

He wipes at his face. He must be more tired than he thought.

He's exhausted, he knows. So is Kate.

This after—this lack—it's caught them by surprise. And there's so much to do, to finalize, to acclimate. But it's over. It doesn't feel like it's over.

He wonders idly if it will ever feel like it's over, really.

She was shot just under four months ago. That's nothing.

"Maybe we can go out tomorrow. Today. Go to the park and put you in a swing. You haven't been in a swing yet, have you? Oh, wow, Josie, there are so many things you're gonna get to do."

He smiles and closes his eyes, imagining it: Kate standing behind their daughter, pushing her on the little baby swing as she squeals. She won't move more than two feet front to back, but she'll love it. Alexis would laugh and laugh and laugh when he took her as a baby. She was so adorable. He knows Johanne will be the same.

"You're gonna have your first birthday, and your first Halloween, and Thanksgiving. I haven't seen what your dad does for Christmas, but I'd put money on it being extravagant and way over the top."

Castle huffs. She's right, but still.

"You'll have amazing Christmases here. Much better than if you'd had them with just me. I don't—I don't even remember the last time I had a tree."

Extravagant. She hasn't seen extravagant yet. He has twelve years to make up for apparently. The loft is going to look like Santa's workshop exploded. And he'll make sure to wake Kate up every day with something magical, something to prove that there is still wonder in life even with the shadow of her mother.

He wonders, hasn't really asked, how often she thinks of Johanna—how often her moments with her daughter are colored by that loss. He hopes…well, he isn't sure what he hopes, only that he's helped, somehow.

"Someday I'll show you all of my pictures of your grandma. She would have loved you," Kate whispers. He wonders now if the baby has fallen back to sleep. "She would have gobbled you up, and she'd probably have insisted on nannying you. I—I don't know, baby, I want her back, but I love my life, and if she'd been here, I don't know that you would be, and your dad…"

He waits, but she doesn't say any more. He listens to her quiet shuffle, hears the light creak of the crib as she settles the baby back onto the mattress. The door clicks and he sighs, trying to decide whether or not he should pretend to be sleeping.

It's not the first time she's done this—woken him with soft words over the monitor. She blushed the first time, but since, she's just shrugged and crawled back into bed, snuggling into him before falling asleep.

But this one—this one was more than silly poems and love songs.

"Did I wake you?"

He winces. So much for that. He nods slowly and she sighs, slipping back under the blankets to lie on her back beside him.

"Sorry."

"No harm done," he promises. He reaches out tentatively for her fingers, relieved when she lets him twine their hands together. "She down?"

"Sleeping like a champ," Kate says quietly.

They're silent for a minute, and he feels the discomfort building on her side. "So, park tomorrow?"

Kate laughs. "That would be great."

He smiles up at the ceiling. "Perfect. Was the precinct busy today?"

"Not very. Why?"

He shrugs and tugs on her hand until she rolls into his side. He bends and kisses her forehead, smiling as she slips her leg over his and settles her hand on his chest.

"I thought maybe it would be nice for her to see the boys."

Kate smiles against his shirt. "That would be nice."

He runs his fingers along the top of her hand, feeling as she relaxes next to him. They'll have a good day. It's Friday. They have the weekend, and then she goes back to work. They're supposed to hear from the agency in a few days, get an appointment next week to finalize things, he hopes.

"Castle?"

He hums, blinking his eyes back open.

"I love you."

He smiles and squeezes her hand on his chest. "Love you too, Kate."

(…)

"There's my little princess," Javi exclaims, lifting Johanne from Kate's arms with a grin. "You've gotten so big," he continues, tickling her as Ryan looks over his shoulder at the baby.

Johanne just giggles. Kate lists into Castle, her arm wrapped around his back, fist clutching at his jacket. The last time they were here, Johanne wouldn't even look at the guys, and now she's giggling and poking at them.

Castle sees the new Captain poke her head out of her office at the noise.

"Can you say Javi?" Esposito prompts the baby.

"No, no, say Kevin. Kevvy," Ryan interjects.

But Castle isn't watching the guys make fools out of themselves with his daughter. His eyes are glued to the Captain as she watches her detectives.

The last time he was here, Montgomery was alive.

It hits him in the chest. Montgomery was alive, and he died to keep Kate alive. He set the ball in motion that killed her mother, that gave Bracken the power to destroy so many lives. But he died to save Castle's…Kate.

"Detectives."

All four of them startle as Captain Gates strides out of her office. Esposito and Ryan wince, and Esposito hands Johanne to Ryan. The baby laughs, trying to pull his tie from his vest.

"Captain," both guys greet.

She nods at them. "Hello, Detective Beckett," the woman adds.

"Hello, Sir," Kate agrees, her hand growing tighter around Castle's waist. "We just wanted to drop in and say hello."

"Ah, yes. Mr. Castle," Gates adds.

"Hi," he manages. Man, that woman is scary.

"Hi!" Johanne squeaks, grinning at all of them.

"And hello to you, too," Gates says, all of that tough exterior melting as she turns to the little girl. "You look happy this morning. Josie?" she completes, glancing back at them.

"Josie," Kate confirms. Castle feels her arm loosen a hair at that.

"Hello, Josie," Gates repeats, reaching out.

Johanne takes her finger happily, beaming at the woman. Even the Captain's posture changes, softening before all of their eyes.

Wow. His daughter is absolute magic.

"You were smaller the last time I saw you," Gates continues, ignoring all of them as Johanne babbles at her.

Both Ryan and Esposito raise their eyebrows at them. Gates visited in the hospital, yes. Castle hadn't realized Johanne had made such an impression.

After a few minutes filled with baby talk, Gates stands straight again and turns back to look at Kate and Castle, standing together in front of Kate's desk.

"So, Detective, have you been cleared?"

Cleared?

Kate shakes her head. "I wasn't able to get an appointment until Monday. I'll bring the form along with my requalification to you on Tuesday."

"Gun," Ryan mouths to him as Castle stands there, confused.

"Sounds good, Detective. Mr. Castle, I hope you have fun plans for that little girl while her mother is here working with us."

Castle nods quickly, noting the guys smirks out of the corner of his eye. "Yes, Sir," he agrees. "I hope you won't mind if we visit every so often."

Gates considers him, taking in Kate's arm around his waist, his arm over her shoulders.

"I believe we could tolerate that," Gates tells him with a very, very small smile. "As long as you don't distract my detectives from their work."

She glances over her shoulder at the guys, and they both straighten up.

"Uh, yeah, Castle," Ryan agrees, scooting around Gates to hand Johanne back to him. Castle takes her, bouncing the baby as she reaches out, still going for Ryan's now crumpled tie.

Gates gives them all a knowing look. "I'll see you next week, Detective," she says to Kate. "Get back to work," she adds, looking at Ryan and Espo before she turns and strides back into her office.

The four of them stare at each other, Johanne still fussing in Castle's arms, reaching out for Ryan.

"Wow," Espo offers.

"Yeah," Kate agrees.

Castle spots Gates glaring at him from her office and nudges Kate with his hip. "We should," he says, nodding toward the elevator before flicking his eyes to Gates' office.

"Right," Kate agrees. "See you guys soon."

The boys nod and then both wave cutely at Johanne as Kate ushers Castle out of the bullpen. Johanne begins to whine, squirming up so she can see over his shoulder.

Kate covers her mouth as Castle bounces the baby, making shushing sounds. As soon as the elevator doors close, Johanne starts crying in earnest.

"Oh, bug," Kate says, laughing softly. Castle lets her scoop the baby out of his arms. "We'll see your uncles again."

"I think she's more upset about losing Kevin's tie," Castle offers, reaching into the baby bag slung across his shoulder to pull out her new elephant.

One look at it and Johanne clams up, reaching out. He hands it over with a smile and she beams, breathing stuffily even as she immediately begins sucking on one of the ears.

Kate shakes her head and leads them out of the lobby and onto the street.

"See, it was a good purchase," he says with a grin, hooking his arm around her waist as they head toward the playground at the edge of the park near the precinct.

"I didn't say a thing," Kate says.

He shakes his head and keeps watch, still on edge any time anyone gets too close, brushes past them. But Kate's focused on their daughter, trusting him to guide them along the wide path and down to the fenced, woodchip strewn playground.

"Hey, Josie," Castle says as they walk up to the swings. "Hi there," he adds as Johanne meets his eyes, mouth still latched onto the bunny. "You wanna go on your first swing ever?"

She considers him, comfortable in Kate's arms. Kate smiles at him and walks her over to the swing as he pulls out his phone. She settles both baby and elephant into the seat, threading Johanne's little legs through the slats.

The baby looks between them, confused, but overall content. The second Kate gives her a little push, the baby's eyes go wide, the elephant popping out of her mouth. Kate pushes just a bit harder and Johanne swings forward by maybe two feet.

She squeals, peels of laughter following quickly, her little legs kicking. It's not the smoothest glide, but she's grinning. They'll have to wash the elephant somehow when they get home, but Castle doesn't care, too focused on getting video and enjoying this first.

Kate grins at him as she gently pushes the baby. Eventually, after about fifteen minutes, he has enough footage. Kate gives him quite a look as he pockets his phone and walks back to give her a break, taking over the job of pushing the still squealing baby back and forth.

Kate moves around to stand a few feet in front of him, smiling at Johanne.

They're quiet for a few minutes until something clicks.

"Kate?" he prompts. She nods to show she's listening. "What appointment do you have on Monday?"

"Oh," she says, glancing up at him. "I have to see a psychologist before I can go back on duty. And I have to re-qualify at the shooting range to get my official piece back."

"I thought your official piece was in the safe."

Kate grins. "That's my spare."

"Oh," he offers. "A therapist?"

She nods slowly. "Just to check on my mental state. Shooting and all, you know?"

She tosses it off so casually, but he can see her discomfort in the way her shoulders have tensed even as she looks back and smiles at the baby.

"Do you want me to go with you?" pops out of his mouth before he can stop it. She looks over at him, an eyebrow raised. "Not, not to the appointment itself," he hastens to add. "Just…in the waiting room?"

She considers him for a beat before smiling softly. "I'll be fine, Castle."

Someone shouts across the playground and he stiffens, missing one push, then another as he stares across the park. The grass is very green.

Johanne whines and he shakes himself, picking up on her rhythm again.

He sees Kate watching him and offers her a thin smile. Her body looks as tense as his.

Maybe she's not the only one who should be seeing a therapist.

* * *

><p><strong>There's a wonderful charity campaign going on right now, #ThankYouTerri, created to promote and support Terri Edda Miller's favorite charity, the Young Storyteller's Foundation. You can donate at youngstorytellers dot com (slash) thankyouterri. There's a great promotion happening there as well where you can donate to have prompts filled by some of your favorite fic authors. The donation period ends tomorrow at midnight! Please help support this amazing foundation if you can. <strong>


	36. Chapter 36

**Attachment Syndrome**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 36:<strong>

"Mommy's at the therapist's office, yes she is," Castle coos as he bounces his fussing baby around his office. Johanne squirms in his arms, over-tired and fighting it. She went down too early the night before, woke up too soon, and seems to be leeching the anxiety out of him as he sways by the window.

"Mommy's at the therapist's because she got shot at uncle Roy's funeral, and then Jordan caught the mastermind behind your grandma's shooting, and now mommy has to prove she's mentally sound before she can go back to being in constant danger. Isn't that fun?"

"Ever thought a lighter subject might calm her down?"

Castle spins around and grimaces as his mother leans against the doorway to the office. "I thought you went out."

"My first student came down with food poisoning."

"Ah," he says, bouncing on the balls of his feet. "Come on, Jose. I'll hold you through your whole nap if you just go to sleep, sweetie."

Martha chuckles and walks forward, extending her arms for the baby. He sighs and passes her over, groaning when Johanne immediately settles, letting her little exhausted head flop onto his mother's pastel shoulder.

"Darling, you need to relax."

He nods and slumps into his desk chair, rubbing at his face. Neither he nor Kate got much sleep. They spent the early hours of the morning exhausting themselves into slumber, only to wake to the sounds of their shrieking infant not three hours later. Kate seemed in decent enough spirits as she left for her appointment, but he and Johanne are not doing so well.

"What's on your mind, kiddo?" Martha asks quietly, rubbing her hand over Johanne's back.

"Just—life, mother," Castle offers, shaking his head.

"Mm," his mother says, giving him a knowing look. "Not so idyllic, huh?"

He rolls his eyes. God, he's picking up Kate's habits now. "Obviously not."

Martha hums. "I know the last few weeks have been hard. Well, the whole summer, really. But now? Darling, everything's about to go back to normal. And this beautiful little girl is all but yours."

"I know," he mutters.

"And Katherine's never looked better."

He smirks then meets his mother's eyes and grimaces. "Yeah."

Martha laughs and walks over to set Johanne in her crib. "Richard, you need to let yourself be happy."

"I am," he says instantly. Martha turns and gives him a look. "I am," he insists, softer.

"The stress has taken a toll on you, but you need to open yourself up to this," she encourages, spreading her arms and gesturing around the room, at the baby, at the knickknacks that have migrated from Kate's apartment, at the new pictures on the bureau behind his desk. "Just let yourself live in the moment, try to stave off the dark."

"I'm trying," he says.

Martha smiles. "I know you are. Stop trying. Just be. The rest will come."

He considers his mother, watching the way she stands, taller than he's seen in a while, more confident than he can remember over the last few years. "Thank you, mother," he says.

She smiles. "No charge." But she doesn't leave.

"Something else you wanted?" Castle asks, no malice in it. She's been so helpful these last few weeks, they're both grateful.

"Well, since you asked," Martha says, giving him a sly grin.

He just shakes his head and gestures for her to precede him out of the office. They settle in the living room together on the couch.

"What's on your mind?" he prompts.

"Things are almost back to normal now. Alexis starts school next week, and Katherine will be back at work before you know it. Little Josie's starting to toddle, and I feel as if, perhaps, the house is getting a bit small."

Castle blinks. He and Kate had been planning to bring this up with her, but haven't found the right time. In fact, Martha's been so helpful, so steady, that he thinks both he and Kate have been kind of putting it off, uneager to have her gone now.

"And, I was thinking," his mother continues. "I don't know what Katherine's plans are for her apartment, but if perhaps you want to keep it in the family, I might—"

He surges forward, quite out of his own control, and wraps his arms around his mother, suddenly so overwhelmed.

"Oh, well, all right, dear," Martha mumbles into his shoulder.

He chuckles and pulls back, hoping he's preserved some sense of dignity, if only because she looks so touched. "We were going to offer it to you but never…worked up the nerve, I guess. You're more than welcome to stay here. We love having you here. _I_ love having you here, all jokes aside." Martha gives him a pressed lipped smile for that, her eyes suspiciously shiny. "But it's loud, and the more mobile Josie gets, the more crazy it'll be, so we wanted to offer you Kate's place. Keep it in the family."

"Wonderful," his mother gets out. "I'll talk with Katherine when she gets back?"

He nods, feeling a little numb with it. Martha smiles, pats his shoulder, then rises and heads back for her bedroom, making overtures about ordering packing boxes and needing to redecorate, of course.

He leans into the couch and stares out at the living room, at the toys scattered over the floor, the baby blankets, the textbooks and remaining case files they've all let go astray.

Life is moving on.

(…)

He's on the phone when Kate gets back. He hums for Paula's benefit as she goes on about some kind of signing engagement he just _has_ to show for, given his absence over the summer. He watches as Kate walks into his office, her shoulders hunched and body weary. She offers him a tired smile then scoops Johanne off of her play mat, letting the giggling baby bring back some of her spirit.

She leaves him there on the phone with Paula, whispering to the baby as she goes.

"Sorry, Paula," he puts in, wincing as she sighs at him.

"Look, Rick, I understand that you're…adjusting back to normal life. But we're already behind here. Did you get those edits I sent?"

"I did. I'll—I'll have them for you before the week is out. Kate starts back at work on Wednesday. I'll have more time."

"Good. Now, about the signing."

"Can we push it back, just a week, Paula, please. Let Kate have just a week before I'm changing up the schedule."

Paula clicks her tongue in his ear. "What's this really about, Ricky? I think your detective can handle you not being at home with the baby. Can't you just get a sitter?"

He scrubs a hand over his face. Damn. If they wait until next week, Alexis will be back in school. If Martha or Jim can't take Johanne, then—"Let me get back to you about the date, all right?"

Paula sighs, as if he's told her she'll have to wait for a draft of the book instead. "All right, but see if Barnes and Noble books you again after this."

He scoffs. "Goodbye, Paula."

"Bye, Ricky."

He rubs at his eyes then clicks through his email, downloads Paula's notes. He opens them and stares at the thirteen page document. This'll keep him busy while Kate's at work. Granted, Johanne spends a lot more time engaging than she did in the beginning, when she'd just rest against him as he worked.

He'll have to focus his work during naptime and holding time. There's always the jolly jumper too. He'll figure it out.

He knows he's doomed when the pull of Kate and Johanne is stronger than the solitude that could afford him maybe the first page of notes worth of edits. Instead, he hauls his body out of his chair and loafs out into the living room.

He smiles, lounging in the doorway to the office to watch his family. Kate lies on the ground, Johanne lifted over her body, the baby held close. She rubs their noses together and Johanne giggles, poking at Kate's face. She nearly gets Kate's eye and Castle moves forward.

"Careful, bug," he warns, plopping down to sit next to Kate. "No blinding mommy."

Johanne turns her head and smiles at him, a large splat of drool dribbling down to hit the edge middle of Kate's blouse.

"Okay, drooly," he says, hiding a laugh as he takes the baby from Kate.

She sits up with a grimace and reaches out to grab the baby blanket, dabbing as much from her shirt as she can. "Another tooth, you think?"

"Are you getting a molar or something there, bug?" he asks the baby.

She just giggles. "Mama pay!" she squeals, squirming and reaching out for Kate again.

"Are you saying Mama play?" Kate coos, taking back the baby and leaning against the couch. "Do you wanna play peek-a-boo?"

He sits contentedly and watches as Johanne is happily surprised each time Kate reappears from behind her hands, the baby resting against her thighs and reaching out for her fingers.

Eventually, Johanne tires of their game and wiggles down to crawl around her mat, setting up shop with some blocks. Kate runs her hand over the baby's head then looks over at Castle.

"Everything good with Paula?"

He smiles and scoots around to rest against the couch with her. "Fine. I've got work to keep me busy while you're at work. Josie can help me."

"Mm. I'm sure she's great at catching semicolons and homonyms."

"You're hot, you know that?"

Kate laughs and lists into him, letting her head fall to rest against his shoulder. "Glad you think so," she mumbles.

"How was…everything?" he asks gently, rubbing his hand over her thigh.

"Good," she breathes out. "Re-qualified, no problem. I've got my gun in the drawer by the door. I'll put it in the safe later. And Burke was…a therapist, I don't know."

"Burke," he repeats.

"Dr. Burke. He's a very tall, distinguished guy. Serious. Looks like his legs are popping out of the armchair. A little bit like Lincoln. Reminds me a bit of Montgomery?"

He blinks. It's more than he was expecting, and such an odd set of comparisons. "But you liked him?"

Kate shrugs. "I don't like therapy much."

He bobs his head. "You did well with Dr. Goldstein."

"That was for Josie. This is—different." She sighs and takes his hand, threading their fingers together. "I might go back again."

"Whatever you want," he says, feeling lacking for something better, more comforting.

"Come with me sometime?"

"Of course." He winces, hoping she can't see. He's worse with therapy than she is. At least with Goldstein—she's right. With Goldstein it's just about Johanne, even if it's about them too. "Oh, we have our six month with Goldstein on Friday next week."

"I'll let Gates know tomorrow," Kate. "I'll start officially on Wednesday. Morning appointment?"

"Yeah," he agrees. "Eleven. Take a half, maybe?"

She nods and they both watch as Johanne crawls across the floor, flopping onto her little elephant with a giggle, she looks over at them and waves. They both immediately wave back and she babbles happily before turning her attention back to the toy.

"Six months," Kate whispers.

"She's done great."

He feels Kate smile against his shoulder. "Yeah, she has. Thank you, Castle."

He turns, keeping a weather eye on the mobile baby as he moves to meet Kate's gaze. "For what?"

She huffs and reaches up to stroke her fingers down his cheek. "For taking care of my baby, for letting us move in when she needed it. For loving her so hard. For loving me. For this summer—everything this summer. Just—we wouldn't have this life without you. I probably wouldn't have her at all without you. So," she arches up and presses her lips briefly to his. "Thank you."

He crushes her into his chest, his lips pressed firmly to her forehead as he looks at the baby, their daughter. "I love you," is all he manages. She doesn't need to thank him. This—this is everything.

She strokes her fingers over the nape of his neck. "You okay?"

He smiles. "Yeah," he gets out. He is.

Somehow, even with the clouds out the window and the heavy weight that still hovers over both of them, he's okay.

"Mother wants to move to your apartment."

Kate startles against him then laughs quietly. "Beat us to it."

"Better this way," he decides. "She'll want to talk about it with you."

"Maybe we can pack some stuff up over the weekend," Kate suggests. "Hot Saturday night."

He laughs. "You get time off like that?"

"I think we can work out a schedule. I want to be home with Jose as much as I can, you know?"

"I do," he promises. "And if you can't, we can always come say hi."

She smiles and curls back into him. "Good."

They stay there together, watching as Johanne crawls around before unceremoniously falling asleep in the middle of her play mat. He feels Kate dozing on his shoulder and smiles, settling in for naptime.

(…)

"Okay."

He smiles softly, standing in the foyer with Kate and Johanne, his partner dressed for work, heels in place, gun at her hip, baby in her arms.

"Okay. Mommy's going to work now."

She doesn't move, just staring at Johanne as the baby yawns in her arms. It's early. She got a call for a body first thing at five, her return to work more of a jump start. Johanne's barely awake. None of them are, really, despite the coffee Kate drank and the meager toast he managed to force on her.

"I'll be home tonight, and we'll take a bath, okay, bug? You have fun with daddy."

Castle reaches out at his cue, but Kate doesn't offer the baby. "Kate."

"I know," she snaps, looking up apologetically. "This is harder than I thought?"

"I know," he agrees, gently taking the baby from her. Johanne sags in his arms, her thumb migrating to her mouth as she promptly falls asleep, Kate's frenetic energy the only thing having kept her awake.

"Go. You'll be great," he promises. "We'll stop by if you're gonna be in for lunch. I'll have dinner ready."

"Okay," she says, biting her lip. "Okay, bye baby." She leans in and presses a kiss to her sleeping daughter's cheek. "Bye, baby," she adds with a grin, arching up to give him a chaste peck.

"You'll pay for that later," he says, his menace lost to a large yawn.

Kate laughs. "I look forward to it. Go back to sleep, Castle."

"Okay," he says, smiling as she shakes her head and finally leaves the apartment, the door shutting gently behind her.

He stands there for a long minute, staring at the closed door, the silence of the loft settling over him. Johanne snuffles in her sleep and he sighs, heading back toward their room.

"At least I can have one Beckett in bed with me," he whispers to the baby, curling up with her under the covers. "Differently of course." Johanne just shifts, her little mouth open, fast baby breaths warm against his chest. "You're a good sleeper."

He stares up at the ceiling and rubs her back. It's different. It's the same, but it's different. In a few short weeks, Johanne will be legally theirs.

Kate will be at work during the day, returning home to her daughter's laughter. It's the life they wanted before the shooting. It's the life they have now, a life that's secure and free from danger, Bracken behind bars.

With that thought loud and bright in his mind, he lets himself fall asleep.

(…)

When he wakes, he's alone.

He gasps and throws himself out of bed, glancing frantically around the bedroom. He fell asleep and Johanne crawled away, and she's probably managed to stick her finger in a socket or something, and he _slept_ through it.

He doesn't see her in the bedroom, or the closet, or the bathroom. He skids into his office, feet slipping in his socks.

"Josie?" he calls out, trying to sound friendly instead of blind panicked. "Josie-bug, come out for daddy."

"Hey."

He spins around and finds Alexis holding Johanne on her hip, a hand covering her mouth.

"Sorry," she offers, laughing a little.

Johanne copies her. "Orry," she squeaks out.

He collapses onto the edge of his desk. "Nearly had a heart attack."

Alexis sobers and offers him an apologetic look. "I peeked in on you and she was awake. We had a bottle and read a book. Thought you could use the sleep. Kate left early, huh?"

"What time's it now?"

"About ten," Alexis says with a shrug.

"I should check my phone," he says, staring at them for a beat before shuffling back into his bedroom for his cell.

Of course. He's missed a few texts from Kate. They found a body in a sewer, looks like some sort of smuggling case. The woman's—whoa.

"What's up?" Alexis asks as he joins her in the kitchen.

"Um, nasty case," he offers, shaking his head and putting down the phone. He'll have to think of something good to offer Kate, something helpful.

A woman died from blood loss after a forced hysterectomy. Lanie found traces of cocaine in the empty cavity. The body was dumped in the sewer post mortem, found by a construction worker on the side of the sewage tunnel. It didn't manage to land in the water.

"Dad," Alexis prompts.

He shudders. "Sorry. Really nasty. How are you?"

"I'm good," Alexis says easily, walking over to place the baby in his arms. "Had fun with Josie. I'm supposed to shop with Paige later."

"That sounds good," he muses.

"Have a meeting with my guidance counselor," Alexis continues, watching him as he tries to pull his focus back. "I have to decide whether or not I want to front-load my courses."

That gets him.

"For Stanford?" he asks. She nods hesitantly. "What are you thinking?" he wonders, absently keeping Johanne from sticking her fingers up his nose.

"I—I think I want to stay. But I kind of like the idea of being mostly done by winter? I could sit for Josie, and I could do an internship or something. Maybe with Lanie."

He blinks. "With Lanie?"

"She mentioned that she'd been offered an intern, and you know I like forensics."

A woman with a forced hysterectomy, lying in sewage fills his mind and he swallows, hard. "Are you sure? That's—the stuff we see, Alexis…"

"I'm not set on it," she says quickly. "Just…would you mind?"

"Mind?" he repeats.

"If I was home more spring semester. It's not that many classes this fall anyway, no more than normal. But if I do it, I can be home more, have extracurriculars, just…relax."

He considers his daughter, remembers how hard the summer was. It would be nice to get more of her before she goes away for good. And she's not going to Stanford.

Well, he supposes if she gets in, she might still decide to do it. But as of right now, he gets to keep both of his babies.

"That's just fine with me," he promises. "Whatever you want, sweetheart. I can teach you all about working from home."

Alexis snorts and rolls her eyes with a smile. "Sure, dad."

He laughs and looks down at Johanne. "What'dya say, bug? You want more time with Alexis?"

"Exi!" Johanne replies, turning to look at the girl. "Exi pay!"

"Lexi play," he translates.

Alexis grins and takes the baby from him. "Wanna build a fort in the living room?" she suggests with a wink.

He laughs. "You're on."

Maybe being home with the girls will be easier than he thought. He pauses as he heads for the living room, returning for his phone.

He texts: _I love you. _

He snaps a picture of Alexis 'helping' Johanne pull a cushion from the couch, the baby standing unsteadily and tugging in imitation of her sister.

_The girls and I are here. Call if you want_.

He sends the text and goes to join his daughters, determined to keep them both happy and giggly all day, so his partner has something bright to come home to tonight.

He may not get to be there with her for this—may not be able to physically bring her joy, but he can prepare it for when she comes home.

(…)

"Mama!" Johanne exclaims as Kate comes through the door.

He watches from the kitchen as Kate closes her eyes for a moment before crouching down to receive her crawling baby. She picks her up and holds her tight, pressing kisses to Johanne's smiling face.

"Hi, baby. I missed you," she says, and he sees more than hears the words.

She stays rooted to the spot just holding the baby, swaying there. He lowers the heat on the sauce and heads to join them. He'll call Alexis down for dinner after this.

"Hi," he says, stepping up to her slowly.

She leans forward and lets him take her weight, her face pressing into his cheek, the baby between them.

"Hi," she breathes out.

"Rough day?" he asks.

She nods. "Bad, Castle. Really really bad."

"I'm sorry."

She shakes her head and straightens up, pasting on a smile he knows she doesn't really feel. "Dinner smells great."

He offers her a smile in return and guides her over to the table, calling for Alexis as they go. He plies Kate with food and lets the girls cheer her up as much as they can. He takes care of the dishes and insists she let Alexis and Johanne show her their fort.

He watches from the kitchen as Kate oohs and ahs with Alexis, both of them tickling Johanne and crawling into the fort until it collapses on them. He skirts the living room and draws a bath, lights some candles far from the tub. When he emerges, Alexis kisses Kate's cheek and heads up for the night, giving him a soft smile as she disappears up the stairs.

He reaches out for Kate, taking the baby from her before guiding her back into their bedroom and through to the bathroom. She leans into him as she sees the tub, filled with the colorful baby bubbles he bought so she could share a bath with Johanne.

As much as he wants to strip the clothes from her, worship her body until the day's forgotten, he thinks letting her undress while he changes the baby is better. He watches as Kate steps into the tub, sinking down into the bubbles before reaching back out.

He passes Johanne over, chuckling as the baby laughs and splashes at the water before curling up contentedly with her mother, her hand splayed at Kate's collarbone.

He smiles at the picture they make then starts to head out, set on cleaning the kitchen and righting the living room before Kate ends up stumbling through it the next morning.

"Stay," Kate says, halting him before he reaches the doorway. "Get in."

He eyes the two of them, reluctant to break their moment. Girls time. It's important. He's had Johanne all day.

"Please," Kate adds, and he sees it then, the raw piece of her she's been hiding for the girls.

He nods and strips out of his clothes, slips in behind her and wraps her up, smiling down at the baby as Johanne glances up at him, her little eyes drooping. He'll have to remember this for the next time the baby won't go down.

He kisses Kate's cheek and wraps his arms around her below Johanne. Kate sighs and collapses against him, turning her head to rest her forehead against his neck.

"A drug mule," Kate says softly. "She had a surgical procedure in Canada."

"Canada," he lets out, surprised.

She shrugs against him. "Free healthcare. She went to avoid the bills. Thought she was having a polypectomy. Instead, they inserted tiny bags of cocaine and told her to follow up with a doctor back in New York. A surgeon at Presbyterian was supposed to remove them, but she ended up in an ER in Brooklyn instead. They snatched her before the surgery began and—I've never seen that before," she finishes.

"Did you catch the guys?"

"We found the corrupt surgeon. He gave us names, and we're tracking them down. APBs are out. Hopefully we'll turn up one of them. Cameras show a three-man team."

"They carted her from Brooklyn to your jurisdiction?"

"They needed a table. Had to have good light to fish out all of the packets."

"God," he lets out. "That's—a bad first day back."

Kate nods against him, clutching at Johanne. "Yeah."

"Sorry I wasn't there," he whispers.

She shakes her head. "No. Better here with the baby. I—something like that—you should have seen Ryan."

Oh. He hadn't considered. Hysterectomy—would he have thought of Kate? Replaced that woman's face with hers?

"S'he with Jenny now?"

"I cut him loose early," Kate says softly. "Espo and I finished up the paperwork. He was a little green, but we saw Lanie a bunch."

"Are they—I mean, I guess it doesn't matter, but are they thinking about kids?"

Kate laughs. "No. Not now, at least. I know Jenny wants them though."

Johanne gurgles. He smiles, looking down to find her asleep against Kate's chest.

"Do you still think about it?" Kate asks a few minutes later.

"About what?"

"More kids?" Kate continues, her voice small, hesitant.

He sucks in a breath. He hasn't, not really. Not since they discussed it, albeit obliquely, over the summer. He can see it though, can see Kate pregnant, see them getting to go through it together, that magic of life grown between them.

"Do you?" he asks, instead of trying to explain the jumble of his thoughts.

"Sometimes," Kate admits. "When she's older."

"Yeah," he agrees. "Not too old though?"

"Why?" Kate wonders. She sounds generally curious, not judgmental in the slightest.

"I just," he pauses, surprised to find the thought at all. "The younger she is, the less I think she'll understand. And I mean, you chose her, I chose her, that's pretty special. We don't have to be her parents, we want to. But if we have a baby together, that's—it's different, you know?"

Kate breathes slowly, nodding as she bends down to press her lips to the crown of Johanne's head. "Right. Yeah, you're right. But we'll just—we'll explain. Make her feel just as special, because she is."

He raises a hand to cover hers on the baby's back. "We'll do good, Kate. Whether it's braiding her hair or reminding her that DNA doesn't make her less of our daughter than any baby with your eyes and my hair."

Kate nods, threading their fingers together. "Deal."

"Just—let's vet our docs, okay?"

Kate laughs, startled and turns her face to glance her lips off his jaw. "My gyno's good, I promise," she tells him.

"Better be. And I go with you for any procedures, okay?"

"Hey, calm down," Kate insists. "I'm fine. No one's going to illegally insert cocaine into my uterus. Only thing going in there is…" she trails off and he feels her wrinkle her nose against his cheek. "Not a conversation for Josie."

He chuckles and nods, kissing the line of her hair. "Okay. Just—okay."

Kate smiles and relaxes against him. "Don't worry, babe. I'm safe."

"I know," he says, tugging her infinitesimally closer. "I know."


	37. Chapter 37

**Attachment Syndrome**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 37:<strong>

"Dad."

He looks up from his computer, surprised to find Alexis standing in the doorway. He didn't expect her home so soon. They had a senior orientation day at Marlowe Prep.

"Hey," he says softly, glancing toward the crib by the window.

"Dad," Alexis insists, walking forward with a big envelope.

His stomach bottoms out, but he pastes on a smile anyway. "Stanford?"

Alexis blinks, then laughs. "No, no. Daddy, the big envelope is for you."

He sits immobile for a moment before practically leaping from his chair, only the slightest hint of sanity reminding him to toggle his laptop back onto the desk. Alexis thrusts the envelope at him and they stare at each other before glancing in tandem at the crib.

Castle stands, transfixed.

"Well?" Alexis prompts.

He shakes himself and tears the envelope open, eagerly pulling out the papers. He scans quickly, terms and dates and forms passing rapidly as he takes it all in.

A father. He's been officially approved for the adoption.

He and _Kate_ have been officially approved.

They need to come in to sign papers and meet with a judge for a very brief hearing, and then Johanne is theirs. Officially. Legally. One hundred percent. Theirs.

"I," he starts, staring at the forms. "I, um. Kate?" he manages, looking to his daughter. His older daughter. "We should—precinct, maybe?"

Alexis laughs, delighted. "You need to sit down."

"Can't sit down. Baby. Daughter. Family. Oh," he says, realizing. He's not forming sentences.

He's just—he's so excited.

Johanne issues a cry from the crib and they turn to find her standing up, little hands gripping the bars.

Alexis takes the papers from him and he walks over to hoist the baby out of her crib, cradling her to his chest. "Did we wake you, bug?" he murmurs as she continues to whimper. "Daddy just got excited."

Alexis smiles at them and reaches out, grabbing his phone to take a picture. He's sure his eyes are as wet as the baby's are, but he doesn't care.

They're approved. Their going to get their daughter.

"Dad?" He blinks and Alexis laughs. "Come on. I'll make her a bottle. You get dressed, and we'll go see Kate."

He beams and nods, walking quickly to pull her into a hug, both his girls squished tight to his chest. "What would I do without you?" he asks the top of Alexis' head.

"Starve to death," she says, dead pan, before giggling into his shoulder. "Come on. Let's go see mommy, huh?" she adds, tickling Johanne. "I bet you she blubbers."

"Oh, no way," Castle says as Alexis pulls back. "No way. I'm the crier." Alexis raises an eyebrow. "Yeah, I heard it."

She shakes her head. "This is different."

"She's at work."

Alexis simply shrugs. "She's going to cry, and you're going to cry, and I'll put money on Javi."

"Ryan's a better bet."

"Ryan's a given," Alexis tosses back, scooping the baby out of his arms. "Go get dressed."

He looks down, surprised somehow to find himself in sweats and a tee shirt. Man, the stay-at-home dad thing's really getting him this time around. He usually remembers to change into jeans by noon, but he's been getting lax about it. No one cares, and he certainly doesn't. But he's really a stay-at-home dad again.

He grins.

He's a dad again.

(…)

"Did you check to make sure she'd be here?" Alexis asks as they ride up in the elevator, Johanne bouncing against his chest, the baby bag over Alexis' shoulder.

"No?" he says around a grin.

Alexis laughs. "You're giddy."

He opens his mouth, then reaches out to wrap his arm around her. "I am. Problem?"

"No," Alexis says, turning her face into his shoulder. "I'm giddy too. I'm—I'm really glad this…worked out," she decides.

"Me too," he says. The doors open and he leads her out and around the right corner, down the supply hall, suddenly needing to do this first, even before Kate.

"Dad?" Alexis questions as he guides her over to a banket of chairs.

"I want to thank you," he says, sitting them down together. "You've been so amazing with Josie. When I decided to watch her for Kate, you just accepted her as part of the house, no questions asked. You did the same with Kate. You came to the Hamptons with us, and we never would have made it through the summer without you. You—Alexis, I am so proud of you, and so grateful."

Alexis smiles, her chin trembling. "I love you, daddy."

He reaches out and pulls her in for another hug. "I love you too. You are the best big sister ever, and the most amazing daughter."

Alexis squeezes him once then looks down at Johanne, who gurgles up at her, smiling. "Look at how happy you are, Josie-bug," she says, taking one of the baby's grabby little hands. "She never would have made it here without you, dad. I was happy to help. And you—Kate's really good for you."

He smiles. "I know."

Alexis considers him and glances behind them, down the empty hall. "So…anything you want to ask me, before we do this?"

"What?"

"When you proposed to Gina, you asked me first. I mean, you know what my answer is about Kate, but—"

He reaches out and pulls her in again, laughing. "I—had plans. I was gonna take you out for dinner," he tells her. "Just the two of us."

Alexis laughs and pulls back. "Unnecessary."

"Hey. You're my baby. My first baby. I wanted—"

"I know," Alexis says, cutting him off. "I get it. But I'd rather you just ask her. Make it official. You do it now, you guys can have a spring wedding."

He shakes her head at her, but can't keep the grin off his face. "Okay. Can I take you ring shopping with me instead?"

Alexis beams. "Deal. Sunday?"

"I'll have mother or Jim babysit," he agrees. "Now, we should—"

"Castle?" He turns and finds Ryan leaning around the wall into their hallway. "Thought I heard your voice, man. What are you doing here?"

"We came to see Beckett," he says easily. "She around?"

"Paperwork at her desk. Hey, Alexis."

"Hi, Kevin," Alexis says easily, hauling Castle up with her and nearly dragging him down the hallway.

Ryan bumps his fist and smiles at Johanne, who reaches out for him. "Hey, princess. How are you?"

"Hi," Johanne squeaks out.

Ryan beams. "Hi."

Johanne giggles and then squirms, spotting Kate over Ryan's shoulder. Castle laughs and places his hand over the baby's sternum, quieting her just a bit. Kate turns at the babbling sounds, her eyes going wide as she spots the four of them. Esposito comes up behind her desk and smiles at them.

"What are you guys doing here?" Kate asks, standing to catch one of Johanne's flailing hands. "Hey, baby. Why'd daddy bring you, huh?"

Alexis fishes the papers out of the baby bag and hands them to Castle. Kate gives him a confused look but he just smiles and hands them over. Kate cautiously slips the papers out of the envelope and reads. Castle notices Ryan and Esposito standing shoulder to shoulder now. He can see that they're in the middle of chasing down leads, but this has stopped everything.

Kate's breath catches and she glances up at him. "Really?"

"Really," Castle says, his smile matching the brilliant one that slowly stretches across her face. "I called the office. Brian says we can go in on Friday."

"But we have Goldstein," Kate says softly.

"We'll go to Goldstein after," he says, beaming.

"We may have to have a hearing," Kate mumbles, looking back at the papers.

"Formality," Castle assures her. "Just to dot and cross everything off. Brian says we're good to go."

Kate looks up at him, her eyes wet. She smiles and steps close, bending down to press her lips to Johanne's head before arching up to catch his lips with hers.

The boys whistle, but Castle doesn't care. He lets her linger, keeps her there with the catch of his fingers on the lapels of her blazer.

"One more week," she whispers as she pulls back.

He laughs and reaches up to wipe her cheeks. "You were right, Alexis."

Kate raises an eyebrow as Alexis laughs beside them. Johanne squeals, reaching up for Kate. Kate lifts her from the carrier and hoists her up so they're face to face.

"Hey there," she coos. "Did daddy tell you? You're gonna be a Castle."

"Castle," Esposito lets out. "Why Castle?"

Kate turns to face him as Castle rolls his eyes. Ryan takes a step away from Esposito, his hands up.

"Why not Castle, Esposito?" she wonders, deftly untangling Johanne's hands from her necklace without breaking her stare.

"You—you brought her back. She's a Beckett. No offense, Alexis."

Alexis waves him off while Castle stands there, not quite sure of how to react. They've never talked names for Johanne. He hadn't considered it. But of course she needs an official last name. There's no reason she can't be Johanne Beckett. No reason she shouldn't be.

"I may have brought her back, but he chose to do this with me," Kate says slowly.

"So she gets his last name? Takes you right out of the equation," Esposito says.

"I would have pegged you for more of a traditionalist," Kate returns.

"Why, because I'm Hispanic?"

"Whoa, Javi," Ryan puts in. "This isn't—"

"No, because you're a military man," Kate cuts in.

"What does that have to do with anything? I can't be a feminist because I'm a military man?"

"Are you saying I'm not a feminist?" Kate wonders.

"No," Esposito says quickly. "I just—you're not gonna take his name, are you?"

"What?" both Castle and Kate let out.

"You just—look, Beckett, you're…Beckett. I—forget it," Esposito says, turning and striding back toward the break room.

"I'll, uh," Ryan says, pointing after him before scurrying away.

Castle, Alexis, and Kate stand in a daze. Kate slowly revolves to face them, Johanne quiet on her hip.

"Johanne Beckett-Castle?" Castle suggests softly.

"That works," Kate agrees. "Do you—you and Esposito share any similar feelings?"

He blinks and notices Alexis backing away to give them privacy. He sighs and watches Kate and Johanne—his almost daughter and almost fiancé.

"If you wanted to take my name, that would be fine with me. I don't—I don't have strong feelings one way or the other?"

Kate nods and looks down at the baby for a moment before meeting his eyes. "I just want her to have a sense of family. Castle—she should share Alexis' last name. And yours. And I think," she pauses and reaches up with her free hand to touch her necklace. "I don't know that my dad would—Johanne Castle is her own person. I didn't choose her because of her name, but it's close, you know?

"I do," he assures her, stepping up to run his hand down her arm. "Josie Beckett Castle sounds good to me."

"Me too," Kate agrees. "A week."

"A week," he repeats.

"Can you talk to Esposito?"

Castle feels his eyes widening. "You want _me_ to talk to him about this?"

Kate shrugs. "He might be able to get the words out. I don't know what this is about, but I don't want it to…fester."

"Sure," he says immediately. No, he definitely does not want to talk to Espo about this, but he will, for her. "I'll just—" he smiles at the baby and then heads back for the break room.

Esposito sits on the couch, head back, staring at the ceiling while Ryan hovers uncomfortably by the espresso machine.

"I just don't get it, Javi. What the hell was that?"

"Just leave it, bro," Esposito grunts out as Castle walks into the room. They both turn to look at him and Esposito groans. "Look, Castle, I'm sorry, I—"

Ryan clears the room, hurrying back to his desk, closing the door behind him. Esposito sighs and waves Castle off. "I'm fine. I'll apologize to Beckett."

Castle takes a moment, considers his friend. The man looks tired. He and Ryan ran point with the FBI all summer. They took care of logistics when Castle and Kate came back from the Hamptons. They've kept all press at bay. They've kept his partner laughing, taken extra shifts and stayed overtime to let her go home.

"Always knew you were a mama's boy." Castle starts, smiling slightly as Esposito huffs out a laugh.

"I'm sorry, man."

Castle holds up his hands. "I'd pick Beckett over you too." Esposito laughs a little more at that and Castle walks over to lean against the table. "That all this is about?"

Esposito considers him, then glances to the closed doors. "If something happens to her, that's it. You get Josie, and she's gone. I don't know. I'll apologize."

Castle feels himself deflate at that. "You really think I'd let her just forget about Kate?"

Esposito shakes his head. "I know you wouldn't. I just—look, what she did, taking Josie from Haiti? That's huge. If she dies, that dies with her. I know you'll raise her right. But the world—the precinct even. She'll just be your kid after a while and it's just—names stick."

Castle bobs his head. It's not necessarily logical, but he gets it. "We're gonna name her Johanne Beckett Castle," he tells him. "Who knows. Maybe she'll become an actress and go by Josie Beckett."

"Or a writer," Esposito says, giving him a smirk. "Follow some hot shot cop around, get herself into all kinds of trouble."

"Don't even," Castle growls, giving in a moment later to laugh with his friend. "Beckett will stay in the family."

Esposito considers him. "She gonna take your name?"

Castle shrugs. "That's her choice. If she does, don't give her shit for it, would you?"

Esposito nods. "She'll always be Beckett here."

It sounds like half a threat somehow. "I know," Castle agrees. "I'm gonna take the girls home. See you soon."

Esposito nods and watches as Castle leaves. Castle glances back, but the man's already left through the other door. He shakes his head and makes his way back to Kate's desk, where Alexis is sitting in his chair, making faces at Johanne on Kate's lap.

"All clear?" Kate asks as he steps up to them.

"Yeah," he says. "You need anything? I can make a food run."

Kate smiles but shakes her head. "I'm good. I should be home in a few hours. We're waiting on forensics and a lot of number crunches. Probably won't have much 'till morning. You guys go home. Or go get ice cream or something."

"We'll celebrate with you," Castle promises. "Let me know when you're on your way?"

Kate nods and passes Johanne to Alexis. The teen takes her sister happily and waves the baby's hand. "We'll see mommy tonight," Alexis tells her. "I'll meet you downstairs," she adds to Castle as she stands.

He goes to protest but the girls are around the corner before he can even try. He sighs and sinks into his chair beside Kate's desk. Just for a moment, something clicks, the memory of years past, spent in this chair, day after day.

Kate stares and he thinks perhaps they're having the same flashbacks.

"Everything really okay?" Kate asks after a moment.

He smiles at her, feeling somewhat more normal for this momentary relapse. Even Esposito's little fit rights the world just a bit more. "Everything's great," he tells her. "Espo's just getting back to normal."

Kate nods slowly. "Okay." She pauses and taps the papers with her fingers, her smile returning. "Thank you for bringing these."

He nods, reaching out to grip her hand briefly. "Good news. I wanted to share right away. Even woke Josie up by accident."

Kate laughs and squeezes his hand. "We'll celebrate," she insists.

He nods. "We'll celebrate."

(…)

Kate flops back beside him, both of their chests heaving. She turns her head and grins at him, sweaty hair matted against the side of her face, her cheeks pink, chest flush.

"We should adopt more often," he gets out, laughing as she giggles and half-heartedly swats her hand in his direction.

She misses, her palm thudding against the bed. He reaches out and snags her hand in his, tugging gently until she rolls over and cuddles into him. She threads her calf between his knees, her thigh hooked over his. She nuzzles her face into his chest, her breath warm and wet against his cooling skin.

"Wow," she breathes out, and he grins.

"Yeah," he agrees, crooking the arm beneath her head to thread his fingers through her hair. "I didn't know you could bend like that."

She smirks against his skin. "Gotta keep you on your toes."

"Literally?"

Her smirk grows and he feels her teeth nip gently at him. "Maybe."

He laughs. "Maybe we sign up for couples yoga, then. I wouldn't want to break a hip."

She huffs and pushes up to meet his eyes. "Break a hip and I'll break your face, Castle. I need you in top kid wrangling form."

He leers at her. "Just kid wrangling? Or are you worried about our sex life?"

She considers him as he trails his free hand down her back, palming her ass. "I think we could figure something out."

"Ooh, kinky hospital bed sex. I'm in."

She giggles and scoots up his body to press a kiss to his lips. He takes her movement as initiative and manages to release her hand and slide his own down between them. She gasps into his mouth, shifting her hips, releasing a quiet moan between them.

"Castle," she whispers.

He smiles and arches his neck to press his lips to her cheek, her nose, her jaw. "Let me," he whispers back.

"But," she begins, before her mouth falls open, her hips gyrating against his hand as he works her back up.

He can't go again, but he knows she can. Maybe more than once at that.

"Love you," he tells her, watching her face as she moves against him, watching the way she reacts as he twists his fingers just so, rubs a little harder, finds a rhythm to counterpoint the rock of her body.

"I," she manages, taking fast breaths. "Too."

He grins and increases his pace, eager to see her crest and fall. It's one of his favorite things, watching her like this—seeing what he does to her, what he can do to her. For so long, he thought he'd never touch her, let alone love her, live with her, parent with her. And now he gets to see her do this any time he wants, gets to watch as bliss over takes her face. He gets to feel the way her body clamps down, gets to revel in the vibrations of her shaking body pressed against his.

She squeaks as she hits her peak, her mouth open, eyes screwed shut. He brings her through it then slows her back down, using his free arm to rub over her back, quieting the aftershocks as she twitches over him.

"Ugh," she mumbles, her face pressing hard into his collarbone.

"Good?" he asks, shifting his hand, trying to pull it from the sweaty mess between them.

She pushes against him, stilling his hand. "Real good," she admits, shuddering still.

He smiles and lets her cut off his circulation. "How many?" he asks after a soft, silent minute.

"Four," she mutters into his skin.

"Wanna go for five?"

She shakes her head, her forehead brushing his chin as she slowly rises and slips sideways, huddling back into his side. "Four's good," she says, her voice rough.

He can feel the fluidity of her body, notes the way she's limp beside him, even her arm a dead thing on his chest.

And yet—"You go one more?" she mumbles into his shoulder.

He laughs brightly. "No. No. Two's good for me. Sleep, Kate."

She sighs and nods against him before shifting. "Shit. Bathroom," she whines.

"Don't bother," he replies, holding her to him. "I don't care."

"I do," she gets out, sighing before pulling herself from his hold and climbing gingerly out of bed. She shuffles toward the bathroom and glances back at him. "Four is definitely enough."

He laughs and she offers him a tired, relaxed smile, before disappearing into the bathroom. He stretches, his own body limber and relaxed. He smiles and goes about righting the bed before settling back against his pillows. His mind is calm and he can't seem to wipe the smile from his face.

He just got laid.

He just got to make the love of his life fall apart four times. He gets to be with her, and love her, and just live this life with her. He feels sappy and a little overwhelmed, finally, finally in the best way.

They get to adopt their daughter, officially, in a little under a week. And soon after that, it'll be Johanne's first birthday, Alexis' graduation. There will be so many firsts, and they'll share them together.

He hopes one of those firsts will be their wedding. She's not his first, but she'll be his last. He's happy to have some lasts with her.

"No more than four," Kate announces as she comes back into the room.

"Oh, but I could so get you to six," he coaxes, raising the blankets for her as she crawls in, still deliciously naked.

She snuggles up to him and he waits her out. "Okay, but not on a work night," she decides, rising up to give him a chaste kiss before settling back at his side.

He smiles and cards his fingers through her hair. "Deal."

She sighs and strokes her palm over his heart. "Do you ever feel lucky?" she asks.

He blinks. "Every day."

He can feel her smile against his skin. "Sweet. But, no, I meant—we could have been terrible together, you know? We waited so long, I got shot, we have a baby. What if we'd just…sucked at this together?"

He laughs. She arches up to look at him, and he can tell she's serious, but he just can't help it. "Kate," he manages.

"Castle," she returns, nonplussed.

"We were always going to be great together," he gets out, calming himself in the face of her sober look.

"How do you know that?" she wonders.

"Because if we weren't, don't you think we would have moved heaven and earth to be better at it? I would take sex classes with you, Beckett. In fact, I've had fantasies about it."

"About being so bad at sex that we need instruction?"

He shakes his head. "No, tantric classes." He smirks as her nostrils flare, her eyes growing a shade darker. "Non-genital orgasm classes. Kama sutra yoga classes."

"Do those—no, yeah, I'm sure they do," she concedes. "You really think it wouldn't have mattered?"

He smiles and pulls her up to rest against his chest, wrapping his arms around her as her body slots in with his. "As long as we managed to talk about it, yeah, I think we'd have gotten over it. You're amazing in bed. I like to think I suffice."

She flicks his ear. "Fishing for compliments?"

"'Four's enough' is enough for me," he tosses back, smiling as she huffs. "But I know we'd have gotten through it. After everything we've gone through, I like to think there's nothing we can't handle together."

She searches his eyes and he lets her, lets her see the utter honesty in his words. He does. He believes they'll make it through everything. It's the world he worries about—all the forces of nature and humanity he can't control. But them, together? They can do anything.

"I love you," Kate offers, sliding up to press her lips to his cheek. "And I—I feel the same."

"Good," he murmurs, turning his head to meet her lips in a brief, soft kiss. "Sleep now?"

She smiles and nods, shifting back down to rest against his side. "Sleep now."


	38. Chapter 38

**Attachment Syndrome**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 38:<strong>

"What about this one?"

He sighs and looks down through the glass countertop, following the direction of Alexis' pointed finger. The diamond is beautiful, a square-cut with small clusters to either side. But it just doesn't say "Kate."

"I don't know," he grumbles, turning to lean against the counter.

The poor attendant left them alone about ten minutes ago. He's not in his most charming mood, he'll admit.

"Dad," Alexis says, giving him a pitying look.

"They're just not right," he says, beseeching. "And Kate's at her place now, packing up boxes, and I just thought—I don't know," he trails off.

"You thought it would be perfect, huh? She'd pack a bit, go to work, and come home to a rose-strewn loft?"

"No," he says petulantly. She raises an eyebrow. "Okay, maybe, but still."

Alexis laughs. "Okay. Maybe we try somewhere else?"

"I guess," he sighs.

"Dad."

"I just—maybe we need to go home, scrap this, do it another day."

Alexis groans and grabs his wrist before dragging him out of the store, a shout of thanks tossed over her shoulder to the beleaguered guy behind the jewelry counter. They step out onto 5th avenue and he squints in the sunlight.

"Okay," Alexis says, looking up and down the street. "Where did you go for Gina's ring?"

He scrubs a hand over his face. "Here. Um, Bloomingdales, Saks, Tiffany's. But I feel like Kate—I want something more unique for Kate than the ring of the year, you know? Gina's was…massive."

Alexis snorts. "That's not the store's fault. That was just Gina. Why didn't we start at Tiffany's? You know they have everything. We'll find something special."

"It just feels—"

"Weird?" Alexis supplies as she steers him down the street in the right direction.

"Yeah," he agrees.

"Because this isn't what you thought you'd be doing last year?"

He laughs. "Yes."

Alexis shakes her head and wraps her arm in the crook of his elbow. "That doesn't mean that you can't find her a beautiful ring like a normal person."

"But she's—"

"Special," Alexis supplies with a nod. "Do you want to do a non-traditional ring?"

"No," he says quickly.

He may feel weird walking into Tiffany's to find a ring for Beckett, but she deserves a big sparkly rock, and a big white wedding, if she wants one. She's…a one-and-done kind of girl. This is her one. And just because he's done this twice before—gone and searched the cases for the perfect sparkly ring twice before—doesn't mean that she should be robbed of that perfect moment.

Just because he's done this twice before doesn't mean this time won't be perfect.

After all, he's got his kid with him this time. His kid, who was so much littler the last time he did this. This time, she's helping him find the ring. This time, she's dragging him across Tiffany's toward the counter at the back, her eyes alight as they comb over the cases together.

He's not just asking to bring someone into her home. She's helping him keep his someone in their home. His someone helps her with her hair, and her applications, and her boys. His someone fits into their life.

He may have done this twice before. But he's never done this for Kate.

Suddenly, the ring cases look more appealing and he can feel the butterflies coming back into his stomach. This is the last ring he's ever going to buy.

(…)

"Well?" Martha asks as they come through the door to the loft.

He shakes his head but pulls the ring box out of his pocket, heading for the table, where is mother and Jim sit with his baby. He chuckles as Jim sets the spoon back into the container of baby food and Johanne seems to sag with relief. She eats, but still doesn't like it much.

Castle hands the ring box to his mother and stoops down to scoop Johanne out of her highchair. "Hey pretty," he sing songs, pressing a smacking kiss to her cheek.

The baby giggles and pats his shoulder. "Dada."

"Yeah," he agrees. "Lexi and I went and got your mommy something pretty. You have to promise not to swallow it."

"Exi!" the baby repeats with a grin.

"Oh my," Martha exclaims.

He glances down and finds Jim and his mother side-by-side, staring down at the round diamond inset between two clusters of smaller stones, all sitting on a platinum band. It cost him a fortune, but it's worth it. It's gorgeous, if he does say so himself.

"Richard, it's beautiful," his mother says, glancing up at him.

"Stunning," Jim adds. "Katie's going to love it."

He lets out a relieved breath. He thinks she will, but it's always nice to have a second opinion. He smiles and takes the box back from Martha, snapping it shut before Johanne can reach out for the ring.

"You can play with it once it's on mommy's finger, huh?" he suggests.

Johanne whines as he pockets the box, but Alexis flits over, holding out the Tiffany's bear she just had to get for her little sister. Johanne squeals and lunges for Alexis. They pass her off and Alexis bounces her back toward the living room.

"How did packing go?" Castle asks, scooping up the baby food and dish before heading toward the sink.

"Katie got about ten more boxes done. She's getting Javier to help her bring them back over tonight."

"Bet he's happy about that," Castle says with a laugh.

Jim shrugs. "I offered but she didn't want me to hurt my back."

"I told her we could just get movers once she's done with all the boxes."

Her father smiles and shakes his head, popping his and Martha's dishes into the dishwasher. It's strange to see her father so comfortable in his kitchen—strange but nice.

"She says she wants to start getting things here," Jim tells him. "Wants to make this as real as possible before Friday." Castle can't stop his grin at that. "Seems like you do too."

Castle swallows. "Um," he manages.

Jim laughs. "You hardly have to ask my permission, son."

Castle forces out a chuckle. It didn't even occur to him to ask, or even give the man a heads up. He assumes his mother did though, since the ring wasn't a surprise. "Jim, I—"

"Rick," the man says, giving him a soft look. "I've known this was coming since the first night you showed up at Katie's to see the baby. You make a lovely family."

"Thanks," Castle gets out. "I—yeah. I'm very grateful that she let me."

"She's equally grateful that you wanted to," Jim assures him. "Do you know when you want to ask?"

"No," he admits. "I—after the adoption, I suppose. But I don't know. She has this thing about how it should be."

"Really?" Jim wonders, the two of them watching as Alexis and Martha play with Johanne in the living room.

"Just—intimate," Castle admits uncomfortably. "It came up when Ryan was going to propose to Jenny. She nixed my whole…helicopter over the city idea." Jim snorts and Castle looks over to find him basically snickering. "What?"

"For Katie?"

"Oh, God, no," Castle says quickly. "No. It was for Ryan. But I might have thought of something bigger otherwise, you know?"

Jim nods, forcing himself to calm down. "It's really a formality at this point you know."

"I know," Castle agrees. "But we should still do it right. Just because she's living with me doesn't mean she doesn't deserve a wedding."

Jim smiles. "If not for her, you certainly owe me one."

Castle laughs, surprised, and Jim smiles. "Noted."

"Her mother would have killed both of you if you skipped a ceremony."

"Oh," Castle says, feeling himself paling. "I didn't realize—if I'd known, well, if she was aliv—I—"

Jim holds up a hand. "Not the living in sin, son." Castle nods, blowing out a breath. "But she always dreamed of seeing Katie as a blushing bride. I should at least get to see that, I think, for her."

Castle bobs his head. "Kind of want to see that myself," he admits.

Jim laughs loudly and claps him on the back. "Good. Let me know, when it happens."

"I'm sure there'll be a brunch," Castle assures him. "Or dinner. Some kind of big announcement."

"Of what?"

He spins around and finds Kate leaning against the counter. Shit.

"When…when did you get home?" he asks. Her face lights up at the word and he fights a grin.

"Just now. Stopped to see the girls. Your mother has found a voice that makes Josie fall over."

"That I have to see," Jim says before escaping the kitchen.

So much for solidarity.

"What announcement?" Kate wonders, walking around the counter to wrap her arms around his neck.

He takes a moment to steal a kiss from her mouth. When they break apart, they're both panting, a little caught up.

"Um," Kate manages, relaxing into him as he pulls her in so he can look over her shoulder at the living room.

"For the adoption," Castle fibs.

"Oh," Kate breathes out, turning her face into his neck and inhaling. "You smell like perfume."

He freezes. He got spritzed at least three times today, only once because they were after Alexis too. You'd think the teenage girl would be a buffer against the scent purveyors. But no.

"Shopping," he offers.

"Smells good. Know what it is?" Kate mumbles.

He laughs. "Not you," he supplies. "Like how you smell."

"Smell like dumpster," Kate says, pulling back.

"Still," he says with a small grin.

She shakes her head and pats his cheek before moving away. "I'm gonna shower."

"I'll join you," he says automatically. Because even with dumpster all over her, she does smell good, and he has a ring in his pocket, and she's been gone all day.

Kate laughs and puts a hand against his chest as he goes to follow. "Our parents are here. Tonight."

He sighs and grabs her hand, squeezing before he nods. "Tonight."

Later, when they lie together, sweaty and sated, he thinks about the ring hidden at the back of his bedside drawer, at the bottom of a little wooden box with a false bottom. He opens his mouth, and feels Kate go heavy against him.

He smiles and kisses the crown of her head. He'll find another moment.

He'll wait.

They'll adopt Johanne, get the all-clear from Goldstein, and then he can ask.

(…)

"You're making me dizzy," he says softly, watching as she paces.

"Well you're just sitting there," she bites out.

He bounces Johanne on his legs, smiling tightly as the baby reaches out a hand toward Kate. "Baby's waving at you, mommy."

Kate turns and looks at her daughter, tension breaking as she sags and walks back to them, sitting down in the uncomfortable chair beside him. "Hey, sweetheart," she says.

"Hi schnookums," he replies.

"So help me, Castle. I will hit you."

"Wow. And in the CPS office," he mumbles, handing the baby over. Kate's eyes go wide and she frantically glances up and down the empty hall.

He laughs softly and raises his arm to wrap around her tight shoulders as she cuddles the baby to her chest. Johanne goes complacently, her thumb in her mouth and head resting over Kate's heart.

"It's fine," he promises. "It'll be just fine. Brian says it's just forms, and we're honestly going to meet a judge in a conference room for a very short interview."

"Why are you so calm?" Kate nearly whines.

"Because we're getting our daughter today," he whispers into her ear, smiling as her face finally breaks into a grin. "And if you can take down all the bad guys I've watched you take down, we can make it through the next couple hours."

She sighs and leans her head against his shoulder. "Not feeling that badass right now."

He laughs and rubs her shoulder. "Always badass, Beckett. Just mom badass today."

She chuckles. They hear a door open down the hall and she straightens up to meet his eyes. "You ready?"

"Always," he whispers before they both stand up.

Brian Ludson walks up to them, a smile on his face. "Ms. Beckett, Mr. Castle," he greets. "And Josie, hello."

Johanne hides her face in Kate's chest and Kate laughs. "It's okay, bug. Brian's going to make everything perfect."

Brian nods. "That's what I'm here for. If you guys will follow me into my office, we can get your signatures and get the ball rolling."

They nod and trail up the hall behind him. Kate reaches out and grabs Castle's hand as they walk into the office, Johanne settled on her hip. He squeezes her palm and guides her into a chair before dropping the baby bag and taking his own seat.

Brian's office is small and cramped, but he's got a decent view of the village out his window. Castle looks around, smiling at the various pictures of Brian and happy looking families that adorn the walls.

Now that they know about Harper Kline and all the darkness she spread through the office, he's well prepared to like this kid who's helping them keep their daughter.

"So, I have the permanent guardianship papers all drawn up here. We'll have you sign these, and the judge will sign upon your meeting to clear the remaining holds, and you'll be all set."

"All set," Castle repeats. "No possible retractions, complications, anything?"

"Nothing," Brian assures them. He smiles as Johanne sighs, her little head lolling against Kate's chest. "You have taken wonderful care of this child, and we believe there is no reason to further withhold permanent legal guardianship from both of you."

"And we'll be equal guardians, right? I don't need to sign a consent to adoption form for Castle?"

"No," Brian agrees. "You're filing jointly, with equal legal claim to Johanne. If something should happen to either one of you, the other has complete legal right to keep her."

Castle watches as Kate nods, one of her hands sliding up to rub over her scar just to the side of Johanne's head. Brian smiles and slides two forms across the desk. Castle leans forward and signs his before gently bracing Kate's back while she cradles the baby with one hand and signs with the other. He watches the steady, loopy glide of her signature and smiles.

"If you'll follow me, I'll take you to our conference room," Brian says softly, standing and gesturing for them to precede him out of the room.

"There's nothing else?" Kate asks.

"Nothing," he says easily. "I'd like to meet with you again in a few months to check in, but that's just for me. I like to follow my cases, see the happy families."

Kate nods, smiling. Castle quickly grabs the bag before following her out of the room. He'll happily come back here to gloat about his beautiful daughter and, hopefully, by then, his beautiful fiancé.

When Brian opens the door to the conference room, Castle nearly laughs.

Judge Markaway stands beaming on the other side of the table. His poker buddy, dressed in a simple suit, is here to decide on the fate of his adoption. He's going to have to hug the crap out of Jordan Shaw one day. Or maybe pay for her daughter's college education. He has to make a note to put that together, definitely.

Brian hands Markaway the forms then smiles and ducks out. Castle watches, surprised. He figured Brian would be there for this.

"Mr. Castle, Detective Beckett," Markaway greets, gesturing to the opposite side of the table.

Castle sits down beside an equally surprised Kate and watches the man across from them as he looks at Johanne, still blissfully asleep against her mother's chest.

"I have to say, this is the highlight of my day," Markaway begins.

Castle and Kate laugh quietly at that. "Thank you for coming," Castle offers.

Markaway shakes his head. "No favors, Rick. Now. Do you both plan to care for this child as if she were your own?" They nod. "Support her financially?" He cracks a smile at that as they nod again. "Provide a loving, caring home?"

They both nod quickly and Kate reaches out for his hand. Castle takes it and threads their fingers together as they stare across the table at his friend.

"Then," Markaway begins, clicking his pen before quickly signing both forms. "I happily declare you a legal family. Congratulations."

Kate's hand is nearly a vice around his. "Thank you," she gets out.

Markaway smiles at them. "What you've done for this city—I am more than happy to give this back to you. You more than deserve it. And Castle, you owe us about five poker games."

Kate laughs as Castle shakes his head. Johanne starts on Kate's chest and whines. Markaway grins.

"I think that's my cue. I'll talk to both of you soon, and drop these with Mr. Ludson on my way out. Good luck to the three of you."

He leans across the table to shake both their hands and tap Johanne's nose before striding out of the room, paperwork in hand.

They're quiet for a long moment, Johanne's soft whimpers the only sound in the room. Kate strokes her hand along the baby's head and Castle beams.

They're a family. They're a legal _family_.

It takes him a moment to realize Kate's crying.

"Kate?" he prompts gently as Johanne nuzzles against her mother's chest.

"I," Kate manages, gulping in air. "Happy," she mumbles.

He laughs and reaches out to shuffle their chairs around so he can wrap the two of them in his arms. "I love you," he breathes against Kate's ear as she sniffles into his neck.

He pulls her back to frame her face in his hands. "We did it, Kate. It's over."

Kate nods and smiles, her eyes watery. "Yeah."

Johanne whines and Castle drops his hands to scoop her out of Kate's arms. "Did you hear the nice man, bug? You're ours. For ever, and ever."

Kate brushes her hand over the baby's back as he presses kisses to her little chubby cheeks. Johanne giggles.

He stands up, pulling Kate with him so he can tug her into her side, both of them looking down at the baby. Johanne plays with the buttons on his suit jacket, totally oblivious.

"You don't understand, but this is a big, big deal," he tells the baby.

Kate laughs and kisses his shoulder. "It is," she agrees. "But she doesn't care. She's just happy."

He smiles down at the baby. "Yeah, she is. And she's our happy baby."

"Ours," Kate agrees, resting there against him. "No turning back."

"Nope. This is for life," he agrees.

Kate leans into him, her body molded into his. She shifts and her hip digs into the ring box that's been in one of his pockets since Sunday.

This is for life.

"Marry me, Beckett?" he whispers, turning to meet her eyes.

Her mouth drops open as he shifts the baby around, digging into his suit pocket to pull out the ring box.

"I was going to wait until tonight, or tomorrow. Make it…special. But I—this, right here, with you and Josie, this is all I want. For life. For keeps. For always, Kate, will you marry me?"

Kate stares at him for a beat before her face lights up and she nods, wetting her lips before leaning close. "Yes," she whispers, her hand closing over his on the ring box.

Together, they manage to slip the ring out and get it onto her finger, Johanne grabbing at the ring and the box between them as they laugh.

Kate stares down at her hand, the diamond glinting in the sunlight pouring in through the large windows. Johanne grabs her hand and pulls it close.

"She's wanted it since I bought it," Castle admits.

Kate laughs and leans in to kiss her daughter, then arches up to mold her mouth to his. The kiss is deep and all too brief, before she's pulling back, tears in her eyes again as she circles them to stand chest-to-chest with him, the baby between them.

"She just wanted her mommy and daddy to get married, huh?" Kate offers, smiling up at him.

"Yeah," he agrees. "Make us one big legal family. Forms and sparkly rings and all."

"Doesn't matter," she promises.

"I know," he agrees. "But I wanted you to have the ring anyway."

Kate beams and strokes her hand over his cheek. "I wanted it too."

"I did good?"

Kate looks down at the ring, and then at their daughter before meeting his eyes, a grin spread wide across her face. "You did great, Castle."


	39. Chapter 39

**Attachment Syndrome**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 39:<strong>

"Castle, you're giving me a headache."

Castle turns and looks back at her where he's paced a few feet away in the small waiting room, rubbing Johanne's back as the baby sleeps on his chest. Kate smiles at him in her chair, her fingers twirling her ring around over and over.

"We'll you're just sitting there," he protests. "I'm all," he trails off, feeling a bit silly.

"Excited?" she suggests, her eyes sparkling.

He grins sheepishly and walks back to plop down beside her. "Happy," he corrects.

She laughs and leans in to press her lips to his for a brief kiss. "Me too. But if you keep pacing, I'll get a migraine and then no one will be happy."

He chuckles and nods, releasing one hand from around the baby to wrap around his fiancée's—_his fiancée's—_shoulders. Kate shifts as close as she can with the hard wooden arm of the chair between them. She reaches out, ring sparkling, and runs a gentle hand over Johanne's back.

"We should call your dad," Castle says quietly.

She hums. "I may have already," she says with a wink.

"When?"

"When you changed Johanne and let her fall asleep."

"It's not my fault she finds my big strong arms all safe and warm," he protests with a smirk as Kate rolls her eyes, both of them too happy and sappy to pretend to be anything otherwise.

"She's gonna be cranky with Goldstein now, you know," Kate informs him.

"Nu-uh. She'll be a little angel." Kate raises an eyebrow and he shrugs. "And if she's not, who cares? She'll be our little demon, and no one can take her away."

Kate laughs, her voice melodic as she rests her head on his shoulder and stares down at the baby. "All ours to battle with. Little Josie Castle," Kate whispers, her voice soft and quiet.

He swallows hard.

The door opens and Goldstein pops his head into the waiting room, startling them with an easy, "Hello."

Johanne snuffles against his chest as Kate straightens up. Castle smiles down at the baby as she blinks bleary eyes up at him.

"Hey, Josie. We're gonna go see Dr. Goldstein. You like him, remember?" Castle tells her as he stands, Kate preceding him to follow Goldstein down the hall.

Johanne whines against him, a bit cranky now. He tuts and rubs her back before hiking her up to press kisses to her little belly. She giggles and stares at him, grumpy for it.

He laughs and follows Kate into the office. He takes Goldstein's hand as it's offered, smiling as Johanne shrinks against his chest.

Goldstein returns his smile and gestures to the chairs, waiting until they're all seated before considering them.

"You both look well," he begins. "Especially you, Kate."

Kate smiles. "Thank you. It was a, ah, rough summer. But we're all okay."

Her ring sends refracting rainbows onto the edge of Goldstein's desk and the man peers curiously at the colors before noticing the ring.

"I see congratulations are in order." They both blush. "Oh, major congratulations, it seems." Castle gapes for a moment but Goldstein holds up a hand. "Of course it's you, Rick. I just…wouldn't want to assume again."

Kate laughs merrily and reaches out for Johanne, taking her from Castle so he can slump back. "There's only one father for Josie, and I'm pretty happy with him too," Kate tells Goldstein.

The man laughs. "I think it's safe to assume then that you're all well and happy coming out of this six month trial period?"

"Very," Kate agrees, carding her fingers through Johanne's hair. "Look, Josie. It's your friend, Dr. Goldstein."

Johanne glances in the man's direction before returning her attention to Kate's new ring.

"Josie?" Goldstein repeats.

Johanne turns at the sound, considers him, then turns back to Kate. Goldstein smiles.

"How have you found her behavior these past few months?"

Kate looks over to Castle and he smiles. "She's been great. She cries when she wants things, reaches out to us for comfort. She and her sis—my daughter, Alexis."

"Her sister," Kate puts in. "Legally, Castle."

Goldstein just smiles as Castle blushes. "Ah, yeah," he agrees. "She and her sister are thick as thieves. Josie wants her all the time."

"And she's talking," Kate puts in. "Aren't you, bug? Can you say Lexi for Dr. Goldstein?"

"Exi?" Johanne repeats, shifting forward to look around.

Castle laughs. "Not here, bug. We'll see her in a little while." Johanne looks toward him and frowns. Kate smiles and kisses Johanne's cheek.

"Is it safe to say the adoption has gone through?" Goldstein asks.

Kate and Castle both laugh. "Yes," Castle admits. "About two hours ago."

Goldstein smiles. "And you're both feeling confident, comfortable?"

"We are," Kate agrees. "I—she's been so happy for the past few months, even when I was injured. She's really blossomed, and we're—I mean, I think we're doing as much as we can."

Goldstein nods. "Certainly, just from her behavior now, I can tell you this is a healthy little baby. She reacts they way I would expect her to, looks comfortable with you, huddles against you when she's insecure—everything that she didn't do six months ago. I have to congratulate you on your work with her."

"It was easy," Castle says immediately, before biting his lip. "Well, not easy, but worth it." Kate nods beside him.

"Certainly your legal guardianship serves as a rather permanent barrier between Johanne and another abandonment situation. I assume it's joint guardianship?"

"Yes," Kate says quickly. "Sorry. We could have had the form faxed over or something we just," she breaks off and looks to Castle, who laughs.

"We were a bit overwhelmed."

"Adoption can do that to a person," Goldstein admits.

"That and proposals," Kate mutters.

"I'm sorry?"

Kate winces and blushes. "Um, the adoption and the engagement were both…this morning."

Goldstein laughs loudly. Johanne startles and looks over at him. He just laughs harder, and Castle catches the little glare on his daughter's face.

"Oh, lighten up, Josie-bug," he says, reaching out to tickle her. She squeals and then turns the same look on him. "Dr. Goldstein's just surprised."

"I'm not, really," Goldstein says easily. "I knew the two of you were committed to Johanne and each other the first time you came in. I'm just glad it all worked out. Sincerely," he adds, looking to Kate.

Kate smiles. "Thank you. We are too."

There's a pause as the enormity of what they were up against, and what they surpassed, seems to hang in the air around them. Then Goldstein smiles and Johanne gurgles and the world starts turning again.

"Now, going forward, do you have any questions?"

Castle and Kate exchange glances. With everything that's happened, everything going on, they haven't discussed this. Damn. He can see his frustration reflected in Kate's eyes. They should have a list of questions already made up, because his mind is currently running a blank.

"Is she…cured is wrong," Kate begins, before shaking her head. "Do you still see markers for RAD?"

Goldstein gives the baby a gentle look. "I don't. From what you've told me, it sounds like she's recovered as best she can at this age from the trauma of losing her biological mother, and has adapted to being yours with little remaining issue." Kate nods slowly. "Going forward, there will be bumps along the way. Obviously, she looks different from the two of you."

Kate reaches out for Castle's hand and he lets her take it, squeezing her delicate fingers in his, the rough scratch of her new ring a welcome tether.

"She'll have questions, and, when she's old enough to understand the answers, she may be confused and a little detached. Some children take the notion of adoption in stride, some are more concerned and confused. There's no way to know which Johanne will be, but I have a feeling she'll know she's loved without issue, one way or the other."

"How old do you consider old enough to understand?" Castle wonders.

"She may start asking as young as two, or as late as five or six. It will depend more on her education and friends. Little children don't see those differences the way we do. With all her innocence intact, I would hope she would maintain the idea that, 'this is how I look. That's how mommy looks. What's different about that?' as long as she can. You'll know when she keeps asking, whatever age that is."

Castle watches Kate deflate. "And—will it hurt her?"

Goldstein gives her a soft look. "If you love her as much and as hard as you do any other child you may have, then no. She may be confused. She may feel a little isolated, or removed, but if you work with her, and reinforce the idea that blood doesn't determine family—that skin color doesn't determine family—then she'll be fine. And if she has issues, my door will always be open to all of you."

"And when she starts asking about her biological mom?"

Goldstein looks to Castle, before looking back at Kate. "Then, perhaps, you can use your own experience to explain," he says tentatively. "Loss colors our lives, but it doesn't have to burden them."

Kate nods and bends down to press a kiss to Johanne's head. Castle squeezes her hand before looking back at Goldstein.

"Is there anything else we should watch out for?"

Goldstein shrugs. "She may be shy. Have you given her much interaction with other children?"

They both shake their heads guiltily. There just wasn't the time or the opportunity. Goldstein smiles at them.

"It's not a matter of fault. Many families remain isolated together throughout the first year. But now that she's mobile and vocal, I'd suggest getting her into a play group in a few months, or letting her spend time with a relative or friend's baby, just so she starts to get comfortable with people her own size. Sometimes with RAD we see a reverse, where detachment later becomes separation anxiety. With you working, Kate, that's easier, as she's become acclimated to saying goodbye to you each day, learning that you'll come back at the end of it. Introducing more children into her world will help better prepare her for when she goes to school, and has to take comfort in her peers instead of her family."

They stare at him, both of them a little shocked and weighed down by the new challenge. They'd been working so hard to get her used to having them, and now they have to get her used to _not_ having them?

Goldstein holds up his hands. "Not to worry. You're not off base any more than anyone else with an infant. This takes time for all babies, and she'll acclimate as she gets older. Friends are important, but she's little still. Please, don't feel as though you've missed some integral step. You haven't. Her feeling safe with you is still our biggest concern. Friends, alone time, overnights—those come later—things to think about, not things to worry over, all right?"

They both nod slowly.

"I am more than happy to keep our weekly appointments, or move to monthly, if you'd both like to check in every so often? We can discuss any new issues, and go from there."

"That would be good," Kate says quietly while Castle nods.

They're doing pretty well with this on their own, but having a professional in their back pocket wouldn't be too bad.

"Then I'll have Angela call you to set up an appointment for next month, maybe the week after her birthday?"

Castle nods as Kate stares down at Johanne.

"Kate, Rick," Goldstein says, waiting until Kate meets his eyes. "You have done beautifully with Johanne. She's at the perfect place for a baby her age. I don't want you to worry anymore about her RAD. The rest is just parenthood for a normal baby. It's terrifying. Welcome."

Kate laughs at that and Castle manages a chuckle. He remembers this—remembers being so worried about every little thing with Alexis. But this has been so much more, so much more specific. And now, to just worry like a normal parent with an average baby—how do they do that?

"Congratulations on your engagement, and congratulations on your adoption. I know you'll enjoy both. And if you ever have any questions, please don't hesitate to reach out."

Mechanically, they shake his hand, and Kate gives Goldstein a soft 'thank you' before he leaves them in the office together, standing between the desk and their chairs, Johanne held between them.

"So," Kate manages.

"So," Castle repeats. "Wanna go home and let our parents smother us in food and forget about all this for the night?"

Kate laughs. "Yes," she agrees, hoisting Johanne up so they can look at her together. "Let's go home and celebrate with our happy little baby."

Johanne glares at them, still grumpy as she yawns.

Castle laughs and kisses Kate's cheek. "Well, we have our baby. Grumpy or not, she's ours."

Kate smiles. "She's ours."

(…)

"Here's to the happy family," Lanie proclaims, lifting her glass.

Castle smiles as all around them glasses of champagne rise into the air. Jim and Martha sit together on the couch, Kevin and Jenny on one of the armchairs. Lanie and Javi share the other end of the couch, and Alexis stands behind them all, snapping pictures with her phone.

Johanne reaches out for his champagne glass and Castle laughs, handing it to Kate before the girl can grab it.

"No alcohol for you, Josie Beckett Castle," he tells her, smiling as the room laughs.

Kate holds up his glass for him to sip before placing them both down and reaching out for the baby. "I'll teach you to do shots, little girl," Kate adds.

Jim and Martha laugh while Alexis scoffs. "Hey, that's my job," she protests.

"What?" Ryan lets out.

"I'm her big sister. I'm the one who's supposed to teach her to drink and smoke and…I don't know, sneak out of the apartment without mom and dad finding out."

"Because you have so much experience with all of those things?" Castle asks while Kate giggles.

"You don't know, Castle. Little Castle could have been sneaking out for years, isn't that right, Alexis?" Esposito puts in.

"Javi," Lanie exclaims, slapping him as Castle just gapes.

"Alexis, tell your dad you don't sneak out," Kate says, laughing a little as Alexis rolls her eyes.

"I don't sneak out. Kate and I did shots after Ashley left for Stanford, but…"

Castle splutters and Kate laughs loudly, reaching out to rub his back as Alexis comes over to scoop Johanne up.

"Calm down, big guy," she whispers as she rises up to press her lips to his cheek.

"I'm so outnumbered here," he whines as the room laughs.

"But you love it," Kate tells him.

He sighs before swooping in to press a fast kiss to her lips. "Yeah, I do," he admits. "Me and my three girls."

Kate smiles as Javi and Kevin make gagging sounds.

"Shut up," Kate tells them. "I'm happy."

Jenny sighs in contentment and Lanie grins.

"So, when is the big day?" his mother asks.

"We haven't decided yet," Castle tells her. "Having just gotten engaged and all."

"Well, you must, you must," Martha says quickly. "You know how venues fill up. And Katherine, dear, have you thought at all yet about your dress?"

Jim gives him a sympathetic look as Lanie and Jenny immediately grab Kate, pulling her away with Martha. Kate sends him a pleading look over her shoulder, but Esposito and Ryan grab him to ask about the proposal and adoption before he can save her. He looks to Alexis, but his daughters are in their own world, playing over by the window.

He sighs and settles in, watching every so often as Kate hides a wince, the women pulling out bridal magazines.

And though they're both being grilled, and the wedding will be crazy, and Johanne's going to grow up, and Alexis will leave for college, he's happy. He's the happiest he thinks he's ever been.

This is their life now, and they're so very lucky to have it.

(…)

"Mama pretty!"

Castle turns and finds Johanne peeking into the guest bedroom with a grin. Castle laughs.

"Mama looks pretty, huh?"

Johanne toddles into the room, looking like a little angel. He smiles as she twirls, stumbling over her bare feet to watch her white dress flare out around her knees. She's got a little white head band in her hair and her smile is so gorgeous as she stops spinning before running up to him.

He stoops to catch her, uncaring about his tux as Alexis walks into the room.

His older daughter is equally stunning, wearing a simple pink dress, her hair braided back in a French braid, a simple golden necklace around her neck.

"She looks amazing," Alexis admits, walking over to bat Johanne's hands away as the little girl goes for his bow tie.

Castle laughs and shakes his head, letting Johanne pull it apart. "S'too tight anyway," Castle offers with a shrug.

"Then lose it," Alexis suggests, reaching out to help Johanne pull it free from his collar. "Kate's excited about not wearing shoes." He laughs. "Gram, not so much." He laughs harder and she grins.

"And is this one behaving for mama?" he asks, bending down to rub noses with Johanne, who giggles and shoves his head away.

"She is," Alexis says with a smile, plucking her sister from his arms. "But, we need to go. They're almost ready and someone here needs to have her last potty break."

Johanne grins, looking very proud of herself. "I go potty, daddy, then I trow flowers."

Castle nods. "And you'll be the prettiest flower girl ever. Thank you for being our flower girl, Josie-bug."

Johanne blushes and buries her face against Alexis' collarbone.

Alexis laughs and squeezes her tight before arching up to kiss Castle's cheek. "Congratulations, daddy," she whispers.

"Thank you. And, Alexis," he adds as she rocks back down to the balls of her feet. "Thank you."

Alexis smiles. "My pleasure. Now go be jittery. We'll see you down there."

He nods and watches as Alexis leaves the room, Johanne waving over her shoulder. He waits a beat then creeps to the door and peers out into the hall.

"And don't you dare go see Kate," Alexis calls out.

He huffs and opens the door to lean in the doorway.

He just…wants to see her before he has to share her. What's so—okay, so it's against tradition. But they already slept in the same bed last night. And he's not entirely sure why he couldn't watch her get ready anyway. He loves to watch her get ready.

After a minute, he sighs and goes back into the guest room. He's supposed to wait for Martha to come get him, so as not to ruin any surprises.

He sits down on the edge of the bed and stares out the window at the ocean. He can see the little audience set up at the edge of the beach. He and Kate desperately wanted to have their ceremony on the sand, despite everyone's protest. But after everything they've gone through to get here, no one was denying them much of anything, and so their grudging guests will sit with their toes in the sand while they exchange vows.

Luckily, it's a clear, sunny, windless August day.

He smiles, imagining their little girl skipping through the sand, watching the ocean as much as her parents as they exchange their vows. He imagines dancing with Kate up on the lawn before stealing her away to splash in the shallows, both of them careful of her dress. He imagines waking up tomorrow as her husband.

He's wanted this for so long.

It took nearly two years to get it together, toddling and college and potty training and work getting in the way before they could set a date and get here, to their wedding.

There's a knock on the door and he stands up, turning away from visions of the future to embrace the now.

He laughs as the door opens and Kate slips into the room. His breath leaves his chest a moment later as she locks the door and stands shyly across the room. Her dress is beautiful—her mother's dress. It flows down her body, flaring out around her waist to fall gently to her feet, with delicate lace over her chest. Her hair is back in a beautiful bun and she has a bracelet on her wrist, and earrings he vaguely remembers in her ears.

But her grin is was what catches him, what has him across the room and cradling her face for a kiss.

"Just wanted to see you," she whispers as they pull apart.

"Me too," he admits, resting his forehead against hers. "You're so beautiful," he tells her, stroking her cheeks as she searches his eyes.

"You are too," she says with a smile.

He huffs and sips another kiss from her lips before pulling back to take her hands. "Josie and Alexis look great."

Kate nods, squeezing his hands. "They do."

"You ready?" he asks, his face split in a grin he can't control.

Kate nods and tugs on his hands to bring him back so she can wrap her arms around his neck and pull him into a hug. "I'm so ready, Castle."

He smiles and kisses her cheek, her neck. "Me too."

There a soft knock on the door and they pull apart, wincing. "Um," Castle lets out, dragging Kate behind him to shield her as he flicks open the lock. Kate laughs behind him and he shushes her, opening the door to find Johanne looking up at him.

"Time go, daddy," she says, her chest puffed up before she spots Kate. "Mama!"

Kate laughs and catches Johanne, hoisting her up into her arms before she can tug on the delicate lace of her skirt. "You're not Martha," she tells the girl.

"You suppose'da be with gampa," the little girl tells her sternly.

Castle laughs as Kate gives her daughter a guilty look. "I just wanted to see daddy before we got married," she says, sounding innocent. "He's so pretty, isn't he?"

Kate laughs as Johanne nods, looking over at him. "Pretty daddy."

Castle shakes his head and walks up to them, bending down to kiss Johanne's cheek. "Thank you, baby."

Johanne smiles, before frowning. "No see each other. Lexi says you're not suppose'da!"

"We just wanted a minute with our Josie," Kate says, smiling at Castle as Johanne grins, all outrage forgotten. "You know, your daddy and I might not be married without you," she adds.

"Really?" Johanne asks, eyes wide as she looks between them.

"That's right," Castle agrees. He likes to think they would have gotten together anyway, but who's to say they would have? "We fell in love with you first, and then we fell in love with each other. You're our lucky charm."

Johanne beams, then grows shy, cuddling into Kate.

Kate kisses her forehead and sways, reaching out for Castle with her free hand to pull him in, the three of them sharing a pre-ceremony slow dance.

"I love you," Castle whispers to her.

Kate nods, kissing his jaw. "Love you too, Castle."

Johanne looks up at him and Castle smiles. "And we love you more than anything in the world, Josie-bug."

"Of course," they hear from the doorway.

"You and your sister," Castle corrects, turning to find Alexis leaning against the doorjamb. "Who looks mad," he adds to Kate, smiling as she laughs.

"Okay, since I can't trust you two, Josie, you stay with mama, and I'll take daddy down to the beach."

"We just wanted," Castle starts as Alexis glares at him.

"My fault," Kate says easily. "I wanted to see him."

Alexis seems to soften at that and Castle huffs. "Yeah, sure, take her side," he grumbles to his daughter as she comes over to scoop Johanne out of Kate's arms.

"We're on the same side, Castle," Kate says with a laugh, stepping up to loop her arm into his.

Alexis sighs and looks at them. "Can you do nothing by tradition?"

They look together at their kids, Johanne grinning back at them as Alexis gives them a soft smile.

"Nope," Castle decides.

"Yeah, we're good with how we're doing things," Kate agrees.

Alexis sighs then grins at them before looking down at Johanne. "I think they're good, don't you, bug?"

"Yeah!" Johanne exclaims, happy to be included.

"So, let's get you guys married," Alexis decides.

"We'll meet you down there," Kate tells Alexis. Alexis arches an eyebrow. "One minute?" Kate pleads.

Alexis narrows her eyes for a moment before nodding and whispering to Johanne, stepping outside the door. She doesn't close it behind them and Kate laughs. She steps to face him and looks up at him, her eyes trailing his face, his smile, before landing on his eyes.

"Thank you," she says. He peers at her and she smiles, running her fingers gently along his jaw. "For picking me up at the airport. For being there."

He smiles. "It was my privilege."

She arches up and presses her lips to his in one last kiss before pulling away.

"Let's get married, Castle."

He smiles and squeezes her hands. "Let's."

The End.


End file.
